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    Bad Popcorn Is Stoney

    | IL, USA |

    (A customer buys a medium popcorn and then spills it in the theater. We don’t usually give refills on mediums, but since he spilled it, we tell him we’ll refill it.)

    Customer: “I left the bag in the theater.”

    Me: “That’s okay, we can refill it. Just bring me the bag.”

    Customer: “Okay. Wait, do you mean a bag of weed, or the popcorn bag?”

    Me: “Uh, the popcorn bag will do.”

    Bucharettuce

    | Windsor, ON, Canada |

    (I’m ringing through a customer’s order. I put a romaine lettuce through. The customer points out a price error.)

    Customer: “The lettuce is $1.97, not $2.97.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Just to double check–it’s a romaine lettuce you have, right?”

    Customer: “No, it’s USA lettuce.”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “It’s USA lettuce.”

    Me: “Well, it’s from the USA, but it’s called romaine lettuce.”

    Customer: “No, it’s USA lettuce, not Romanian.”

    Staff Efforts Are All In Vein

    | NY, USA |

    (I’m work with a server who faints around blood. A couple with their young son call the server over. The son has a bad nosebleed.)

    Customer: “We need the table wiped.”

    Server: “Certainly, sir.”

    (The server goes to the kitchen, and I come out to clean up the blood.)

    Customer: “Where’s our server!?”

    Me: “She can’t handle blood, and asked me to help.”

    (The customer begins to use a somewhat angry tone explaining about how he wanted his server to clean it up.)

    Me: “She’ll pass out, sir.”

    Customer: “You’re just trying to get out of making her do her job!”

    (The server then comes out, takes one look at the blood on the table, and passes out on the spot.)

    Customer: *shouting* “Now this is ridiculous! Doesn’t anybody want to do their job around here?”

    Don’t Knock Exit Doors

    | Canada | Top

    (A passenger is sitting in the emergency exit row. We’re required by law to brief them on the operation of the window exit. One of the instructions is to ‘throw the exit door out’.)

    Me: “Do you have any questions for me on the operation of this door?”

    Passenger: “Yes, there’s something I’ve always wondered. When you throw the door out, where does it go?”

    Me: “It just goes outside. It doesn’t matter where it ends up. Just throw it out and get out.”

    Passenger: “Well, what if it hits somebody?”

    Me: “You’d be the first one out, so it’s not going to hit anybody.”

    Passenger: “What if there’s some guy hiking?”

    Me: “Sir, if there’s some guy hiking where we’ve just crash landed a plane, I’m sure he’s got bigger problems than a door hitting him.”

    The Day The Music Died, Part 3

    | Calgary, AB, Canada |

    Customer: “Hi, do you guys have any really small guitar cases?”

    Me: “Not really. We have mandolin cases…maybe a violin case. What kind of guitar is this for?”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s not for a guitar. It’s for the recently cremated remains of my father.”

    (I try to stop the conversation from going too dark.)

    Me: “No, not really. I could phone around. See if another store has something.”

    Customer: “That’s great, just as long as it’s cheap.”

    Related:
    The Day The Music Died

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