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  • They Don’t Know Jack

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    Customer: “This negative customer feedback [for my company about my services] uses someone’s name, so it should be removed.”

    Me: *reading the comment* “Ma’am, the customer said, ‘Paying extra for shipping didn’t do jack.’ ‘Jack’ refers to a phrase, not a name.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve never heard that before. You say it’s a phrase, but to me it’s a name, and that’s personal information, and it should be removed.”

    Me: “Well, is there someone in your organization named ‘Jack?’”

    Customer: “No, there isn’t. I don’t know where she got that name from, but she’s up to something and you’re letting her get away with it!”

    Car Parked, Brain In Neutral

    | Downers Grove, IL, USA | Top

    Customer: “Hi, um, my car was stolen.”

    Me: “Well, okay, let’s go out and see where you’re parked.”

    (We walk into the parking lot.)

    Me: “Okay, where did you park?”

    Customer: “Right there, where the Prius is parked! God d***
    tree-hugging democrat piece of s***!”

    Me: “Okay, well, let’s go inside and call the police.”

    (While we wait for the police to come she makes some phone calls and then comes back into the office.)

    Customer: “Sorry, never mind. Turns out I drove the Prius today and not the Honda.”

    A Misunderstanding Of Pi

    , | Howard Beach, NY, USA |

    Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a large pepperoni pie and a bottle of [soda] delivered to [address].”

    Me: “Okay, your total is ***. That’ll be about a half hour. Is that all?”

    Customer: “Oh, also, how much extra would it cost to have my pie be 16 slices instead of 8? Because I’m really hungry tonight.”

    Future Underwater Basketweaving Majors

    | Perth, Australia |

    (I work in a clothing clearance outlet and I’m helping a kid pick out a pair of shoes whilst his mother is on the phone.)

    Customer: “How much are these shoes?”

    Me: “$100, but we’re having a sale with 50% off the price of
    everything in store, so those will end up being $50.”

    Customer: “So they’re free?”

    Me: “No, they’re $50.”

    Customer: “But 50% off $50 equals nothing, so they’re free!”

    Me: “No, the original price is $100. It’s 50% off that price, which ends up being $50.”

    Customer: “Hey mum, these shoes are free!”

    Un-Four-tunate Inch-uendo

    , | Portland, OR, USA | Top

    (I am selling a TV to a middle aged man and his wife.)

    Me: “So it’s between the 32 and the 36 inch TV, right?”

    Husband: “Yes, but I don’t understand the difference between them.”

    Me: “Well, they have the same specs all the way down the line. One is just bigger.”

    Husband: “Who in the h*** would pay almost $350 more for four more inches?”

    Wife: “I would!”

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