Open Doors May Require Open Minds

| Richmond, VA, USA | Extra Stupid

Visitor: “Excuse me, miss, is that a door?” *points to the door as two people walk through it*

Me: “Yes?”

Visitor: “Oh…well, can I walk through it?”

Me: “Yup, you sure can.”

Visitor: “Are you sure? I don’t remember there being a door here before.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that you are staring at a real door and it is perfectly safe to use.”

Visitor: “I’m confused. I’m just going to use the doors downstairs.”

Mommy Says All Men Are Evil

| Bridgeport, CT, USA | Family & Kids, Top

(A three-year-old boy is playing with some dolls at the day care center and separating them into families.)

Boy: “And this is the mommy, and this is the daughter, and this is the other mommy, and this is the son and the daughter, and this is the other mommy–”

Worker: “Where are all the daddies?”

Boy: “They’re in jail.”

Now Selling The War On Germs, Aisle 5

| Newton, MA, USA | At The Checkout

(I am working at a register. I use my t-shirt sleeve to clear my eyes. As I am doing this, a customer walks up with her groceries. She whips out a bottle of sanitizer and grabs my hand and sprays a lot of sanitizer on it.)

Customer: “Rub it in! What you just did is dangerous to me and everyone else around!”

(I rub it in because I didn’t want to argue. As I’m doing this, another cashier comes over to help me. She is Filipino. After a couple seconds, the customer looks over at her.)

Customer: “Is it okay in your country to pick your nose and wipe it all over someone else? Because it isn’t okay in mine!”

Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim, Part 2

| Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Your lights are so dim. Can you please turn them up?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, there are only two settings, on and off.

Customer: “Well, turn them on, then!”

Me: “They are on.”

Customer: “Liar!”

Related:
Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim

Mocha-less In Minneapolis

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(I am a male worker in a coffee shop. A customer has just left with a hot drink and gotten on his bike.)

Me: “Man, that guy is really brave.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “He just got on his bike with a hot mocha.”

Customer: “Wow. Well, I’m sure you’ll find the right guy some day.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “We’re not talking about the same thing are we?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “I guess you just hear what you want to hear.”

Me: “I guess so.”

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