Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Just Telling It Like It Is
    (2,987 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Please Do Not Lather Up The Employees

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Customer: “Excuse me, dear, can you help me?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “I want a body wash that doesn’t have soap in it.”

    Me: “Sure. There are a few different types of this brand here, that does not contain soap.”

    Customer: “But which one doesn’t contain soap?”

    Me: “None of them do, madam. The entire range doesn’t contain any soap in their products.”

    Customer: “I want one without soap. What about this one?” *picks up a bottle*

    Me: “Yes, that’s one without soap.”

    Customer: “Oh. Does it lather up?”

    Me: “I haven’t tried this brand, but it’s popular. It’s also about 40% off, so now’s a good time to try it.”

    Customer: “Well, you should have tried it so i know whether or not it lathers up! Next time I come in, I want you to have tried it so I know whether or not it lathers up!”

    Related:
    Please Do Not Creep Out The Employees
    Please Do Not Titillate The Employees
    Please Do Not Pet The Employees

    Equivalence, Meet Ignorance

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    Customer: “I’m looking for an outfit for a one year old girl.”

    Me: “Sure, all of the twelve month clothing is in this section.”

    Customer: “No, she’s one.”

    Me: “Right, so that would be over here.”

    Customer: “You just said that was twelve months!”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: *slowly* “I’m looking for ONE YEAR.”

    Me: “Would you like to go up one size to 18 months?”

    Customer: “Is there someone else who can help me?”

    (I go and get my manager.)

    Manager: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Your employee doesn’t understand English. I’m looking for clothing for my one year old granddaughter.”

    Manager: “The twelve month clothes are over here.”

    Customer: “What is WRONG with you people?”

    Intentions As Clear As Glass

    | Michigan, USA |

    (A customer comes up to the cash register holding her bill in one hand and a half-full glass of soda in the other. She sets the bill on the counter and hands me the glass.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, Ma’am. Did your waitress forget to bring you a to-go cup?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I’m all finished, thanks.”

    Me: “Okay. I’ll just take this back to the dish-room to have it washed.”

    Customer: “Actually, could you just empty it and bring it back up here?”

    Me: “You mean empty it into a to-go cup?”

    Customer: “No, just dump the soda out and bring me the empty glass.”

    Me: “What are you going to do with an empty glass?”

    Customer: “Shove it in my purse and haul my a** out of here!”

    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 3

    | Florida, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

    Customer: “I want the chocolate ice cream.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. What size would you like?”

    Customer: “I want the size that fits in the waffle cone.”

    Me: “All of our sizes will fit in the waffles.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

    Me: “What size would you like?”

    Customer: “The one that comes in a waffle cone.”

    Me: “We can put any of the sizes in the waffles.”

    Customer: (Pause.) “Will the small fit in the waffle cone?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “What about the medium?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “And the large?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Customer: (Longer pause.) “So, if I get the medium, can you put it in a waffle cone?”

    Related:
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition

    Lost Within A Hundred Feet Of Paradise

    | Anaheim, CA |

    Guest: “I need you to put [theme park] into my GPS.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s right around the corner. We even have a free shuttle that’ll take you over.”

    Guest: “No, I want to DRIVE. Just put the coordinates into my GPS.”

    Me: “Well, sir, it’s probably already a landmark in your GPS, but as I said, you just have to go out of the parking lot and turn right. The parking structure is just across the way there.”

    Guest: “I need exact directions! Put the location into my GPS!”

    Me: “Sir, I assure you, it’s already in your GPS. If you’d like, I can also provide you with a map. See?”

    (I show him a pre-printed paper map that indicates the parking structure is literally across the street.)

    Guest: “I want the park put into my GPS!”

    Me: “Sir, I promise you that the park is in your GPS already, unless it’s a very cheap unit.”

    Guest: “It came with my BMW rental!”

    Me: “Then it’s in there, I promise you.”

    Guest: “No, it’s not! Come out to my car and put it in!”

    Me: “Sir, I can’t leave the desk, but if you bring the unit in, I will find the location for you.”

    Guest: “Fine!”

    (He leaves, and then returns with a high-end GPS unit.)

    Guest: “Here!”

    (I take the unit and call up the landmarks menu. Sure enough, there’s the park.)

    Me: “Here it is, sir.”

    Guest: *looks at the GPS unit* “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME IT WAS AROUND THE D*** CORNER?!”

    Page 1,664/2,152First...1,6621,6631,6641,6651,666...Last