Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • God Loves Little Girls Who Stand Up For Others
    (2,553 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Not Remotely Intelligent

    , | Texas, USA | Top

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling ***. May I have your phone number, please?”

    Caller: “This thing doesn’t f***ing work!”

    Me: “Sir, I’ll be happy to help you with that.”

    Caller: “Just help me with this f***ing thing!”

    (Eventually, I find out he needs help with a DVD remote.)

    Caller: “The movie doesn’t play! It doesn’t do a f***ing thing!”

    (I hear the crunching of plastic as he tries to push the buttons really hard.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, so you’re pressing the play button and it’s not working. Correct?”

    Caller: “Which one’s the play button?”

    Me: “The one that says ‘play’ above it. It should be in the shape of an arrow that’s pointing to the right.”

    Caller: “I can’t read any of this s***! I don’t have anything like that. There’s just one that points to the left.”

    Me: “Sir, go ahead and turn the remote around.”

    Caller: “What, backwards?”

    Me: “Yes, so that the other side points at the DVD player.”

    Caller: “Oh…it works now!” *click*

    Factual Innuendos

    | Waterloo, IA, USA | Top

    (I’m working as a cashier at a hardware store. A customer comes to my line wearing a floor-length black trench coat, which he is clutching around himself rather suspiciously.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, did you find everything alright today?”

    Customer: “Would you like to see my bird?” *suggestively nods down toward his jacket*

    Me: “Umm, excuse me?”

    Customer: “You know, my bird…

    (He opens one side of his trench coat, only to show that he indeed has a large green parrot hidden in his jacket.)

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “What, is green not your color? No worries!”

    (The customer opens the other side of his trench coat and reveals another large parrot–this one red.)

    Me: *still speechless*

    The (ever)Last(ing) Supper

    , | Houston, TX, USA | Top

    (I work as a cook at a pizza place. A tall and thin customer comes in and begins to place an order with the cashier.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I want the large pepperoni.”

    Cashier: “For here?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Cashier: “Would you like anything with that?”

    Customer: “Yeah, let me have the spaghetti dinner.”

    Cashier: “Oh, did you want that instead of the pizza?”

    Customer: “Naw, I want the pizza too. Can I get extra garlic bread?”

    Cashier: “Um, sure.”

    Customer: “Sweet. Can I also get one of them open-faced sandwiches? The roast beef and cheese…and can you add some sausage to the sandwich too?

    Cashier: “Yeah…”

    Customer: “…and a salad. What kind of salad do you have?”

    Cashier: “Well, we have a small side salad, or a larger dinner salad…”

    Customer: “Well…”

    Me: *speaking over the counter* “We also have the antipasto salad! It’s pretty big!”

    Customer: “Yeah! I want that!”

    Cashier: “Um…is there anything else?”

    Customer: *looks around, and sees the bags of potato chips on
    display*
    “Yeah, those look good. Give me two bags of chips!”

    Cashier: “Okay…is there anything else?”

    Customer: “Naw, I think that’s it.”

    Cashier: “Do you need us to box up any of this to go?”

    Customer: “Naw.”

    Cashier: “Will you have anything to drink with this?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, I totally forgot! I’ll have a small Coke!”

    (When we finally brought the food out to the customer, it was a LOT of food. Surprisingly, the customer stayed in the restaurant for over 4 hours, and he ate almost everything!)

    A Face For Every Occasion

    | Birmingham, UK | Top

    (A customer is getting a beauty treatment done and is trying to work out why she has skin problems.)

    Customer: “I just don’t understand it. I take really good care
    of my skin. I get facials and I only use really good make-up.”

    Me: “Well, the problem could be caused by something really simple, like an allergic reaction. Have you always used the same brand of make-up?”

    Customer: “Yes, and I only use the best! I can’t be allergic, I don’t ever use the cheap stuff!”

    Me: “It’s probably something else then. What do you use to remove your make-up?”

    Customer: “Like…what?”

    Me: “When you take off your make up at night, what do you use?”

    Customer: *silence*

    Me: “Do you use a cleanser or soap and water?”

    Customer: “I don’t take it off. Are you supposed to?”

    Me: “Well, yes. Make-up can cause damage to your pores if you wear it constantly. Why don’t you take it off?”

    Customer: “In case I have to answer my door when I’m asleep.”

    Me: “In your sleep?”

    Customer: “Don’t judge my social life! You probably don’t have many friends!”

    It Was All Just A Blur

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, have had any accidents or violations in the last three years?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Well, do you remember getting pulled over for any reason?”

    Customer: “I already told you, I don’t know. Now, how much is the insurance?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but before I could know what the rate is, I have to know what your driving history is.”

    Customer: “What does it matter? Just throw on a speeding ticket or two and call it a day!”

    Me: “Okay. I can do that, but just keep in mind that the quote is only based on the information you provide. If your motor vehicle record comes back different, that could drastically affect the rate.”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it?”

    Me: “It comes out to $106 a month.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll take it.”

    (I then go to run the reports since she is ready to purchase the policy and find out she has had 2 DUIs in the past 3 years, 2 speeding tickets, one accident, and a suspended license.

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the rate is now $486 a month. I would have been able to give you a more accurate quote if I knew about the DUIs.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I thought you just meant speeding tickets. I didn’t realize that DUIs counted. I mean, I wasn’t even speeding when I got them!”

    Page 1,664/2,163First...1,6621,6631,6641,6651,666...Last