October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Childhood Innocence, Adulthood Nonsense

| Germany | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(I work as the cashier of a photographer. A customer and her husband walk in, asking for the photos of their children.)

Me: *handing them the photos* “Here you go. You have nice-looking children, by the way.”

Customer: “Thanks, but…can’t you, you know, make my daughter prettier?”

Me: “Prettier?”

Customer: “Yes, I mean, look at her!”

Me: “Madam, I am sure these photographs have been retouched well by my coworkers. If you have any complaints about their work, I can–”

Customer: “NO! I want this to be remade!”

Me: “What exactly bothers you about these photos, anyway?”

Customer: “It’s her boobs. You guys should have made them far bigger!”

Me: “You want them…bigger?”

Customer: “Yes! How hard is that?”

Customer’s husband: *quietly* “Honey, you do realize she is 8 years old?”

Size Matters

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(My job is just to fold/hang the clothes from the fitting rooms and put them back. A customer comes up to me with two identical shirts.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between a small and a medium?”

Me: “Um, the small is smaller than the medium?”

Customer: “I know that! Is there any other difference?”

Me: “Not really.”

Customer: “What kind of salesman are you? You don’t know that much about clothes.”

Me: “I don’t sell the clothes. I just fold them.”

Customer: “So you don’t know if there’s any difference?”

Me: “They’re the same thing. One is just smaller.”

(The customer hangs the medium on a rack, hangs the small in front of the medium. She compares the two shirts for a good 5 minutes before going with the small “because it’s smaller.”)

A Dead Giveaway

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Uncategorized

(I am answering the switchboard for a large hospital.)

Caller: “Hi, I was wondering if you could tell me what phone company the hospital uses?”

Me: “I’m not sure. The person that has that information left at 5:00 p.m. But if you call our purchasing office in the morning, they can tell you.”

Caller: “Oh, no! It is a matter of grave importance that I find out right now!”

Me: “What is the situation? Maybe I can help?”

Caller: “My grandmother died there about a week ago and she didn’t have a will. I know for a fact that all the phone companies record all of our conversations. So, I thought maybe grandma called someone while she was in the hospital and told them what she left me.”

Our Sandwiches Are Canine Benign

| Brewer, ME, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “What is in your turkey melt?”

Me: “Turkey and cheese, and any veggies you like.”

Customer: “What other meats?”

Me: “Turkey.”

Customer: “And…”

Me: “Dog?”

(The customer still ordered the turkey melt, but watched very closely to make sure dog wasn’t part of the menu.)

I Dreamed A Dream Of Calls Gone By

| New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem, Uncategorized

(I work at a place that does repairs for Sony computers, stereos, cameras and the like. Hence, our store has the word ‘Sony’ in the title.)

Me: “Good morning, [company name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Is that Sony Music?”

Me: “No, sorry, this is Sony Repairs.”

Customer: “I’m trying to get through to Simon Cowell. He works with Susan Boyle.”

Me: “No, sorry. We repair Sony laptops.”

Customer: “So, you’re not Sony Music. Repairs are no good. Thanks.”

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