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    One Ink To Rule Them All

    | Burlington, ON, Canada |

    Customer: “I’d like a cartridge for my printer, please.”

    Me: “Yes, of course. Which one would you like?”

    Customer: “The one for my printer.”

    Me: “Which printer is it?”

    Customer: “The one that sits on my desk.”

    Me: “What type of printer is it?”

    Customer: “The one that sits on my desk.”

    Me: “Do you know the type or the cartridge number? Did you bring the cartridge with you?”

    Customer: “No. It sits on my desk. You must know which one it is!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t. All of these cartridges are for different types of printers, and I’ll need to know what type of printer you have.”

    Customer: “It sits at my desk! You have to know! I bought it here last year!”

    Me: “We sell hundreds of printers each year. Is it HP, Lexmark, or Epson?”

    Customer: “Look, I bought it here! I need a cartridge and I want it for the printer that sits on my desk!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but unless you know the kind of printer you have, I can’t help you.”

    Customer: “What horrible service! I’m never coming back here again!” *storms out*

    It’s A Fashion Emergency

    | Virginia, USA |

    Me: “Apartment maintenance line, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I put too many clothes on the clothes hanger rack in my closet and it fell down.”

    Me: “Okay, let me get your information and I’ll send a maintenance tech over. What’s your apartment number?”

    Caller: *gives number* “When is he coming over?”

    Me: “Looks like it will be about an hour, maybe a little less.”

    Caller: “But this is an emergency! My clothes are all over the floor!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. He’ll be there within an hour to install a better rack for you. It shouldn’t take long for him to do that. Could you provide me with your apartment number?”

    Caller: “Where am I supposed to put my clothes? This is an emergency! I’m calling someone else!” *hangs up*

    The Answer May Shock You

    | Roswell, GA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pool supply store], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I think I may have a problem with my pool.”

    Me: “Can you describe the problem?”

    Customer: “Well, I reached into my skimmer this morning to clean it, and I got shocked so bad that I got thrown against the fence. So I went around to the other side and that skimmer shocked me too! What do you think is wrong?”

    Me: “Sounds like there is a short in your electrical equipment. You should shut down all power to the pool and call an electrician right away.”

    Customer: “So is it safe to swim?”

    Disappointed By A Lack Of Disappointment

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “How long is your wait right now?”

    Me: “There is no wait at the moment.”

    Caller: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “That you don’t have to wait for a table.”

    Caller: “But how long is the wait?”

    Me: “There is none. You will be seated right away.”

    Caller: “I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me!”

    Death Goes Shopping

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    (We are having a big sale on lobsters and I’m standing behind an open case of them.)

    Customer: “Are these alive?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, they’re all alive.”

    (The customer picks one up that is moving and violently shakes it.)

    Customer: “This one isn’t!”

    Me: “That’s because you just killed it, ma’am.”

    Customer: “How dare you accuse me of that!” *violently throws the lobster back into the case and storms off*

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