Line Is Law

| British Columbia, Canada | Food & Drink

(I am working in a buffet-style restaurant where customers line up for the food.)

Supervisor: “Can you go refill the napkins? We’re all out.”

Me: “Sure.”

(I walk over to the line wearing my work uniform and my ID card prominently displayed.)

Me: “Excuse me, I just need to refill the napkins.”

Customer: “No problem.”

Customer #2: “Why the f*** does everyone keep cutting the line?”

Me: “Sir, I work here. I am just refilling the napkins.”

Customer #2: “Well, that is no excuse! If you work here, you should know to wait your turn!”

Related:
Two Points Make A Line, But Three People Don’t

A State Of Mindlessness, Part 3

| Montana, USA | Extra Stupid

(A customer with a thick Southern-US accent comes in, starts looking at me and frowns.)

Customer: “Hey, you.”

Me: “Hello, madam. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you understand me?”

Me: “Why, yes, I do.”

Customer: *sighs* “But my friend told me all you stupid hicks up here speak Spanish!”

Me: “Well, that’s a bit odd. We aren’t located anywhere near Mexico, Spain or anywhere in Europe.”

Customer: “Liar! Just so you know, I went to college and I know d*** well where this state is!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You b****! You ‘re a stupid hick who thinks she knows everything! I know d*** well where this state is!”

Me: “I’m quite certain Montana is located in the northwest corner of the USA.”

Customer: “Ugh! Make me teach the brainless rednecks! It’s not in the northwest, you dumb f***! It’s in the south, by the country Idaho!”

Me: *speechless*

(The customer rolls her eyes and storms out of the store.)

Related:
A State Of Mindlessness, Part 2
A State Of Mindlessness

Peter Pan Would Beg To Differ

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m working at customer service when a little boy with a balloon comes walking up with his mom. As I take care of the woman, I try to talk to the little boy.)

Me: “Wow, that’s a cool red balloon! Where did you get it from?”

Mom: “Honey, an adult is talking to you! Answer, her please.”

Boy: “Why is she an adult?”

Mom: “Because she is.”

Boy: “But why?”

Mom: “Because she’s not allowed to act like a kid anymore.”

Half A Sandwich For Half A Brain

| Yorktown, IN, USA | Food & Drink

(I work in a sandwich shop where you can purchase a foot-long or six-inch sandwich. Two women walk into my shop.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Woman #1: “We want half a sandwich, each.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that today. What kind of bread would you like?”

Woman #2: “Wheat, but we only want half of it, each.”

Me: “That’s no problem. Six-inch sandwiches are very common. Now, what kind of–”

Woman #1: “No! We want half of that!”

Me: “Uh, okay, so you want three inches, each?”

(The women both look at each other and nod. I cut a six-inch piece and hold it up.)

Me: “Okay, just so we can clarify before I cut it, I’m cutting this piece in half and you want half of it, each. If you like, I can just charge you for one six-inch since you’re getting the same kind of sandwich.”

Woman #1: “Alright, that’s good. Thanks for the offer.”

(I start cutting the bread into three-inch pieces.)

Woman#1: “What are you doing?!”

Me: *startled* “Well, I’m giving you your three-inch sandwiches.”

Woman #2: “No! We wanted one of those each!” *points at the other half*

Me: “So, you each want a six-inch sandwich?”

Woman #2: “No! We want half a six-inch!”

Me: “Ma’am, our regular sandwich is twelve inches. The one you just pointed at is six-inches.”

Woman #1: “I don’t care for your measurements! Just give us what we want!”

Me: “You want a six-inch then.”

Woman #2: “No! We want half!”

(This goes on for about 10 more minutes. They end up getting a six-inch each and then demanding that I give them the deal I’d offered. In the end, they both paid full price, mumbling about my incompetence.)

Spoiled Like The Food On Your Dirty Dishes

| Tempe, AZ, USA | Family & Kids, Top

(I answer phones for a major appliance company. It’s Saturday.)

Customer: “My dishwasher’s broken!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that! Would you like me to schedule a technician to come out for you?”

Customer: “No! [Company] already did that! They told me I have to wait till Monday! I can’t believe you people expect me to go two whole days without a dishwasher. This is inhumane! I can’t do this. I have four kids!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, it sounds to me like you have four dishwashers.”

Customer: “How dare you tell me how to raise my kids! I can’t believe the nerve of you people!”

Me: “Well, do you give them an allowance?”

Customer: “Yes, but I don’t see how that’s any of your business!”

Me: “Do they do chores to earn it?”

Customer: “My children don’t have to earn their way through life. They’re angels!”

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