July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Eyesight Only As Good As Hindsight, Part 2

| Massachusetts, USA | Movies & TV

(I’m a projectionist at a movie theater, so every once in a while, I have to deal with customer complaints. We have 3D movies that are extremely blurry if you don’t wear the glasses that we give you.)

Old woman: “Excuse me, I would like a refund.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

Old woman: *waving 3D glasses at me* “I don’t know how much extra I paid for these stupid things, but my movie wasn’t in 3D!”

Me: I’m sorry, ma’am. Which movie did you go see?”

Old woman: “I saw [movie only available in 3D] with my grandson and I didn’t have to use these things at all, not even once!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but since you sat through the whole movie, I can’t give you a refund. That movie is also extremely blurry if you don’t use the glasses we give you.”

Old woman: “But I didn’t use them at all and it looked just fine–just not 3D!”

(As she storms away angrily with a boy of about 5 in tow, she gets into her car and almost hits a young couple walking across the parking lot on her way out.)

Related:
Eyesight Only As Good As Hindsight

The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

| Gilbert, AZ, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am working the counter when a confused-looking customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Do you have any horror movies?”

Me: “Yes, the horror section is over there, past action.”

Customer: “No, no! I mean horror movies.”

Me: “Right, horror movies. Like, scary movies, right?”

Customer: *growing agitated* “No! I mean horror movies!”

(He keeps giving the word slightly suggestive emphasis, so I start to wonder if he’s trying to say something else. He keeps carefully enunciating the whole word, including the last syllable.)

Me: “You are saying ‘horr-OR’ movies, right? Like The Exorcist, Scream, Nightmare on Elm Street?”

Customer: “No! Horror movies. You know, adult movies!”

The Usual, As Usual As Possible

| Windsor, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

Caller: “Can I get 3 pizzas and an order of bread sticks?”

Me: “Sure, no problem!”

Caller: “But I don’t want the bread like you usually make it.”

Me: “Okay, how would you like it?”

Caller: “I want it softer to bite into.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “But i don’t want it lightly done.”

(The caller pauses, and I’m not sure what to say.)

Caller: “…and I don’t want it burnt.”

Me: *lightbulb turns on* “Okay, so you would like it normal?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Attack Of The Third Dimensional Dimwits

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Uncategorized

(I am explaining to a customer how to program his pre-paid phone.)

Me: “Alright, the sequence you need to press is Pound(#)-8678423 to program your phone.”

Caller: “What?”

Me: “Press Pound-8678423 on the phone’s number pad.”

Caller: “I don’t see anything that says ‘Pound’.”

Me: “The Pound key looks like a tic-tac-toe. It’s the button right under the 9 key.”

Caller: “You mean I have to take apart my phone, pull off the numbers, and press this ‘Pound’ key to get the thing working?”

Me: “No, ma’am, don’t take the phone apart. The Pound key is below the 9 and to the right of the zero.”

Caller: “But I’m telling you, I can’t get to that key if it’s under the 9! I have to take the 9 off to see it!”

Do Not Pay Debts, Go Directly To Jail

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Criminal/Illegal

Me: “Thank you for calling [satellite TV company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I’ve bought some used equipment. I need to turn it on.”

Me: “Yes, sir. Could I have the serial number?”

(The serial number brings up an account in collections for over $800.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We cannot activate your equipment until the previous owner closes his account. Can you contact him?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Why not?”

Caller: “He’s in jail in Mexico.”

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