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  • Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose
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  • January Theme Of The Month: Prank Calls!
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    (V)ery (A)bsent (T)hought

    | London, UK |

    (After confirming the price of every single item in a customer’s basket as it goes through the till, I finally hand her the receipt.)

    Customer: “Wait, what’s this thing here? It was really expensive!” *points at item on her receipt*

    Me: “That’s VAT.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “Value Added Tax.”

    Customer: “I didn’t buy any of that.”

    Swimming With The Phishes

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    Caller: “I never give my card to anyone! You must have randomly charged it! I demand a refund!”

    Me: “Well, I’d be happy to assist your bank in their review of these charges.”

    Caller: “No you won’t! You stole my card! How did you guys get it anyways?”

    (I explain here that the card was likely compromised through either a card scanner or through a phishing email. After I explain what a phishing email is, here’s what he says…)

    Caller: “Wait…so could it have been that Australian Lottery that I won?”

    Me: “I would say almost certainly sir.”

    Caller: “So I’m not going to get that prize?”

    Animal Planet After Hours

    | Kettering, OH, USA |

    Manager: “Hi ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I just need a book for my grandson. It’s called Bestiality.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, what did you say it was called?”

    Customer:Bestiality. He’s in second grade. It’s this series of books.”

    Manager: “Ah, could you mean Beast Quest perhaps?”

    Customer: “Yes, Beast Quest. What did I say?”

    Manager: “Um…bestiality.”

    (The customer’s eyes bug out as she turns every shade of red.)

    Manager:Beast Quest is this way if you’ll follow me…”

    Catcher In The Sky

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Top

    Customer: “How much is this bird?”

    Me: “Sir, how did you get the bird out of the cage? The cage was locked.”

    Customer: “Oh, I got this one from the birds you have outside by the door.”

    Me: “Those aren’t our birds.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Sir, you picked up a wild bird. But congratulations, because I can’t imagine it was a simple task.”

    He Who Shall Not Be Sprayed

    | South Hill, WA, USA |

    Customer: “I would like to use my upgrades to spray tan.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can’t do that anymore, our new system doesn’t allow us to.”

    Customer: “Well, just type in your magic code or something!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. It physically won’t let us do that.”

    Customer: “You don’t have a magic code?”

    Me: “No, sorry.”

    Customer: “But you look like Hermione from that magic movie…”

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