Bespoke Babies

| Springfield, MO, USA | Family & Kids

(A customer comes up to my register with her child. It’s clear that her 5-year-old child has been wearing down her patience since the two started shopping. After repeatedly asking her mother to buy a piece of candy, the she finally snaps.)

Customer: “If you do not stop it right now, I will leave you at the store here and they’ll put a price tag on you and place you on the shelf for sale.”

Child: “No they won’t. I’m not for sale!”

Me, to the child: *jokingly* “That’s actually not true. If you lift up the back of your hair, I can scan the bar code on the back of your neck and see how much we should price you for.”

Customer, to the child: “See? Now, are you going to behave, or am I going to have to let them put you on the shelf for sale?”

Child: “But…but…but you can’t buy me! I have to be specially made!”

Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim, Part 3

| Amsterdam, Netherlands | Technology

Me: “…and may I have the serial number of your [brand] product please?”

Customer: “Well, you know, in winter it’s very dark here in Norway, so I can’t read the serial number.”

Me: “I’m sure you can turn on the light for a moment, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, that’s right…”

Related:
Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim

Take Two Werewolves And Call Me In The Morning

| New Zealand | Extra Stupid

(I have just given a customer his prescription and am explaining to him the directions.)

Me: “So, just take two of these with water at night.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks. Wait, I work at night…should I take these in the day time?”

Me: “Yes, just take them before bed.”

Customer: “Okay, so they aren’t activated by the moon or anything?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: *slight disbelief* “Hmm, okay…” *turns around and leaves*

The Great State Of Confusion

| Michigan, USA | Tourists/Travel

(I work at the front booth charging entry and parking fees to park visitors. Most of these visitors are tourists from Chicago. The entry fee is different for in-state and out-of-state license plates on the vehicles.)

Me: “Hello! Welcome to [state park]. Do you have a Michigan license plate or an out of state license plate?”

Customer: “No. No, I don’t have that.”

Me: “Are you from Michigan or out-of-state? What is the state on your license plate?”

(Suddenly, the customer screams loudly and throws his hands up in the air as if he were terrified.)

Customer: “My ID! You need to see my ID? I have ID!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t need to see your ID. I just want to know where you are from.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Me: “What state are you from?”

Customer: “Chicago. The state of Chicago.”

Related:
The Great State Of Ignorance

Not If You’re Tim Burton

| Queens, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(It is 3 weeks before Halloween. A customer walks into the gym and points at some of our decorations we’ve .)

Member: *rudely* “What is all this for?”

Me: “They’re our Halloween decorations.”

Member: “Oh, okay. Because I was going to say, it’s a little early for Christmas decorations.”

(The Christmas decorations he was referring to? Cobwebs and jack-o-lantern lights.)

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