It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Higher Calling

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer in his late 30s comes through my line with a few food items, a pack of printer paper, and a can of compressed air.)

Me: “Hi. Find everything you needed today?”

Customer: “I did, thank you.”

(When I scan the canned air, the register automatically asks for ID.)

Me: “May I please see your ID?”

Customer: “Sure, but what for?”

Me: “It’s for the canned air. The register won’t process an age-restricted product without actually scanning an ID.”

Customer: “Why is it age-restricted?”

Me: “Well, kids inhale it to get high. It really messes you up.”

Customer: “Really?”

(He looks down at his order.)

Customer: “Think I should get another can?”

Life Sucks When You’re Not American

| Cornwall, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Thanks, and have a nice day!”

Customer: “Don’t tell me to have a nice day! We’re not in America!”

Me: “Sorry…don’t have a nice day?”

Customer: “I won’t, because I’m British!”

Wake Up And Sell The Coffee

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(Near the end of the morning rush, I’m making lattes, cappuccinos, etc.)

Me: “I don’t feel so great.” *faints*

(As I come to, I not only hear my manager on the phone with 911 but the following…)

Customer: “Isn’t anyone going to make my latte?”

For The FBI, The M.O. On This PDF Is TBD

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

Customer: “My pedophile won’t print.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I sent my pedophile to print but it won’t come out the printer.”

Me: “Oh, you mean PDF file? As in Adobe PDF?”

Customer: “Yeah, that.”

Makeup Quiz For A Madeup Flu

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, School

(A student who has missed class and calls me a day later to explain her absence.)

Student: “I need to take the quiz I missed yesterday.”

Me: “Remember, quizzes cannot be made up.”

Student: “I missed class yesterday because my son is sick.”

Little voice in the background: “Momma, I’m sick?”

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