Now Selling The War On Germs, Aisle 5

| Newton, MA, USA | At The Checkout

(I am working at a register. I use my t-shirt sleeve to clear my eyes. As I am doing this, a customer walks up with her groceries. She whips out a bottle of sanitizer and grabs my hand and sprays a lot of sanitizer on it.)

Customer: “Rub it in! What you just did is dangerous to me and everyone else around!”

(I rub it in because I didn’t want to argue. As I’m doing this, another cashier comes over to help me. She is Filipino. After a couple seconds, the customer looks over at her.)

Customer: “Is it okay in your country to pick your nose and wipe it all over someone else? Because it isn’t okay in mine!”

Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim, Part 2

| Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Your lights are so dim. Can you please turn them up?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, there are only two settings, on and off.

Customer: “Well, turn them on, then!”

Me: “They are on.”

Customer: “Liar!”

Related:
Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim

Mocha-less In Minneapolis

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(I am a male worker in a coffee shop. A customer has just left with a hot drink and gotten on his bike.)

Me: “Man, that guy is really brave.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “He just got on his bike with a hot mocha.”

Customer: “Wow. Well, I’m sure you’ll find the right guy some day.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “We’re not talking about the same thing are we?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “I guess you just hear what you want to hear.”

Me: “I guess so.”

But The Energizer Bunny Never Dies

| Burlington, VT, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

(I have been troubleshooting this customer’s cable for a while now. Finally, after getting his TV on the proper input, this happens.)

Me: “Sir, does the little red light on the remote blink when you press a button on the remote?”

Customer: “Err…no?”

Me: “Okay, sir, that means the batteries in the remote are dead.”

Customer: “What? That’s terrible! They can die?”

Stop And Stair

| Portland, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

(A customer approaches one of the security guards.)

Customer: “Your escalators are broken.”

Security: “What do you mean by broken?”

Customer: “They aren’t moving.”

Security: “Okay. Which one is it?”

(The customer leads the security guard to the “escalator” and stands on the top step.)

Customer: “See, broken.”

Security: “Sir, those are stairs.”

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