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    Supervisor Is Super Wiser

    | Texas, USA |

    Me: “Thanks you for calling [company], how can I assist you today?”

    Customer: “I want a supervisor.”

    Me: “Is there any reason that you need the supervisor?”

    Customer: “Just give me a supervisor!”

    (I do the standard procedures to transfer to a supervisor. 3 minutes later, the same caller:

    Customer: “What did the supervisor write in my account?”

    (I saw the comments on the account, the supervisor wrote: “No more supervisor calls for this customer.”)

    Bananas Can Taste Of Bitter Disappointment

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (We sell bananas next to the cash register with a sign fixture that reads: ‘Bananas – 90 cents!’.)

    Me: “Here’s your tall coffee, sir.”

    Customer: *looking at bananas* “Oh, so that’s what you call them! ‘Tropical Paradise Bars’. I’ve been calling them bananas my whole life!”

    (I see the banana sign has accidentally been flipped over to read ‘Tropical Paradise Bars – $2.25’.)

    Me: “Oh, that’s the wrong sign.” *flips sign back over*

    Customer: “Oh. Never mind then.” *walks away looking disappointed*

    Recruiting For New Blood

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada |

    Donor: “I’ve never seen you here before.”

    Me: “Well, yes, I am relatively new, but I’ve been involved with [blood bank] for a long time.”

    Donor: “So, are you like a volunteer or something?”

    Me: “No, I am an employee. I had to undergo several weeks of training for this.”

    Donor: “But you look too young to be an employee!”

    Me: “I assure you, I am a full employee.”

    Donor: “But you’re only like 14!”

    Me: “Actually sir, I’m 20, almost 21.”

    Donor: “No way!”

    Me: “Let me put it this way. Would you really want a 14 year old volunteer removing a 14 gauge needle from your arm and handling your blood?”

    Donor: “Good point. Carry on.”

    Tricky Customers Are Just Killer, Part 2

    | Brisbane, Australia | Top

    (I am sitting on a well known whale watching beach gathering data on migration numbers. I have a pair of binoculars.)

    Tourist: “When are you going to put up the flags?”

    Me: “Oh, no, I am not a lifesaver.”

    Tourist: “Of course you are, who else sits on a beach with binoculars?”

    Me: “Actually, I am recording how many whales go by.”

    Tourist: “Whales? There are no whales here. This is a swimming beach.”

    (I gesture to a pod of 6 whales passing around 50 meters away.)

    Tourist: “Oh my goodness, killer whales! My children are on the beach! They could come right out of the water and steal my children!”

    Me: “Um, no, they’re humpbacks. They eat tiny little fish and plankton. They can’t come up on the beach, so your children are safe.”

    Tourist: “Don’t you know about Moby Dick? He eats people alive. It’s true, it’s in The Bible!” *takes his children and leaves*

    Related:
    Tricky Customers Are Just Killer

    Brains Not Included

    | Newton, IA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. This is ***, can I get your account number?”

    Caller: “Well, I don’t have your service. I just have a question.”

    Me: “Okay, what is your question?”

    Caller: “My remote doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry about that, but we are an internet company and this is internet tech support.”

    Caller: “I know that, but why can’t you help me?”

    Me: “We don’t do anything with TVs.”

    Caller: “It’s not my TV. It’s my remote.”

    Me: “Your remote for your TV?”

    Caller: “No!”

    Me: “Your remote for what?”

    Caller: “My television!”

    Me: “Okay…well, we still can’t help you with that.”

    Caller: “This tech support is stupid! You are all stupid!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

    Caller: “I wouldn’t if you fixed my remote. The buttons aren’t making the television change.”

    Me: “Have you tried changing out the batteries?”

    Caller: “What do you think I am, stupid, like you? Of course I didn’t do that! It would shut the remote off!” *hangs up*

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