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    Don’t Knock Knock Christmas

    | Germantown, WI, USA | Uncategorized

    (A dad and his children are in my checkout line. I’m ringing up items for the family when I hear his children talking to each other.)

    8-year old son: “Want to hear a joke?

    5-year old son: “Yeah!”

    8-year old son: “Knock knock.”

    5-year old son: “Who’s there?”

    8-year old son: “Merry!”

    5-year old son: “Merry who?”

    8-year old son: “Merry, it’s almost Christmas!”

    (I laugh.)

    Dad: *looking at me and laughing too* “Yeah, I was wondering where he was going with that.”

    Oh You Sleigh Me

    | PA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m shopping for Christmas ornaments when a woman and her husband walk into the store.)

    Wife: “Look at this, this is a sin! They hardly have anything.”

    Husband: “The Christmas section gets smaller and smaller each year. I barely saw any decorations in the store, either.”

    Wife: *picking up an angel table topper* “This is just disrespectful. They should have another three or four kinds of trees!”

    Husband: “I agree dear, this selection is disappointing. How are we supposed to properly celebrate with this?”

    (They continue on like this for another 5-10 minutes. Finally, the woman storms up to me.)

    Wife: “You! As a God fearing Christian, do you think this tiny little section is disrespectful to our Lord and Savior? How dare they not be respectful of our religious beliefs! We should go complain!”

    Me: “Yeah, I know what you mean. I’m Pagan and I can never find any good Beltane decorations here.”

    (She literally run from the seasonal section. I hear a security alarm a minute or two later. I think she forgot to pay for the angel that she never put down.)

    This Spells Disaster

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Can you help me find a movie? Your system confuses me.”

    Me: “The alphabet?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Best Try The Duet Yourself Checkout

    | Adelaide, Australia | Uncategorized

    (An elderly gentleman selects a paintbrush and takes it to the counter.)

    Customer: “Now, I don’t pay for items. I sing and dance on the table tops instead.”

    Me: (I laugh, thinking he’s joking.) “That’s $1.19 please.”

    Customer: “Well I reckon that’d be about a minute’s worth of singing.”

    Me: *still thinking he’s joking* “Actually it’s $1.19 so it’s probably more like a minute and twenty seconds.”

    (The customer then starts singing a monotone song – something about a cat. He is hobbling from side to side. I couldn’t help it; I just laughed until tears were running down my face.)

    Customer: “That was verse one! There are 93 more!”

    Me: “In that case I’ll just take the cash.”

    Shoplift Your Spirits

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Uncategorized

    (I witness this exchange between a customer and my manager.)

    Manager: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave your backpack at the counter.”

    Customer: “Don’t worry about it. My policy is not to shoplift when my friends can’t spare bail money.”

    (The manager laughs and walks off, letting him keep his backpack.)

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