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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Candid Camera, Candid Answer

    | England, UK |

    Me: “Hello there, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like some batteries for my camera.”

    Me: “Okay, what does it take?”

    Customer: “Pictures.”

    Aches On A Brain

    | Michigan, USA |

    Customer: “I’m looking for a DVD. My father told me I had to rent it.”

    Me: “Okay, do you know what the movie was called?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Did he say what actor or actress was featured in the film?”

    Customer: “Samuel something.”

    Me: “Samuel L. Jackson?”

    Customer: “Yeah–him.”

    Me: “Did he happen to mention what the movie was about?”

    Customer: “Um…Snakes…on a Plane.”

    (I walk the customer over to the movie ‘Snakes on a Plane’ and hand it to her.)

    Customer: “I don’t think this is it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is the only movie I have with Samuel L. Jackson in it about snakes on a plane.”

    Customer: “Hmm…and this is about snakes on a plane?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (The customer puts the movie back on shelf.)

    Customer: “I just don’t think this is it.”

    Hot Air Doesn’t Just Come From Saunas

    | Florence, KY, USA | Health & Body, Top

    (I’m the Lifeguard on duty at an indoor pool when there’s a power outage. I must close the sauna for ventilation reasons. I enter, and a customer is sitting inside.)

    Customer: “Close the door! You’re letting the heat out!”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir, it is not safe for you to remain in the sauna because there is no longer adequate ventilation.”

    Customer: “It’s a f***ing sauna! There’s not meant to be ventilation, so shut the d*** door!”

    Me: “Without proper ventilation, the sauna will overheat and put you at risk for heat stroke.”

    Customer: “That’s what lifeguards are for!”

    Thou Shalt Not Wear Boot Cut

    | Michigan, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss. These jeans just don’t seem to fit right.”

    Me: “Well these are men’s jeans. We have plenty of women’s jeans over here, in the women’s department. Is there a size I can help you find?”

    Customer: “You mean I just tried on men’s jeans?” *horrified look*

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. These are men’s jeans. This is the men’s department.”

    Customer: “OH MY GOD! The Bible forbids women to wear men’s clothes! I’m going to h***!”

    Me: “I’m sure you’ll be fine. You didn’t know. God won’t be angry.”

    Customer: “That’s what you think. You obviously don’t know God then.” *storms off*

    A Hole In Your Thinking, Part 2

    | Longmont, CO, USA |

    (I am serving a father and son.)

    Me: “Alright, here’s your club and your golf balls. Just follow
    the purple path throughout the course.”

    (Five minutes later, they come back to the register.)

    Me: “You’re already done?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I did hole number 5 and my son did hole number 16!”

    Me: “You know you can do all 18 holes, right?”

    Customer: *very serious* “You’re kidding.”

    A Hole In Your Thinking

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