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    Between The Teen Computer Screen

    | Online |

    Me: *via online chat* “It’s just the date of birth that doesn’t match on your account. But I have the correct account pulled up here.”

    Customer: “Maybe if I tried to make the account when I was very young, I might have claimed to be eighteen at the time. But the month and day would still be the same!”

    Me: “…I see.”

    Customer: “Yes. I know it was very wrong of teenager-me to claim to be an adult. However, I can hardly ground her at this point.”

    Between The Preteen Gender Screen

    Found Next To The Irony Section

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA |

    Customer: “I need to find [diet and exercise book].”

    (I go and look up the book for her.)

    Me: “Alright, it looks like it will be in our wellness section. Let’s head over there and grab it.”

    Customer: “You go get it. I’m tired.”

    Being Buried In Your Mortgage

    | Beaverton, OR, USA |

    (I specialize in modifying loans to make an existing payment more manageable. These are called ‘loan modifications’.)

    Customer: “I’m calling for a ‘remortification’.”

    Me: *joking* “Okay, so you were previously mortified?”

    Customer: “Yes, once before. My payments are too high now. I need to be mortified again.”

    You Twin Some, You Lose Some

    | UK |

    (A customer comes to a sample stand.)

    Me: “Would you like to try some noodles?”

    Customer: “Sure. Wow, this is so tasty.”

    (A very similar looking customer comes in 15 minutes later. He is in a different shirt and pants.)

    Customer: “Oh, good. There’s still some noodles left. Can I try some too?”

    Me: “Didn’t you just try it? It’s one per customer.”

    Customer: “That was my twin brother. We live right across the street and he told me about the noodles.”

    Me: “Wow, so both you and your brother have a bandage on that hand?”

    Customer: “Uh…” *walks away*

    Getting Pea’d Off Is A Bad Sign

    | Poulsbo, WA, USA |

    (Because of a food shortage due to weather, we are required by management to cut back on our vegetables. In front of our veggie selection is a sign explaining the situation.)

    Customer: “This piece of paper is in the way. I can’t see some of your veggies. Can you take it down?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to remove or alter any signs posted by my manager. We have a list of all the veggies we offer here.”

    (I point to our veggies list, which is right next to it.)

    Customer: “Why are you being so skimpy with the veggies? It’s not like you don’t have more.”

    Me: “Actually, our supply is very limited right now due to our shortage of produce.”

    Customer: “You need to have a sign explaining this.”

    Me: “We do. It’s the piece of paper you wanted me to move.”

    Customer: “No one is going to see that!”

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