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    The (ever)Last(ing) Supper

    , | Houston, TX, USA | Top

    (I work as a cook at a pizza place. A tall and thin customer comes in and begins to place an order with the cashier.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I want the large pepperoni.”

    Cashier: “For here?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Cashier: “Would you like anything with that?”

    Customer: “Yeah, let me have the spaghetti dinner.”

    Cashier: “Oh, did you want that instead of the pizza?”

    Customer: “Naw, I want the pizza too. Can I get extra garlic bread?”

    Cashier: “Um, sure.”

    Customer: “Sweet. Can I also get one of them open-faced sandwiches? The roast beef and cheese…and can you add some sausage to the sandwich too?

    Cashier: “Yeah…”

    Customer: “…and a salad. What kind of salad do you have?”

    Cashier: “Well, we have a small side salad, or a larger dinner salad…”

    Customer: “Well…”

    Me: *speaking over the counter* “We also have the antipasto salad! It’s pretty big!”

    Customer: “Yeah! I want that!”

    Cashier: “Um…is there anything else?”

    Customer: *looks around, and sees the bags of potato chips on
    display*
    “Yeah, those look good. Give me two bags of chips!”

    Cashier: “Okay…is there anything else?”

    Customer: “Naw, I think that’s it.”

    Cashier: “Do you need us to box up any of this to go?”

    Customer: “Naw.”

    Cashier: “Will you have anything to drink with this?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, I totally forgot! I’ll have a small Coke!”

    (When we finally brought the food out to the customer, it was a LOT of food. Surprisingly, the customer stayed in the restaurant for over 4 hours, and he ate almost everything!)

    A Face For Every Occasion

    | Birmingham, UK | Top

    (A customer is getting a beauty treatment done and is trying to work out why she has skin problems.)

    Customer: “I just don’t understand it. I take really good care
    of my skin. I get facials and I only use really good make-up.”

    Me: “Well, the problem could be caused by something really simple, like an allergic reaction. Have you always used the same brand of make-up?”

    Customer: “Yes, and I only use the best! I can’t be allergic, I don’t ever use the cheap stuff!”

    Me: “It’s probably something else then. What do you use to remove your make-up?”

    Customer: “Like…what?”

    Me: “When you take off your make up at night, what do you use?”

    Customer: *silence*

    Me: “Do you use a cleanser or soap and water?”

    Customer: “I don’t take it off. Are you supposed to?”

    Me: “Well, yes. Make-up can cause damage to your pores if you wear it constantly. Why don’t you take it off?”

    Customer: “In case I have to answer my door when I’m asleep.”

    Me: “In your sleep?”

    Customer: “Don’t judge my social life! You probably don’t have many friends!”

    It Was All Just A Blur

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, have had any accidents or violations in the last three years?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Well, do you remember getting pulled over for any reason?”

    Customer: “I already told you, I don’t know. Now, how much is the insurance?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but before I could know what the rate is, I have to know what your driving history is.”

    Customer: “What does it matter? Just throw on a speeding ticket or two and call it a day!”

    Me: “Okay. I can do that, but just keep in mind that the quote is only based on the information you provide. If your motor vehicle record comes back different, that could drastically affect the rate.”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it?”

    Me: “It comes out to $106 a month.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll take it.”

    (I then go to run the reports since she is ready to purchase the policy and find out she has had 2 DUIs in the past 3 years, 2 speeding tickets, one accident, and a suspended license.

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the rate is now $486 a month. I would have been able to give you a more accurate quote if I knew about the DUIs.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I thought you just meant speeding tickets. I didn’t realize that DUIs counted. I mean, I wasn’t even speeding when I got them!”

    One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Pleasure

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA |

    (A few years ago, a particular game went through a scandal for having hidden pornographic content.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to trade in this game.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, I can’t take this game.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because it’s undergoing a rating change. We’ve sent all of our existing copies back to the company.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s dumb. What’s it being changed to?”

    Me: “AO, or Adults Only.”

    Customer: “Woah. Why?”

    Me: “Because there’s a pornographic mini-game hidden in the coding.”

    Customer: “So, you’re telling me there’s porn in my game?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    (Suddenly, another customer behind him speaks up.)

    Another customer “If you don’t want it, can I have it?”

    The Beginnings Of A Three Hour Cruise

    | Baton Rouge, LA, USA |

    (A man in fishing boots has been standing at our bookstore’s help counter for fifteen minutes. Every time someone comes to ask for an item, the man interrupts me and “helps” the customer find whatever they are looking for.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, ma’am. I’m trying to find a cookbook with vegan recipes and I was wondering if you could give me some titles?”

    Me: “Well, we have several titles by Isa Chandra Moskowitz–”

    Fisherman: “Vegans? What the h*** are vegans?!”

    Me: “People who don’t eat any sort of animal product. Honey, gelatin, that sort of–”

    Fisherman: “D***ed intellectuals don’t know anything about eatin’! Vegans are those folks who go fishin’ by throwin’ a car battery over the side of the boat! I KNOW where THOSE books are, and I’LL SHOW YA!”

    (He grabs the customer by the hand and drags her off down an aisle. I didn’t see either of them again, which worries me to this day.)

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