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    Monitoring (Lack Of) Progress

    | Michigan, USA |

    (I get a call from a customer saying that there is something wrong with her server.)

    Me: “Ma’am, is the screen frozen?”

    Caller: “Yes, it is.”

    Me: “Alright, go ahead and manually turn it off for me.”

    Caller: “Alright, it’s off.”

    (This is odd, as it normally takes up to 5 minutes for the server to turn off.)

    Me: “Okay. Go ahead and turn it back on, and let me know when it’s back up.”

    Caller: *without skipping a beat* “It’s back up, and still frozen.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. Are you actually turning off the monitor or the computer?”

    Caller: “I don’t know! I’m no computer whiz!”

    Economic Recession For Dummies, Part 2

    | Shirley, NY, USA |

    (A customer is cashing in a check worth $650.00.)

    Me: “How would you like that back, sir?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “The cash…would you like it in large or small bills?”

    Customer: “I didn’t know you had different sizes of cash. Can I see which one fits in my wallet better?”

    Related:
    Economic Recession For Dummies

    Seasoned Theatrics

    | Ohio, USA | Top

    Me: “Hello, what movie?”

    Customer: “Hi, I want tickets for two.”

    Me: “Two tickets, but what movie?”

    Customer: Yes, for Number 2.”

    Me: “Oh, I see, sir. The names of the movies on the side of the building don’t relate to the screen they are going to be in. What is the name of the movie you want to see?”

    Customer: “This is stupid, my wife and I want to see number 2! It‚Äôs posted outside. You should know what movie it is!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Can you tell me what the movie is about?”

    Customer: “I said it was NUMBER 2!”

    (Finally, the wife jumps in.)

    Wife: “Honey, just sell us two tickets for a movie. We can figure it out.”

    (As she requests, I sell them two tickets. A moment later, I can hear the husband grouching right beside my register.)

    Customer: “What kind of crap is this?! I don’t want to see no movie called JACKA***!”

    Wife: “Honey, you are the jacka***, and the whole theater just got a free showing!”

    Taxing Faxing

    | Brentwood, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hello Mrs. ***, I have the bid for your cabinets done.”

    Customer: “Great, thanks! Can you fax me a copy?”

    Me: “No problem, what’s the number?”

    Customer: *gives me the number*

    Me: “Okay, I will send it over right now.”

    Customer: “One more thing, this fax is at my work – could you please fold the paper in half before you fax it? I don’t want any of my coworkers to know that I am remodeling my house!”

    Try The New Pool At Hogwarts

    | North York, ON, Canada |

    Customer: “Why is it that your pool is so small?”

    Me: “It is a Therapeutics pool, geared towards people to do their exercises.”

    Customer: “So there is no other pool in this building?”

    Me: “No, there is no other pool in this building, but there is one up the street.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just make it bigger?”

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