November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

This Vegetarian Is A Red Herring

| Orillia, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like your chicken caesar wrap, please. With no chicken or bacon bits.”

Me: “Are you a vegetarian?”

Customer: “Yes, why?”

Me: “Well, I just wanted you to know that the caesar salad dressing has anchovy paste in it.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Anchovy is a kind of fish.”

Customer: “I said I was vegetarian, not vegan.”

Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 8

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I just have a quick question. How can I tell if my mouse is wireless?”

Me: “A wireless mouse doesn’t have a wire.”

Caller: “Listen, I don’t have time for techno speak. Just tell me how to figure out if mine is wireless or not.”

Me: “Look at your mouse. If there is a wire connected to it, then it is not wireless.”

Caller: “You don’t have to be a smart a**.”

Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 7
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 6
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 5
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless

Hanging Around For A Maternity

| Missoula, MT, USA | Uncategorized

(It is about an hour before closing time. A customer walks in and looks curiously at me.)

Customer: “How are you?”

Me: “I’m fine.”

Customer: “You know, I’m organizing this charity event. To support unwed young mothers and those with unexpected pregnancies.”

(The customer pulls out a pamphlet with a sad-eyed girl and sets it on the counter.)

Customer: “You should come.”

Me: “No, I’m fine. Thank you.”

Customer: “These things happen to lots of people. There’s nothing wrong with seeking help.”

Me: “I’m Mormon. And not married. And we preach abstinence until marriage.”

Customer: “Everyone slips here and there.”

Me: “Not me. I’m not pregnant, and won’t be for a long, long time. But, uh, thank you.”

Customer: “Well, how about any of your friends? You look like the type–”

Me: “No, my friends are fine too. Have a good night.”

Customer: “We could always use donations, you know.”

Me: “I work in a grocery store, and I’m a student. I don’t have any money to donate.”

Customer: “Well, that’s disappointing.”

To Have And To Hold On To The Recliner

| Milford, CT, USA | Uncategorized

(I am about to sell a couple of recliners to a wife and her husband.)

Me: “Alright, folks. I can go ring up those two recliners for you.”

Wife: “Will they take our old recliner with them when they deliver the new one?”

Me: “Well, they can move it to another room or bring it out to the curb free of charge. But if you want them to actually bring it with them, it’s a $50 charge. They have to make a separate trip to donate or dispose of it.”

Husband: “$50? That’s ridiculous!”

Wife: “Are you kidding? We don’t know anybody who will do it for us. If we hire someone, we’re never going to find someone to do it for less than $50.”

Husband: “It’s $50!”

Wife: “Did you not hear what I just said?”

Husband: “Yeah, but I’m not paying $50 for them to take away our old chair.”

Wife, to me: “Can you please excuse us for two minutes so we can have an argument?”

(I walk away while they continue to fight. Sure enough, two minutes later, the wife calls me back over.)

Wife: “Okay, we’re done arguing. We’ll pay the $50 for the haul away.”

(The husband looks down at the floor and says nothing.)

To Have And To Hold On To The Remote

George Foreman Would Not Be Happy

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “Good afternoon. What can I get for you?”

Resident: “I will have a grilled cheese without the bread.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Our grilled cheese only comes on bread.”

Resident: “Well, I don’t like bread. Your menu says I can have a grilled cheese, and I want it without bread!”

Me: “Okay, I will be right back with that.”

(I walk into the kitchen, and tell the cook the request. She puts two slices of cheese on a plate, and microwaves it. I then take it out to the resident.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Resident: “What is this? This isn’t a grilled cheese. Where are the grill marks?”