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    Desperate Times Call For Half-Hearted Measures

    , | Canada |

    Me: “Three items? Here’s your fitting room, let me know if you need a hand.”

    (The customer goes in, stands there for five minutes and searches the fitting room.)

    Customer: “There’s no mirror.”

    Me: “Nope, but as you can see there’s a mirror right outside.”

    Customer: “That won’t do. Can I have the handicap room, please?” (The handicap room is a larger room with a bench and mirrors.)

    Me: “I’m sorry…that’s reserved for customers with wheelchairs and strollers.”

    Customer: “But I want it.”

    Me: “Sorry, it’s a store policy…obviously someone with a stroller or a wheelchair can’t fit in a normal fitting room, so we have to keep that one free.”

    (The customer lifts one arm, laden with jeans and shopping bags. She waves it around, and points to it with her other arm.)

    Customer: “…but, my arm is broken!”

    Chernobyl Over Ciabatta

    | Missouri, USA | Top

    (Woman comes to my coworkers drawer and orders a loaf of ciabatta bread. Coworker rings it up and hands it to her.)

    Customer: “This isn’t a loaf of ciabatta.”

    Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, that’s our ciabatta.”

    Customer: “No, this is NOT ciabatta! You don’t know what you’re talking about! I know a loaf of ciabatta when I see one!”

    Me: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes! I ordered a loaf of ciabatta, and this is not a loaf of ciabatta!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, that is a loaf. See, here…it says ‘Ciabatta loaf’.”

    Customer: “No, this is ridiculous! This is not a loaf of ciabatta!”

    (At this point, the customer is hysterical, near tears, and waving the bread wildly.)

    Me: “Let me get you a manager to speak to…” *gets the manager*

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I ordered a ciabatta loaf and these kids are trying to sell me THIS!”

    Manager: “That is our loaf of ciabatta. When is the last time you visited our store?”

    Customer: “About a year ago.”

    Manager: “Ah, that’s why. We changed the size of our loaf about six months ago.”

    Customer: “Thank you! Now why couldn’t you tell me that?!” *points at me*

    Manager: “She’s only been here two months. She wouldn’t have known.”

    Customer: “PATHETIC!” *pays for bread and storms out*

    Next customer: *shocked look* “Wow.”

    That’s One Heckuva Mega-Bite

    | Austin, TX, USA | Top

    Me: “So you want to return the game then, right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, and I wanna make sure I’m covered by the warranty.”

    Me: “You should be, as you purchased the game within 90 days.”

    Customer:“Okay, but let’s say that there are bite marks on the CD. Would the warranty still cover that?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “I may have become a little upset when I couldn’t install the game and I might have chewed on the disc a bit…”

    The Geese Will Never Know What Hit ‘Em

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (At our gardens, we use dogs to chase geese away from delicate areas. I encounter two elderly patrons who are clearly unhappy.)

    Patron #1: “I think it’s disgusting that they allow dogs here.”

    Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am, the dog is an employee. He has a name tag and a paycheck.”

    Patron #2: “Then why don’t the employees chase the geese away?”

    Me: “That’s because the geese are meaner than we are. If you think you can do a better job, feel free to!”

    Honesty Against The Best Policies

    | Staffordshire, England |

    (We have a 5-item max policy for our changing rooms. One lady walked out with arms full of stuff, then went back for more.)

    Me: “Excuse me, it’s only 5 items in the changing rooms.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s never been that before.”

    Me: “Actually, we’ve been enforcing it for the last 18 months. See, there’s a sign.” *points at sign on wall*

    Customer: “I don’t actually read signs.”

    Me: “Well, at least you’ll know for next time.”

    Customer: “Oh, I won’t read it next time, either.”


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