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    Contractions Speak Louder Than Words

    | Manchester, UK | Top

    Me: “Hello sir, how can I help?”

    Customer: “I want to make a complaint about the lady who just served my wife. She is 8 months pregnant. When she came to pay, the checkout girl didn’t offer to help with the packing. She let my wife struggle!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry. It’s store policy to ask if the customer needs help with the packing. Do you have the receipt so I can see who served her?”

    (I walk over to the till and show the checkout girl the receipt. She explains what happened. I return to the customer.)

    Me: “Hi sir, the checkout girl explained that your wife was on her phone at the till. She asked a few times if she needed help packing but she didn’t answer. I’m confident we did all we could to help.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not good enough. I want some money back on the shopping for the poor service. My wife is pregnant and in a lot of pain and had to struggle on her own. No one helped her.”

    Me: “This receipt is from a few minutes ago. Can I ask where you were?”

    Customer: “I sat in the car waiting for her to come back. What’s that got to do with anything?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    That Would Be A Mis-Steak

    | Adelaide, Australia |

    Customer: “Does this honey baked ham contain real honey?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s a honey glaze.”

    Customer: “Oh, I won’t get it then. It was for my daughter, she’s vegan. She can’t have honey, as she doesn’t believe in eating any animal products.”

    Drives You Round The U-Bend

    | Big Rapids, MI, USA |

    Customer: “The fish tank I have is really dirty and starting to smell, so I want to clean it but someone told me that I can’t use tap water in a fish tank.”

    Me: “Yeah, you either have to get spring water or buy a bottle of water conditioner, and just add that to the tap water.”

    Customer: “Oh. What if I use toilet water instead of tap water?”

    It’s Also A One-Way Trip

    | Netherlands |

    Me: “*** Post Office, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I would like to get God’s address.”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have an actual address for God.”

    Customer: “But how can you know where to deliver letters to God without an address?”

    Me: “We deliver them to the church down the street.”

    Customer: “So you are telling me you don’t actually deliver the letters to God himself?”

    Me: “Um, no.”

    Customer: “I cannot believe you lie to all these people and deliver those letters to some crappy church!! I need my letter to be delivered to God directly! I hate you!”

    Me: “I am very sorry, sir. I guess you’ll have to go deliver the letter yourself. But look on the bright side, it saves you a postal stamp!”

    Customer: “Yeah, I guess so.” *click*

    Branded As Stupid

    | St. Augustine, FL, USA |

    Customer: “There is a brand that they sell only in Europe. Do you have that brand?”

    Me: “It’s a shoe brand?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “And they sell it only in Europe?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Do you know where you are?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we just don’t have that brand.”

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