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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • How About Some Dessert Instead

    | Ireland |

    (I have a table of four foreign business-men. One of them looks very sad.)

    Sad customer: “And also, you bring me tea because this country is very cold and I am sick.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you’re not well. Of course I’ll bring you some tea.”

    Sad customer: “…and then you marry me, because no-one will marry me.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Just Plane Unreasonable

    | Winston-Salem, NC, USA |

    Me: “Hi, this is [airline] calling to inform you that your flight as been canceled for tomorrow. I’m sorry to tell you that the next available flight we have is Monday.”

    Customer: “What! How can that be? Why are you just now canceling the flight?”

    Me: “Well, sir, due to the weather disruptions, we had to cancel your flight for the safety of the passengers and crew.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. You should have canceled this flight back in September!”

    Me: “Sir, we didn’t know the weather would be bad in September.”

    Customer: “I demand you send me your private plane to take me to Fort Lauderdale immediately!”

    Elementary, My Dear Mr Darcy

    | Utah, USA |

    Customer:“I want a refund! Sherlock Holmes was possibly the worst film adaptation of a Jane Austin book I’ve ever seen!”

    Me:Sherlock Holmes was not written by Jane Austen. It was written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

    Customer:“I thought there was something odd about it. Well, I guess it really is nothing at all like her other books. Silly me!”

    Looking For A Bullseye In A Haystack

    | Coon Rapids, MN, USA |

    (I work at a major big box retailer known for its employees that wear red shirts and khaki pants.)

    Customer: “I lost my credit card!”

    Me: “What is your name and what kind of card is it?”

    (The customer gives that information and I check the lost and found.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am. I don’t have it here. Do you know where you lost it?”

    Customer: “At the checkout.”

    Me: “Do you remember which one? Do you have your receipt? That would help me figure it out.”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Do you remember who helped you?”

    Customer: “Well, she was wearing a red shirt…”

    Extra Crime Rib

    | Grants Pass, OR, USA |

    Customer: “I ordered a large prime rib last time I was here and it was awful! I want a new one.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am I will be happy to remake it for you. We’ll have it ready for you in a few minutes.”

    (I make a sandwich while the woman strolls over to the chips, hides a bag in her jacket and takes it to her truck. She comes inside with a water bottle, fills it up with soda and takes a seat.)

    Me: “Ma’am, your sandwich is ready. So you had a large prime rib and a bag of chips.”

    Customer: “I didn’t have chips!”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, you took a bag of chips to your truck. We have it on camera.”

    Customer: “Okay, maybe I got chips.”

    Me: “And I have to charge you for a medium drink.”

    Customer: “I didn’t get a drink!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. You filled up your water bottle with soda.”

    Customer: “But it’s my water bottle!”

    Me: “Yes, but you filled it with our soda. We have you on camera.”

    Customer: “Okay, maybe I did that. But my sandwich is still free, right?”

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