October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Talking Turkey Results In Mass Deviations

| Seattle, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Uncategorized

Customer: “I want a turkey, but I’m not sure how large.”

Me: “Well, how many people are you having over?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Maybe seven.”

Me: “How about a ten to twelve pound turkey?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s too small.”

Me: “Well, then how about a twelve to fourteen pound turkey?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s too big.”

(We go back and forth like this for ten minutes or so until the customer decides on a fourteen pound turkey. The customer behind her asks for and gets an 18 pound turkey which has a $10 off sticker on it.)

Customer: “How come that turkey’s $10 off? I want $10 off for my turkey.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s for turkeys that are at least sixteen pounds. Turkeys less than sixteen pounds are $5 off.”

Customer: “I don’t want a turkey that’s that big. Don’t you have a sixteen pound turkey that’s only fourteen pounds?”

A Tourist Traveling To Terror Incognita

| Ashburn, VA, USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(I’m working as the ticket tearer when two young kids come up and ask me a question.)

Kid #1: “Our parents were in a different movie. They said they would be out first, but they aren’t here. It’s been a long time.”

Me: “Okay, do you know what movie they saw?”

Kid #2: “It was the terrorist, they went to see the terrorists!”

Me: “Oh! The Tourist with Johnny Depp. That won’t get out for another 10 minutes.”

Kid #1: “No it was the Terrorist! They said there was bombs and gangsters so we had to see Tangled instead.”

Me: “Well we don’t have that movie, so I’m sure it was the Tourist.”

(Kids walk away to wait. I overhear them.)

Kid #2: “What’s a tourist?”

Kid #1: “It must be the terrorists’ friends!”

Acting Nutty

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals, Technology, Uncategorized

(I am helping a customer scan and email important documents to his insurance company. He speaks English very poorly.)

Me: “Okay, sir. The email is sending now. It will just take a moment. There! Sent!”

Customer: “Is sent?”

Me: “Yes. Your agent should get the email any second now.”

Customer: “Oh! Am so happy! Happy like SQUIRREL!”

Judging By Their Cover

| Augusta, GA, USA | Books & Reading, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(I’m stocking the front-of-store. A couple asks me for help.)

Wife: “Hi, we’re looking for a gift for a really weird friend of ours. He’s really hard to shop for.”

Me: “Sure, what sort of thing are you looking for?”

Husband: “No, he’s really weird. He actually likes to read books.”

Wife: “Hush, honey. He works in a bookstore. He’s probably weird too.”

Miles Away From The Answer, Relatively Speaking

| Champaign, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(I am filling out a credit application for a couple. We reach the question, ‘nearest living relative’.)

Customer: *thinking for a few moments* “About 50 miles!”

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