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    Bad Combinations: Sharp Knives And Dull Minds

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “I’d like to return these knives.”

    Me: “Okay, was there anything wrong with them at all?”

    Customer: “Well, they were very sharp and my wife cut herself.”

    Me: “Sir, knives are usually sharp. Unfortunately, because you’ve used them there is nothing I can do.”

    Customer: “But they were extremely sharp! We were hoping to find a set that wasn’t so…sharp?”

    Me: “So you’re looking for a set of dull knives?”

    Customer: “Yes, do you have any that are more dull than this?”

    Me: “No…have a nice day!”

    Why Indoor Drive-Ins Never Took Off

    | Michigan, USA |

    (Two older teenagers come up to my booth to buy tickets.)

    Me: “What can I do for you guys today?”

    Customer 1: “One for ‘Up’.”

    Me: “That’ll be $6.50.”

    Customer 2: “Same for me.”

    Me: “Sure, $6.50.”

    Customer 1: “Those school buses parked outside, they’re not seeing this movie, are they?”

    Me: “No, sir. They’re on a school field trip to see Night at the Museum 2.”

    Customer 2: “I don’t think they have seats big enough, anyways.”

    Customer 1: “Big enough for what?”

    Customer 2: “School buses.”

    Double Your Solar, Double Your Fun

    | Norway | Top

    (I had a job on a boat, taking tourists out to sea so they could take really nice pictures of the midnight sun. One day, one of the tourists came up to me.)

    Me: “What do you think of the midnight sun?”

    Tourist: “Yeah, it’s really nice, but tell me one thing. On the map of our solar system, where is the midnight sun located?”

    Me: “Er…the sun?”

    Tourist: “No! I know where the sun is, but where is the midnight sun?”

    Me: “The midnight sun and the sun are exactly the same, but when you are as far north as you are now, and since it’s summer, the sun never sets.”

    Tourist: “WHAT THE F***?! I’m gonna sue your sorry a** for false advertisement! I didn’t come all the way from the US to watch the sun I have back home! *storms away*

    Desperate Times Call For Half-Hearted Measures

    , | Canada |

    Me: “Three items? Here’s your fitting room, let me know if you need a hand.”

    (The customer goes in, stands there for five minutes and searches the fitting room.)

    Customer: “There’s no mirror.”

    Me: “Nope, but as you can see there’s a mirror right outside.”

    Customer: “That won’t do. Can I have the handicap room, please?” (The handicap room is a larger room with a bench and mirrors.)

    Me: “I’m sorry…that’s reserved for customers with wheelchairs and strollers.”

    Customer: “But I want it.”

    Me: “Sorry, it’s a store policy…obviously someone with a stroller or a wheelchair can’t fit in a normal fitting room, so we have to keep that one free.”

    (The customer lifts one arm, laden with jeans and shopping bags. She waves it around, and points to it with her other arm.)

    Customer: “…but, my arm is broken!”

    Chernobyl Over Ciabatta

    | Missouri, USA | Top

    (Woman comes to my coworkers drawer and orders a loaf of ciabatta bread. Coworker rings it up and hands it to her.)

    Customer: “This isn’t a loaf of ciabatta.”

    Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, that’s our ciabatta.”

    Customer: “No, this is NOT ciabatta! You don’t know what you’re talking about! I know a loaf of ciabatta when I see one!”

    Me: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes! I ordered a loaf of ciabatta, and this is not a loaf of ciabatta!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, that is a loaf. See, here…it says ‘Ciabatta loaf’.”

    Customer: “No, this is ridiculous! This is not a loaf of ciabatta!”

    (At this point, the customer is hysterical, near tears, and waving the bread wildly.)

    Me: “Let me get you a manager to speak to…” *gets the manager*

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I ordered a ciabatta loaf and these kids are trying to sell me THIS!”

    Manager: “That is our loaf of ciabatta. When is the last time you visited our store?”

    Customer: “About a year ago.”

    Manager: “Ah, that’s why. We changed the size of our loaf about six months ago.”

    Customer: “Thank you! Now why couldn’t you tell me that?!” *points at me*

    Manager: “She’s only been here two months. She wouldn’t have known.”

    Customer: “PATHETIC!” *pays for bread and storms out*

    Next customer: *shocked look* “Wow.”


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