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    Much Ado About Nothing

    | Scotland, UK |

    (A restaurant customer calls me over to his table with a problem.)

    Me: “Is everything alright?”

    Customer: “This is not a medium rare steak. It’s too over-cooked to be called medium rare.”

    Me: “Would you like me to get the chef. sir?”

    Customer: “I don’t want you to do a thing love”

    Me: “You…don’t want me to do anything about it?”

    Customer: “I don’t want you to do a thing.”

    Me: “Uh, alright.”

    (I leave him to it, but five minutes later he calls me over again.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “This is not a medium rare steak.”

    Me: “Yes, you just explained it to me.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s not.”

    Me: “What would you like me to do about it, sir?”

    Customer: “I don’t want you to do a thing.”

    Me: “Would you like to speak to the chef?”

    Customer: “I don’t care what you do!”

    (I bring out the chef who resolves the problem; it’s apparently what the customer wanted me to do.)

    Circle Of Strife

    | United Kingdom |

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I was just wondering what is currently showing at the moment?”

    Me: “Well, the current production is Timon of Athens.”

    Customer: “Oh? Is that another sequel of The Lion King? Can I book seats for that?”

    Me: “It’s a Shakespearean tragedy. It’s not about lions.”

    Customer: “Oh, so it’s just about the meerkat?”

    Klingon To The Hope Of A Ticket

    | London, UK | Geeks Rule, Top

    Customer: “Two tickets for Star Trek, please.”

    Me: “That showing has sold out, sir.”

    Customer: “What! That’s impossible!”

    Me: “The IMAX is very popular sir. I am afraid we don’t have any more seats until tomorrow.”

    Customer: “I need to see this movie! You’re not a Star Trek fan. You wouldn’t understand! Please sell me a ticket!”

    Me: “I would love to sir, but the needs of the one or the few do not outweigh the needs of the many.”

    Customer: *recognizing my quote from Star Trek* “I see. I suppose I couldn’t say that sometimes the needs of the one or the few do outweigh the needs of the many?”

    Me: “No sir, that would be quite illogical.”

    Customer: “Hmm, you’re good.”

    Me: “I must have the lobes for business.”

    Customer: “Two tickets for tomorrow then, please.”

    Me: “Very good, sir.”

    Customer: “Live long and prosper!”

    Yukon See It On A Map

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How may I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Hi, I want to apply for your program.”

    Me: “Okay. Actually, I noticed on the Caller ID that you‚Äôre calling from New York. Unfortunately, we are a Canadian company and our programs are only available to Canadian citizens. I’m assuming you’re not a Canadian citizen?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, are you Canadian?”

    Customer: “I have my green card.”

    Me: “No, sir, I’m talking about Canadian citizenship, not your green card.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re telling me. What do you mean?”

    Me: “Our programs are only available to Canadians, so you must be Canadian to apply.”

    Customer: “What is this?”

    Me: “What is what?”

    Customer: “This Canadian thing. I don’t understand what you’re telling me. I have a green card!”

    Me: “Canadian…as in, Canada the country.”

    Customer: “What is this! I’ve never heard of that!”

    Me: “I don’t even know what to tell you.”

    Customer: “So, can I apply now or what?”

    Living On The Edge Vs. Driving Off Of It

    | Nevada, USA |

    Customer: “I get to drive my own buggy, right?”

    Me: “Yep. Of course, you are guided, but that’s only because the instructors know where the cliffs are. You’ll be chasing one.”

    Customer: “A guide? I’ll be chasing a guide? What if he goes over a cliff?”

    Me: “Well, they always keep groups away from the cliffs.”

    Customer: “But what if I want to go over a cliff?”

    Me: “If that’s the case, I don’t think we can take a check for your damage deposit.”

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