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    May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away

    , | Wigan, England, UK | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I’d like to order a large whopper meal with a Coke, please.”

    Me: “Certainly.”

    (After serving the customer, she goes to sit outside on a rather warm, summer afternoon. Ten minutes pass, and she comes back inside looking rather annoyed.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I’d like a replacement drink.”

    Me: “May I enquire as to why, madam?”

    Customer: “The ice in this one has melted!”

    Don’t Bow Down To Your Desires

    | Little Rock, AR, USA | Uncategorized

    (A coworker of mine brings in a pin to put on my shirt that says, “Talk dirty to me”. The boss is okay with it, and we have a lot of cool regulars that come in.)

    Me: “I love your bow-tie! You never see anyone wear them nowadays!”

    Customer: *noticing my pin* “You wanna touch it?”

    Me: *nervous laughter*

    It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Higher Calling

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer in his late 30s comes through my line with a few food items, a pack of printer paper, and a can of compressed air.)

    Me: “Hi. Find everything you needed today?”

    Customer: “I did, thank you.”

    (When I scan the canned air, the register automatically asks for ID.)

    Me: “May I please see your ID?”

    Customer: “Sure, but what for?”

    Me: “It’s for the canned air. The register won’t process an age-restricted product without actually scanning an ID.”

    Customer: “Why is it age-restricted?”

    Me: “Well, kids inhale it to get high. It really messes you up.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    (He looks down at his order.)

    Customer: “Think I should get another can?”

    Life Sucks When You’re Not American

    | Cornwall, UK | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thanks, and have a nice day!”

    Customer: “Don’t tell me to have a nice day! We’re not in America!”

    Me: “Sorry…don’t have a nice day?”

    Customer: “I won’t, because I’m British!”

    Wake Up And Sell The Coffee

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

    (Near the end of the morning rush, I’m making lattes, cappuccinos, etc.)

    Me: “I don’t feel so great.” *faints*

    (As I come to, I not only hear my manager on the phone with 911 but the following…)

    Customer: “Isn’t anyone going to make my latte?”

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