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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Badly Signed

    | UK | Uncategorized

    Me: “Good afternoon you’re though to [phone company]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to work an application on my phone and it’s asking me for a star sign, but you guys haven’t given me one.”

    Me: “We would not give you a star sign. Those are to do with the stars and when you were born.”

    Customer: “I didn’t sign up for that!”

    Me: “It’s not something to sign up for; it’s to do with the constellations around the date of your birth. For example, I am a Pisces.”

    Customer: “What am I then?”

    (I check online using the date of birth on record.)

    Me: “You are Aquarius the water bearer.”

    Customer: “Eh?”

    Me: “Your zodiac is Aquarius.”

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: “Never mind. You are an Aquarius.”

    Customer: “So do I just put that into the phone then?”

    Me: “Give it a try!”

    Customer: “Will do! If I’m not an Aquarius, can I call back?”

    Saigon, And Thanks For The Memories

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for light weight shirts, I’m going on vacation!”

    Me: “Well, that’s very exciting. Where to?”

    Customer: “Vietnam. Haven’t been to that d*** place in over forty years!”

    Me: “Wow, sir. That must be quite a bit for you.”

    Customer: “You bet. At least I know I’ll only be shooting a camera this time!”

    Dummy Request

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Uncategorized

    (We have dummy displays set up of all the phones we sell.)

    Me: “Hello sir, can I help you with a new cell phone today?”

    Customer: “No. I’m just looking for a new battery for my phone.”

    Me: “Sorry, but we don’t carry batteries for cell phones. You might try the battery store across the street.”

    Customer: “How much to buy one of the displays?”

    Me: “Well those are just dummy phones.”

    Customer: “I know that. I just want to take the battery from it.”

    Even Vampires Don’t Want That ‘Blood’

    | Hayward, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (This at the DVD release of the Twilight Movie, two men approach the desk. They are Caucasian.)

    Customer #1: “Hey lend me some money, I wanna buy this movie!”

    Customer #2: “Naw, get your own cash!”

    Customer #1: “C’mon, this movie got leprechauns!”

    Customer #2: “Dang, I ain’t gonna give you no cash!”

    Customer #1: “Man you spoozy!”

    (Customer #1 walks off, returns with Twilight.)

    Customer #1: “C’mon! It’s on sale! Jus’ lend me 20!”

    Customer #2: “Alright fine, take it.”

    Customer #1: *looking at me* “Eh man, know what this movie’s about?”

    Me: “Well–”

    Customer #2: *pointing at the characters on the cover* “This one’s a vampire, and this b**** don’t know ’bout it!”

    Bad Parenting Is A Sticky Fingered Subject

    | San Luis Obispo, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work at a self-serve frozen yogurt shop, where people get their own yogurt and toppings then pay by weight.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, you should be supervising this store. These kids are putting their fingers in the toppings. It’s not clean!”

    (I look around for a parent, but there seems to be nobody else of suitable age in the shop.)

    Me: “Are these your children?”

    Customer: “Yes, but you should be supervising them! It’s your job!”

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