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    A Sweet Tooth…And Sweet Legs, Sweet Arms…

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this cookie jar.”

    Me: “Do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes.” *hands receipts over*

    Me: “So why are you returning this?”

    Customer: “Oh, my husband didn’t fit into it.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “Well, my husband recently passed away. He loved cookies, so I figured that I would get him something like this for an urn, but when I tried to put him in there, he didn’t fit.”

    Me: “Ah.”

    That’s A Lot Of Tubes

    , | Los Angeles, CA |

    (A customer enters our pawn shop, and I motion her over to my counter.)

    Me: “What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I wanna pawn my internet.”

    Me: “Do you mean your computer? If it’s complete and relatively new we’ll take it. You just have to bring it in so we can test it out first.”

    Customer: *getting angry* “No, man, my internet!”

    Me: “Umm…do you mean your modem? Because we don’t take modems or routers by themselves.”

    Customer: “No man, I wanna pawn my internet! My INTERNET!”

    Me: “Like…your AOL account or something? We can’t do that either.”

    Customer: “No! I wanna pawn my internet, man! THE INTERNET!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you can actually bring me the internet, I’ll give you $100 out of my own wallet and you can keep it.”

    Customer: *happy again* “Okay, I’ll be right back!”

    (She never came back.)

    Related:
    Guardian Of The Tubes And Protector Of The Google
    Internet = Tubes, Word = Sheets

    The Patient Finally Runs Out Of Patience

    | Iowa, USA | Top

    (I am a phlebotomist and go around drawing blood at the hospital all day. I am drawing blood on the rehab floor where patients are generally doing well. I start to draw one patient’s blood when his wife runs into the room.)

    Patient’s wife: “Oh my God! What are you doing?!”

    Me: “I’m from the lab and I’m just getting some blood.”

    Patient’s wife: “What?! Why?! What is wrong with my husband?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is all pretty routine blood work.”

    (Hearing the commotion, the nurse runs in.)

    Nurse: “Ma’am, the insurance company asked we get this blood work since it has been awhile. I assure you nothing is wrong.”

    Patient’s wife: “No, you’re lying! My husband is dying and no one will tell me why!”

    (Suddenly, the patient himself speaks up.)

    Patient, to wife: “D*** it! Sometimes I wish you were dying!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    My Cup Runneth Over With Confusion

    | Canada |

    Customer: “I’d like three vanilla soft serve, please.”

    Me: “Sure thing. Would you like that in a cup or a cone?”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “One is in a cup, and one is in a cone.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll have them in cups.”

    (I make the soft serve, put them in cups and hand them to the customer.)

    Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted. They’re in plastic cups.”

    Me: “I thought you said you wanted them in cups.”

    Customer: “By cup, I thought you meant, like…a cup cone. Some kind of cone in the shape of a cup!”

    Braving The Wild Arctic Terrain, One Token At A Time

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    (A customer asked me to help with the Skee-Ball machine.)

    Me: “Is the machine broken or malfunctioning?”

    Customer: “Do you know where the skis are?”

    Me: “…excuse me?”

    Customer:Ski ball. Where are the skis for me to play with?”

    Me: “Skis?”

    Customer: “As in cross-country skis?”

    Me: “this isn’t that kind of Skee-Ball. You pick up the ball and roll it up there.”

    Customer: “Then why is there a slope with a ramp on it at the end?”

    Me: “For you to roll the ball up?”

    Customer: “IT’S A SKI SLOPE! Although it’s kind of…backwards.” *examines the machine*


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