It’s Only Free Ninety-Nine

| Wisconsin, USA | Uncategorized

(We are doing a promotion where every customer gets one free can of cat food with every purchase.)

Me: “Hi, today, we are giving everyone a free can of cat food. Would you be interested in that?”

Customer: “No, I do not have enough money with me today.”

Me: “But ma’am, it’s free.”

Customer: “What? I said no! I do not have the money for it today!”

Kids Like Scratch And Sniff Anyway

| Gainesville, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “I’m sorry, we only have that book in paperback. Would you like me to order the hardback?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m replacing a damaged book and the school library insisted that it be hardback.”

(While I begin to collect her information, the customer starts muttering sulkily.)

Customer: “We shouldn’t have to replace it. Our dog urinated on it. The pages are a little stained, but it dried. It’s not like it smells or anything. You can still read it. Those librarians are so picky!”

Polarized Politics Predisposes People To Puerility

| Provo, UT, USA | Uncategorized

(I go to a religious university. I am wearing an Obama 2012 shirt while shopping for my textbooks. I am approached by a middle-aged woman.)

Customer: “You shouldn’t be in here! I want you to leave this bookstore! How can I shop when you are wearing that abomination?”

(I laugh, roll my eyes, and continue shopping. The customer gets an employee.)

Customer: “I want her thrown out! That shirt is offensive to a holy place of learning!”

Employee: “I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t throw her out. The t-shirt is in no way explicit or offensive.”

Customer: “It’s offensive! I’m offended!”

Employee: “I’m sorry ma’am, there’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “I’m leaving! I can’t shop in a place where the antichrist is advertised! You’re all going to h***!”

Guess Their Dog Wasn’t Hungry

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(I send homework home with my students every week. Sometimes it’s pretty obvious that their parents “help” them by doing it for them.)

Student: “My mom doesn’t know how to do this.”

Me: “No, but you do.”

Student: “Oh.” *turns and walks away*

(The next day, his work was completed.)

Recipe For Disaster

| Vancouver, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top

(A customer comes up to the pharmacy counter. Keep in mind, Sudafed (pseudoephedrine) is controlled in all 50 states as it is used to make methamphetamine.)

Customer: “I need some Sudafed.”

Me: “Did you want Sudafed or [store brand]?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “The active ingredient is the same but sometimes they change the inactive ingredients. It still works the same though. Plus, [store brand] is about 5 bucks cheaper.”

Customer: “The recipe said I need Sudafed.”

Me: “…”

Customer: *realizing what she said* “Um, s***. Never mind, I got to go.”

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