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    One Ring To Sue Them All

    | Australia | Top

    (I am a shift manager at a restaurant. I have many facial piercings, but always take them out for work.)

    Me: “Hello this is the manager speaking, what seems to be the problem today?”

    Caller: “I am calling to complain about one of your staff. They have horrendous facial piercings. It’s disgusting!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I must let you know that all of our staff are required to take out any piercings before starting their shift. What did this employee look like?”

    Caller: “She looked like the devil! She had piercings in her lip nose and eyebrow!”

    (I am the only one with these piercings, so she must be referring to me.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, are you sure you saw this employee at the restaurant?”

    Caller: “No, she was at the supermarket!”

    Me: “You’re calling about one of our employees while they were off duty?”

    Caller: “Yes! She never has them on at your restaurant, so they must have fallen into my food!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Caller: “YOU’RE GETTING SUED!”

    Sins Of The Father

    | Perth, Australia |

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I can’t do that thingy.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, What thingy?”

    Customer: “Emails. It keeps saying error 421. I never put that number in.”

    Me: “That’s an error number. Can you tell me what lights are flashing on the modem?”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s a small box with cables running into it. It will have a lot of lights flickering on it.”

    Customer: “The box with the blinky lights?”

    Me: “Yes, that should be it.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought my son put that in here to annoy me, so I unplugged it!”

    Understating The Obvious

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [TV service], my name is ***. How may–”

    Caller: “I don’t care!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Caller: “I don’t care what your name is! You guys are what’s driving me to start using again!”

    Me: “Okay…how can I provide you with the best value and service?”

    Caller: “You don’t care about that! All you care about is going home at the end of your shift and having that first sip of beer!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, I’m 19, so I don’t drink.”

    Caller: “You’re just a young punk! You should be at home with your mommy!”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Caller: “You’re too young to be working! You don’t know anything!”

    Me: “Um…could I have your phone number so I can pull up your account?”

    Caller: “No! That’s private!”

    Me: “Okay, how about your name?”

    Caller: “No! I won’t give you any information! You’re too young! Your brain hasn’t developed yet! Did you know it’s not done until you’re 21 or 22?”

    Me: “Yes, I did know that.”

    Caller: “Yeah! I’m a doctor! I’m a pediatrician!”

    Me: “Okay. Well, I won’t be able to help you without your information.”

    Caller: “I bet you were born with a golden spoon in your mouth!”

    Me: “Um…could I have your address?”

    Caller: “I don’t want you coming to my house!”

    Me: “Well, how about your phone number?”

    Caller: “I’ll give you my social security number instead.”

    Me: “I can’t use that to access your account–”

    Caller: *rattles off address surprisingly fast*

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m going to need you to be a bit slower for me.”

    Caller: *rattles off address even faster*

    Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand you. Let me try finding it by your name.”

    Caller: “I’ll give you my name, but you can’t call me that.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, I can call you anything you’d like–”

    Caller: “CALL ME B**** FROM H***, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I AM!”

    (My supervisor has been listening to the call and decides that enough is enough. He takes my headset and lets the customer know that if she ever calls back, she has to be drug-free.)

    Not Always Right: The Book

    | Bookstores |

    Not Always Right Book

    Introducing Not Always Right’s first-ever book:
    Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong.

    Over 250 pages long (U.S.: $12.99; Canada: $15.99), Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong includes the best and funniest stories from the website, plus over 50% brand new, never-before-seen stories.

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    Want more information and pictures of the book?
    Click here!

    Why We Can Always Use A Hug

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    Coworker: “It’s always so chilly up here near the door!”

    Me: “I know, but I’d rather work in a store that’s a little chilly than a store that’s too hot. You can always put another layer on–”

    Customer: “Well, you don’t matter.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “That’s right. You don’t matter. It’s the customer that’s right. If the store is too cold for the customer, there is a problem.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but–”

    Customer: “But you don’t matter!”

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