October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

I Have A Sinking Feeling

| Oak Harbor, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Tourists/Travel

(Note: We have posters of real and fictional places on the walls.)

Customer: “Can I book a trip there?” *points at a poster of Atlantis*

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a real place.”

Customer: *angry* “Then why is it on your wall!? That confuses people!”

Me: “We figured most people knew that there are no cities under water.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t assume everybody is that smart!”

Throw Your Claims Up At Me

| UK | Funny Names, Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I am asking a customer if there were any independent witnesses to an accident. To make it clear, an independent witness is one not known previously to either party.)

Me: “Were there any independent witnesses?”

Customer: “Well, there was a 92 year old woman.”

Me: “Excellent. Is she known to either party?”

Customer: “Oh yes. I was taking her for her weekly shop at the time.”

Me: “Right. Well, I don’t think we can class her as an independent witness but we can still take a statement if necessary.”

Customer: “Oh, but she is independent! She lives by herself and does all her housework by herself! We only help out with taking her shopping because she can’t drive!”

Fanny Whack

| Houston, TX, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

(A customer walks in. His clothes a bit mismatched and he’s wearing a fanny pack. The eyes are bloodshot and he’s sporting a huge smile on his face. I’m relatively new at this point.)

Me: “Hi sir, welcome to [deli], how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Um, yeah can I get some monkey brains?”

(He’s completely serious if a little under the influence, so I go with it.)

Me: “Sorry sir, we’re fresh out today, truck comes tomorrow.”

Customer: “Dang, how about some mermaid?”

Me: “Mermaid isn’t in season yet sir, but our tuna is pretty good.”

Customer: “Bummer. Well how about your brownies, they got pot in them, right?”

Me: “No sir, we switched bakeries just last week.”

(After ordering about half of our menu and asking if everything that had a green dot next to it [indicating something organic] had pot in it, he pays and eventually leaves. I’m left in tears as I’m laughing so hard. When my manager asks me what’s going on, I explain what happened.)

Manager: “D***! I missed Fanny Pack Guy?!”

Battling For The Answer

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi. Can I help you find something?”

Patron: “Yeah, my son’s doing some project and he needs some books on some sort of revolution.”

Me: “Okay, so he can pick any revolution to do the project on?”

Patron: “No, he’s doing it on The Revolution. Where do I find books on that?”

Me: “Which revolution? American? French? Haitian? Industrial? There were a lot.”

Patron: “I think he said it was the one that had a lot of battles.”

What Came First, The Idiot Or The Egg

| Tasmania, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Uncategorized

(After scanning some eggs I open the box look inside and close it again.)

Customer: “Why are you looking it the egg carton?”

Me: “I’m checking to make sure there are no broken ones.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought it was to make sure people weren’t stealing stuff by hiding it in the eggs…”

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