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  • Tricky Customers Are Just Killer

    | Vancouver Island, Canada |

    (I am taking tourists on a boat to see wild killer whales.)

    Me: “If anyone has any questions during the charter, I would be happy to answer them.”

    Customer: “So, when does the show start?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “The show. You know, like Shamu and stuff?”

    Me: “You do know that these are wild animals, right?”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “These are wild animals. They don’t do tricks like you would see in an aquarium.”

    Customer: “They don’t?”

    Me: “No. They do not.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see.” *pause* “So, when do you feed them?”

    Me: “We don’t feed these animals. They are wild. They feed themselves.”

    Customer: “I thought you said they didn’t do tricks?”

    It Reminds Her Of A Full Moon

    | Bangor, ME, USA |

    (Note: Our coffee shop offers a punch card where ten coffees equals a free bagel.)

    Supervisor: “Yes, ma’am? What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “This girl will not get me a muffin! I have a punch card!”

    Supervisor: “Ma’am, the punch card is for a free bagel, not a muffin. I’d be more than happy to get you that bagel.”

    Customer: “No! I want a muffin! Get me a muffin instead!”

    Supervisor: “I’m sorry, ma’am. But muffins are more expensive than bagels. I can’t do that, it’s against policy.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. I’m never coming here again!”

    Supervisor: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I can’t have bagels after dark!” *leaves the store*

    Stupidity Is Its Own Reward

    | Bethesda, MD, USA |

    Me: “Do you have your rewards card with you, sir?”

    Customer: “Uh, no, I don’t. Do I not get a discount?”

    Me: “Of course you still can! What’s your phone number?”

    Customer: “How old are you?”

    Me: “Seventeen.”

    Customer: “You’re not even legal! I can’t do that.”

    Me: “Uh, no, sir. I need it to look up for your discount.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *tells me his phone number* “…but don’t call me after 5. That’s when my wife gets home.”

    One Adapter To Plug Them All

    , | Washington, USA |

    Me: “Good morning, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need an adapter.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, what kind of adapter?”

    Customer: “You mean there’s more than one?”

    Un-Beaver-able

    | Litchfield, CT |

    Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if every creature you have a statue of is actually living?”

    Me: “Yes sir, everything you see in here you can find somewhere in the wilderness.”

    Customer: “Then why do you have a beaver?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You heard me. If everything in here is actually a living creature then why do you have beavers?”

    Me: “Well sir, beavers are living creatures. Haven’t you ever seen one in the pond down the road?”

    Customer: “What? Beavers are real? My whole life I thought they were mythical creatures.”

    (The customer walks away, looking lost and confused.)

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