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    Ah, Fathers, Part 3

    | Schaumburg, IL, USA |

    (I am seating guests for a ride.)

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but we can only fit two riders in a seat and four in a car.”

    Guest: “It’s alright, the baby can sit in my lap.”

    Me: “Sir, I apologize, but we don’t allow lap sitting either. It’s dangerous for the baby. The lap bar can seriously injure her if we had to do an emergency stop on the ride.”

    Guest: “Wait, so you’re telling me that she counts as a person?”

    Related:
    Ah, Fathers, Part 2
    Ah, Fathers

    Thou Shalt Pay On Time

    | Abilene, TX, USA |

    (I work in the Financial Aid department of a private Christian college.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [University] today. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’d like to complain about a late charge on my daughter’s bill. It shouldn’t be there.”

    Me: “Alright, give me just one moment while I pull up your daughter’s account. I see that payment was not received until a week after the due date.”

    Caller: “I know, but I shouldn’t be charged a late fee.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but our late fee policy was explained to you when you enrolled in our payment program and is also printed on the bottom of your monthly statements.”

    Caller: “But you’re still a Christian university, right?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, but to avoid late charges you must pay your bill on time.”

    Caller: “Nonsense. The Bible talks about this. Y’all are supposed to be Christians!”

    Tickled Black

    , | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “I have a complaint about this ‘Tickle Me Elmo’ toy.”

    Me: “Go ahead.”

    Customer: “I saw a few videos online that it’s really a “Tickle Me Emo”! How dare you try to teach kids to be emo!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but those videos are fake and were created just for a laugh. That is a Tickle Me Elmo and it’s completely appropriate for kids.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.” *a few seconds later* “So, where can I find a ‘Tickle Me Emo’?”

    Not The Breast Choice Of Words

    | Anaheim, CA, USA |

    Me: “Please keep all hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat, and remember, pirates, no flash pictures!”

    Guest: *takes flash picture*

    Me: “Ma’am, please refrain from taking flash photographs on the ride.”

    Guest: “I didn’t take a flash picture!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but you did. Please turn your flash off or do not take pictures. It disturbs the other ride-goers.”

    Guest: “I didn’t take a flash picture! My shirt is still on!”

    For Federal Crimes, He Is Your Key Man

    | Nevada, USA |

    (I have been called to change the lock on a mailbox.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ll change it. Which one is it?”

    Customer: “Fourteen.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, there are four mailboxes here, and they all have a 14 on them. Which box is it?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. Can you just open them all?”

    Me: “That would be a Federal crime. None of your lease information has a box number?”

    Customer: “Really, if you open them all, I promise I’ll put the other people’s mail back. Pretty please?”

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