From Couch Potato To Baked Potato

| British Columbia, Canada | Uncategorized

(Due to a large fire in our area, over 30,000 people are under mandatory evacuation until the fire can be brought under control.)

Customer: “Where’s my technician? I was promised a technician today!”

Me: “Well, your area is under a mandatory evacuation order due to a fire in the area. You should leave immediately if you’re still there. Our technician can’t get through the police roadblock to your home. We already called and left a message on your cell phone to advise you of this.”

Customer: “Well, I’m here. Where’s my technician? Why can’t I turn any lights on?”

Me: “The power to the affected areas has been cut deliberately due to the fire.”

Customer: “Why can’t he get past the roadblock? Why didn’t you call my landline?”

Me: “They’re not even letting people who live in the area enter the evacuation zone. We didn’t call your landline because no one should be home right now.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not my problem. Sort it out!”

It’s Only Free Ninety-Nine

| Wisconsin, USA | Uncategorized

(We are doing a promotion where every customer gets one free can of cat food with every purchase.)

Me: “Hi, today, we are giving everyone a free can of cat food. Would you be interested in that?”

Customer: “No, I do not have enough money with me today.”

Me: “But ma’am, it’s free.”

Customer: “What? I said no! I do not have the money for it today!”

Kids Like Scratch And Sniff Anyway

| Gainesville, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “I’m sorry, we only have that book in paperback. Would you like me to order the hardback?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m replacing a damaged book and the school library insisted that it be hardback.”

(While I begin to collect her information, the customer starts muttering sulkily.)

Customer: “We shouldn’t have to replace it. Our dog urinated on it. The pages are a little stained, but it dried. It’s not like it smells or anything. You can still read it. Those librarians are so picky!”

Polarized Politics Predisposes People To Puerility

| Provo, UT, USA | Uncategorized

(I go to a religious university. I am wearing an Obama 2012 shirt while shopping for my textbooks. I am approached by a middle-aged woman.)

Customer: “You shouldn’t be in here! I want you to leave this bookstore! How can I shop when you are wearing that abomination?”

(I laugh, roll my eyes, and continue shopping. The customer gets an employee.)

Customer: “I want her thrown out! That shirt is offensive to a holy place of learning!”

Employee: “I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t throw her out. The t-shirt is in no way explicit or offensive.”

Customer: “It’s offensive! I’m offended!”

Employee: “I’m sorry ma’am, there’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “I’m leaving! I can’t shop in a place where the antichrist is advertised! You’re all going to h***!”

Guess Their Dog Wasn’t Hungry

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(I send homework home with my students every week. Sometimes it’s pretty obvious that their parents “help” them by doing it for them.)

Student: “My mom doesn’t know how to do this.”

Me: “No, but you do.”

Student: “Oh.” *turns and walks away*

(The next day, his work was completed.)

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