Safe In Mind

| Fort Myers, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(All of our hotel rooms have safes. Each safe has a set of instructions on how to input your own 4-digit code.)

Me: “Front desk, how may I help you?”

Guest: “What’s my code?”

Me: “I’m sorry? Your code?”

Guest: “Yes, my 4-digit secret code?”

Me: “You make it up yourself. We aren’t allowed to know it.”

Guest: “I make it up myself? How am I supposed to know what code to use?”

Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence, Part 2

| Harrisburg, PA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to the register with nothing but a coupon.)

Customer: “Can I use this? It says $15.”

Me: “Yes, that will get you $15 off anything in the store.”

Customer: “Okay. I want to use it.”

Me: “No problem. Just go ahead and shop around for whatever you’d like, and then I’ll apply the coupon when you check out.”

Customer: “It says fifteen dollars. I can get fifteen dollars?”

Me: “This is a coupon, so the fifteen dollars will be deducted from the price of whatever you purchase.”

Customer: “Fifteen dollars?”

Me: “Yes sir, all you have to do is go pick out what you’d like.”

Customer: “I want fifteen dollars.”

Me: “I understand, but to get the fifteen dollars off, you must purchase something here.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Do you have an idea of what you were looking for? I can direct you to the right section.”

Customer: “Fifteen… dollars?”

Me: “Yes. Fifteen dollars.”

(The customer turns around and slowly wanders out of the store.)

Related:
Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence

Doesn’t See The Point Of No Return

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Uncategorized

(The library has a return window which patrons can drive up to in order to return or check out materials. The patron in question has just placed their video in the return drawer.)

Me: “Thank you, please have a nice day.”

Patron: “Hey, what would happen if I put a hamburger in there?”

Me: “We would prefer you didn’t, sir.”

Phoning, But There Is Nobody Home

| GA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “So, I need to get you off your cell phone so we can put a lock code on it. Then people can’t use it without your permission.”

Customer: “Okay. That would be good.”

Me: “Do you have another line I can call you on?”

Customer: “My boyfriend’s phone is right here.”

Me: “What’s his number?”

(She gives me the number.)

Me: “Okay. I’m going to call you on his phone. Don’t hang up until we get on that line.”

(I put her on hold and call the phone. Nobody answers. I check back on her.)

Me: “Ma’am, I think I have that number wrong. Can you give it to me again?”

(She gives me the exact same number.)

Me: “Okay. I called you on that number and nobody answered.”

Customer: “Well, it rang but I didn’t answer it. I wasn’t sure who was calling.”

The Cup Is Half Empty Kinda Guy, Part 2

| Essex, UK | Uncategorized

(The pub has a special offer selling pints of ale for the price of a half-pint.)

Customer: “Can I have a pint of ale, please?”

Me: “There you go. That’s £1.”

Customer: “But, your sign says that a pint costs the same as a half-pint.”

Me: “It is. A pint is usually £2.”

Customer: “That is a rip-off. A pint should cost £1 anyway.”

Me: “I assure you that a pint is usually £2.”

Customer: “Forget this. I didn’t come in here to be conned. Just get me a half-pint instead.”

(I pour half of the pint into a half-pint glass.)

Me: “Here you go, sir.”

Customer: “That’s better. How much is it?”

Me: “It’s £1.”

(The customer pays, picks up his drink and walks off happy.)

Related:
The Cup Is Half Empty Kinda Guy

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