July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(I’m a librarian. I am walking through the children’s section and see a boy of around 12 browsing through ghost stories. He
picks up a book, opens it, and immediately drops it back on the shelf.)

Boy: “Ooh! That book’s too scary!”

Me: “What book is it?”

Boy:Ghosts of Prostitutes.”

Me: “What?!”

(I walk over and pick up the book. It is titled “Ghosts and Poltergeists”.)

Related:
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

The (Not So) Odd One Out

| Tampa, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(I am stocking shelves alongside two other employees that are dressed in the same company uniform as me when I am approached by a customer.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

Me: “Yes–”

Customer: “Never mind, you don’t work here. Sorry to bother you.”

Me: “No, ma’am, I do work here. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “You do? Hmm…I didn’t recognize the uniform. Are you sure you’re not just messing with me?”

Me: “Yes, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “Nevermind. I’ll just ask the nice young lady working behind you.”

Too Provincial With Provinces

| Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Tourists/Travel

(As employees exit the train they are divided and reboarded to a new train based on their destination. At this point, we determine where they are traveling and forward them there. A train has just arrived from USA and is making it’s first stop in Canada.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, what is your final destination today?”

Customer: “Canada.”

Me: “Where in Canada will you be traveling?”

Customer: “Ontario, Canada.”

Me: “What is the final stop in Canada you will be going to today?”

Customer: “Ontario.”

Me: “Ontario is a province, like New York State or Florida. Where in the province of Ontario are you going?”

Customer: “Canada, but you obviously don’t know as well as I do. I’ll just talk to someone else!”

Me: “Have a good day!”

Please Thy Master, Or Else

| Quezon City, Philippines | Top

Me: “Hi, how may I help you today?”

Customer: *very seriously* “Give me your largest, most orgasmically tasty caffeinated drink.”

Me: “Um, alright, sir.”

(I prepare a large order of our bestseller. The customer sips his drink, and then looks me in the eye.)

Customer: “You get to live…for now.”

The State Of The Union

| Rome, GA, USA | Family & Kids

(I work in a day spa that has several services, including massage. Two teenagers come in and ask about our couples massage.)

Teenager #1: “Hi, can you tell us about the couples massage package?”

Me: “Sure, it’s an hour massage with complimentary aromatherapy. It’s [price].”

Teenager #2: “It’s for our parents’ anniversary, but I’m not sure they would want to spend an hour in a room together.”

Me: “They are done in separate rooms.”

Teenager #1: “Well, that sells it!”

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