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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • In Desperate Need Of A Cellphone

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I bought tickets online, but my printer doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, if you want, you can print it out here.”

    Customer: “Well, I actually brought my laptop.”

    (He shows me his laptop with the tickets on the screen.)

    Customer: “Can I get in with this?”

    Me: “Yeah, here are your wristbands.”

    Customer: “Okay thanks. Do I have to show my laptop at the gate or can I put it away?”

    Lack Of Grey Matter

    | Iceland |

    (Two teenage customers ask if I can find a film for a school project.)

    Customer #1: “Hi, do you have Casablanca?”

    Me: “Sure.” *I fetch the film*

    Customer #1: “Oh, it’s black and white?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer #2: “That’s no good! We don’t have a black and white TV, only color!”

    Belaboring The Points

    | Springfield, MA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, yes. I just got back from surgery and I can’t remember my email password.”

    Me: “Sure, I’ll be glad to help. Let me pull up your account and we can reset your password.”

    (We proceed with a very routine process of setting a new email password. About halfway through, she bursts out laughing.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry. My coworkers just handed me a card congratulating me on the new twins. I guess you can tell what kind of surgery I had, huh?”

    Me: “I gu–”

    Customer: “I’ve got BOOBS!”

    Kill The Bill, Double The Trouble

    , | Ohio, USA |

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we cannot accept $50 bills. It’s against our security policy.”

    Customer: “When the h*** did this happen?”

    Me: “Two years ago, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I was in here last week and paid with a $100 bill.”

    Me: “Ma’am, our register wouldn’t allow us to enter $100 bills. Do you happen to have a credit card?”

    Customer: “What’s your name! I want to speak with your manager!”

    Manager: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “Your staff is lying by telling me he cannot accept a $50 bill. I was in here last week and paid with a $100 bill!”

    Manager: “I was on register all last week, ma’am, and I would have told you the same thing. It’s against our policy to accept bills $50 or larger.”

    Customer: “FINE!” *rips the bill in half* “HOW ABOUT NOW?”

    Related:
    Sometimes, Even Yoda Isn’t Enough

    Senseless Sensibility

    | Everett, WA, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have the movie Sense and Sensibility?”

    Me: “Yes we do, did you want the British or the American version?”

    Customer: “I don’t know which one it was, but it has two parts.”

    Me: “I think that would be the British version.”

    (I take her to the section and show her the movie.)

    Customer: “Yes, that’s it! I’ll take it!”

    Me: “Great! Is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Customer: “Does this movie use subtitles?”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s British.”

    Customer: “Well I don’t know! I’m not an English major!”

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