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    Branded As Stupid

    | St. Augustine, FL, USA |

    Customer: “There is a brand that they sell only in Europe. Do you have that brand?”

    Me: “It’s a shoe brand?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “And they sell it only in Europe?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Do you know where you are?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we just don’t have that brand.”

    Shout Until You’re Bleu In The Face

    | Newberg, OR, USA |

    (I work in the dining room at a retirement home. I’m offering an elderly woman soup.)

    Me: “Hi there, Susie! Would you like some soup tonight?”

    Elderly Woman: “What?”

    Me: *raising my voice* “Would you like some SOUP?”

    Elderly Woman: “WHAT?”

    Me: *I put mouth right by her ear and basically yell at her* “DO YOU WANT SOUP?”

    Elderly Woman: “Why are you speaking French?”

    Dissecting Lies, Brit By Brit

    | Vermont, USA |

    Me: “Hi, this is [tech center]. I’m [name] from Vermont. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “What’s Vermont? Is it a state?”

    Me: “Yes. It’s in New England.”

    Customer: “No it’s not. You’re lying!”

    Me: “No, miss. It was the 14th state to join the Union. It is definitely a state in New England.”

    Customer: “New England, you say? Well then why don’t you have a British accent?”

    Not Usually Compa(red)

    | Omaha, NE, USA |

    (In Nebraska, Husker football games are a really big deal. Nearly everyone wears red Husker shirts.)

    Customer: “How come you aren’t wearing a Husker shirt?”

    Me: “Well, we have to wear our work uniforms so people know who to ask for help.”

    Customer: “That’s practically un-American!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Are you a communist?”

    Me: “You’re the one wearing red, sir.”

    Enough To Make Your Water Boil

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    (I’m an on-site manager for an apartment complex. There is knocking on the door at 2 am.)

    Me: *answering the door in my pajamas* “What’s going on, Miss [Tenant]? Is there an emergency?”

    Tenant: “You need to come quickly! There is water dripping everywhere!”

    Me: “Did you call the emergency pager?”

    Tenant: “No! I couldn’t remember the number and you were closer! You have to come!”

    (When I get to her apartment, I don’t see any water on the floor in the kitchen or bathroom.)

    Me: “Ma’am, where is the leak? I’m not seeing one.”

    Tenant: “The sink! There is water dripping all over!”

    (I walk over and see the faucet dripping a tiny bit.)

    Me: “Is this what you were talking about?”

    Tenant: “Yes!”

    Me: “You got me out of bed for your faucet dripping a tiny bit? Did you try twisting the knobs more?”

    Tenant: “I couldn’t get it to stop and it was keeping me awake!”

    (Turns the knob easily, stopping the drip.)

    Me: “This not considered an emergency. This could have easily waited until at least the morning, if not Monday, when the office is open.”

    Tenant: “Well, if I couldn’t get any sleep, you shouldn’t either!”

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