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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Bad Parenting: Seeing Is Believing

    | San Jose, CA, USA |

    (I was working the box office when a woman with two young children came up to the window.)

    Customer: “One adult and two children for ‘Scary Movie’.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I should warn you – this movie really isn’t appropriate for little children. May I suggest another film?”

    Customer: “What? Come on, it’s a comedy! It’ll be fine!”

    Me: “It’s rated ‘R’. It’s pretty much nothing but sex, nudity and violence. It’s really not for kids.”

    Customer: “I’ll decide what is and isn’t appropriate for my kids to watch! Now sell me the tickets!”

    (I sell her the tickets. Five minutes into the movie, the woman comes storming back out with her kids in tow.)

    Customer: “You didn’t tell me it was THAT bad!”

    Always Right, Even When Trafficking People

    , | Emeryville, CA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is **** speaking, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, hi. I was just wondering how much your Mexicans are?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Your Mexicans. The ones you have outside in the parking lot. I need some work done on my roof and I wanted to come pick up a couple.”

    Me: “Ma’am…first of all, they are called day laborers. Secondly, they don’t belong to us. They don’t belong to anyone actually, they are people. Third, our city prohibits soliciting work in a shopping center, so we actually don’t have any workers in the parking lot. If you need work done–”

    Customer: “Never mind, I’ll just shop somewhere else!” *hangs up*

    Soggy Software

    | Mississippi, USA |

    (This call came in shortly after Hurricane Katrina.)

    Customer: “My computer isn’t working.”

    Me: “It’s not working, or your service isn’t working?”

    Customer: “My computer itself will not turn on.”

    Me: “Well, since it’s not a service-related problem, I can’t really help you with fixing it. When was the last time it worked?”

    Customer: “Well, we had to evacuate for a few days, and then we came back to clean up. I fished the computer out of the swimming pool and let it dry out, then got it hooked back up.”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s not gonna work.”

    Smile – You’re On Scam-Cam

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    Me: Hi, welcome to ****. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting here for 15 minutes. I want everything here discounted.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I left here maybe two minutes ago, max, to check the fitting rooms.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

    Me: “In short, yes.”

    Customer: “Bull! Do you have any proof I wasn’t here earlier?!”

    (I point to the huge camera on the ceiling.)

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I’ll shut up now.”

    Diagnostic Scan Results: Crisp & Buttery

    , | North Somerset, UK |

    (A customer walks in and places a box on the desk in our repairs center.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Can you fix this for me?”

    Me: *looking at box* “This is a toaster.”

    Customer: “Yes. Can you fix it? It’s broken.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we only fix computers and computer peripherals here.”

    Customer: “But if you can fix computers, surely you can fix a toaster!”

    Me: “We don’t fix toasters, sir.”

    Customer: “Please? I’m sure it’s easy.”

    Me: “Even if we could fix it for you, you don’t have a repair warantee with us, so it would cost you ¬£50 just for us to look at it. You could buy two new toasters for that.”

    Customer: “¬£50?! What a rip-off! If it’s going to cost me that much, I’ll go elsewhere!”

    Me: “Have you tried the store you bought it from?”

    Customer: “Yes, and they wouldn’t fix it!”

    Me: “So you thought a computer store would?”

    Customer: *takes the toaster and walks out in a huff*


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