Coupons Are Not The Only Things That Are Expired

| Toledo, OH, USA |

Customer: “Can I still use these coupons?”

Me: “You can, if they’re not expired.”

Customer: “So, can I use them?”

Me: “Are they expired?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Then no.”

Witless Vs Witness

| Kingston, ON, Canada |

(I am checking out an elderly woman. Off to the side is a younger woman, waiting impatiently and tapping her foot.)

Impatient customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m just finishing up with this lady here, and I’ll be right with you.”

(The impatient customer lets out a loud sigh, and walks out the door. She talks to her boyfriend. He then comes in.)

Impatient customer’s boyfriend: “What the h***, bro? Were you just rude to my woman?”

Me: “No, actually. Quite the opposite. Your friend was rude to this lady here as I was still waiting on her.”

Impatient customer’s boyfriend: “Whatever, bro. You’re lucky I don’t come over there and kick your a**.”

(The elderly customer claps, looking at me.)

Elderly customer: “I’ll stay and watch and be your witness!”

(The boyfriend doesn’t know what to say, and then hesitantly leaves.)

Presidential Security

| Appleton, WI, USA |

(We require members to authenticate their account before troubleshooting. If they don’t know their 4 digit pass-code, we have a security question.)

Me: “Well, sir, if you aren’t sure of your pass-code, I do have a security question. If you can answer that, we’ll be all set.”

Customer: “Okay, what is it?”

Me: “Who is your favorite actor?”

Customer: “Uh…well…Barack Obama?”

Hasn’t Quite Nailed The Reason For The Purchase

| New Zealand |

Customer: “Hello.”

Me: “Hello, is there anything you’re after?”

Customer: “Yes, you know that stuff that’s a bit like nail polish, and you put it on your child’s nails to stop them biting them. Do you stock it?”

Me: “Yes, actually we do. I brought some for my sister the other day. Her daughter bites her nails. Would you like me to show you where it’s located, or just give you directions?”

Customer: “Show me.”

(We walk to the aisle.)

Me: “Here you go. We have two brands.”

Customer: “Oh, I’ve tried both of those.”

Me: “Did either of them work?”

Customer: “No, my son didn’t like the taste of them.”

Height Insight

| Phoenix, AZ, USA |

(A customer is getting a suit jacket fitted. She is rather short.)

Me: “Okay, may I have your height?”

Customer: “Height? What’s that?”

Me: “How tall are you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Oh, yes…height. Of course. I think I’m, like, 5’12″?”

Me: “Okay, so about six foot?”

Customer: “No, 5’12”. Didn’t I just say that?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. 5 feet 12 inches would be the same as six foot.”

Customer: “Well, they’ve changed it since last I checked.”

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