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    It’s Not Just The Message That Never Dies

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (I give tours for prospective students and their families at my school. In the school chapel, there is a plaque commemorating when Martin Luther King, Jr., gave a speech there in the 1950s.)

    Me: “The chapel has been host to a number of famous speakers, including Martin Luther King, Jr., as you can see here.”

    Parent: “Oh, was that before or after he was assassinated?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Daughter: “Mom!”

    In(tentional) Sickness And In Health

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Top

    (We respond to an unconscious diabetic. While my partner is treating the patient, I am asking the wife some questions.)

    Me: “So is your husband on any medications?”

    (She lists the medications her husband is on, including insulin.)

    Me: “And has he been compliant with those medications lately?”

    Wife: “Nope.”

    Me: “Do you know why not?”

    Wife: “Well we had a big fight last week, so I hid all his meds. He hasn’t found them yet.”

    Don’t Pin Your Hopes On This One

    | Murfreesboro, TN, USA |

    (I am scanning a customer’s items and the screen prompts me to ask for her phone number.)

    Me: “Can I get your phone number please?”

    Customer: “1-2-3-4.”

    Me: *confused*

    Customer: “Oh, I thought you asked for my pin number.”

    Remote Possibilities Are A Waste Of Time

    | PEI, Canada | Top

    Customer: “My cable box is broken.”

    Me: “What seems to be the issue?”

    Customer: “Roughly every 1 minute the channel goes up. I tried turning it off and on, I tried unplugging it, I made sure no one was sitting on the remote, nothing works, you guys gave me a broken box!”

    Me: “What does it currently show on the front of the box sir?”

    Customer: “Channel 932.”

    Me: “And what time is it sir?”

    Customer: “9:32. Oh.” *hangs up*

    Definitely Not To Be

    | Ft. Myers, FL, USA |

    Customer: “Hello, do you happen to have a copy of Hamlet?”

    Me: “Yes we do. Let me show you to it.”

    Customer: “Well, actually, do you have an audio version of it?”

    Me: “Hmm, maybe. Let me look it up.”

    Customer: “Okay, but can you make sure it’s one read by the author?”

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