November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4

| Texas, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

Me: “Thank you for calling customer care. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “F*** you.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?

Customer: “You heard me. F*** you. F*** you and your stupid f***ing g**d**** company. You are all a bunch of pieces of s***, and I hope you rot in h***.”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry you feel that way. Now, if you continue to talk like that, I will have to disconnect this call. However, I don’t want to do that. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah. You can give me back my g**d**** money.”

Me: “Okay, sir. Let me look up your account. What’s your first and last name?”

Customer: “My name is ‘Give Me My Money.'”

Me: “Sir, I am trying to process the refund for you. However, without your name, I cannot locate your account. Now, what’s your first and last name?”

Customer: “It’s [Name]. You guys are nothing but a bunch of thieves and scammers. Does it feel good that you know that you’re going to h***?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but please do not speak to me in such a way. The next time I will disconnect the call.”

(I check for his name.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I was not able to locate your account.”

Customer: “What? That’s f***ing bulls***! You better give me my g**d**** money back right f***ing now, or I swear to God I’m gonna f***ing bomb you and your family!”

Me: “Now, sir, threats like that can be taken to authorities as all these calls are recorded. What system did you use?”

Customer: “I’m not going to tell you that. That’s stupid. You know my name, so you should see what I have purchased.”

Me: “Sir, I apologize I was not able to find your name. However, we have multiple products with multiple prices. If you can give me the product name, I can locate the account’s history and see if there is a transaction under your name.”

Customer: “It’s the [Product].”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have a product with that name.”

Customer: “What the f*** do you mean that you don’t have a product with that name?! I knew it was a f***ing scam! I’m out $700 dollars now. F*** you and your f***ing company! Kiss my a**!”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have anything priced like that either. What company are you calling?”

Customer: [Company].

Me: “Sir, that’s not our company. Our company name is [Our Company].”

Customer: “Bulls***!” *pauses* “Oh, whoops. I do have the wrong number. Sorry about that. You have a nice day.”

You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

Inexcretable Behavior

| UK | Rude & Risque

Receptionist: “Hello, [hotel]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need to know if I’m still barred.”

Receptionist: “I can check that for you. Can I take your name, please?”

Caller: *gives name*

Receptionist: “Okay, I’ll just check for you. Out of interest, can I ask why you were barred?”

Caller: “Aye. I took a sh** in a pint glass.”

Receptionist: “Yeah, I’d say you’re still barred.”

Go Ahead, Make (Up) My Day

| CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top, Underaged

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Boy: *hands over ID*

(I glance at the year. It says 1987, so he’s either 23 or 24. I’m about to allow him in when I do a double-take at the date.)

Me: “Sir, how old are you?”

Boy: “24.”

Me: “What’s your birth date?”

Boy: *gets restless* “Can’t I go in yet? You saw my ID.”

Me: “Sorry, it’s a fake ID. If you’re really 24, show me a real ID.”

Boy: “How’s it fake?”

(I hold up the ID and point to the birth date.)

Boy: “Oh, s***. I paid good money for that. I can’t believe that moron put February 30!”

The Worst Job You Never Had

| Australia | Top

(I’m a customer at a supermarket, but I’m still wearing my work uniform since I’m buying things for my job. My clothing doesn’t look anything like the uniform that the supermarket employees wear. Another customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Love, can you show me where the ice is?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. I’m not sure where the ice is. It’s probably down at the freezer section.”

Customer: “Can you take me down there?”

Me: “Sorry, I have to buy this and get back to work. The freezer section is just over there. ”

Customer: “Well, you’re not being very helpful. I’m going to tell your boss about this.”

(She runs off to find a manager. It takes me awhile to realise that she thinks I work here.)

Customer: “There she is! The rude one!”

(The manager looks at me and immediately realizes what has happened.)

Customer: “You should fire her for being so rude to me!”

(The manager shakes his head and beckons me over.)

Manager, to me: *whispers* “Just go with it.”

(I nod and he begins to ‘fire’ me in front of the customer, who looks satisfied. Eventually, someone who does work there gets her her ice and she leaves.)

Manager, to me: “Sorry about that. She does this every time she comes in.”

Impractical Jokes

, | Muskegon, MI, USA | Top

Me: “911, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes?! Hello! I live at [location]. My husband was stabbed by a madman! Oh, god! He’s outside my bedroom door! He’s knocking on it!”

Me: “Alright, ma’am, a police–”

Caller: “What?!”

(Suddenly, there is a lot of talking and a bit of laughing.)

Caller, to someone else: “You ****! You scared the **** out of me! A prank?! I called the **** police! I could have gone to jail!”

Caller, to me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s a false alarm.”

Me: “Um, alright.”

Caller: “Actually, send over a cop car. I’m about to murder two men.”