An Omnipotent And Bolivian God

| Surrey, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(The church I work at often gets people from the local community asking for financial aid. In order to help us best assess their need we require them to fill out an informational form.)

Me: “Good morning, [church name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “‘Till when is the office open? I need to come in and fill out one of those Bolivian forms.”

Me: “I’m sorry, a Bolivian form? Do you maybe mean a form for our upcoming India trip?”

Caller: “No, [pastor] told me to come in to fill out a Bolivian form.”

Me: “Oh! A benevolent form!”

Caller: “That’s what I said, a Bolivian form!”

Water You, Stupid, Part 5

| California, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’d like a kid’s bean and cheese burrito.”

Me: “Alright, would you like a fountain drink, juice, or milk?”

Customer: *turns to her child* “Okay, do you want soda or juice?”

Customer’s daughter: “I just want water.”

Customer: “But soda’s better for you!”

Related:
Water You, Stupid, Part 4
Water You, Stupid, Part 3
Water You, Stupid, Part 2
Water You, Stupid

Your Own Worst Critic

| Memphis, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry

(A woman comes into the store and walks up to the clerk.)

Customer: “Some lady parked wrong and is blocking all of the traffic in the parking lot.”

Me: “Did you see her come into this store?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t see her at all.”

Me: “Then, how do you know that it was a woman?”

Customer: “Because women always do things wrong.”

(The woman in line behind her gasps at this.)

Customer: “Well, that’s what my husband tells me.”

Numbers Don’t Lie

| Perth, Western Australia, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

(I’m a checkout assistant at a supermarket working the night of Halloween. A teenager and his girlfriend come to the checkout at about 8pm with three dozen eggs.)

Me: “You’re not the ones who have been egging people in the carpark, are you?”

Customer: “Uh, no. We, um, just want to make an omelette.”

Me: “You’re making a thirty-six egg omelette? How big is your frying pan?”

Customer: “S***.” *runs out of the store*

Where The Car Parks You

| London, UK | Uncategorized

(I work within a very large concert hall selling programmes for the concerts. A large man walks up to me.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you today?”

Man: *strong Russian accent* “Excuse me, but where is the Russian carpark?”

Me: “Pardon, sir, could you repeat that?”

Man: “Where is the Russian carpark?”

Me: “The Russian car park?”

Man: “Yes!”

Me: “There isn’t one. There’s just a regular car park.”

Man: “Oh.” *walks off*

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