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    Repetition Is The Mother Of Stupidity

    | Cornwall, UK |

    (I am serving ice cream on the beach.)

    Me: “Hello, what would you like?”

    Customer: “Have you got any icecream icecream?”

    Me: “No, but we do have icecream icecream icecream.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? That’s exactly what I was looking for!”

    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 3
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition

    When Online Shopping Flops

    | Brazil |

    (This happened to a friend who worked as tech support at an ISP around 1999.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [ISP] how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I was buying this skin care cream online, and then something happened. I need you to send someone here!”

    Me: “Alright, Ma’am, can you tell me what happened?”

    Customer: “The internet swallowed my credit card!”

    Me: “I see, can you describe how it happened?”

    Customer: “I put the cream in the basket, clicked the checkout option and then it said it was going to ask for my credit card on the next step, then it simply swallowed it!”

    (I go through 10 minutes of attempts to try and find out what actually happened, before sending someone over. It turns out she inserted the credit card inside the Floppy Drive to pay the order.)

    Your Stupidity Has No Match

    | Springfield, MO, USA |

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I wanted to take advantage of your price match policy on this refrigerator.”

    (He hands me copy of competitor’s ad with said refrigerator.)

    Me: “Okay, do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “That’s okay, I can look it up.”

    (After utilizing several different ways to look up a receipt, I still haven’t found one.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m having a hard time finding your receipt and without that, I can’t give you your money.”

    Customer: “I haven’t bought the refrigerator from you.”

    Me: “Oh! Ok, so you want to purchase it and match the price?”

    Customer: “No! I purchased the refrigerator from [competitor's store] and you have it cheaper, so I want you guys to pay me the difference.”

    Me: “So, let me get this straight. You bought a refrigerator from [competitor's store] and we have it cheaper here, so you want me to give you money for a fridge that you didn’t purchase from here, and have no intentions of purchasing from here?”

    Customer: “Right! Your price match plus guarantee!”

    Me: “Ma’am, in order for us to give you the difference, you would have had to purchase the item from our store.”

    Customer: “That’s false advertising! You have to give me the money! I’m going to sue!”

    Me: “Ma’am, unfortunately we can’t just give you money for something you didn’t purchase from us.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, we wouldn’t make any money then and the company would go out of business.”

    Customer: “Like that’s my fault!” *storms out of store*

    All In A Muggle

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (The entrance to the office is a sliding glass door. A man is staring at the doorway looking forlorn as I’m working the reception desk.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: *shouting* “Yeah, I’m here to make a delivery!”

    Me: “You can just drop it off with me, sir.”

    Customer: *still shouting* “But how do I get in?”

    Me: “The door’s open.”

    Customer: “But where’s the door?”

    Me: “It’s right in front of you. It’s open.”

    Customer: “Okay, it’s unlocked, but how do I open it?”

    Me: “Just step forward!”

    (He cautiously puts his hands up and slowly walks through the open doorway, and smiles like he just found the entrance to Hogwarts.)

    Fishing For The Truth

    | New Orleans, LA, USA |

    (A tourist couple comes in at lunchtime. The woman orders crawfish bisque, a rich dish served with stuffed crawfish. I bring the food to their table, but she lets out a scream, pointing frantically at her plate.)

    Customer: “What’s that!”

    Me: “It’s crawfish, ma’am. It’s what you ordered.”

    Customer: “That’s not a fish, that’s a bug! Get it away from me, that’s horrible!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I promise you, that’s a crawfish. They’re not actually fish, they’re like little lobsters. Would you like me to show you how to break one open?”

    Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? I know what a fish looks like! I’m calling the Health Department!”

    (She asks the manager for a phone book and uses the restaurant phone. The manager asks me to pick up the extension so I can help explain the situation.)

    Customer: “I am at [restaurant] and they just served me food with giant bugs in it!”

    Health Officer: “What did you order?”

    Me: *on the extension* “This is the waitress. She ordered Crawfish Bisque.”

    Health Officer: “Ma’am, what kind of bugs are in your food? Roaches?”

    Customer: “No, they’re not roaches, they’re huge! And there’s a whole bunch of them!”

    Me: “I tried to show her how to open the shell, but I think she got confused and was expecting crawfish to be regular…you know…fish.”

    Health Officer: “Ma’am, are these giant bugs on top of a plate full of rice and sauce?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Health Officer: “Do they have a dark red shell?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Health Officer: “Ma’am, you’re supposed to eat those!”

    Customer: *drops the phone and runs out of the restaurant*

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