Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • God Loves Little Girls Who Stand Up For Others
    (2,706 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    How About Some TechiFlu

    | Torrance, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I had my computer looked at there, and you guys said that it’s running slow because there are probably bugs in it. Well, I sprayed some bug spray in it and now it won’t turn on.”

    Me: “Ma’am, when they tell you bugs, they mean computer viruses, not an actual bug.”

    Customer: “Well, what can I spray it with to get rid of the viruses?”

    Fast Food For Fast Thinkers

    , | Maryland, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Top

    (I am working as a cashier and two customers come in talking loudly about how dumb minimum wage fast-food workers are. One of them decides to prove it…)

    Customer: “Let me ask you a question. What’s 7 times 7?”

    Me: “49.”

    Customer: “What’s 8 times 8?”

    Me: “64.”

    Customer: “E equals MC squared?”

    Me: “What about it?”

    Customer: “What does it mean?”

    Me: “Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared.”

    Customer: “Uhm…”

    Me: “Would you like fries with that?”

    A Sign Of A Long Day

    | Mississauga, ON, Canada | Top

    (Note: I am a self-checkout attendant.)

    Customer: “Miss, my debit card doesn’t seem to be working.”

    Me: “Are you sure you’re swiping it the right way?”

    Customer: “Which way is the right way?”

    Me: “Stripe facing outward.”

    Customer: “Miss, it’s still not working!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but that debit machine is currently out of order.”

    Customer: “I want to use this one. Why isn’t this one working?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we called tech support. If you’d like, I’d be more than happy to suspend your order and–”

    Customer: “It’s your responsibility to put up signs if something isn’t working! I want to speak to your store manager.”

    Me: “There’s no sign on that machine? I’m sure I put them up just a couple of minutes ago.”

    Customer: “Do you SEE a sign?”

    (I walk over to the machine, and see the sign laying by the customers feet on the floor. It was clearly ripped off of the machine, as it’s half torn.)

    Me: “Hmm, I’m terribly sorry sir. It seems someone ripped the sign off.”

    Customer: “Yeah, that was me.”

    Me: “Can I ask why?”

    Customer: “No, you can’t.”

    Me: “Why would you use this machine is you had seen and read the sign, stating that the debit machine wasn’t working?”

    Customer: “Because there was no sign!”

    Me: “But you ripped the sign off.”

    Customer: “Yeah, so now that it’s not there anymore the debit machine should be working! Forget this! I’m going to another store!”

    Baaah-laboring The Obvious

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have any kid’s shoes?”

    Me: *thinking she’s referring to a similar-sounding brand* “Yes. They are right over here.”

    Customer: “No, not these. Kid’s shoes!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. The youth department is over here.”

    Customer: “No, not kid’s, kid’s!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, are you looking for the brand, or kid’s shoes?”

    Customer: “Kid’s!”

    Me: *showing her the brand* “Is this what you are looking for?”

    Customer: “Yes. Do you have them in kid’s?”

    Me: “No, we do not have kid’s sizes.

    Customer: “I am not looking for kid’s sizes! I am looking for some to fit me!”

    Me: *confused* “These are our adult shoes…the youth section is over there.”

    Customer: “Do you even know what a kid is?”

    Me: “No?”

    Customer: “A kid is a baby goat! I am looking for shoes made out of baby goat skin!”

    Your Improv Needs Improvement

    , | Denver, CO, USA |

    (I work at my university calling alumni for donations. The person who picks up has a normal American accent.)

    Caller: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi, may I please speak with [name]?”

    Caller: “Who is this?”

    Me: “This is *** from [university].”

    (Suddenly, the caller changes his voice to a thick, supposedly foreign accent. It’s obvious it’s the same person.)

    Caller: “He not here now.”

    Me: *playing along* “Oh, okay. Do you know a better time for me to reach him?”

    Caller: *still using accent* “No, no. He not here! If he need to sign form, send them to his work.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, thanks for taking the time to speak with me. Have a great evening!

    Caller: *back to an American accent* “You too!”

    Page 1,639/2,165First...1,6371,6381,6391,6401,641...Last