All Or Nothing Or Nothing At All

| United Kingdom | Money

(I work in a pound shop, which is the UK equivalent of a 99 cent store in the US. Everything in the store costs one pound.)

Customer: “How much it this?”

Me: “It’s a pound. Everything costs one pound.”

(The customer walks away and returns two minutes later with a different item.)

Customer: “How much is this?”

Me: “That’s a pound, too.”

Customer: “Sorry to keep asking, but you don’t seem to have any prices on anything.”

Me: “Everything in this store costs one pound.”

(The customer walks away and returns a few minutes later with yet another different item.)

Customer: “What about this?”

Me: “That’s a pound. They’re all a pound.”

Customer: “Why isn’t anything labeled in this store? You’re all so lazy!”

The One That Has Wheels And Moves

, | Missouri, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work at a tire center. More often than we’d like, we get completely clueless customers coming in for tire replacements.)

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to get my tires changed.”

Me: “Sure, what’s the year, make, and model of your vehicle?”

Customer: “I’m really not sure of any of that. Do you need it?”

Me: “Yeah, we need to know so we can get the right size of tires. Do you know if your car is a Chevy? A Ford? Dodge?”

Customer: “I don’t know, but I think the name starts with an E?”

Me: “Okay, is it a car, truck, or SUV?”

Customer: “I’m really not sure.”

Me: “Okay, let’s just step outside on the parking lot. You can point your car out for me and I can get the information there.” (The customer stands at the door and points out to the lot, which is filled with cars.)

Customer: “It’s the white one.”

(I go outside and begin to walk to the first white car I see.)

Customer: “What are you doing?! I said the white one! The white one!” *points to another white car in a different direction* “You don’t know what you’re doing! Who hired you?”

Noon, Not Too Soon, Part 2

| Great Neck, NY, USA | Extra Stupid

(I call patients the day before their appointment to remind them.)

Me: “Hello, [patient], I am calling to remind you of your appointment with [doctor] tomorrow at noon.”

Patient: “Okay, what time is my appointment?”

Me: “Noon.”

Patient: “But what time is my appointment?”

Me: “Noon.”

Patient: “What time is noon?”

Me: “Um, it’s at twelve o’clock…in the afternoon.”

Patient: “Oh, great. Thanks! I’ll be in.”

Related:
Noon, Not Too Soon

Process Of Elimination

| Michigan, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [company name]. This is Ashley speaking to you from Michigan. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Are you a recording?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m a real person! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “You must be in Pakistan.”

Me: “No, sir, we are all in Michigan at this company.”

Customer: “Your English is too good. You must be in Pakistan.”

Me: “No–”

Customer: “Have someone from the US call me. Thanks.” *hangs up*

Me: *speechless*

Fashion Over Function Keys

| Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Technology, Top

(I’m working as a trainer in a Internet service provider tech support team and I’m taking a call to show the new people how it’s done. One of my assistants is recording the call so we can replay it later.)

Me: “Welcome to [ISP] tech support. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “I’m having problems writing an email. I just can’t seem to do it.”

(This ISP is known for its less tech savvy customers, so this is rather common.)

Me: “That’s okay. Do you see a icon like an envelope at the top of the screen?”

Caller: “Erm, yes!”

Me: “Okay, click on that.”

Caller: “Oh, a big box with 2 smaller boxes above it has opened up.”

Me: “Okay, one of those smaller boxes will say ‘To:’. Can you click on that, please?”

Caller: “Okay, done that. There’s a little flashing line!”

Me: “Good, now in that box, we’re going to type an email address. We’ll use mine as a test. It’s C-G-E–”

Caller: “Wait, wait! How do I put that in?”

(At this point, I’m wondering if the user can be this stupid.)

Me: “Well, on your keyboard, hit the letters C-G–”

Caller: “I can’t.”

Me: “Why?”

Caller: “I don’t have a keyboard!”

Me: “What?”

Caller: “Well, I threw it away.”

Me: “Wait. What? Why?!”

Caller: “It didn’t match the furniture!”

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