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    A Wii Bit Confused

    , | Sydney, Australia |

    (A customer hands me a Wii accessory.)

    Customer: “Do I need this?”

    Me: “Not really. That’s up to you, how often do you play with your Wii?”

    Customer: “Do I have a Wii?”

    Me: “I don’t know, do you?”

    Customer: “…oh…” *wanders off*

    In Search Of Holy Handouts

    | Virginia, USA |

    Caller: “Hey…I need y’all to come out to [motel] and take me to the airport.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ll be able to do that.”

    Caller: “Oh, and bring forty-five dollars.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I cannot come pick you up.”

    Caller: “What? I just came to your crummy town for a weekend and now I gotta get back home. Why the hell aren’t you helping me? I just need a ride and forty-five dollars!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I can’t.”

    Caller: “Ain’t y’all a church? Why don’t you get off your lazy a** and come get me?”

    Me: “Sir, I am not accustomed to meeting strange men at motels.”

    Caller: “Well, it’s obvious YOU ain’t a Christian!”

    The Show Must Go On

    | Raleigh, NC, USA |

    (We’ve paused a film 10 minutes before the end because a customer’s pulse has stopped. Fortunately, there’s a doctor in another movie who is able to help out before the ambulance arrives.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, you stopped the movie. I wanted to see how it ended.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’ll continue the movie when the ambulance leaves. Someone almost died.”

    Customer: “But we paid for our tickets. We deserve to see how it ends!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you’ll just have to wait. We will continue the film as soon as we can.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this! You stopped the film. We paid to see the whole thing.”

    Me: “No, we’re going to continue the film where it left off as soon as we’re sure this man’s life isn’t in danger. We had to stop so the EMTs could do their job.”

    Customer: “Could we get a refund?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, I can’t give you a refund because you’ll get to see the rest of the film if you wait. Refunds are only for situations where we can’t continue the film.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. I wanted to see how it ended!”

    Me: “Well, if you wait about 20 minutes I’m sure the EMTs will have had enough time and you can finish your movie. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe this theater. We’re leaving!”

    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 2

    | Colville, WA, USA |

    (A little boy is about to go off the high dive when I stop him. His grandmother, upset, approaches and questions me.)

    Grandmother: “Why won’t you let my grandson swim?”

    Me: “We don’t believe he is a strong enough swimmer to be safe in the deep end.”

    Grandmother: “So can he just go off the high dive?”

    Me: “No, if he went off the high dive, he would most likely drown.”

    Grandmother: “Well, you are a lifeguard! Isn’t it your job to stop him from drowning? You are discriminating against my grandchildren! You lifeguards are just lazy!”

    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End

    Please Insert Coffee To Continue

    | Connecticut, USA |

    (While working at the drive-thru, a customer puts in a lengthy order. Before I can tell him the price, he peels out, driving up to the window.)

    Me: “That will be $21.54, please…” *I take his money* “May I please ask that you pull up just a bit? We’ll have someone run your order out to you as soon as it’s done.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Sir, can you please pull forward?”

    Customer: “I don’t have my order yet.”

    Me: “Sir, you had a large order. We’re going to get it for you, but some of what you asked for takes time. We’ll bring it to you. But we need to keep the line moving too.”

    Customer: *no response*

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “Yes?”

    Me: “Can you please drive up?”

    Customer: “But I don’t have my order…”

    (I try to hand him the first tray of drinks, but he ignores them. Same thing goes for the sandwiches. In a last ditch effort, I hand him his coffee. He accepts the coffee but immediately drives off, leaving $18.46 in change, 4 sandwiches, and 3 frozen drinks. He never returned for the rest of his order.)

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