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    There’s No Such Thing As Two Stupid Questions

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Customer: “What is the parking pavilion for?”

    Me: “This is the main parking lot for the museum.”

    Customer: “And how much is the the…” *strains to read sign* “…free shuttle?”

    Me: “It’s completely free to ride. It runs until 8 pm.”

    Customer: “…at night?”

    Now With Extra Meow

    | Gatineau, Canada |

    Me: “Hi there, what would you like?”

    Customer: “I’ll take a BLT sub.”

    Me: “Coming right up…” *makes order*

    Customer: “What’s that thing that looks like cat food?”

    Me: “It’s tuna, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Can I get some of it in my sub?”

    Me: “Sure, but it’s going to cost some extra.”

    Customer: “I don’t mind. I wanna try that cat food.”

    Much Ado About Nothing

    | Scotland, UK |

    (A restaurant customer calls me over to his table with a problem.)

    Me: “Is everything alright?”

    Customer: “This is not a medium rare steak. It’s too over-cooked to be called medium rare.”

    Me: “Would you like me to get the chef. sir?”

    Customer: “I don’t want you to do a thing love”

    Me: “You…don’t want me to do anything about it?”

    Customer: “I don’t want you to do a thing.”

    Me: “Uh, alright.”

    (I leave him to it, but five minutes later he calls me over again.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “This is not a medium rare steak.”

    Me: “Yes, you just explained it to me.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s not.”

    Me: “What would you like me to do about it, sir?”

    Customer: “I don’t want you to do a thing.”

    Me: “Would you like to speak to the chef?”

    Customer: “I don’t care what you do!”

    (I bring out the chef who resolves the problem; it’s apparently what the customer wanted me to do.)

    Circle Of Strife

    | United Kingdom |

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I was just wondering what is currently showing at the moment?”

    Me: “Well, the current production is Timon of Athens.”

    Customer: “Oh? Is that another sequel of The Lion King? Can I book seats for that?”

    Me: “It’s a Shakespearean tragedy. It’s not about lions.”

    Customer: “Oh, so it’s just about the meerkat?”

    Klingon To The Hope Of A Ticket

    | London, UK | Geeks Rule, Top

    Customer: “Two tickets for Star Trek, please.”

    Me: “That showing has sold out, sir.”

    Customer: “What! That’s impossible!”

    Me: “The IMAX is very popular sir. I am afraid we don’t have any more seats until tomorrow.”

    Customer: “I need to see this movie! You’re not a Star Trek fan. You wouldn’t understand! Please sell me a ticket!”

    Me: “I would love to sir, but the needs of the one or the few do not outweigh the needs of the many.”

    Customer: *recognizing my quote from Star Trek* “I see. I suppose I couldn’t say that sometimes the needs of the one or the few do outweigh the needs of the many?”

    Me: “No sir, that would be quite illogical.”

    Customer: “Hmm, you’re good.”

    Me: “I must have the lobes for business.”

    Customer: “Two tickets for tomorrow then, please.”

    Me: “Very good, sir.”

    Customer: “Live long and prosper!”

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