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    Young And (Alcohol) Free

    | MI, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: *holding a bottle of wine* “Are you old enough to sell me this?”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    (I reach out to take the bottle, but he refuses to hand it to me.)

    Customer: “Are you sure that you’re old enough?”

    Me: “Yes. I wouldn’t be a cashier otherwise. I’m pretty sure you only have to be eighteen.”

    Customer: “Are you eighteen?”

    Me: “Nineteen, yes. Would you like me to sell you it?”

    (The customer finally releases his hold on the wine. I begin to scan.)

    Customer: “Are you sure you’re allowed to? You look pretty young.”

    Me: “I’m old enough.”

    Customer: “Do I get a discount for calling you young?”

    Losing Their Marbles

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

    (I work at a marble slab creamery. It is a type of ice cream store that allows customers to mix in candies, cookies, etc with their ice cream while it’s kept cold on a frozen marble mixing slab.)

    Customer: “Hi there. I was just wondering what the name of this store meant. I never understand these metaphor names.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the name is about as literal as it gets. We mix the ice cream on a marble slab.”

    Customer: “Oh, so it’s an allegory.”

    Stupidity Just A Stone’s Throw Away

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for the birthstone for May.”

    Me: “Well, the birthstone for May is emerald, but we don’t carry any emeralds.”

    (The customer walks over and looks in the case. She sees a green stone.)

    Customer: “What about this green one?”

    Me: “Oh! That’s peridot. That’s the birthstone for August.”

    Customer: “Who’s August?”

    Zombies Need Life Insurance Too

    | VA, USA | Uncategorized, Zombies

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to find out about getting life insurance for my sister.”

    Me: “Okay, I can connect you with an agent.”

    Customer: “Wait, I have a question.”

    Me: “No problem, what is your question?”

    Customer: “Well, my sister died two days ago. Is that going to make it more expensive?”

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    Caller On Line (Number) Two

    | Emeryville, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: ”Thank you for calling [store]. This is Ella. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I need [muddled].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t really hear you.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “I said I can’t hear you too well.”

    Customer: “Oh, god d*** it! Hang on!”

    (There is a lot of grunting, a fart, and then the toilet flushes)

    Customer: “Can you hear me now?!”

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