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    There’s No Such Thing As Half A Dozen Stupid Questions

    | Walnut Creek, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, where can I find the manager?”

    Me: “She’s in the cigar booth over there, with the hanging sign that says “Cigars”.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. What’s his name?”

    Me: “Her name is Kat.”

    Customer: “Ken?”

    Me: “No, Kat.”

    Customer: “Jack?”

    Me: “No, Kat. Like the animal.”

    Customer: “A woman?!”

    Me: “Haha, yeah.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Where is she?”

    Me: “The cigar booth.”

    Customer: “The registers?”

    Me: “No, the cigar booth.”

    Customer: “The tasting area?”

    Me: “Let me show you…”

    The Quandaries of Laundry

    | Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am straightening a rack of clothes when I overhear two customers.)

    Customer #1: *examines the tag on a shirt* “It says ‘Hand Wash Only’. If I buy this, could I borrow your hand washer?”

    Customer #2: “I don’t think I own a hand washer.”

    Customer #1: “Darn!” *puts the shirt back and walks away*

    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 5

    | Louisiana, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work as a tech support agent at a university. I receive a call from a woman working in another office, asking if she can direct a student to me to assist with setting up his email account. A minute later, I receive a call from a young man.)

    Me: “[University] Computing Call Center.”

    Caller: “Hi, I’m trying to get my password.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Did someone just call me about you?”

    Caller, to people in his office: “Did somebody just call about me?”

    Caller, to me: “Yes.”

    Me: “Alright, sir, in order to determine your username and password, you’ll need to be in front of a computer. Are you at a computer now?”

    Caller, to people in his office: “Am I at a computer?”

    Related:
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 4
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

    Conjured Coffee Conjugations

    | Wexford, Ireland | Uncategorized

    Me: “Excuse me, madam. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Thanks, I’ll have a ‘MochaChinaFrappaLatte’ please.”

    Me: “Sorry, madam, but those are each separate coffees. Mocha, cappuccino, frappe and a latte?”

    Customer: “Oh. I just heard it on TV and I thought it sounded cool…”

    Identity TV Determined

    | Wasaga Beach, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Are you on the show [T.V. show]?”

    Me: “Pardon me?”

    Customer: “You know the show [T.V. show]? Are you on it? Cause you really look like a character on it.”

    Me: “No, I am sorry I am not.”

    Customer: “Are you lying to me? I am pretty sure you are that girl from [T.V. show]!”

    Me: “No, I work at [coffee shop], not on a television show.”

    (This went on until my manager had to step in.)

    Manager: *sarcastically* “Yes she is on [T.V. show], she just likes to fly hundreds of kilometers back to Wasaga to work at [coffee shop] because she needs extra money.”

    Customer: “I knew it!”

    (Later on, she brought her boyfriend back and tried to convince me to give her an autograph.)

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