November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!


| Peotone, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Which is the better of these two cake mix brands?”

Me: “Well, both are on sale. One does contain more trans-fats, though.”

Customer: “Nah, I’ll go with this one. I’d rather use shortening than a stick of butter. Don’t want all of them…uh…transvestites.”

Pseudo-Named And Shamed

| London, UK | Uncategorized

(I’m an author doing a book signing in a shop. I’m female with an obviously female name. The name is also on the book. There’s also a large poster with my name and photo on.)

Customer: “When’s he going to get here?”

Me: “Who?”

Customer: “The author.”

Me: “I’m the author.”

Customer: “But, you’re a woman.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Oh, I get it. You’re one of them pseudonym things.”

The Times, They Are A Changing

| Coral Springs, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(On the overnight shift we are not allowed to open the safe. To make sure we have cash in our drawers, we put signs on all our debit card readers saying ‘No Cashback’.)

Me: “Your total comes to $15.97.”

(The customer hands me a 20 dollar bill, then reads the ‘No Cashback’ sign.)

Customer: “So, I’m not going to get my change back?”

Me: “Yes. Yes you are.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Good.”

Speaking Posh Gets You No Dosh

| Boise, ID, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. My name is Steve. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Who did you say this was?”

Me: “Steve. With whom do you wish to speak?”

*long pause*

Caller: “Did you just say ‘whom’?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “I have the wrong number.”

You’ll Find That In The Irony Section

| BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(A customer is looking through the non-fiction section of the library, and approaches me.)

Customer: “I’m looking for a book by [author’s name], and I can’t find it on the shelf.”

Me: “Okay. The non-fiction section isn’t sorted by author. What’s the subject of the book you are looking for?”

Customer: “It’s about the dewey decimal system.”