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    A Yearning For Ears That Are Burning

    | Burlington, WA, USA |

    (A recent article regarding our business and the habits of its customers was published in the papers. My fellow employees are discussing some of points that were brought up in passing. They leave the area. A customer comes storming up to me.)

    Customer: “Those workers were saying some very offensive things! I want to report them. Who do I talk to?”

    Me: “Well, if you just–”

    Customer: “They say I just come here to get free stuff! I don’t do that! I ‘actually’ buy stuff here! I want to report them!”

    Me: “Well, if you’d like to report them, then you’ll need to go up front and speak with a manager. I’d like to point out though, that they were only talking about an article that was published.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, the news just released an article that talked about our store and some of the stuff people do. That’s what you heard them talking about.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought they were talking about me!”

    Ticketing System, Not Ticket In System

    | Thousand Oaks, CA, USA |

    (Our theater has two methods of buying tickets. The box office outside, and the indoor computerized ticket kiosks, which accept only credit cards.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me what that machine does?”

    Me: “That’s an automated ticket kiosk. You can avoid lines at the box office by either purchasing tickets from it directly, or picking up will-call tickets.”

    Customer: “Well, when is it going to give my ticket back?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I saw the machine, and didn’t know what it did. I put my ticket in here.”

    (He points to the credit card slot.)

    Customer: “Now, I can’t get it out.”

    (I am silent as I try to work out how to respond.)

    Customer: “So, can I go see my movie now?”

    Me: “No, sir. I’m sorry to inform you that you no longer have a ticket.”

    When Kids Break Out On Their Own

    | Denver, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I am working in the toy section of the retail store. I receive a call around 8pm.)

    Me: “Hello you’re through to [retailer], toys. How can I help you?”

    (A quiet little girl, not much older than 10, answers.)

    Girl: “Hi um…can you help me find something for my mommy?”

    Me: “Sure, honey. What are you looking for?”

    Girl: “Um, I need an exercise thing. It’s like, a bar that you put on the ground and pull on.”

    (I’m not sure what she means. I walk over and scan the exercise section really quick, but see nothing like that.)

    Me: “Sorry, honey. We don’t really have anything like that. I can tell you some stores you might find it at.”

    Girl: “Okay.”

    Me: “If you can put your mom on the phone, I’ll give her the store names.”

    Girl: “My mommy’s not home. It’s just me and my little brother. We accidentally broke my mommy’s thing, and we’re trying to find where to get one so she won’t be mad.”

    Getting To The Root Of The Problem, Part 2

    | UK |

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like to make a complaint.”

    Me: “Okay, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I had my hair done with you, and I’m not happy.”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry about that. What appears to be the problem? I’d love to help you.”

    Customer: “Well, I had blonde highlights, but it’s just gone very dark at the roots.”

    (I take the customer’s name and have a look at her record.)

    Me: “It says your last visit was four months ago.”

    Customer: “Yeah, so?”

    Getting To The Root Of The Problem

    Has Faith But Lost All Pope, Part 2

    | MD, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have any books on drawing people? My son loves to draw. I want to encourage him.”

    Me: “This one is really good for understanding anatomy. It uses examples from classical art.”

    Customer: *very snidely* “I could do without all the nudity. It’s not very Christian.”

    Me: “That’s the Sistine Chapel ceiling, ma’am. It’s where the Pope preaches.”

    Related:
    Has Faith But Lost All Pope

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