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    Welcome To The Expiration Generation

    | NE, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer is paying by credit card over the telephone.)

    Me: “And the expiration date of the card?”

    Customer: “3 of 11.”

    Me: “So, it’s expired then?”

    Customer: “Why, is that a problem?”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15

    | Hermitage, PA, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer comes in to pay her [retail store] card bill.)

    Me: “Okay, so there is a late fee of $35, and the amount due on the total balance is $103. You’re paying $35. Thank you for your payment, ma’am. Just to let you know, you still have a minimum payment of $68 that was due 4 days ago. You may incur another $35 late fee.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? I’ve been paying $35 every month because that’s what it says on the slip.”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am. If you look here, it says that the late fee is $35 and the amount due for you to pay is $103 by this date. That date was 4 days ago.”

    Customer: “So, what do I do now? They want me to pay that?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. They would like for you to.”

    Customer: “Okay. Well, can I make the payment with my [retail store] card?”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    Immersed In His Complaint

    | Hermitage, PA, USA | Top

    (I am ringing out a customer who is buying a pair of swimming trunks.)

    Me: “Thank you for your purchase, sir. As a reminder of the return policy, you have 90 days to return it with the receipt as long as the tags are still attached.”

    Customer: “That’s okay. I’m going to a beach party later so I need them.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, have a good time. Thanks again, and have a nice day.”

    (The next day, the customer returns with the swimming trunks. The tag is still on them, but mostly disintegrated from water. The trunks smell of chlorine.)

    Me: “Hi again! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I need to return these.”

    Me: “Oh, is there something wrong with them?”

    Customer: “No. I just don’t need them anymore.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but these can’t be returned.”

    Customer: “Well, why the h*** not!? Yesterday, you said they could be returned as long as the tags were still on them.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. But having the tag on them generally implies that they haven’t been worn.”

    Customer: “This is b***s***! I would like to see your manager immediately.”

    Me: “Absolutely, sir.”

    (The manager comes over.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    (The customer goes through the same story. He leaves in a rage, screaming that he’s going to give us bad reviews. The next day a survey report comes in. All sections are given one star out of five. The comment section reads, ‘Stupid clerk told me I could return my swimming trunks as long as the tags were still on them. I didn’t take the tags off when I wore it, but she wouldn’t return it, and accused me of wearing it. Like she knows what I did with it. Maybe I spilled water on the tags by mistake. She couldn’t know. Only I know I wore it–not that d*** clerk.’)

    This Customer Has A Latte Problems

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer walks in. She is a regular so I know her order.)

    Me: “Good morning. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Hey. Uh…”

    Me: “Did you want your latte?”

    Customer: *shocked* “You know I want a latte? Yeah. I do.”

    Me: “Large, two shot soy latte, with sugar-free almond, right?”

    Customer: *more shocked* “What do I get? Do you have soy?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “I only want two shots. With soy.”

    Me: “Right, yes. And sugar-free almond.”

    Customer: “Do you have sugar-free almond, or the regular almond?”

    Me: “Both.”

    Customer: *appears confused* “What do I get? Soy and almond, with two shots?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Let me start making that for you.”

    (I make the latte and hand it to her. She takes a sip. She now appears extremely bewildered.)

    Customer: “Is this soy?”

    Me: “Yes. With two shots. And sugar-free almond.”

    Customer: “Okay. Right. Good.”

    (She leaves. She comes back.)

    Me: “Hello again. Everything all right with your coffee?”

    Customer: “Uh. What? Can I get a large two-shot latte with, um…what do I get?”

    (This customer does this every time she comes in.)

    Best To File This One Away

    | TX, USA | Top

    Caller: “I am a year behind on the current week. How do I close the week?”

    Me: “I can help you with that. You go to ‘File’, then ‘Close current week’.”

    Caller: “I don’t have ‘File’.”

    Me: “Hmm…then you must not have access to this function. Can you log in as the supervisor?”

    Caller: “I am logged in as the supervisor.”

    Me: “You’re sure you don’t have ‘File’? It should be listed at the top right.”

    Caller: “Let me tell you what have. I have ‘File’, ‘View’, ‘Employee’, ‘Period’-”

    Me: “That’s it there. Please choose ‘File’.”

    Caller: “I don’t have ‘File’.”

    Me: “But, you just said you had ‘File’.”

    Caller: “No, it’s not there.”

    Me: “Please call out what you have again at the top.”

    Caller: “I have ‘File’, ‘View’, ‘Emplo’-”

    Me: “That’s it. You have ‘File’. Please choose ‘File’ from the top left.”

    Caller: *frustrated* “But, I don’t have ‘File’! I already told you!”

    Me: *clears throat* “Please read out what you have again. Very…slowly.”

    Caller: “Okay. I have ‘File’, Vi-”

    Me: “Stop there, please. What was that?”

    Caller: “I have Fi-”

    Me: “You have ‘File’?”

    Caller: “I have ‘File’.”

    (I pause, hoping this allows the caller to get it.)

    Caller: “Oh, you mean THIS ‘File’!”

    Me: *cheerily* “Yes!”

    Caller: “I click on this one?”

    Me: “Yes, please.”

    Caller: “Oh, that’s the one! Thank you so much!”