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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Questionable Answers

    | GA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m in the comics section, helping a man find a present for his daughter. I’ve picked up a book by a popular artist.)

    Customer: “It looks nice, but I already got her one of these things for her birthday. I don’t want to give her the same gift twice.”

    Me: “Are you sure? This book came out pretty recently. Did yours have the same title as this one?”

    Customer: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “Did the cover have the same colors as this?”

    Customer: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “Is there anything you recall about the book you got for her birthday?”

    Customer: *after a long, thoughtful pause* “It was made of paper!”

    Life Is Stranger Than Fiction, Part 2

    | Washington DC, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I’m looking for a book. Something about glass. Breaking glass?”

    Me: “Well, do you know if it’s fiction or nonfiction?”

    Customer: “Sorry. What?”

    Me: “Is it real or imaginary?”

    Customer: “I mean, it’s real. How do you imagine a book? Is that what audio books are?”

    Related:
    Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

    That Request Will Never Fly

    | USA | Uncategorized

    (We hit a bit of turbulence. The ‘Fasten Seatbelt’ light goes on, and the captain comes on the intercom to tell us all to stay seated and buckled in. Shortly after this, a woman hits her call light. I come on over.)

    Me: *bracing myself on the seat across the row* “Yes, ma’am?”

    Passenger: “Could I have a glass of water, please?”

    Me: “Ma’am, the captain has asked us to all stay seated for our safety.”

    Passenger: “But I wouldn’t be getting up!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the captain has asked us ALL to stay seated for our safety.”

    Passenger: “Oh! You too?”

    Trucker In Need Of Break Fluid

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Top

    (I’m working in a diner at the crack of dawn. A surly trucker sits down at the counter.)

    Me: “Good morning, can I start you with something to drink?”

    Customer: “Coffee. Now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we’re all out of ‘coffee now’. All we have left is ‘coffee please’.”

    Feeling Fuel-ish, Part 2

    | Marysville, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    (A girl of about 20 pulls up to the pump. After several minutes of her nervously looking around and doing nothing, I approach her.)

    Me: “Is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “I don’t know how to do this.”

    Me: “You don’t know how to fuel up your car?”

    Customer: “No! There’s so many buttons! Where does this hose thingy go?”

    Me: “Well, first you have to pay.”

    (Several minutes ensue of walking her through the procedure, in which I learn she has been driving for 4 years.)

    Customer: “Thank you so much for your help, I don’t know how anyone can do this!”

    Me: *notices license plate* “Oh! You’re from Oregon! People pump gas for you there, don’t they?”

    Customer: “Yes! I can’t believe they don’t do it here! Are the people at this gas station poor?”

    Related:
    Feeling Fuel-ish

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