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    Stupid Is Just The Tip Of The Iceberg

    | Connecticut, USA |

    (I work as an artifacts specialist at an exhibit featuring artifacts from the Titanic wreck. We also have a large “iceberg” to show people how cold the water was the night the ship sank.)

    Customer: “So is this the actual iceberg that sank the Titanic?”

    Me: “No, it’s just a frosted piece of plastic to show how cold the water was.”

    Customer: “So where in this place is the actual iceberg that sunk the Titanic?”

    Magic Ink

    | France |

    (A client comes for her journalist portfolio. She shows me a picture of an architect in front of his building model, showing his back to the camera.)

    Customer: “So, you see, I’d like you to flip this picture.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s very simple.”

    Customer: “Great ! This will be awesome. I want him to face the camera.”

    Me: “If I flip the picture, it will be all the same, but the guy will be on the left instead of the right, that’s it.”

    Customer: “You can’t make him face us? You call yourself a professional?”

    This Teacher Will Keep You On Your Toes

    | New York, NY, USA |

    (I’m 19, and look fairly younger than that. I teach at a dance studio. I’m standing at the receptionist’s desk when a woman walks in.)

    Customer: “Hi, I missed registration yesterday and I need to register my daughter for a beginning ballet class.”

    Coworker: “Okay, you actually lucked out, we have a space open in [other co-worker]‘s class.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I really want her in [my name]‘s class…can you arrange that?”

    Coworker: “Well, okay let me…”

    Customer: “Hang on.” *turns to me* “Sweetie, what are you doing here? It’s incredibly rude to eavesdrop.”

    Me: “Well, I–”

    Customer: “Where are your parents? And why didn’t they teach you any manners? You think you can just stand here, eating up this lady’s time. I have a job! I have better things to do than watch you listen to me!”

    Me: “Hi, I’m actually [my name]. You wanted to get into my class?”

    Unsolved Mystery Shopper

    | Nashua, NH, USA |

    (A customer walks up with a shirt.)

    Customer: “Is this what she was talking about?”

    Me: “Who?”

    Customer: “My daughter, is this what she was talking about?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

    Customer: “Why? I just want to know if this is what she was talking about.”

    Me: “Were you talking with me about clothing?”

    Customer: “No, I was talking to her at our house. Is this what she was talking about?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I wasn’t with you last night when you were talking with your daughter.”

    Customer: “Oh, I know. But, is this what she was talking about?”

    Me: “Yes, yes it was.”

    Customer: “Great! I’ll get it!”

    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2

    | South Wales, UK |

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’m after some Durex.”

    Me: “Durex? I’m sorry we don’t sell Durex.”

    Customer: “Not even for toys?”

    Me: “For toys?”

    Customer: “Duracell! Duracell batteries!”

    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

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