November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

You’ll Find That In The Irony Section

| BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(A customer is looking through the non-fiction section of the library, and approaches me.)

Customer: “I’m looking for a book by [author’s name], and I can’t find it on the shelf.”

Me: “Okay. The non-fiction section isn’t sorted by author. What’s the subject of the book you are looking for?”

Customer: “It’s about the dewey decimal system.”

RAIDed Storage

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I need my hard drive put back into my computer.”

Me: “Okay. Why did you take it out? Is it defective?”

Customer: “No, and I didn’t.”

Me: “Well, who did?”

Customer: “The police…”

There Is No Tea In the Virgin Islands

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hey, I want a drink without any alcohol. What do you have?”

Me: “Well, can I get you a soda or something? Maybe some juice?”

Customer: “Can I get a virgin long island?”

Me: “You mean, you want an iced tea?”

Customer: “No, I want a virgin long island.”

Me: “But, a long island is mostly alcohol. I mean, there are five shots in it. Then some sour and some coke. Do you want a glass of sour and coke?”

Customer: “Is that alcoholic?”

(I give up and hand her an iced tea.)

Customer, turning to a friend: *excitedly* “I got a virgin long island!”

Some Customers Are Just Not Mourning People

| Columbus, OH, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Just calling to let you know that the glasses you ordered have come in.”

Customer: “Awesome, I’ll be there. Now I can leave this funeral early…”

Totally, Like, Imperio

| Kraków, Poland | Uncategorized

(I want to walk into a retail store. There is a customer of my age (around 22) standing in front of the door. It won’t open for her.)


(The door opens as I walk closer.)

Customer: “Ha! Works!”

(She goes in and I follow her. This is a little store with not much space to wander around. A customer is trying to reach something on the highest shelf.)


(I shake the shelf a little so the item she wants falls into her arms.)

Customer: “Whoa! It really does work!”

(We proceed to the register, and she pays and leaves. I am in line behind her. When I get out of the store, she’s already there, standing by her car. A policeman is there, too, writing her a ticket.)

Customer: “Oh, but I really just went in for a minute! I didn’t see the sign!”

Policeman: “I’m sorry, miss, there’s nothing I can do. You broke the law by parking here.”

(The customer stares at him blankly, and then glances at me.)

Me: “I think the word you’re looking for is ‘Imperio’!”

Totally, Like, Aguamenti
Totally, Like, Excruciatus