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  • Raise A Broken Glass To That Employee
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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Customer Requests Can Be Unrealistic

    | Wilmington, DE, USA | Top

    (I work for a large retailer at a mall as a security guard which means wearing a dress shirt and tie with a jacket. As it’s the holiday shopping season it is impossible to find parking. I had just parked my car to go into work when I was approached by an older lady in her vehicle.)

    Customer: “Excuse me young man, are you leaving?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I just got here.”

    Customer: “Why are you all dressed up?”

    Me: “Well, I work at the store over here.”

    Customer: “So you’re not a real person? You should give me your spot.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’re not a real person. You don’t need to park here like everyone else!”

    Related:
    Anatomically Correct Vs Politically Correct

    Weeding Out The Truth

    , | MS, USA | Uncategorized

    (The cigar shop sells hookahs and tobacco for it. It’s called sheesha.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. I’m looking for hookah tobacco. It’s called…uh…ganja?”

    Me: “This is the only hookah tobacco we sell.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    (As I am ringing him out, it suddenly occurs to him what he had asked for.)

    Customer: “Oh my God! Did I just ask you for weed?”

    Related:
    Weeding Out The Good Customers

    Poppies And Muffins And Flies, Oh My

    | CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, it looks like flies have laid eggs in your muffins.”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, those are poppy seeds.”

    Customer: “No they’re not, they can’t be. Poppies are from ‘The Wizard of Oz.’ They’re not real.”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, they’re quite real.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *turns to her approximately 8 year-old
    son*
    “Don’t eat those! They’ll make you fall asleep!”

    Ex-Box

    | Lake Charles, LA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah. Do Xbox 360s come with cup holders?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Person in the background: “IT’S ON FIRE!”

    Pretty Obvious

    | OR, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work for a wireless service company. I’m taking a look over a customer’s account to determine if he’s eligible for a discount on a new phone.)

    Customer: “You sound really pretty. Way prettier than the last girl I talked to here.”

    Me: “I can’t get you a free phone.”

    Customer: “I’m not saying that to get anything from you, I just think you sound pretty.”

    Me: “I still can’t get you a free phone.”

    Customer: “Well then, you sound equally as pretty as the last girl!”

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