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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Someone’s About To Get Smacked To The Future

    | Rio Rancho, NM, USA | Top

    Coworker: “Yes, miss. I understand it’s an emergency, But let me ask my coworker. He probably knows what you’re looking for!”

    Me: “What’s going on?”

    Coworker: “This woman was sent in looking for an item. She said it’s called a … a … something capacitor.”

    Me: “Well, we don’t really carry any capacitors here. That’s more of a true electronics store thing.”

    Customer: “Please, it’s my son’s birthday and my husband says that we desperately need to find a 120 volt flux capacitor for my son’s Xbox!”

    Me: “Ma’am, unless you have a Mr. Fusion, I don’t know where you’re gonna need something like that.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? My husband said this was an emergency! I have been to 3 stores and no one knows what I’m talking about!”

    Me: *laughs* “Well, your husband sent you for a part to a time machine.”

    Customer: “I am going to kill that man!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Now Serving: Poopsicles

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA |

    (Note: we’re nearby a retirement community. An old man who looks lost wanders into our grocery store.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Old man: “Yes, I’m looking for the bathroom… oh, here it is!”

    (He opens a freezer door and proceeds to pull down his pants.)

    Me: “SIR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

    (The old man takes a dump right in the freezer.)

    Old man: “That’s cold… where’s the toilet paper?”

    Me: “I really, really, really need a break!”

    (Sadly, this is not the first time this has happened.)

    America’s Debt Crisis Explained, Part 2

    | Illinois, USA |

    Customer: “Um, this sign out here says $5.98 for a pound of turkey.”

    Me: “Well, sir, if you look at your sticker, you’ll see that it is actually $3.98 a pound this week.”

    Customer: “But, it says that it’s $5.98 a pound. You need to fix this, and you need to fix the price on my turkey.”

    Me: “Sir, the turkey is on sale this week. You got it for $3.98 a pound, instead of $5.98.”

    Customer: “Well, this is just ridiculous. You guys need to get your act straight, and you need to fix my sticker!”

    Me: “You’re getting it for cheaper.”

    Customer: *light bulb goes on* “Ohhhhhhh!”

    Related: America’s Debt Crisis, Explained

    Ah, College, Part 2

    | Iowa, USA |

    (I’m a bouncer in a college bar where you must be 21. Lots of underage people try coming in with fake IDs.)

    Me: “Can I see your ID?”

    College student: “Yeah…”

    (He hands me an ID that says he is 20.)

    Me: “Um, you are only 20.”

    College student: “Yeah, you can read a birthday! Can I go in now?”

    Me: “You have to be 21 to get in.”

    College student: “Oh… *hands me a fake ID* “…how about now?”

    Me: “Now you just lost your fake ID.”

    Related: Ah, College

    I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me Log In

    | Florida, USA |

    Me: “Thanks for calling ****. This is ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “When I try to change my password, I’m typing and it’s just making stars.”

    Me: “OK…that’s normal. It’s a security feature to prevent someone standing behind you from seeing what you’re typing.”

    Customer: “But there’s no one standing behind me…”

    Me: “…”


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