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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Driven By Fear, Threats & Minimum Wage

    | USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling customer support.”

    Customer: “Hi. I need some help figuring out this thing. I’m not very familiar with electronics.” *pause* “YOU’RE A FRAUD AND I’M GOING TO THE BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU RIGHT NOW!”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir, I don’t believe that’s necessary. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh, my friend said you’d only be useful if I scared you. How do I charge my unit?”

    The Dangers Of Using Fishy Logic

    | San Francisco, California | Food & Drink, Geography

    (I work at a fish and chips booth at a 19th-century London convention.)

    Customer: “Hi, I want some chips.”

    Me: “Sure, that’ll be ***. Here are your chips.”

    Customer: “No, I want chips.”

    Me: “These are chips.”

    Customer: “No, they’re french fries.”

    Me: “In England, they’re called chips.”

    Customer: “So? We’re in America.”

    Me: “You’re at a convention set in London.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “So, they’re called chips in an attempt to be authentic.”

    Customer: “The f***? I’m an American and in America they’re called french fries!”

    Me: “So why aren’t they called American fries?”

    Customer: *stares blankly*

    Joseph Smith’s Great Northern Detour

    | Wellington, New Zealand |

    Drunk Customer: “You’re American! What state are you from??”

    Me: “Actually Sir, I’m from Canada.”

    Drunk Customer: “OH! The MORMON State!”

    Me: “…”

    Hypothetical Intelligence

    | Newcastle, UK |

    (I work for a political party and am making polling calls.)

    Me: “Hello, my name is *** and I’m calling on behalf of the *** Party. Do you have time to take a quick survey for us?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Thank you. If there was a General Election tomorrow, who do you think you would vote for?”

    Caller: “There’s a General Election tomorrow?”

    Me: “No, but if there was, who do you think you would vote for?”

    Caller: “I would have trouble getting to the polling station, are you offering a lift?”

    Me: “No… it’s a hypothetical election about who would you vote for.”

    Caller: “Sorry, I have to go to the doctors tomorrow!”

    Me: *gives up*

    When You’ve Lost The Passion Fruit

    | Hertfordshire, UK |

    Me: “Hi, can I help?”

    Customer: “I’d like a wheat grass shot and an apple, carrot, ginger and orange juice.”

    Me: “Would you like size one, two or three?”

    Customer: “One.”

    Me: “Would you like any extra boosters?”

    Customer: “No. Stop trying to sell me things.”

    Me: “That’s ¬£*.**. Do you have a loyalty card?”

    Customer: “I’m not even loyal to my WIFE.”

    Me: “…”


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