Featured:
  • A Very Purr-sonable Cat
    (1,797 thumbs up)
  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    A Genuine Cents Of Change

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Top

    (At this coffee shop, do not accept $100 bills because all $20 are automatically dropped into a safe and we cannot make adequate change. It’s a particularly busy day with a rather long line, and a customer approaches.)

    Customer: “I want a medium americano.” *hands me $100 bill*

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have enough change to accept that bill. Do you happen to have anything smaller?”

    Customer: “No, this is all I have. I don’t have anything smaller.”

    Me: “Well then, today is your lucky day. Your drink is on me today!”

    (Note: I am trying to get the line moving and we’re allowed to give an arbitrary number of free drinks away a day if we think it’ll make the customer happy.)

    Customer: “No, just take the money, please. I don’t want the free drink. Just get the change from the safe.”

    Me: “I can’t do that, but your free drink will be up on the counter quickly.”

    Customer: “I don’t want the free drink!” *storms out without drink*

    (My manager, who had been eavesdropping on the entire exchange, approaches me after the customer leaves.)

    Manager: “Well, that bill was obviously counterfeit. Good for you for not accepting it!”

    Unfortunately, Stupidity Is Forever

    | Pennsylvania, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Top

    (I have reddish brown hair with the underside dyed teal. Today, my hair is up in a clip, which makes it very visible.)

    Customer: “Ugh, why would you do that to yourself?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, do what?”

    Customer: “Dye your hair that awful color! Are you that desperate for attention?”

    Me: “No, teal is just my favorite color, and it makes me happy. And the great thing about hair is that it isn’t permanent.”

    Customer: “I don’t get you rebellious teenagers.”

    Me: “I’m 24 and very happily married. I’m not trying to rebel against anyone or anything. I just like teal, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What are you going to tell your kids when they ask why mommy has blue hair?”

    Me: “Oh, it’ll definitely be gone by then.”

    Customer: *walks out with a big tramp stamp sticking out from the bottom of her shirt*

    Don’t Call Us, We Won’t Call You

    | New York, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Ticketing services, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I have an issue. It keeps telling me that for delivery, for the tickets ‘will call’.”

    Me: “Yes, that is an option for the tickets.”

    Customer: “Yes, but will you call me, do I call you? How long do I have to wait?”

    Me: “Oh! No, no…’will call’ means we hold the ticket at the box office and you pick it up at the show.”

    Customer: “Why didn’t you just say that?!”

    That’ll Be An Arm And A Never Mind

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (A customer is complaining that we have cancelled her membership with us, even though she hasn’t paid for it for 6 months.)

    Customer: “This is getting ridiculous. I am going to take this to [local news station]. I’m disabled, and you’re discriminating against me because I am disabled.”

    Me: “I am not discriminating against you. The same rule applies to all members who fail to pay for their membership. Unfortunately, it has been cancelled and the only way to become a member again is to rejoin.”

    Customer: “If you don’t fix this for me, I’m going to come down there to your head office, take off my prosthetic leg, and beat you with it! Good bye!”

    Next They’ll Be Huffing Parmesan

    | Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink, Top

    (I have been out the back making dough before serving the customer. I haven’t had time to clean myself up a bit, so I have flour on my shirt.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: *looking at my shirt* “Can I speak to the manager right away, please?”

    Me: *confused* “Um, okay.”

    (I call the manager over.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I want to complain about this employee. He has drugs on his shirt. He should be fired immediately!”

    Manager: *joking* “But, then, where would I get my supply from?”

    Customer: *looks shocked, and then storms out of the store*

    Next customer in line: “Can I get a Hawaiian pizza on the thin base with extra drugs, please?”

    Page 1,634/2,662First...1,6321,6331,6341,6351,636...Last