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    Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim, Part 2

    | Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Your lights are so dim. Can you please turn them up?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, there are only two settings, on and off.

    Customer: “Well, turn them on, then!”

    Me: “They are on.”

    Customer: “Liar!”

    Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim

    Mocha-less In Minneapolis

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am a male worker in a coffee shop. A customer has just left with a hot drink and gotten on his bike.)

    Me: “Man, that guy is really brave.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “He just got on his bike with a hot mocha.”

    Customer: “Wow. Well, I’m sure you’ll find the right guy some day.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “We’re not talking about the same thing are we?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “I guess you just hear what you want to hear.”

    Me: “I guess so.”

    But The Energizer Bunny Never Dies

    | Burlington, VT, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

    (I have been troubleshooting this customer’s cable for a while now. Finally, after getting his TV on the proper input, this happens.)

    Me: “Sir, does the little red light on the remote blink when you press a button on the remote?”

    Customer: “Err…no?”

    Me: “Okay, sir, that means the batteries in the remote are dead.”

    Customer: “What? That’s terrible! They can die?”

    Stop And Stair

    | Portland, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (A customer approaches one of the security guards.)

    Customer: “Your escalators are broken.”

    Security: “What do you mean by broken?”

    Customer: “They aren’t moving.”

    Security: “Okay. Which one is it?”

    (The customer leads the security guard to the “escalator” and stands on the top step.)

    Customer: “See, broken.”

    Security: “Sir, those are stairs.”

    Sugar Daddy Makes Life So Sweet

    | Louisiana, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “See that man over there? His name is Jim. I just met him and he’s paying for all my stuff.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: “My mom always told me to find a rich man to take care of me. Do you have a rich man taking care of you?”

    Me: “Um…no.”

    Customer: “Sweetie, you need to get yourself one while you’re still young.”

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