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    Unraveling Incognito

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “This is [name of office]. How may I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Where are you calling from?”

    Me: “You’ve reached [name of office]. How may help you?”

    Customer: “Who is this?”

    Me: “My name is [name]. How may I assist you today?”

    Customer: “Why are you calling?”

    Me: “Ma’am, you called me.”

    Customer: “Yeah, somebody called me.”

    Me: “Alright, what is your name?”

    Customer: “That ain’t none of your business!”

    Me: “Ma’am, without your name, it is impossible for me to find out who called you.”

    Customer: “THEN I GUESS YOU’LL NEVER KNOW!” *hangs up*

    A Mother Who Will Never Be Out-Dated

    | Gunnison, CO, USA |

    (A middle-aged woman comes to the front desk of our hotel. Note that I am also a woman and my coworker is a man.)

    Customer: “Where are all the women at?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “The women! The good looking women!”

    Me: “I’m not sure I understand.”

    Customer: “My son just started college and he wants a woman. Where should I go to get him a woman?”

    Me: “I’m not interested in women, so I wouldn’t know.”

    Customer, to coworker: “You! Hey, you. Where should I go to get ladies?”

    Coworker: “Has he tried the college campus?”

    Customer: “They’re all ugly. I want to get my son a hot chick!”

    Coworker: “Okay, this is a small town. He should look around. A bar?”

    Customer: “He’s not 21.”

    Me: “The grocery store? I don’t know.”

    Customer: “But where would you go?”

    Me: “Ask at the visitors’ center. Have a good day!”

    A Bozo By Any Other Name, Part 2

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada |

    (This happened back in 2003 during the East Coast Blackout when I was a cashier at a bookstore. Although Edmonton is far from the East coast, all our debit, credit and gift-card machines are tied into servers in Eastern Canada.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to get this book…” *passes me the book and a gift card*

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our gift card system is down right now.”

    Customer: “This is bulls**t! My kids bought this card for me yesterday, and now I can’t use it?”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but we can put the book on hold for you.”

    Customer: “This is a scam! You guys are trying to rip me off!”

    Me: “Sir…”

    Customer: “Don’t call me sir!”

    Me: “Now, sir…”

    Customer: “Don’t call me sir! Call me an a**hole, but don’t call me sir!” *stomps out of the store*

    Related:
    A Bozo By Any Other Name

    Faux Naturale

    | Kingston, NY, USA |

    Me: “Good morning! What can I help you with today?”

    Customer: *stares*

    Me: “Ma’am, did you need help with something?”

    Customer: “How old are you?”

    Me: “I just turned 21 this week.”

    Customer: “21, eh? You know what I’m going to tell you next, don’t you?”

    Me: “Um, drink more?”

    Customer: “No! I was gonna tell you to shave your eyebrows! You look all…natural.”

    Me: “Oh…thank you?”

    Customer: “A girl your age shouldn’t look natural!”

    A Tale Of Time Traveling Tune-Ups

    | Norway | Top

    Customer: “Hi, I need to schedule an appointment to test my car. I need it as soon as possible!”

    Me: “Okay, let’s see. First available appointment is actually today. Would you like me to put you up for that?”

    Customer: “Hmm…I don’t know. I really do need it as soon as possible. Can you check to see if you have anything earlier?”

    Me: “Well, first available is today.”

    Customer: “I really need it before that.”

    Me: “Earlier than today?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Yeah, I don’t see how I could make that happen. Can you maybe tell me which day you would like?”

    Customer: “Yesterday?”

    Me: “Yesterday?”

    Customer: “Yes, that would be great!”

    Me: “Sorry, nothing available yesterday. How about tomorrow?”

    Customer: “Okay, I guess that’ll do…”

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