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  • No Fortitude For Longitude

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, hello. I ordered some shoes from your store and put it at a one day delivery. It said it was supposed to be delivered by 4:00 today, and it hasn’t been delivered yet.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. Where are you calling from?”

    Customer: “Dallas.”

    Me: “Dallas, Texas sir?”

    Customer: “You know any other Dallas?”

    (I check the time and see that it’s 3:00)

    Me: “Sir, it’s only 3:00.”

    Customer: “Now listen here son, just because it’s three o’clock where you are doesn’t mean it’s the same time over here!”

    Me: “Sir, Dallas is in the same time zone as Chicago.”

    Customer: “Boy, do I need to get you a map? Dallas is a million miles from Chicago!”

    Related:
    No Aptitude For Latitude

    Closing Early Has Grim Reaper-cussions

    | Midland, MI, USA |

    (The chain store has a pharmacy that closes at 7pm. A couple is at my lane at 8:30pm.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Not unless you can break into the pharmacy and get my wife’s prescription.”

    Me: *chuckle* “Sorry, sir, I can’t do that.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “She’s gonna die without it. Oh well.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “It’s okay, she’s old enough to die anyway.”

    Chip Off The Old (Cell) Block

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    (A customer calls in with the phone displaying an error. Per standard cell phone troubleshooting, the first step is to take the battery out and put it back in.)

    Caller: “When are you going to get this glitch fixed?”

    Me: “It’s not really a glitch, sir. It’s just general routine maintenance, like rebooting a computer.”

    Caller: “Don’t give me that s***! How stupid do you think I am! I know computers are not like cell phones! Computers have microchips and stuff in them, and cell phones are way too small to have microchips!”

    The Sound Of Silence

    | Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Listen, could you please just transfer me to your business services department, please?”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure they’re closed today. They always are on Saturdays.”

    Customer: “Transfer me there anyway.”

    Me: “Ma’am, nobody will answer the phone.”

    Customer: “Transfer me there ANYWAY!”

    On Sale: Humble Pie

    | Nova Scotia, Canada |

    Me: “Hello, how are you today? I see you have picked out a lot of our sale items today.”

    Customer: “Yes I did! I think these sales are great!”

    (I smile as I continue ringing in her items.)

    Customer: “Um, this cereal is $1.99, not $2.99.”

    Me: “It says right here that this cereal is $2.99. You must just be mistaken with another brand. It can get pretty confusing sometimes.”

    Customer: “No, that cereal is $1.99! You’re wrong! I know it is, I saw it like that on the shelf!”

    Me: “My apologies, the sign must be for another product. I will call someone to go check–”

    Customer: “No! The sign said that this cereal is 1.99! I will go and get it myself for you then!”

    Me: “It’s alright, I can just get one of our employees to go and check that for you, there is no need–”

    Customer: “I WILL SHOW YOU I AM RIGHT!”

    (The customer storms away, leaving me at the speedy checkout with a line of 10 people. She soon returns looking flustered.)

    Customer: “Debit, please.”

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