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    (No Way) Back To The Future

    | California, USA |

    (An oddly-dressed man approaches my concessions stand, looking a bit worried.)

    Me: “Hi there, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “What time is it?”

    Me: “About a quarter to 11.”

    Customer: “But what time EXACTLY is it?”

    Me: “Ah…it’s exactly 10:47, sir.”

    Customer: “AM or PM?”

    Me: “Um, AM.”

    Customer: “Thank you! And what day is it?”

    Me: “It’s Tuesday, sir.”

    Customer: “No, no! What is the day of the month?”

    Me: “It’s July 14th.”

    Customer: “Thank you. What is the year?”

    Me: “Um, 2009.”

    Customer: “10:47 am on July 14th, 2009? Oh no, I’m late!”

    Extremely Last Minute Shopping

    | Fairfax, VA, USA |

    Me: “Hello, ma’am! Is there something I can help you find?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for this jacket for a ski trip. Do you have this one?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. They are over there on that fixture. Let me know if I can check for a size in the back.”

    (The customer goes off, looks at the jackets then comes back.)

    Customer: “There wasn’t the size I needed on the rack. Could you check in the back?”

    Me: *checks in back* “Sorry, ma’am. We don’t have that size.”

    Customer: “What?! Why don’t you have it?”

    Me: “Well, I can order it for you. It will only take about a week.”

    Customer: “I can’t wait a week.”

    Me: “We can also expedite shipping. When do you leave?”

    Customer: “I’m on my way to the airport.”

    Howard Hughes Goes Shopping, Part 2

    | Clovis, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want to know if these clothes will fit.”

    Me: “Sure, our fitting room is right over there.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to try them on. I want to know if they will fit.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unless you try them on, I can’t say if they will fit or not.”

    Customer: “I do not try on clothes in store because they have other people’s cells in them. I do not want to touch other people’s cells. My neighbor had diseases and I burned his house down, and the guy at the 7-11 is sick so I don’t go in there no more!”

    Howard Hughes Goes Shopping


    | Virginia, USA |

    Customer: “Does this printer use ink?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “And I have to buy the ink separate?”

    Me: “Yes, once the ink runs out. It actually costs quite a bit compared to the two dollars this used printer is priced at.”

    Customer: “Oh, well I don’t want that. Where can I get a printer that doesn’t use ink?”

    Lost In Time And Retail Space

    | Billings, MT, USA | Top

    (I’ve worked in the store for over a year. There is also a small pin on my badge saying ‘serving you since 2008’.)

    Customer: “Hi! Are you new? I haven’t seen you here before.”

    Me: “Actually, no, I’ve worked here for a year and a half.”

    Customer: “No way! I shop here everyday! I’ve never seen you!”

    Me: “Sir, I assure you that I’ve worked here for that long. Look at my name badge.”

    Customer: “I want to see your manager! You’re a liar! It says you’ve been here since 2008!”

    Me: “I have.”

    Customer: “Who did you steal that pin from?”

    Me: “It’s mine.”

    (My manager comes over.)

    Manager: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “This girl is a liar! She’s says she worked here since 2008!”

    Manager: “She has.”

    Customer: “2008 hasn’t even happened yet!”

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