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    Acting Flippantly, Part 3

    | WI, USA |

    (A customer is calling in with internet problems.)

    Me: “Let me reset some of your equipment. It works best if your modem is off. Can you flip off the power switch for me?”

    Customer: “Is something supposed to change when I do that?”

    Me: “The LED’s on the front of the modem should go dark.”

    Customer: “They’re still on. I’ve been giving it the middle finger for 30 seconds now, and the lights are still on.”

    Related:
    Acting Flippantly, Part 2
    Acting Flippantly

    For Some, Reading Is Total Kabul

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    Patron: “I need some books on Afghanistan.”

    Me: “Okay, I can show you where that section is in the non-fiction.”

    (I lead the patron over. There are several books on the subject.)

    Patron: “So are these, like, books you have to read? Because my school library had some of those, but it’s not what I wanted.”

    Cross-Branding

    | Peotone, IL, USA |

    Customer: “Which is the better of these two cake mix brands?”

    Me: “Well, both are on sale. One does contain more trans-fats, though.”

    Customer: “Nah, I’ll go with this one. I’d rather use shortening than a stick of butter. Don’t want all of them…uh…transvestites.”

    Pseudo-Named And Shamed

    | London, UK |

    (I’m an author doing a book signing in a shop. I’m female with an obviously female name. The name is also on the book. There’s also a large poster with my name and photo on.)

    Customer: “When’s he going to get here?”

    Me: “Who?”

    Customer: “The author.”

    Me: “I’m the author.”

    Customer: “But, you’re a woman.”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh, I get it. You’re one of them pseudonym things.”

    The Times, They Are A Changing

    | Coral Springs, FL, USA |

    (On the overnight shift we are not allowed to open the safe. To make sure we have cash in our drawers, we put signs on all our debit card readers saying ‘No Cashback’.)

    Me: “Your total comes to $15.97.”

    (The customer hands me a 20 dollar bill, then reads the ‘No Cashback’ sign.)

    Customer: “So, I’m not going to get my change back?”

    Me: “Yes. Yes you are.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Good.”

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