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  • For (Not) Cryin’ Out Loud

    | Guam |

    Customer: “How much is that bracelet in the display case?”

    Me: “It’s $50.”

    Customer: “Wow, that’s expensive, but it’s nice. I’ll take it.”

    Me: “Okay, so your total is $50. We’re out of the store’s jewelry boxes, but I’d be happy to give you a gift bag for the bracelet.”

    Customer: “But you have some nice boxes here on the counter, and the bracelets in them are cheaper than the one I’m buying. Why don’t the more expensive bracelets come in a box?”

    Customer’s son: *looking embarrassed* “Mom, she doesn’t decide the prices.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Maybe there’s a wristwatch box that I can put this in.”

    (I get a box from the watch department and show it to the customer.)

    Me: “Is this box ok?”

    Customer: “This box…” *points to the jewelry boxes on the counter* “…is so much nicer. Can’t you take the bracelet out of the box and switch it with this one?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, those bracelets are attached to the boxes.”

    Customer’s son: “Mom, just take the watch box.”

    Customer: “Can you at least switch the price tags?”

    Customer’s son: *looks at her mom incredulously*

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll take it anyway, but I’ll have you know that I’m crying inside!”

    (Please Go) Back To The Future

    | Oxford, UK | Tourists/Travel

    (I work in a small store in Oxford when a busload of tourists comes in to buy large quantities of sweets.)

    Tourist: “We’re stocking up. We’re going to Stratford-on-Avon to see Shakespeare’s house.”

    Me: “Okay, but why don’t you just buy it when you get there?”

    (Several tourists stop what they are doing.)

    Tourist: “They sell candy in the 16th century?”

    Burn Me Twice, Flame On Me

    , | Australia |

    (Note: I’m a customer and overhear this conversation.)

    Worker: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

    Customer:“I bought this garlic bread, and I burnt my hands and my mouth.”

    Worker: “Oh, how did you burn both?”

    Customer: “It was too hot in my hands, so I put it in my mouth…”

    May Contain Scenes Of Flippered Violence

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me I’m looking for a movie, it has 2 actors in it.”

    Me: “Which two actors?”

    Customer: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “What was the movie about?”

    Customer: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “Do you know any part of the movie?”

    Customer: “There’s a huge conflict in the middle of it.”

    Me: “That could be almost any one of these movies.”

    Customer: “Oh, here it is! March of the Penguins!”

    Mmm, Hemoglobin

    | Lancashire, UK |

    (I am cleaning down the kitchen and I manage to cut my hand rather badly. There are no bandages in the kitchen so I wrap it in a cloth and go to find my manager out front.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, we’re ready to order our dessert.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to find a bandage at the moment. Could it wait a minute?”

    Customer: “Well, I only wanted some ice cream.”

    Me: *shows hand* “You want blood with that?”

    Customer: “Chocolate sauce, maybe?”

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