• Holy Guacamole, Get Off The Phone!
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    Do Unto Others

    , | Cape Carteret, NC, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (This takes place toward the end of my shift in the drive-thru. Everything has been slow for awhile.)

    Customer: “Two cheeseburgers and that’ll be it.”

    Me: “Okay sir, your total will be–”

    (The customer drives ahead to the window before I can finish.)

    Me: “Evening, sir. Your total will be $2.14.”

    Customer: “I KNOW how to add!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t give you your total.”

    Customer: *hands me money* “I know, I’m sorry.”

    Me: *makes change* “Long day?”

    Customer: “Yeah, lot of customers being a**holes.”

    Me: “Yeah. I know the feeling. Have a nice day!”

    Not For The Faint Of Puke

    | Anaheim, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (We often get calls asking about our various prank items.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [magic shop]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have fake barf?”

    Me: “Yes, we do. What kind do you need?”

    Customer: “What do you mean, ‘What kind?'”

    Me: “We carry regular, extra large, super chunky, and pet puke.”

    Customer: “That’s disgusting!”

    Me: “You asked.”

    More Than One Chimp By The Name Of George

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am working putting items on a display rack and a customer comes up to me.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you know George?”

    (I am thinking she is asking if someone named George works here.)

    Me: “George who?”

    Customer: “You know, the George.”

    Me: “George? George Bush, George Foreman? George…who?”

    Customer: “You know the George.”

    (At this point, the customer puts her hands up to her arm pits and starts acting like a monkey.)

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Do you mean Curious George?”

    Customer: “Yes! Yes, The Curious George…do you have him?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry we don’t have any Curious Georges.”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you!”

    Unnatural Selection

    | New Jersey, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (A woman is purchasing a long fish called a dojo loach.)

    Customer: “Now, will I need to fill the tank halfway and add some sand for it to crawl onto?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, it’s a fish.”

    Customer: *stares in confused silence*

    Me: “Fish don’t need to crawl onto land to breathe.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “It will be fine in a full aquarium.”

    Customer: “You’d better be right!” *leaves looking dissatisfied*

    From Facebook To Selling Books

    | London, UK | Books & Reading

    (I have been working at this bookstore for nearly 2 years.)

    Customer: “You work here now.”

    Me: *puzzled* “Yes.”

    Customer: “So, you no longer work on the Facebook?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’re Mark Zuckwhatever, right?”

    Me: “Mark Zuckerberg? No, that’s not me.”

    Customer: “It’s okay, your identity is safe with me!” *walks

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