Friends In Unusual Places

| New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Top

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a parcel.”

Me: “May I have your tracking number, please?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Your tracking number. All of our parcels have tracking numbers which the sender can give you if you do not have it.”

Customer: “Why don’t you have it?”

Me: “Because I didn’t send you the parcel.”

Customer: “So, who did then?”

Me: “Sir, do you not know who sent you the item?”

Customer: “No, but my neighbor just had something delivered and I want one too. So send me something now!”

(The caller then muffles the phone and I can hear what sounds like sobs.)

Me: “Sir, are you okay?”

Customer: “I’m so lonely and I just wanted to get a present!” *more sobbing*

Customer: “I’m so lonely!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Never mind, I’ll go now…”

Me: “Sir…wait. We do have a parcel for you. I just need to confirm your address to send it to you. It will be there this afternoon!”

(After he gives me his address, I have a quick whip around the call center and we get a card signed by the team, put in a few chocolate bars with other happy bits and pieces, and send it to him. He calls the next day and thanks us all. Now, he rings once a week on average, and we are all happy to chat with him.)

They Swim Upriver To Mate

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Tourists/Travel

Customer: “I would like to schedule a Grand Canyon white water rafting and whale watching trip, please.”

Me: “So you’d like a tour to go to the Grand Canyon and then a tour to the ocean for whale watching?”

Customer: “No, I want to see the whales at the Grand Canyon!”

Fertility Is A Contest

| Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout

(My coworker and I are talking in our tills since it’s a slow night when a woman walks up.)

Customer: “I have eggs. A lot of eggs.” *walks away*

Coworker: “Uh, that’s great?”

Supervisor: “Sorry, girls, she runs a baking charity. I believe she’s picking up 16 dozen eggs today.”

Not The Usual Third Wheel

| Rochester, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(I am the only girl on a team of 5-6 working in a computer repair store. There are always a few “regulars” that came in to seek help from me.)

Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “Yes.” *pause* “It’s my computer…”

Me: “Okay, what’s wrong?”

Customer: “Um, actually I was wondering if you would like to go get dinner or coffee or something sometime?”

Me: “Sir, I am married. Now, what is wrong with your computer?”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “What does being married have to do with going out?”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Oh, okay, fine! He can come too!”

Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide

| Bradenton, FL, USA | At The Checkout

(I am bagging a lady’s order when she asks me to go find some unflavored enhanced water drink for her–you know, the trendy, minimally flavored waters that come with vitamins.)

Me: “Ma’am, [enhanced water drink] doesn’t come in unflavored. Is there something else I can get you?”

Customer: “Yes, the unflavored one. You know, it has zero calories and no sugar.”

Me: “Is it still carbonated?”

Customer: “No, it’s uncarbonated too!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just called water.”

(I end up selling her a 24 pack of spring water.)

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