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    More Than One Chimp By The Name Of George

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am working putting items on a display rack and a customer comes up to me.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you know George?”

    (I am thinking she is asking if someone named George works here.)

    Me: “George who?”

    Customer: “You know, the George.”

    Me: “George? George Bush, George Foreman? George…who?”

    Customer: “You know the George.”

    (At this point, the customer puts her hands up to her arm pits and starts acting like a monkey.)

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Do you mean Curious George?”

    Customer: “Yes! Yes, The Curious George…do you have him?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry we don’t have any Curious Georges.”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you!”

    Unnatural Selection

    | New Jersey, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (A woman is purchasing a long fish called a dojo loach.)

    Customer: “Now, will I need to fill the tank halfway and add some sand for it to crawl onto?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, it’s a fish.”

    Customer: *stares in confused silence*

    Me: “Fish don’t need to crawl onto land to breathe.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “It will be fine in a full aquarium.”

    Customer: “You’d better be right!” *leaves looking dissatisfied*

    From Facebook To Selling Books

    | London, UK | Books & Reading

    (I have been working at this bookstore for nearly 2 years.)

    Customer: “You work here now.”

    Me: *puzzled* “Yes.”

    Customer: “So, you no longer work on the Facebook?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’re Mark Zuckwhatever, right?”

    Me: “Mark Zuckerberg? No, that’s not me.”

    Customer: “It’s okay, your identity is safe with me!” *walks

    Expired Pass And Expired Logic

    , | Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work in a call center for a travel company that sells attraction passes. We often get calls from customers that buy the products without actually reading the website, so they have no idea how the products work.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Excuse me, I am trying to get into [attraction] and they are not letting me in. Tell them that I have your card so I can get in.”

    (I get her card information so I can check the activity on her card.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it seems that your card expired yesterday. You only purchased a three day pass and all three days have been used.”

    Customer: “I know that. Get me into [attraction]!”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. If your pass has already expired, you cannot use it.”

    Customer: “So you’re telling me that if I used all three days on my pass, I can’t go to the attractions anymore?”

    Me: “That is correct. If you bought a three day pass and you used all three days, you will not be able to use the pass to get into any attractions.”

    Customer: “Well, nobody told me that! I want a refund for not being able to get into [attraction] today!”

    (This call goes on for 20 more minutes. Needless to say, she did not receive a refund.)

    Eyesight Only As Good As Hindsight

    | Anamosa, IA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I don’t work here. I am wearing work boots, jeans, and a muscle shirt, not anything close to the employee dress code. An elderly woman wearing glasses approaches me looking confused.)

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Can you help me find epoxy?”

    (Having just been in that section, I decide to just show her where it is.)

    Me: “Uh, sure. Follow me.”

    (I take her back to the hardware department and explain to her the different kinds and recommend one for her.)

    Customer: “Thank you so much.”

    Me: “You’re welcome, Have a nice day.”

    Customer: *adjusts glasses* “Oh my, you don’t work here, do you?”

    Me: “No, I do not.”

    Customer: “Well, thank you again sir.” *walks off*

    (My buddy comes by at this time and asks what I was doing.)

    Me: “Helping an old lady. I hope she’s not driving.”

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