Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Passing It Forward

    | A.C.T., Australia |

    Me: “How are you today sir?”

    Customer: “Ahhhhh…well, I’m pretty good now!”

    Me: “Now?”

    Customer: “I’ve just had a horrible stomach ache all day, but I just farted and I feel much better!”

    Me: “That’s…nice…”

    (The relieved customer leaves, but another customer approaches. They’re unaware of the previous conversation.)

    Another customer: “Can you smell something? Do you think it’s the meat? Does it smell off to you?”

    Me: “No, miss. I don’t think it’s the meat.”

    Blind To Reason

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

    (A customer walks in with a small dog in her purse.)

    Me: “Excuse me, miss, but you can’t have your dog in here. You’ll need to leave it in your car.”

    Customer: “Why? Chanel is my baby! There is no way I could leave her in my car!”

    Me: “Miss, having your dog in here is unsanitary. She has to go back into your car before you can shop.”

    Customer: “That is so dumb! Let me speak to your manager!”

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, miss?”

    Customer: “This girl says I can’t have my dog in here! But I totally should be allowed to. Babies are allowed in, and Chanel is my baby!”

    Manager: “Babies are a different story, miss.”

    Customer: “My dog could die if I leave her in the car!”

    (A clearly blind man now comes in with his seeing eye dog.)

    Customer: “You let that guy with his dog in! This is sexual discrimination!”

    Manager: “Miss, that man is blind. We can’t tell him to leave his dog outside.”

    Customer: “So, only blind people can have their dogs in the store?”

    Manager: “That’s right.”

    (The customer leaves, and my manager disappears. 10 minutes later, the customer returns. She is wearing sunglasses and has her dog on a leash.)

    Me: “Miss, I’ve already told you this. You need to leave your dog in your car.”

    Customer: “But I’m blind and this is my seeing dog!”

    Me: “You weren’t blind 10 minutes ago, and you aren’t blind now. Please leave, or I will have you escorted out.”

    Customer: “Fine, I’ll shop somewhere else! God, you people are so dumb!”

    Being That Stupid Is Quite A Feet

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    Customer: “How big do people usually make fleece blankets?”

    Me: “For people under six foot they’re usually 2 1/2 yards, and for over six feet, three yards.”

    (The customer is silent for a moment, giving me a confused stare.)

    Customer: “I’m just no good with metric yards.”

    Was Gonna Say Stupid, But She Already Called It

    | Charlotte, NC, USA |

    Caller: *sighs* “Well, I’m glad somebody decided to answer the phone over there. I’ve been trying to get through to you all day, but all I get is a busy signal!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the phone has barely rung here all day. Are you sure you were calling the right number?”

    Caller: “What? Of COURSE I was! I was calling the number on this here invoice you all sent me last week.”

    Me: “I see. Do you mind reading the phone number to me?”

    Caller: “It’s 704-366…oh. Now wait a minute. That’s MY number. Well, no wonder I kept getting a busy signal. I’ve been calling myself all day long!”

    Caught Calling The Kettle Black

    | Australia |

    (Note: ‘Where The Wild Things Are’ has just been released at the cinema. When movies come out, the book usually sky rockets in popularity.)

    Me: “Good morning, how can I help you today?”

    Patron: “Hi, I was wondering if you have a copy of Where The Wild Things Are?”

    Me: “I’m sure we do, but I have to warn you that since it has just come out at the movies, there will probably be a waiting list.”

    (I look up the book, and sure enough there are 12 reservations)

    Me: “I’m sorry, there are currently 12 reservations in place. I can put you down for a reservation but you probably won’t get it for another 4-6 months.”

    Patron: “What? That’s ridiculous! It’s such an old book. Why are people suddenly interested?”

    Me: “Well, when a movie is made out of a book, people are suddenly interested in reading the book.”

    Patron: “That’s stupid. I don’t see why they should want to read it just because the movie has come out.”

    Me: “Why did you want to read it?”

    Patron: “Because the movie has just come out!”

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