Life Sucks When You’re Not American

| Cornwall, UK |

Me: “Thanks, and have a nice day!”

Customer: “Don’t tell me to have a nice day! We’re not in America!”

Me: “Sorry…don’t have a nice day?”

Customer: “I won’t, because I’m British!”

Wake Up And Sell The Coffee

| Toronto, ON, Canada |

(Near the end of the morning rush, I’m making lattes, cappuccinos, etc.)

Me: “I don’t feel so great.” *faints*

(As I come to, I not only hear my manager on the phone with 911 but the following…)

Customer: “Isn’t anyone going to make my latte?”

For The FBI, The M.O. On This PDF Is TBD

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

Customer: “My pedophile won’t print.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I sent my pedophile to print but it won’t come out the printer.”

Me: “Oh, you mean PDF file? As in Adobe PDF?”

Customer: “Yeah, that.”

Makeup Quiz For A Madeup Flu

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, School

(A student who has missed class and calls me a day later to explain her absence.)

Student: “I need to take the quiz I missed yesterday.”

Me: “Remember, quizzes cannot be made up.”

Student: “I missed class yesterday because my son is sick.”

Little voice in the background: “Momma, I’m sick?”

Open Doors May Require Open Minds

| Richmond, VA, USA | Extra Stupid

Visitor: “Excuse me, miss, is that a door?” *points to the door as two people walk through it*

Me: “Yes?”

Visitor: “Oh…well, can I walk through it?”

Me: “Yup, you sure can.”

Visitor: “Are you sure? I don’t remember there being a door here before.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that you are staring at a real door and it is perfectly safe to use.”

Visitor: “I’m confused. I’m just going to use the doors downstairs.”

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