Local And Lost

| Corpus Christi, TX, USA | Geography

(A customer has just moved from Hawaii to Oregon not too long ago, and needs a number to a different department who had different business hours.)

Me: “They are open 7 AM to 10 PM, your local time.”

Customer: “Okay.” *pause* “Does that mean my local time in Hawaii or my local time in Oregon?”

Me: “What state are you in?”

Customer: “Oregon.”

Me: “Okay, then that means your local time is Oregon time.”

Customer: *pause* “But I used to live in Hawaii. Shouldn’t that be my local time?”

Me: “Um, but you live in Oregon now, which makes that your local time. You’re not in Hawaii anymore.”

Customer: *unconvinced* “Okay, bye.”

Not Always Right: Official FREE iPhone/iPod App

iPhone/iPod Touch | Uncategorized

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Folie A Deux

| Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(I am working in the men’s department when a well-dressed, handsome man comes up with a few pairs of pants. Most of them are one size, while one or two are one size larger than that.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

Me: “I see here that these are one size larger than the others. Did you need the two different sizes?”

Customer: *sheepishly* “Yes, actually, I do.”

Me: “I was just checking. Sometimes clothes don’t get put back in the proper piles and sizes get mixed up.” *continues ringing him up* “Are you purchasing these as a gift? We can provide you with a gift box.”

Customer: “Oh, no, both sizes are for me.” *leans in to whisper* “You see, I need one size for most of the time, and another for… that time of the month.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Don’t judge me! My wife cooks fattier foods for a whole week when…you know! It’s like Thanksgiving every night for a week!”

Me: “Oh, wow. I can’t imagine what she’s like while pregnant.”

Customer: *visibly pales* “I hadn’t thought of that. Oh, no. I can’t have that happen! I’ll get FAT!”

The 99%

| Palm Bay, FL, USA | Top

(Usually, I cashier at my store. It is slow, so I am called to work on the floor.)

Customer: *recognizing me* “Oh, hey, I didn’t know you worked on the floor!”

Me: “It’s slow, so they put me to work out here.”

Customer: “I’m surprised they didn’t just send you home. This place is a graveyard at this time!”

Me: *laughing* “Afraid they don’t do that. If you have a pulse and can stand in one place, you’re good for work!”

Customer: “But you do go home right?”

Me: *jokingly* “Home? No, they have a big cage in the back where they lock us up overnight until they need us again.”

Customer: *horrified* “Well, I never! I’m never shopping here again if they use slaves!” *storms away before I can say I am only kidding*

(My shift ends and I’m leaving. I overhear the managers talking.)

Manager #1: “Some woman called to complain about our slaves.”

Manager #2: *grinning* “Dang, how’d she find out about that?!”

The Real Reason For Head-On Collisions

, | Stockton, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am a claims adjuster talking to a driver recently involved in a car accident. I am asking him questions to hear his side of the story of what happened.)

Me: “So there are 3 lanes on this highway? Were you in the left, middle, or right lane?”

Driver: “The right lane.”

(The police report indicates differently.)

Me: “Are you sure you are in the right lane?”

Driver: *thinking* “No, no, I was in the LEFT lane! You see, I’m left-handed, so everything is reversed for me.”

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