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    Suddenly, Everything Just Clicked

    , | Saskatoon, SK, Canada |

    (I am helping an elderly caller troubleshoot her computer issue, and I ask her to unplug her router. I hear a strange noise, after which her voice sounds very distant.)

    Caller: “Okay, it’s unplugged.”

    Me: “You sound really far away, ma’am. Did you drop the phone or something?”

    Caller: “No, all I did was open the window… oh!”

    (The caller starts laughing hysterically, and I can now hear her clearly.)

    Me: “What happened, ma’am?”

    Caller: “I was accidentally holding the mouse to my ear instead of the phone!”

    Not-So-Immaculate Conceptions

    | Sioux Falls, SD, USA |

    (I’m cleaning a table that a young couple just left and find a used tampon floating in their old drink and a pregnancy test hiding in their napkin. I turn around to see a frantic woman.)

    Customer: “Where is it?!”

    Me: “Uh…excuse me?”

    Customer: “I left some personal things here – what happened to them?”

    (I look at my tub and then back at her. She looks at my tub and then back at me, and suddenly turns pale.)

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am?”

    Customer: *suddenly quiet* “Do you remember what the result was?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Well, that’s just f****** great! Thanks for nothing!”

    Please See The Sci-Fi Section

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    Customer: “What is this Blu-ray thing? Are they like movies?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, they are like DVDs, but with better graphics and sound. Let me show you this packet we have that explains it.”

    (I show her the packet.)

    Customer: “OK, well, do you have any movies that are 3-D?”

    Me: “We have The Polar Express and the Hannah Montana concert, but those are not going to be near the quality that you see in the theaters.”

    Customer: “Oh. What about holograms? Do you have any movies on holograms?”

    Me: “What? No, those don’t really exist ma’am…”

    Customer: “Oh. I’ll just come back later and check then.”

    Related:
    Please See The Time Travel Section

    Shoot First, Worry About Living Later

    | Washington, USA |

    (I work for a propane company, and I had the following customer call in one day.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Your damn tank is hissing at me!”

    Me: “Well, that sounds like a gas leak sir. How large is the leak, and can you see where it’s coming from?”

    Customer: “It’s coming from the d*** hole in the tank where I shot it!”

    Me: …you shot our propane tank?”

    Customer: “How else was I suppose to get the gas out?”

    Symphony In Underage Minor

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Top

    (I work at a music store which also offers private lessons. There’s a student practicing on a piano when another customer comes in.)

    Me: “Welcome to [music store], how may I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like a to buy a piano for my son. He’s starting lessons next week.”

    Me: “Digital, upright, or grand?”

    Customer: “I just want a piano!”

    Me: “Certainly. This is the Roland RD-700GX, which–”

    Customer: “Is that girl for sale with that piano?” *points to the girl*

    Me: “Uh, no, ma’am. That is a student. She’s just practicing.”

    Customer: “Well, I want that girl to teach my son! How much does she cost?”

    Me: “Ma’am, she is NOT for sale.”

    Customer: “She’s not? But she’s sitting right there! This is false advertisement!”

    Me: “We sell pianos, ma’am. Not children.”

    Customer: “But it’ll be so romantic to have that playing in the background during meals!”

    Me: “Ma’am. For the last time, she is not for sale. Please stop.”

    Customer: *walks over to girl* “Hello!”

    Girl: “Uh…hi?”

    Customer: “How much do you cost?”

    Girl: *without missing a beat* “Lady, you must be really desperate if you’re looking for a hooker in a music store!”

    Customer: *quickly leaves the store*


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