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    Driving Miss Ditzy

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. Would you like me to take your groceries to your car?”

    Customer: “…into MY car?”

    Me: “Yes, I can do that for you.”

    Customer: “You want a lift in my car!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I can take your groceries to your car for you and return the trolley.”

    Customer: “But I still have groceries in my trolley! You can’t take my trolley yet! I’m not done!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you want to do it yourself, that’s fine.”

    Customer: “Wait! I need help!”

    Me: “Alright, where did you park your car?”

    Customer: “Hold on! Why the h*** do you need to know where my car is?”

    Me: “So I can put your things in there.”

    Customer: “No, this doesn’t sound right. I’m onto you!”

    (The customer shuffles away with her trolley, periodically turning around to look at me suspiciously.)

    Fast, Furious, And Fined

    | Cadillac, MI, USA |

    (I’m a police officer and have just pulled over a driver for speeding.)

    Me: “Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?”

    Driver: “Yes…I was speeding.”

    Me: “Ah, so you know you were speeding.”

    Driver: “Yes, but I’ve got a movie due back in eight minutes!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but that’s not a real reason to be speeding–”

    Driver: “Well, fine! You pay the one dollar late fee!”

    Sue-icidal

    | London, UK |

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, my brother bought one of your phones and had it shipped to my address. Now it’s here and I don’t want it here. Can you send somebody to take it back?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think we offer that kind of service. It’s up to you whether you hold onto it for your brother or post it back to us.”

    Customer: “What?! I don’t want to be dealing with all this hassle!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I suggest you take this up with your brother, since he provided the shipping address.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I can’t believe you won’t collect it! What would your company do if I killed myself over this, hmm? Because if I do, I’m going to sue your manager!”

    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2

    | United Kingdom |

    Me: “Hi there, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. I need a…” *looks a hand written list* “…wireless Ethernet cable?”

    Me: “A…wireless cable?”

    Customer: “Oh, do they not make them anymore?”

    Related:
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless

    Saved By The Boss

    | Summerville, SC, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. What can I–”

    Caller: “F*** YOU, B****! YOU G**D*** WOMEN HAVE NO F***ING RIGHT TO BELITTLE ME! B****!”

    Me: “Um, sir, I think you have the wrong–”

    Caller: “I SAID F*** YOU!”

    Me: “Sir, this is tech support.”

    Caller: “What?! Um…I mean…um…” *click*

    (A few moments later, the phone rings again and I answer.)

    Me: “Hello, tech support. What may I–”

    Same caller: “F*** YOU!”

    Me: “Sir, you have the wrong number.”

    Same caller: *click*

    (My boss who has been observing this the whole time decides to step in.)

    Boss, to me: “I’ll handle the phone now.”

    (Not surprisingly, the phone rings again. My boss picks it up, and before the guy on the other end can say anything…)

    Boss: “Sir, if you keep pressing redial, you will keep reaching the wrong number.”

    Same caller: “Oh, s***!” *click*

    (He didn’t call back.)

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