Wait ‘Til You Hear ‘Bout Our Latest Pro-mo

| Orange County, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(Two obviously gay men are ordering concessions. I successfully upsell their purchase to a large popcorn.)

Customer: *jokingly* “Wow you’re quite a salesman!”

Coworker: “Yeah, he can sell stink to a hobo!”

Customer: *laughs*

Customer’s partner: *completely mortified*

Customer, to his partner: “No, no, he said HOBO!”

(Not The) Scent Of A Woman

| Newton, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(A female customer is looking at the perfume display.)

Customer: “Excuse me, it says that this smaller bottle of [brand] perfume is the same price as this larger bottle of [brand] perfume. But they are the same product.”

Me: “Actually, this larger one is men’s cologne and this smaller one is women’s perfume.”

Customer: “No, no, they’re both for women. You’re looking at the wrong one.”

Me: “No, ma’am, if you look right here, this larger one says ‘por homme’ on it. That means ‘for men’.”

Customer: “No, they’re both for women. See how this one is light blue? That means for girls.”

Me: *giving up* “My mistake, ma’am.”

(On the bright side, the next time she came in, she smelled like a man.)

Whiney Wine

| Wiltshire, UK | Uncategorized

(I work in a supermarket with a reputation for having an upper middle class customer base. It is a very, very busy Saturday and I’m trying to run people through as quickly as possible. Note I’m underage and can’t sell alcohol without the permission of a supervisor.)

Me: “I’ll just page someone of age to ring the wine through. Is it okay for me to do everything else first?”

Customer: “Whatever, just get on with it.”

(I start ringing everything else through, watching out for my supervisors. All of them are busy dealing with other customers and situations.)

Customer: “Do the wine now.”

Me: “Madam, I can scan it, but I can’t allow you to pay for it until it’s been run through by my supervisor.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not? Just run it through!”

Me: “I’m 17, madam. It’s against the law for me to buy or sell alcohol and I don’t have the option to bypass the supervisor authorization even if I wanted to.”

Customer: “So you don’t want to?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You don’t want to get someone to do it, do you?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand–”

(Before I know it, the woman has turned around and stormed up to another employee, who isn’t from the section and is also underage.)

Customer: “There you are! I’ve been waiting forever for someone to do this alcohol because that girl won’t do it! Now, get over here and do it!”

Coworker: “Madam, I’m not from this section. I’m just collecting trolleys. I can’t process your alcohol.”

(The customer storms around the checkouts hunting for someone else, as I sit mortified at my till. Eventually, she finds one of the supervisors. After a barrage of anger, her alcohol is processed.)

Knowing Is Half The Battle

| Ohio, USA | Food & Drink

(I’m a server in my restaurant. The Sunday lunch crowd is usually the elderly. An older gentleman and his wife are seated, and I take their drink order.)

Me: “Would you like anything else to drink besides water?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a drink.”

Me: “Okay, what kind?”

(He doesn’t respond and looks at me for a while.)

Me: “We have canned soda: Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Dr. Pepper, Mt. Dew, Sunkist, iced tea, hot tea, coffee–”

Customer: “Yes, I want a can.”

Me: “Um, I…” *smile* “Which one?”

(He stares at me for a good while, like I should know better. Finally, his wife chimes in.)

Wife: “He’d like a Coke, please.”

Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2

| Fresno, CA, USA | Food & Drink

(I am working as the host at a family restaurant. It’s particularly busy night, so I am taking down names on the wait list.)

Me: “Hey, how’s it going?”

Customer: “It’s going to be 6 with 2 kids.”

Me: “So, a total of 6 people?”

Customer: “No, 8!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Okay, a total of 8. I got you down.”

(Their party has to wait for around 30 minutes to be seated. Right after we seat them, the woman comes back up to the front.)

Customer: “Um, excuse me! How do you expect us to fit at this table?!”

Me: “Well, that table can usually hold 8 people. It seats four on one side, and four on the other.”

Customer: “But we have 13 people!”

Me: “Ma’am, when I asked you the total amount of people, you told me 8.”

Customer: “No, I told you 8 adults and 3 children!”

Me: “But that only adds up to 11–”

Customer: “That doesn’t matter! We can’t fit!”

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Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

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