July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

D Is For Definitely Shiny

| Wyckoff, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer walks to my register with a Halloween decoration in tow. It’s a cheap cardboard statue of a cartoon-looking black cat covered in a shiny plastic material.)

Customer: “So, why is this 3D?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

(I peer at the tag. It says “3D Cat”.)

Me: “Oh, that’s because it’s 3D.”

Customer: “No, I mean why is it ‘D’? Is it because it’s shiny?”

(A multitude of thoughts are racing through my head at this point. I debate the prospect of explaining to her what 3D actually means. In the end, I decide it’s easier to just agree with her.)

Me: “Exactly! It’s really sparkly and that’s why it’s called a 3D cat. Would you like to purchase it?”

Customer: “Oh, definitely!”

Forever Dumb

| Wisconsin, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I am wondering: how long are the ‘forever’ stamps good for?”

Me: “They are good forever.”

Customer: “So, I can still use them when the rate goes up? I don’t have to throw them away?”

Me: “They are ‘forever’ stamps. They can be used ‘forever’, regardless if the rate goes up.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I wasn’t sure what was meant by ‘forever’…”

Instant Rebate, Instant Headache

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you work in this department?”

Me: “No, but I’d be happy to help you if you have a question.”

Customer: “How does this rebate work?”

Me: “This is an instant rebate. All you need to do is to take the item to any register and you’ll get the item for the rebate price.”

Customer: “How long does it take?”

Me: “Our instant rebates happen instantly.”

Customer: “Do I get a store credit, or something?”

Me: “No, you get the rebate right away, so you just pay a lower price.”

Customer: “I don’t have a lot of time today. How long does it take?”

Me: “It happens instantly, ma’am.”

Customer: “Maybe I should find someone who works in this department!” *walks off*

Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan

| Florida, USA | Geography, Tourists/Travel

(I work for a very well known cruise line in Florida. More likely than not, the crew members are not from the US. The people in the terminal on the other hand, are usually locals.)

Me: “Welcome to [cruise line], how are you today?”

Customer: *turning to wife* “Honey, she’s foreign.”

(He then turns back to me, flashes a huge smile, and starts speaking in incredibly slow English)

Customer: “Hello!” *glances at my name tag* “My! I’ve never heard of a country called ‘Guestlogistics’! Where is that?”

Me: “Sir, that’s my position here at the terminal. I’m actually from around here.”

Customer: “Is that in Europe?”

Me: “No, I’m from [next town over].”

Customer: *blank stare* “Okay…anyway, we’re all here to check in.”

What’s Your Poison

| New Zealand | Health & Body

(I’m a pharmacist in a rural area. A shop assistant calls me out from the dispensary to talk to a customer, who is a slightly intoxicated middle aged woman.)

Customer: “This medicine made my partner sick! Violently sick!”

Me: “Let me see. Has he had any alcohol?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Are you sure? Not even a little?”

Customer: “He doesn’t drink. Maybe only a little, but he wasn’t drunk.”

Me: “It clearly says on the label that you must not drink any alcohol while being treated with this medicine.”

Customer: “But he didn’t drink much at all. A beer shouldn’t matter, should it?”

Me: “It contains enough alcohol to–”

Customer: “But, like, you can even drive if you only drink a beer!”

Me: “That has nothing to do with–”

Customer: “I think he’d better not take this medicine. It made him violently sick!”

Me: “I think he should–”

Customer: “Thanks, I’ll tell him what you said. This medicine is a poison!” *turns around and walks out*

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