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    Stir, Yes, Sir!

    , | Rochester, NY, USA |

    Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [fast food restaurant]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Medium! Coffee! Two! Equal!”

    Coworker: “Okay, will that be all?”

    Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Coffee! Two! Cream! Three! Equal!”

    Coworker: “Okay, two medium coffees. Will that be all?”

    Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Honey! Lemon! Tea! Three! Splendid!”

    Coworker: “Okay, will there be anything else?”

    Customer: “YESSS! Large! Coffee! French Vanilla! Double! Double!”

    Coworker: “Is that all?”

    Customer: “YESSS!”

    Hair In Mid-air

    | Orem, UT, USA |

    (A customer brings in a beautiful long haired Shih Tzu for a trim up. As I am petting the dog, I feel that she is very matted.)

    Me: “I am sorry, but Missy is very matted. She needs to be shaved down very close to her skin.”

    Customer: “Oh no, she’s not matted. Can’t you see how long her fur is? I brush her every day.”

    Me: “I’m sure you do, ma’am, but you are only getting the hair on top. The hair on the bottom has become very matted and needs to be shaved.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just shave the bottom and leave the top?”

    It Was A Love/Hate/Poison Relationship

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “Hello. How do you have strawberries so late in the season?”

    Me: “They are a special breed called Everbearing. They last until the frost comes.”

    Customer: “How did they get such a breed?”

    Me: “Well, they bred them especially for this.”

    Customer: “So they were genetically modified? That causes cancer!”

    Me: “I’m sure they won’t give you cancer. There are other things that cause cancer, but–”

    Customer: “Don’t tell me what causes cancer! Don’t you think I know what causes cancer?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “It’s okay, I’ll take a basket. They’re for my sister.”

    Barefoot And Barely Conscious

    , | Winnipeg, Canada |

    Manager: “*** Shoes, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Shoes? What kind of store is this? I have a bill here from you.”

    Manager: “It’s a shoe store.”

    Customer: “A shoe store?”

    Manager: “A shoe store.”

    Customer: “Shoes?”

    Manager: “Yes, a shoe store.”

    Customer: “A masseuse? ”

    Manager: “No, a shoe store.”

    Customer: “What are shoes?”

    Manager: “…you wear them on your feet?”

    Customer: “Shoes?” *pauses* “Oh, shoes! Oh, right! It says that right on my bill here!” *hangs up*

    You Have No Brrraaaiiins

    | Toronto, Canada |

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [theater]!”

    Customer: “Hi. Is Dead Snow a horror movie?”

    Me: “Kind of…it’s about zombies.”

    Customer: “So, it’s a documentary?”

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