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    Hard Drugs And Harder Pharmacists

    | Mount Holly, NJ, USA | Top

    (A teen approaches my cash register very slowly.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Gimme all the f***ing medicine!”

    (The teen pulls out an airsoft pistol with orange tip still glued to the front.)

    Me: “The pharmacy is in the back of the store.”

    Customer: “Oh…okay.”

    (He holsters the air-soft gun in his belt and darts down the aisles to the back of the store. My manager comes out of the back room because of the commotion.)

    Manager: “Who was that?”

    Me: “Some kid looking for drugs. He went back to the pharmacy.”

    Manager: “Why didn’t you call the police?”

    (The teen runs screaming from the back of the store out of the front door followed closely by the pharmacy technician, a 35 year old boxer built like a fridge.)

    Me: “Doug started working today.”

    How About “Shop Around The Clock”

    | Canterbury, England, UK |

    (A customer comes up to our customer service desk complaining about music playing in our store.)

    Customer: “I want you to take that last song off the speakers.”

    Me: “Umm, ‘Don’t Upset The Rhythm’? Is that the one?”

    Customer: “The one that goes ‘Go Baby Go Baby Go’?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “Yes, take it off. It’s pressuring me to hurry my shopping!”

    A High Credit Limit

    , | Hamilton, ON, Canada |

    (A customer comes up to the register at about 11 pm, looking a little out of it.)

    Customer: “Hi, how much is a double cheeseburger?”

    Me: “With tax, it comes to $1.46.”

    Customer: “Oh…okay…” (Searches through his pockets and comes up with 63 cents.) “Can I pay with this much cash and the rest on debit?”

    Me: “Sure, that’s no problem. I’ll have to do the debit portion first.”

    Customer: “Normally, I’d pay with the whole thing on debit, but I just bought a bunch of pot and I don’t know what’s left in my account.”

    Me: “How did you manage to buy pot with your debit card?”

    Customer: “Oh man! My dealer is so great! He just got one of those portable debit machines! He comes right to my house!”

    Me: “Well, if you could just swipe your card…”

    Customer: “Oh no! I didn’t protect my pin. What if you saw it?”

    Me: “Oh, don’t worry sir, I was over there I wasn’t even watching, and anyways I have a terrible memory.”

    Customer: “Ok, well it’s 6969. That’s my favorite number!”

    (After leaving with his food I had to chase after him, as he had left his debit card in the machine.)

    Sticky Situations

    | Kansas, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, yes. I accidentally ordered an on demand movie because my select button was stuck and as I was trying to unstick it, the movie got ordered and I need to stop it.”

    Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Just hit the stop button on the remote.”

    Customer: “Okay, it’s stopped.”

    Me: “And what was the name of the movie?”

    (Customer tells me the title of an adult movie.)

    Me: “So let me get this straight: in the process of unsticking your select button you pressed the down arrow 3 times, the right arrow 2 times, the right arrow again, and the down button 4 times?”

    Customer: *gasps* “You pervert!” *click*

    Aspirin(g) To Be A Better Doctor

    | United Kingdom | Top

    (My husband works for the out of hours service and drives/assists the doctors with their house calls. I’m a veterinary nurse and as we work in the same area we often see the same people. At 2 am, the phone rings.)

    Me: “Uh, hello?”

    Husband: “Hi, my love. It’s just me. The doctor has a question for you about some meds. Do you mind talking to him?”

    Me: “No problem, put him on.”

    Doctor: “Hi, we’re at a patient’s house now. She’s worried because she accidentally took her cat’s medication. The thing is, she’s decanted the tablets into a tub and has lost the label. Can you tell me what they are?”

    Me: “Well, give me a description of the tablets, I’ll see if I can recognise the med code.”

    Doctor: “The pills are round, white and have A-S-P-I-R-I-N stamped on them.”

    Me: “Seriously? Are you kidding me?”

    (This clearly sets the doctor off, as he goes off on the following tirade:)

    Doctor: “No! You said you would help! What’s your problem, for f*** sake! I have a patient that may be poisoned and you’re being a b****! It’s my JOB on the line here, do you understand that? MY JOB, I don’t know why I listened to that b**** driver what would you know anyway you are just some idiot nurse for f***ing animals nobody would give a s**t what you say you ignorant cow!”

    Me: “It’s an aspirin…spelled A-S-P-I-R-I-N.”

    Doctor: *prolonged silence* “I guess I should say sorry now, right?”


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