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    Wrong About The Right

    | Leicestershire, UK |

    (I’m filling out a return slip for a customer.)

    Customer: “Oh! You’re a lefty!”

    Me: “Err no, this is my right hand.”

    Customer: “But it’s on my left!”

    Me: “It’s still my right hand.”

    Third Tail’s A Charm

    | Sanibel, FL, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’m planning to stay here for a few days and just wanted to find out whether I can bring pets.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our hotel has a strict no pet policy.”

    Customer: “So I can’t bring my dog?”

    Me: “No, I’m afraid not.”

    Customer: “But it’s tiny, doesn’t shed, and I guarantee I’ll always let it out in time.”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “What about my cat?”

    Me: “No pets, sir.”

    Customer: “Alright, fine.” *stands around for several moments* “So my wife can bring her hamster, right?”

    How About A Chia Pet Instead

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (I walk up to a customer and her family holding one of our pet store rabbits.)

    Me: “So, are you ready to buy that rabbit?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I think I’m going to. What do rabbits need?”

    Me: “Well, the first thing a rabbit needs is a good home. We have a nice selection of cages start.”

    Customer: “I think I’ll just put it in with my guinea pig.”

    Me: “Well, that really isn’t a good idea. They should really have separate cages.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll put the guinea pig somewhere else. What else do rabbits need?”

    Me: “Vitamins are good for rabbits, especially younger bunnies who are making their first move–”

    Customer: “Can’t I use ferret vitamins?”

    Me: “Well, no, because rabbits are herbivores and ferrets are carnivores. They have different nutritional needs.”

    Customer, to husband: “I don’t need any vitamins!”

    Customer’s husband: “Well, what about food?”

    Me: “We have a large assortment of rabbit food. The more colorful ones that contain dried fruits and vegetables are really going to help your rabbit, especially if you don’t plan on feeding it fresh fruits and vegetables.”

    Customer: “Can’t I just feed it cat food?”

    At Least They Made It To The Paper Anniversary

    | Greensboro, NC, USA |

    (I am waiting to bag a couple’s groceries. The man walks to the end of the register and looks me straight in the eyes.)

    Customer: *out of earshot of wife* “Let me tell you something.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: “If you ever think you love a woman and want to marry her, run away.”

    Me: *chuckling* “Alright, I’ll keep that in mind. So, are plastic bags okay?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s fine.”

    (As I put items into a plastic bag, the man’s wife joins him.)

    Customer’s Wife: “Oh, can we actually have paper bags?”

    Customer: “I can’t even make this decision?”

    Latte In The Translation

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    Customer: “I want a vanilla iced latte.”

    Cashier: “Okay, anything else?”

    Customer: “No.”

    (I make the drink for the customer and give it to her.)

    Me: “Here you are, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What is this? It isn’t a vanilla iced latte!”

    Me: “Yes it is, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What? No! I said I wanted a vanilla iced LA…TEA!”

    Me: “I’m not sure what you mean… we do have iced tea.”

    Customer: “I wanted a LA-TEA!”

    Customer’s husband: “She wants an iced coffee.”

    Customer: “Yes! Why are you people so stupid?! I always say the wrong thing. You should know by now what I want!”

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