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    Questionable Intelligence

    | Alabama, USA |

    Me: “Good afternoon. Thank you for calling [hotel]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, can you tell me what room is beside 106?”

    Me: “Um…room 107?”

    Customer: “That’s the one! Thanks so much!” *hangs up*

    Over(bear)ing Demand

    , | Louisville, KY, USA |

    (A customer in his late 20s walks into the store looking confused.)

    Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”

    Customer: “My niece is asking for something. I don’t know if it exists or not, but she asked for a rainbow colored bear that smells like fruit.”

    Me: “Actually, sir, I know exactly what you are talking about.”

    (I lead him to the girls section where there is a new toy bear in stock. It’s multicolored and is scented like bubble gum.)

    Me: “Here you go, sir!”

    Customer: “Oh, is this all you have?”

    Me: “Well, there are other bears but this is the only scented one.”

    Customer: “I’m just not sure this is it.”

    Me: “I can assure you sir, this is the only rainbow colored and fruit scented bear toy in the entire store.”

    Bagging A Deal

    , | Vancouver, Canada |

    Me: “Hello. Just so you know you with your purchase you can get any of these movies for $5.99, you save–”

    Customer: “No! You know what? I am sick and tired of you people offering me things. I can’t come to the d*** mall without getting offered a deal. If I want something I will tell you, and you will give it to me. Understand?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Here’s your purchase.”

    Customer: “Aren’t you going to offer me a bag?”

    Some Years Are More Golden Than Others

    | New Mexico, USA |

    (Note: I work at a restaurant where I have to wear an extremely conservative uniform with minimal makeup and jewelry. I’m serving two elderly ladies.)

    Me: “Hey guys, how are y’all doing today? What can I get for you to drink?”

    Customer #1: “Coffee.”

    Customer #2: “Me too, please.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll have that right out for you.”

    Customer #1 to #2: “Doesn’t she look like a gold digger?”

    Customer #2: “I was thinking the same thing!” *to me* “Honey, are you a gold digger?”

    Me: “Um, no, ma’am. I am just a waitress.”

    Customer #1: “Well, come on now dear. It’s obvious that you’re a gold digger.”

    Customer #2: “It’s nothing to be ashamed of! Be proud! In all my years of living, I’ve learned it’s the best thing to do–be a gold digger!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer #2: “It’s okay to be a gold digger, honey. I’m sure you’re a very good one! You look like you’d be great at it.”

    Customer #1: “Yes! Well, I’m glad we know that you’re a gold digger now. I’m proud of you. I’d like cream with my coffee.”

    Me: “O…Okay, I’ll have that right out…”

    When Free Advice Gets Expensive

    | Vernon, BC, Canada | Top

    (A customer approaches me with a new Blu-ray movie.)

    Me: “Ah. Blu-ray is a great choice, it looks amazing.”

    Customer: “Great! I’m so excited to watch my first Blu-ray. We just setup the PVR this morning.”

    Me: “PVR?”

    Customer: “Yeah our PVR machine to watch Blu-rays.”

    Me: “I’m hate to say this, but PVR’s don’t play Blu-rays. They record live television.”

    Customer: *rolls eyes* “Yes, but they play Blu-rays as well!”

    Me: “I am sorry, but they don’t. If you buy this, open up the movie and then figure out that your machine won’t play it then I can’t give you a refund. I can’t do refunds on new products that are opened.”

    Customer: “Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot, and don’t threaten me! I know this plays Blu-rays! My friend Steve told it does, and he used to work for a major retailer.”

    Me: “Okay, I will. Just to ask, where is the disc tray on your PVR?”

    Customer: *thinks* “You know, on second thought, Steve also got fired for fraud.”

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