Plan A And Plan B

| Yorktown, VA, USA | At The Checkout

(I’m a cashier working the night shift. It’s about 9:30 pm when a couple comes to my register.)

Me: “Hey, how are you guys tonight?”

Woman: “We’re just fine, thanks.”

(I start ringing up their things.)

Man: “We’re also gonna need–”

Man and woman: *glance at each other* “A pregnancy test.”

Man: “Also, the two pack deal on [cigarettes].”

(Thinking I’ve misheard the last part, I go get the test, ring it through, and finish ringing up their groceries.)

Woman: “Oh, you forgot the [cigarettes].”

Me: “Right. The cigarettes. Well, here you go.”

Don’t Take Declined For An Answer

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

(I work at a large retail store. The store has its own credit card that customers can apply for.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I applied for a credit card yesterday, but I don’t have it yet. Can I still use it?”

Me: “Sure, as long as you have the temporary credit slip that you were given when you applied. Do you have that?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Oh. Did you leave it at home?”

Customer: “No. I don’t have one.”

Me: “Didn’t you get one when you applied?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, were you approved for the credit card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “So, I can’t use it?”

Me: “No, ma’am, you can’t use a credit card that you weren’t approved for.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s stupid!”

Painfully Obvious Stupidity

| Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Food & Drink

(In Canada, all products have the information written in both English and French. A customer is holding a loaf of whole wheat bread.)

Customer: “Excuse me! This doesn’t make any sense. This says 100% whole wheat. Is it white bread or brown?”

Me: “It’s brown.”

Customer: “But, that’s not what it says here. It says ‘plain’, which means it’s white, doesn’t it?”

Me: “That says ‘pain’. It’s French for ‘bread’.”

Customer: “But it already says ‘bread’.

Me: “Yes, but ‘bread’ is English and ‘pain’ is French.”

Customer: “So, is it white or brown?”

Me: “It’s brown.”

Customer: “Then why does it say ‘plain’!?”

She’s Nuts About Her Husband

| North Carolina, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

Customer: “Do these cookies contain nuts?”

Me: “Which cookie are you thinking about?”

Customer: “The toffee nut cookies.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, they contain brazil nuts.”

Customer: “I’ll take one.”

(After a few minutes, the customer returns.)

Customer: “What kind of nuts do those cookies contain?”

Me: “Ma’am, they contain brazil nuts.”

Customer: “Oh, my husband is deathly allergic to those.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can call 911 or direct you to the nearest hospital.”

Customer: “Oh, I know where it is, but first, I want to get a sandwich to go…”

Related:
Through Joy And Sorrow, Sickness And Health Insurance

A Job Well Blown

| Bowling Green, KY, USA | Rude & Risque

(Our store has just installed new, more powerful hand dryers in the restrooms. I am using one when a customer comes up behind me.)

Customer: “These things give pretty powerful blow jobs, huh?”

Me: “Yeah, never heard that before.”

Customer: “I need a good blow job like that!”

Me: *hurriedly leaves the restroom*

Related:
Too Much Information, Part 6
Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
Way, Way Too Much Information

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