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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Nonplussed Customers

    | Dillon, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    Customer: “Something isn’t right with these two signs about the pears on sale. One says $1.00 for 1 pound, and the other says $10 for 10 pounds. Which is it?”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, that’s the same thing.”

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I actually went to college. I think I can do basic math.”

    Me: “Let’s look at it this way. If it’s $1 for 1 pound, how much would 3 pounds be?”

    Customer: “$3.”

    Me: “Yep, and how much would 5 pounds be?”

    Customer: “$5.”

    Me: “Awesome. How much would 10 pounds be?”

    Customer: “$10.” *pause* “Those signs are misleading!” *storms off*

    More Truffle Than It’s Worth

    | State College, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    Customer: “I’ll take the southwestern burger, but absolutely no mushrooms. I’m allergic to mushrooms.”

    (I go back to the kitchen to let the cook know of the allergy. This means they have to clean every cooking utensil and grill that may have touched a mushroom. After stopping service  for ten minutes to clean, the cook lets me know of some complications.)

    Me: “Ma’am, we’ve removed all allergens from the cooking area but the cook has let me know that the bun for your burger is toasted on the same toaster as the mushroom focaccia and can’t be cleaned. We can grill it on the grill for you instead?”

    Customer: “That’s fine. No mushrooms. I’m allergic.”

    (I return to the kitchen, and the cook is meticulously going through our ingredients to make sure no other issues arise. He finds
    another.)

    Me: “Ma’am, sorry to bother you again. But the salsa on your burger doesn’t list all of the ingredients so better safe than sorry; we didn’t put the salsa on the burger.”

    Customer: “Why not? I want the salsa!”

    Me: “But it probably has chopped mushrooms.”

    Customer: “I don’t care. I’m not really allergic. I just really don’t like them.”

    (The cook nearly killed me when I went back to tell him.)

    On A Steak Out

    | Dartford, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (I’m a policeman and my colleagues and I went to subway for something to eat. I order my sandwich and it’s the turn of my colleague.)

    Officer: ” What’s in a steak and cheese?”

    Assistant: “I’m sorry?

    Officer: ” The steak and cheese, what’s in it?

    Assistant: “Steak and cheese?”

    Me: “Don’t worry, he’ll never make detective.”

    Childhood Innocence, Adulthood Nonsense

    | Germany | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Uncategorized

    (I work as the cashier of a photographer. A customer and her husband walk in, asking for the photos of their children.)

    Me: *handing them the photos* “Here you go. You have nice-looking children, by the way.”

    Customer: “Thanks, but…can’t you, you know, make my daughter prettier?”

    Me: “Prettier?”

    Customer: “Yes, I mean, look at her!”

    Me: “Madam, I am sure these photographs have been retouched well by my coworkers. If you have any complaints about their work, I can–”

    Customer: “NO! I want this to be remade!”

    Me: “What exactly bothers you about these photos, anyway?”

    Customer: “It’s her boobs. You guys should have made them far bigger!”

    Me: “You want them…bigger?”

    Customer: “Yes! How hard is that?”

    Customer’s husband: *quietly* “Honey, you do realize she is 8 years old?”

    Size Matters

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    (My job is just to fold/hang the clothes from the fitting rooms and put them back. A customer comes up to me with two identical shirts.)

    Customer: “What’s the difference between a small and a medium?”

    Me: “Um, the small is smaller than the medium?”

    Customer: “I know that! Is there any other difference?”

    Me: “Not really.”

    Customer: “What kind of salesman are you? You don’t know that much about clothes.”

    Me: “I don’t sell the clothes. I just fold them.”

    Customer: “So you don’t know if there’s any difference?”

    Me: “They’re the same thing. One is just smaller.”

    (The customer hangs the medium on a rack, hangs the small in front of the medium. She compares the two shirts for a good 5 minutes before going with the small “because it’s smaller.”)

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