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    Couldn’t Handle The Screening Process

    | Delaware, OH, USA |

    (I am hosting a class for senior citizens to help them learn computing.)

    Me: “Could I have everyone move their mouse to the top of their screens?”

    (An elderly gentleman in the back row takes his physical mouse, places it on the screen, and pushes it to the top.)

    Beyond Even The Power Of Pixel Dust

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a copy of this photo, but I need one the people cropped out. “

    (The customer hands me a photo of three men, arms around each other’s shoulders in front of a brick wall.)

    Me: “Which one needs to be cropped out?”

    Customer: “The guy in the middle.”

    Me: “Well, we really can’t do that. That is more for a photo-refinishing artist.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just erase the guy in the middle?”

    Me: “We could, but then there would be a blank space were he once was. It would be pretty obvious.”

    Customer: “Oh, you won’t just see the wall behind him if he is removed?”

    Me: “No, the camera doesn’t take a picture of what is behind the person, just what you see.”

    Customer: “What if it was a digital camera?”

    Too Cool For School (Of Thought)

    | Illinois, USA |

    Me: “Hey, how we doing today?”

    Customer: “I have a question.”

    Me: “Okay, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “If  I buy a phone from you guys, do I still have to pay for the service?”

    Me: “Yes, we deal with the contracts for the providers.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought you guys were cooler than that…”

    Op-tickle Fibers

    | Utah, USA |

    (I am in the middle of finishing the last download to fix a customers computer, but his internet keeps resetting.)

    Me: “Sorry the download didn’t work. Your internet reset again. We will have to try it again and hopefully it will finish this time.”

    Customer: “You know, if you want to speed this up, all you have to do is take the mouse, and kinda rub it over the download box.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, rub it over the download box?”

    Customer: “Yea you know? If you tickle the download box with the mouse it goes faster. I thought you would know that, being a Tech Support guy and all.”

    Imagine If It Had Been India…

    | Canada |

    Caller: “So, where are you located?”

    Me: “Canada.”

    Caller: “Oh my God! I’m speaking to Canada!”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “Wow, you speak English really good!”

    Me: “Uh, thank you?”

    Caller: *yells to husband excitedly* “Hey Bobby! I’m speaking to a foreign country!”

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