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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Posthumous Post-modernism

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

    Customer: “Can you help me find a book?”

    Me: “Sure! What are you looking for?”

    Customer: “It’s called The Scarlet Thread.”

    Me: “I haven’t heard of that one. Let me look it up really quick.”

    Customer: “It’s by Jane Austen if that helps.”

    Me: “Um, I don’t think it is.”

    Customer: “No, it’s by Jane Austen.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I’m pretty sure Jane Austen never wrote a book called The Scarlet Thread.”

    Customer: “Oh, well you probably haven’t heard of it because I think it’s one of her new books.”

    Turn That Crown Upside Down

    | Bellingham, WA, USA |

    Me: “Do you have a Crown Club Card?”

    Customer: “Crown Club? More like Clown Club! What a worthless program!”

    Me: “Actually, if you had a Club Card today, you would get a
    coupon for a small popcorn for $1.”

    Customer: “Where do I sign up?”

    Those Who Definitely Can’t

    | Santa Cruz, CA, USA | Top

    Customer: “Hi, can you tell me about your Educator Appreciation Weekend?

    Me: “Sure! Teachers normally get 20% off on things they buy for their classroom.”

    Customer: “Okay, so how do I prove that I’m a teacher?”

    Me: “Do you have a pay stub from your school?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Do you have a school ID?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Do you have a card from a teacher’s union?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Do you have a medical insurance card that shows that you’re on an educator plan?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Maybe a vision or dental insurance card?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Do you have a business card?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Do you have any letters from the school or district to you?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Is there a number I could call to verify your employment with a school?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Do you have anything, anything at all, with both your name on it, and the name of some kind of school or educational organization?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Well, I’m stumped. I can’t think of any other way that you could show that you’re a teacher.”

    Customer: “Wow, you really don’t make this easy for us, do you?”

    Playing The Blame (Video) Game

    | Sydney, Australia | Top

    Customer: *walks up with an X-Box game* “Hi I’d like to purchase this.”

    (Later in the afternoon, the same customer from that morning comes in.)

    Customer: “You! You sold me a bad game! You’ve ruined my son’s birthday!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “My son asked for this game for his birthday! The machine said he can’t play it! What kind of cruel business do you run? Teasing small children!”

    (I look at the disc and it’s in brand new condition.)

    Me: “That’s odd, ma’am. I’ll just test it on our machine quickly.”

    (I go over to our display case wear our consoles are set up. I start to put the disc in the X-Box.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry, do you have any idea what you’re doing?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’re putting it in the wrong machine! It’s no wonder you sold me a faulty disc!”

    Me: “What does his machine look like?”

    Customer: “That one there!” *points at Playstation 3* “Don’t you dare tell me it’s a faulty machine it plays the other discs fine!”

    Me: “I’ll bet it does ma’am, because those are Playstation games. And this is an X-Box game.”

    Customer: “We’ll, why didn’t you tell me that when I purchased it?”

    Me: “I didn’t know your son owned a Playstation.”

    Customer: “Well, whose fault is that?!”

    Please See The Hypothetical Aisle

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA |

    (A customer comes in looking for an item I knew we do not carry.)

    Customer: “Where would I find a [item]?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t carry that.”

    Customer: *stares at me awhile* “Well, if you did carry it, what aisle would it be in?”

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