November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

His Argument Will Lose Him Ground

| Beaverton, OR, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I don’t understand what this sign says.”

(The customer points to a sign above the organic section. It indicates that all produce needs to be washed thoroughly.)

Me: “It means that before you eat any product, you should wash it.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because there might be dirt or other things on the item.”

Customer: “But these are organic!”

Me: “Organic means they were grown only with natural substances.”

Customer: “Dirt isn’t natural!”

The Prince Of Darkness Gets A Bad Rap

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, hello. I was just wondering if any of you there are Black Sabbath fans?”

(I ask my other coworkers.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. No one here seems to be huge fans or anything. Is there something I can help you with?”

Caller: “Yeah! I need to know the name of this Black Sabbath song! It’s got a real sick beat, but I don’t know what it’s called!”

Me: “Oh, well, if you know the lyrics I can look them up online for you to find out the title. If you’d like, I can find out if we have that CD right now.”

Caller: “That’s the thing! I don’t know the lyrics! It just goes, ‘dunnnn, dunnn dunnnn’.”

(He proceeds to attempt to hum the song for a few more minutes.)

Me: “I’m really sorry, sir. But I really don’t know the name of that song.”

Caller: “Isn’t anyone older there? Or someone that likes older music?”

Me: “No, sorry. We’re all just a bunch of ‘young’ins’ here.”

Caller: “Ah, I see. You are all too busy listening to rap music to know what Black Sabbath is. Thanks anyway!”

Death (And Dimensions) By Chocolate

| Scotland, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “As two of the sides of the parcel are the same size, may I ask if it is a cylindrical item?”

Customer: “No, it’s shaped like a toblerone. Or a coffin…”

GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 2

, | IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [electronics store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Well, here’s the thing. My husband and I are coming to you to return our GPS. It’s broken.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. So what is the problem?”

Customer: “We weren’t sure where you are located, so we plugged the address into our GPS, and now we’re lost.”

Me: ”Was this the same GPS that you were coming to return?!”

Customer: “Yes, but we figured since we brought it to you, it would at least know how to find you.”

GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity

There Is No App For That

| Canterbury, England, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling reception. How may I help?”

Guest: *in heavily accented English* “The phone is not working!”

Me: “I beg your pardon, sir, but the phone does seem to be working as you are calling me on it.”

Guest: “No! The phone is not working!”

Me: “The phone is definitely working sir. If you would like an outside line, dial 9.”

(I hear button being pressed.)

Me: “No, not when you’re on the phone to me. You need to hang up and then press 9.”

Guest: “Wait, I’ll get my wife.”

(There’s a brief pause. His wife gets on the phone.)

Wife: “The phone is not working!”

Me: “The phone is working, madam. You need to hang up, then pick up again and press 9.”

Wife: “But the phone is not working!”

Me: “Did you try the international dialling code?”

Wife: “No! The phone is not working–and my hair is wet!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Wife: “The hair-phone! The hair-phone is not working!”

Me: “Do you mean hairdryer?”

Wife: “Yes! The hairdryer is not working!”

Me: “Okay. I’ll send someone up.”