July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

The Lonely And The Lonelier

| Westmont, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(I manage a small video rental chain that is open 365 days a year, including Christmas.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re open on Christmas. Who rents movies on Christmas?”

Me: “You’re here…”

Customer: “But I’m renting video games. That’s different!”

Identifiers Are For Life

| Des Moines, IA, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

(Customers can come into the store to buy books, or they can create an account with an e-mail address and purchase books online. The account is your email address and whatever password they choose. A customer and his girlfriend come up the service desk.)

Me: “How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I can’t access my online account.”

Me: “Okay, I can help. What is your e-mail address?”

Customer: “Um…” *stares at the floor*

Me: “Sir? Your email address?”

Customer: *quietly says something*

Me: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Could you repeat that please?”

(By now, other customers are waiting for assistance. Suddenly, the customer shouts his email address, loud enough for everyone to hear.)

Customer: “Im-a-whore@[ISP].com!”

Phones Have Needs Too

| Connecticut, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in a call center doing tech support for mobile phones.)

Caller: “The touchscreen on my phone is going crazy. It does whatever it wants.”

Me: “So, if I understand correctly, you can touch the screen in one spot and it responds as if you touched it somewhere else?”

Caller: “Yes! Actually, I can put it down on the table and it just sits there touching itself!”

Size Matters, Part 2

| Michigan, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m working at the dressing room of a Halloween store. A rather large woman comes up to me to try on a few costumes. All of them sized medium. Now, costumes run small, so these costumes are dress-size 6-8. I don’t say anything to her, even though I know they won’t fit.)

Customer: “Hey, I like this one, but none of them fit.”

Me: “Well, it looks like we do have them in a large, so if you’d like me to go get it for you–”

Customer: “No, I don’t want a large. I just want a bigger costume.”

Me: “Yes, but the only bigger costumes we have are size large. Halloween costumes tend to run pretty small, so–”

Customer: “Are you listening? I don’t want a large. I just want a bigger costume.”

Me: “Ma’am, the next size up is–”

Customer: “You know what? Screw this. This store is terrible. I am never coming back here!” *storms off*

Related:
Size Matters

And The Picture Becomes Clear

, | Paris, France | Technology

(The customer arrives very angry at my desk. He nervously holds a memory card in his hand.)

Customer: “I want a new memory card. This one is really bad!”

Me: “What troubles do you have with this one?”

Customer: “It only makes blurry pictures!”

Me: “Well, I guess the problem might be the camera, not the memory card.”

Customer: “Oh, and do you have memory cards in black & white?”

Me: “Or it could be the photographer…”

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