E Is For Close Enough

| Davenport, IA, USA | Family & Kids

(Overheard in the video game section of a toy store.)

Kid: “That’s the game!”

(The father picks it up to read it as his child waits impatiently.)

Kid: “That’s the one! Let’s go!”

Father: “Hang on. I need to see if this is the right game for you.”

Kid: “But it’s rated ‘E!’ ‘E’ stands for ‘Anybody!'”

Separate, But (Not) Equal

| Wisconsin, USA | Hotels & Lodging

(I am explaining our different room types to someone who has never stayed with us. The hotel I work for is very small and has a different name for many suites.)

Me: “And lastly, we have our Supreme and Premiere suites, which are our largest units.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “They are exactly the same, except the Supreme is on the left side of the hall and the Premiere is on the right side.”

Customer: “What’s the price difference?”

Me: “They cost the same.”

Customer: “Which one is better?”

Me: “They are exactly the same.”

Customer: “But which one is better?”

Me: “They are the same. Just opposite sides of the hall.”

Customer: “Just tell me which one is better, dear.”

Me: “The Supreme?”

Customer: “Thank you! You’ve been such a sweetheart!”

Ignoring The Signs

| Duluth, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(Note that I wear hearing aides, but I don’t understand more than one phrase of sign language. However, I do quite well if someone is facing me.)

Me: “Are you finding everything okay?”

Customer: “Actually I need some help. I’m looking for–” *turns away while mumbling*

Me: “Ma’am, can you face me and repeat that? I have a minor hearing problem, and you won’t have to repeat yourself so much if you face me.”

Customer: “Oh! Would signing be easier?”

Me: “Actually, I don’t speak a word of sign, so if–”

Customer: *signs*

Me: “Ma’am, I actually don’t–”

Customer: *continues signing*

Me: “Ma’am, I really don’t understand what you’re saying. If you could please just tell me what you need, I can help you easier.”

Customer: *still signing and not saying a word*

Me: *in sign language* “I don’t understand sign language.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you say so?”

Sandwich Privileges Now Revoked

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Food & Drink

(A customer has just ordered a sandwich and has moved over to stand near the pickup counter.)

Me: “Medium mocha on the bar!”

Customer: “Is this my sandwich?”

Me: “Um, no. Large latte!”

Customer: “Is this my sandwich?”

Me: “Still no.”

Log On To The Clueless Wide Web

| Utah, USA | Technology

Caller: “My Outlook isn’t working anymore. When I put my password in, it doesn’t log me in.”

Me: “Are you able to access your email using web-access for our email system?”

Caller: “What’s that?”

(This is forgivable. Oftentimes, professors don’t know that they can access their work email using a website as well.)

Me: “Okay, well, if you just go to [site.domain.edu] and enter your credentials–”

Caller: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s the URL of the web access client. Just open your internet browser and type it in–”

Caller: “What’s an internet browser?”

Me: “It’s the program you use to access the internet.”

Caller: “What’s the internet?”

Me: *speechless*

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