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    Out Of State, Out Of Mind

    | Berlin, Germany | Top

    Me: “That’ll be €32,78 please.”

    (The customer hands me American dollars.)

    Me: “Sir, this is Germany. You can’t pay with US currency.”

    Customer: “But this is the US.”

    Me: “No sir, this is Germany, in Europe.”

    Customer: “But…isn’t Europe part of the US?”

    Dodo Brained

    | Melbourne, FL, USA |

    (At our zoo, we have a dinosaur walk-through area. A mother is pointing out rhinoceroses to her young son.)

    Mother: “Look, honey! They have the last living dinosaurs here!”

    Me: “Ma’am, they aren’t actually dinosaurs. The dinosaurs that we have on display are replicas on the other side of the park.”

    Mother: “But your advertisements said you had dinosaurs here today!”

    Me: “We do, but these aren’t dinosaurs. They are rhinoceros. The dinosaurs are on the other side of the park.”

    Mother: “But that’s just not true! These are rhino-SAURUSES! I think I know a dinosaur when I see them!”

    Location Is Clearly Not Your Vocation

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    Me: “Policyholder service, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to change the beneficiary on my policy.”

    Me: “I can help you with that. Do you have your policy number?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “That’s fine. “What is your name?”

    (The customer gives me her name, but it’s common and we have several dozen policyholders with the same name. I need more information to find her policy.)

    Me: “Okay. What state do you live in?”

    Customer: “Springfield.”

    (Unfortunately, we cannot sort or search by city names, only by states. I do a quick look and see more than one Springfield in different states.)

    Me: “What state is that in?”

    Customer: “Springfield.”

    Me: “Springfield is the city that you’re in. What is the name of the state that you’re in?”

    Customer: *slowly* “Spring. Field.”

    Me: “That’s the city you’re in…what is the state?”

    Customer: *annoyed* “The UNITED States!”

    Dance of the Eye Gouger Fairies

    | Olympia, WA, USA |

    (Our office sells tickets to two different locations that are no more than 10 minutes apart for event and performances that are often very different. A caller is inquiring about one of these performances.)

    Me: “This performance is at [address].”

    Customer: “Wait, it’s at [address]? Oh, that’s too far to drive. Is there anything happening downtown that day?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. There is a performance of the Nutcracker that evening.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I think I’d rather gouge my eyes out than be exposed to culture! I’ll have to call you back.”

    Getting To The Root Of The Problem

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (I am selling souvenir programs and backpacks for Legally Blonde: The Musical in the lobby. The customer I’m talking to is a brunette; so am I.)

    Me: “Would you like a souvenir program?”

    Customer: “But you’re not blond.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am? Would you like a program?”

    Customer: “This is Legally Blonde! You should be blond.”

    Me: *thinking she’s joking* “You know, it’s funny…I was blond for six months and just dyed my hair back to my natural color before I found out this show was coming.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “But you are not blond!”

    Me: “No ma’am, I am not.”

    Customer: “Why would they let you sell things for the show when you are not blond?”

    Me: “Well, you don’t have to be blond to work at the theater.”

    Customer: “But it’s Legally BLONDE!”

    Me: *giving up* “You see, ma’am they needed someone who could do math, so they got a brunette.”

    Customer: “Oh, that makes sense. I will take two, then!”

    Another customer behind her: “Well played. Now I feel like I have to buy one!”

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