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    The Router To Success

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Top

    Customer: “My internet seems to be out. Most of the lights on the modem are blinking. I tried unplugging it and plugging it back in. Then I started yelling at it, now I’m out of ideas.”

    Me: “Have you tried a manual reset?”

    Customer: “Again, I did the ‘unplug and wait three minutes before plugging it back in’ thing.”

    Me: “Yes, but there is a manual on/off button on the back of the router.”

    Customer: *silence* “OH MY GOD! Well…let it be known that I acknowledge my own stupidity and I hope this experience hasn’t damaged your faith in humanity too severely.”

    Me: “No problem sir. I’m glad we could get it resolved and I hope you have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m brain dead…” *hangs up*

    Some Confucian About Who Is In Charge

    | Washington, D.C. USA |

    Customer: “Is the President here today?”

    Me: “No, the president works in the White House, not the Capitol.”

    Customer: “Oh…so is he here?”

    Me: “No, not today. He’s meeting with the President of China, Hu Jintao, today.”

    Customer: “China doesn’t have a president.”

    Me: “They don’t?”

    Customer: “No, they’ve got that Mao guy.”

    Swimming With The Feces

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    (A child has pooped in the pool so we get all the swimmers out. A customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Why did you get everybody out? It is a perfectly nice day”

    Me: “Yes, but a child had an accident in the pool.”

    Customer: “…so?”

    Me: “Well, we have to run an eight hour cleaning cycle. We can not let you back in for the rest of the day.”

    Customer: “That is so dumb! Who makes the decisions around here?”

    Me: “I do. I am the lifeguard. A child has pooped in the pool, ma’am.”

    Customer: “It is a nice day out and I want to swim!”

    Welcome To B.C. Bookstores

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    (I’m ringing up a young couple for a video game. The girlfriend asks about the game and the boyfriend describes it to her.)

    Boyfriend: “[In the game] you’re one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.”

    Girlfriend: “Which one?”

    Boyfriend: “War.”

    Girlfriend: “Who are the others?”

    Boyfriend: “Famine, Pestilence, and Plague.”

    Girlfriend: “Who makes this s*** up?!”

    Backwards Thinking

    | Colorado, USA |

    (I am dispensing new glasses to a customer.)

    Me: “Okay, now take a look around the store. Is your distance coming in clearly?”

    Customer: “Yes, but it’s backwards.”

    Me: “Backwards? What do you mean?”

    Customer: “The sign…the letters on it are backwards.”

    Me: “Which sign?”

    Customer: “The one in between the frames.” *customer then turns around and looks out into the store* “Now the sign looks right, but when I look this way,” *turns back around to face me* “…it’s backwards. This has never happened before! What’s wrong with my glasses?”

    Me: “Ma’am, are you looking in the mirror behind me?”

    Customer: “Oh! That must be it! Well then, my glasses are working wonderfully. Thank you!”

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