October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Weeding Out The Good Customers, Part 2

| Zumbrota, MN, USA | Top

(We have two branches of my store in our town of about 3,500. Ours is referred to as the ‘ghetto’ store.)

Me: “How’s it going?”

Customer: “Pretty good.”

Me: “Will that be all?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Total is $2.98.”

Customer: “Here’s $3. Plus, a little something extra.”

(He hands me a bud of weed.)

Me: “What’s this for?”

Customer: “It’s a Friday night, and you are trapped in hell. Now you tell me what it’s for.”

Weeding Out The Good Customers

His Movie Choice Is Rock Solid

| Tigard, OR, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m selling tickets. An elderly man walks up with his two granddaughters.)

Customer: “What movies do you have for kids?”

Me: “Well, we have Gnomeo and Juliet in regular or 3D or Tangled.”

Customer:Ga-nomeo and Juliet. We’ve already seen Tangled.”

Me: “Yes. Gnomeo and Juliet is really the only other movie we have for kids.”

Customer: “Okay. Two little ladies and one really old guy for Ga-nomeo and Juliet.” *pauses* “I’m so old, I invented rocks.”

I Pronounce Thee Idiot

| Ottawa, ON, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Okay. I want a healthy dog food with no corn, wheat, or soy.”

Me: “Well, we have this [product] here. It’s free of all fillers. It’s local, and has glucosamine, condriton, and msm.”

Customer: “Oh, my! No! Forget It! I don’t trust anything I can’t pronounce!”

No Omelettes Are Totally Waffle

| Kill Devil Hills, NC, USA | Top

Me: “And here’s your waffle, sir, with bacon on the side.”

Customer: “What? No, I didn’t order this. I ordered the bacon egg and cheese omelette.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I have it written down that you got a waffle with bacon. I will have to fix that.”

Customer’s wife: “No, you will not. He ordered the waffle. I heard him.”

Customer: “No, I didn’t. I specifically ordered the omelette. I know I did.”

Customer’s wife: “No, honey! We had the conversation on which one you were going to get. You told me you were going to get the omelette, and it surprised me when you didn’t.”

Customer: “Then why didn’t you say something?”

Customer’s wife: “Because you always ask my opinion, and say that’s what you’ll do. Then you change your mind! I just figured you were ignoring my opinion again!”

Customer: “Well, fine. I guess I’ll have to eat this.”

Me: “Are you sure? I can change it.?”

Customer: “Actually, would you?”

Customer’s wife: “No! You ordered it, you eat it.”

Customer, to me: “That’s what she says to the kids.”

Reaching Crunch Time

| St. Pete Beach, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like a scoop of chocolate.”

Me: “Cup or cone?”

Customer: “Do you have any edible cones?”

Me: “All of our cones are edible.”

Customer: “Can I take it with me on the beach?”

Me: “All cones are entirely portable.”

Customer: “Do you have any that don’t crunch?”

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