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    The Case Of The Choo-Choo Charlatans

    | Pennyslvania, USA |

    (I work as a photographer at a railroad station where people can dress up in old time clothes and sit in a prop made to look like a train.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, does the train still function?”

    Me: “Yes, if you go right outside you can buy tickets for the trains.”

    Customer: “No, no. I meant that one.” *points to our fake train prop*

    Me: “That’s just our background for the photos.”

    Customer: “Yes, but does it still function? Can I ride it?”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s a prop. It’s fake.”

    Customer: “But is it functional?”

    Me: “No, it’s fake. It’s connected to the wall.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s just dumb. I don’t know why you have it in here, then!”

    Sweaty Confetti

    | Colorado, USA |

    Customer: “I bought one of your bath balls with the confetti in it. It never dissolved and it just left a mess.”

    (He points to a bath ball with confetti.)

    Me: “We’ve never had a problem with that ball before, but I’ll keep that in mind. I would be happy to give you one without confetti for free so you can enjoy our products.”

    Customer: “Oh no, that’s not necessary. I just wanted to tell you guys about it so you can warn other people.”

    Me: “Thank you, I’ll definitely let everybody know about that.”

    Customer: “Yeah, you should! I mean, now I have confetti all over my house. On my floor, my carpet, my bed, even my couch and living room!”

    Me: “Wow, sounds like you had a lot of confetti!”

    Customer: “I did! It even got lodged in places.”

    Me: “Lodged in places?”

    Customer: “Yeah crevices, my crevices! I mean I have to dig it out of places. Anyway, I just came by to warn you guys.”

    (He starts heading out, and as he reaches the door he turns around.)

    Customer: “BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR CREVICES, GIRLS!”

    The Devil To Pay

    | Brookline, MA, USA |

    Me: “Your total is ***.”

    Customer: “Here is my coupon.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, this expired last week.”

    Customer: “What? What do you mean?”

    Me: “It expired last week.”

    Customer: “You witch devil! I can’t believe you changed the date!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “You can magically alter dates, you devil!”

    Me: “I don’t think I have that sort of power.”

    (Upon hearing the commotion, my manager comes over.)

    Customer, to my manager: “You have a witch devil here! I’m going to have to bring the lord into this!”

    (The customer pulls out a bobble head Jesus and puts in on my counter.)

    Customer: “I will return when the date of this coupon is the correct date!”

    Take Note Of Change

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    (A customer is having problems at the self checkout lane.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, the machine isn’t taking my dollar.”

    Me: “Miss, there’s a quarter sticking out of the bill slot.”

    Customer: “Yes, there’s two dimes and a nickel in there too!”

    Me: “You didn’t think to use the coin slot for those?”

    Customer: “The what?”

    The Fourth Is Not Strong With This One

    | Traverse City, MI, USA | Top, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Thank you for calling the [hotel]. How may I direct your call?”

    Customer: *in a British accent* “I need a room for tonight.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are booked.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “It’s the 4th of July. We’re always booked on the 4th.”

    Customer: “I know the date! Why are you booked?”

    Me: “Um, it’s July 4th.”

    Customer: “Listen, just give me a room!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we are sold out. The entire town is sold out.”

    Customer: “The entire town? Why?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s the 4th of July. Independence day.”

    Customer: “Independence from what?”

    Me: “Um, England.”

    Customer: “Oh bloody h***!” *click*

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