Around 2000 or so, I was living in a pretty sweet two-bedroom apartment right above where I was working at the time. My sister’s boyfriend had recently moved to town and needed a place to stay. We were already kind of friends, so I gave him a bedroom. The rent was split, but it was still my place overall.

[Sister’s Boyfriend] had a pretty annoying habit of making food and then eating it in his room and leaving the dirty dishes in there. I bugged him about it for a while until he finally started at least putting them in the sink — still dirty, but at least accessible.

Eventually, I got petty mad about this and basically told him to clean the f****** dishes. His reply?

Sister’s Boyfriend: “That’s not happening.”

Okay, then…

For the whole time he’d been living there, he was allowed to use my computer (a pretty bada** gaming rig I had built) to check his emails and such.

After he said that garbage about the dishes, I had a little idea. When he left for work that day, I hopped on the Internet and found a free tiny program called BootLocker. It basically locked the computer with a black screen with a password prompt. No password, no computer. It even had an option to lock the BIOS, so if the PC was rebooted, it would ask for the password before even booting.

There was also an option to include some words below the password prompt. I chose, “Clean dishes = checked email”.

Then, I went about my day.

[Sister’s Boyfriend] finished work and was home before me. Needless to say, when I got home, the dishes were clean, but he was not happy. Poor widdle baby.

Cue his revenge.

He had a pretty fancy television in the living room. I had it hooked up to the computer so movies could be watched, games played, etc., on the sweet big screen. (Thirty-two inches was way bigger than my monitor!) Plus, we had free cable from work downstairs.

After the BootLocker thing, [Sister’s Boyfriend] thought he would get me back by activating the parental controls on his TV. I got home after work — when he wasn’t home — and went to watch some TV. It was a no-go without the four-digit code.

It took me roughly two minutes online to find “What do I do if I forget my [Brand] TV code?”

The look on [Sister’s Boyfriend]’s face when he got home and I was watching TV was golden.

He moved out not too long afterward.

A client calls to complain about a website that was pushed out months ago. Trying to diagnose the problem, I notice that the overall layout has changed.

Client: “No, the layout has not been changed. Everything’s just been better arranged.”

Me: “Well, the new layout seems to be the issue.”

Client: “What new layout?”

Customer: “Where’s my medication?!”

Me: “Do you have your prescription?”

Customer: “No, but I get my refill here!”

Me: “Okay, what’s your name and date of birth? And what medication is it?”

Customer: “It’s the small white one. You know, it’s round.”

Every… single… day!

One of my funnier stories in court was merely the swearing-in of a witness. The man was Italian. I asked him to hold the Bible out in his right hand. As he did so, I said:

Me: “The evidence you shall give, touching the matter now before this court, shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Please say the words, ‘So help me God.’”

With a serious disposition and in a loud, thick Italian accent, the man replied:

Man: “Touching this here Bible, I swear I tella no bulls***!”

The courtroom — from the Magistrate to the back of the public gallery — erupted in laughter!

I am running the drive-thru two days after the great return of pumpkin spice lattes at my store. The truck that was supposed to be here last night to give us all the pumpkin goodness and other pastries never showed up, so we are vastly understocked. My manager is trying to get a hold of them to see where they are, and a fellow team member and I are just trying to hold it together, seeing as we are out of all pumpkin.

Pumpkin spice latte? No. Pumpkin muffin? Nope. Even our regular items are flying off the shelves, and by the afternoon, we have been yelled at, screamed at, and cussed at more times than I can count.

The drive-up dings to let me know we have someone waiting. I answer it, and the girl on the other side asks for a pumpkin spice latte.

Me: “Ma’am, I’m so sorry, but we are out of the pumpkin syrup at the moment.”

Customer: “Oh, no worries. Could I get a [completely different drink]?”

Me: “Ma’am, uh, we are out of that syrup, as well…” 

I brace for an explosion, but the customer laughs.

Customer: “Oh, dear. What about [another drink]?”

Me: “We actually have that one, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yay! Oh, and can I add a pumpkin muffin?“

Me: “Uh… you won’t believe this…”

Customer: “Oh, no.” *Laughs again* “Well, how about the new apple pastry?“

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Oh, wow, been that kind of day. What about a protein box?“

Me: “Well…“

Customer: “Oh, my gosh!” *Laughs again* “I am so sorry… Do you have a chocolate croissant?“

Me: “YES!“

Customer: “Yay! Okay, I’ll take one of those, then.”

Me: “Absolutely, and ma’am, I’m so sorry.”

Customer: “No worries!”

My manager hopped on the headset as soon as she heard me tell the customer we didn’t have something and heard the whole interaction. As the customer drives around, my manager says:

Manager: “She was so nice about that!

This customer pulls around, pays for her items, and makes small talk, mostly about all the items we are out of.

Customer: *Smiling* “Don’t let the muggles get you down; it happens.”

Me: “Yeah, well, you are the nicest one we have had today!”

Customer: “I used to work in retail, so I completely understand. Don’t worry; y’all are doing your best!“

We ended up giving her the pastry for free because she was so nice. I know it’s a small thing, but it really made our day to have someone not only understand what we were going through but not take it out on us.

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Tell Me You’ve Worked In Retail Without Saying You’ve Worked In Retail