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    In The Wrong Holding Position

    | Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    Me: “Good evening. Thank you for calling [Company]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?

    Caller: “Oh, wrong number.” *hangs up*

    (To have gotten through to me the customer would have had to have waited on hold for 10 minutes, listening to repeated adverts FOR the company and also selected an option to speak with me. I still have no idea how she didn’t realise sooner.)

    In For A Penny, In For A Pound Bag

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

    Boyfriend: “Baby carrots are $0.99 for a one pound bag and $1.99 for a two pound bag.”

    Me: “I need two pounds.”

    (My boyfriend grabs a two pound bag and a customer next to him does as well.)

    Me: “You know, it’s technically cheaper to buy two one pound bags—”

    (The customer next to my boyfriend suddenly SLAMS his carrots down, snatches two one pound bags from the display and SPRINTS away.)

    Me: “…by one penny.”

    Child’s Play And Slay

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (At an interactive show meant primarily for little kids, the show follows the good guys tracking a bad guy. Near the end, they catch the bad guy and ask the audience what they should do next. This gets the kids excited to chime in. All of the kids here are under 10 years old.)

    Announcer: “Okay, kids! What should we do with the bad guy now?”

    Girl: “Tell his mommy!”

    Announcer: “Okay, let’s tell his mommy on him! What else?”

    Boy #1: “Kill him!”

    Announcer: “What?!”

    Boy #2: “EAT HIM!”

    Announcer: “Okay, we are DEFINITELY not eating him. That’s illegal.”

    Boy #3: “SET HIM ON FIRE!”

    Announcer: “What do your parents let you watch?!”

    Kitten Smitten

    | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I’m working on the till at a charity shop when a woman walks in. She has a small handbag, and while it’s open, I can’t see inside. She comes up to me with a book.)

    Woman: “Just this, please.”

    (I ring her up and tell her the price. When she reaches into her handbag for her purse, I see she has a folded blue blanket with something furry and ginger inside. Naturally, I assume it’s a cuddly toy for a child.)

    Woman: *sees me looking* “Oh, do you like him?”

    Me: “Him?”

    (She takes the object and blanket out of her handbag to show me. To my astonishment, it’s not a cuddly toy, but a ginger kitten so small that its eyes aren’t open!)

    Me: “Why do you have a kitten in your bag?”

    Woman: *cradling the blanketed kitten gently* “He was pulled out of a burning building, and I’ve been hand-rearing him. I don’t go anywhere without him because he’s so small. At least he’s getting better after the fire!”

    (I finish ringing her up and take a moment to pet the kitten. She puts him carefully back into her handbag.)

    Woman: “Now to see if I can get him into [Supermarket]!”

    Me: “…good luck with that!”

    (Later, my manager scolded me for not calling her down. She wanted to pet the kitten, too.)

    Putting The Screwed Into Screwdriver

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I work in the hardware department of [Major Company]. I get a call 5 minutes to close.)

    Me: “[Major Company] hardware department. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, yes. I was looking to see if you have [item number] screwdriver set in. I have been looking at it for weeks, but have been waiting for the price to drop.”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am. Would you mind if I put you on hold for a minute while I go check?”

    Customer: “Sure thing.”

    *I put them on hold, find the set, and get back on the call*

    Me: “Hello, ma’am? We do have the set in stock.”

    Customer: “Oh, great, could you hold it for me?”

    Me: “Are you in the parking lot?”

    Customer: “No, why?”

    Me: “Well, we can only hold items at our registers until we close for the night on the same day.”

    Customer: “Well, how many do you have left?”

    Me: “This would be the last one, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Last one? What the hell?! Can’t you put it in back or something?! I’ll be there in 10 minutes to pick it up!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I cannot. We can only hold items until we close for the night and we closed about, oh…” *looks at clock* “… 5 minutes ago, now. There is no way you would be able to pick it up tonight, even if you ordered it online. We can always order it to the store or even to the house if we don’t have any in when you stop by. Might I suggest ordering it onl—”

    Customer: “Don’t you dare mention that Internet hocus pocus! My husband needs this ASAP, and I’ll be there in 10 minutes AND IT. BETTER. BE. THERE!”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am.”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    Coworker: “What was that about?”

    Me: “Some angry lady who’s going to be more pissed off than usual in about 10-15 minutes.”

    (I found out two days later that the angry lady did come to the store 10 minutes later and found the building closed. She came in the next afternoon, demanded the set, got upset when it was no longer available, proceeded to throw merchandise around the department looking for it, and had to be escorted out by security.)

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