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    Totally ‘Tanga’

    | Hastings, NE, USA | Awesome Workers, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Technology

    Customer: “What do you mean you don’t have the parts on hand to fix my TV?”

    Me: “Well, your TV is 12 years old. I can have the parts in a day or two.”

    (The customer starts every cuss word in the book, yelling at me about my incompetence and lack of skill.)

    Me: *stands there and waits until she pauses for a breath, when she does…* “Ma’am, would you like to learn some Tagalog?”

    Customer: “Huh?…What’s Tagalog?”

    Me: “It’s the language of the Philippines.”

    Customer: “Why would I need to learn that?”

    Me: *in the same, low toned and calm voice I have been using during her entire screaming session* “So you don’t have to use the same seven cuss words over and over.”

    (Right after saying that, I calmly picked up my tools and headed for the door. The customer, red faced and stuttering, tried to yell at me some more, but was at a complete loss for words.)

    Said It Without Batting An Eye

    | Reno, NV, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I was born with a very rare degenerative eye disease which, after several corrective surgeries, has left me with some very unusual eyes (off-centered pupil, over-sized green-gold iris). I’m used to how they look, but a lot of people are taken aback by them, sometimes even asking if they’re real. This incident takes place while I’m hanging up clothing.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m fine, thank you. We’re looking for— Are you wearing contacts?”

    Me: “No?”

    Customer: “Your eyes look really weird.”

    Me: ” …Thanks.”

    Anna Oprahnina

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

    (I am a book seller in a large book-store chain. A woman is standing in front of the new release table and is looking frustrated.)

    Me: “Can I help you, miss?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a new book. Oprah said it just came out. You should keep more new releases in stock! Especially if it’s a book by Oprah!”

    Me: “Okay, well, maybe it’s somewhere else in the store. I can check for you. Do you know the title?”

    Customer: “It’s called Anna Karenina.”

    Me: *pause* “Oh, that should be in our literature section, under Tolstoy.”

    Customer: “Why is it not in the new releases? Oprah said it was just published!”

    Me: “Well, actually it was written in the 1870s.”

    Customer: “No, it wasn’t! Oprah said it was new! Oprah doesn’t lie! She’s Oprah!”

    Me: “Okay. Do you want to get the book?”

    Customer: “Of course! Oprah said I have to read it. Oprah!”

    (My coworkers spent the rest of the day randomly shouting ‘Oprah!’ over the headsets.)

    Not In A Good State To Come In

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Time

    (I am working the front desk, and the phone rings. It is about 2:45 in the afternoon.)

    Caller: “Hi. I was wondering if [Stylist] has any appointments today.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have a stylist by that name here, but I could make you an appointment with someone else. The earliest we can fit you in is 3:15.”

    Caller: “Great, I’ll take it.”

    (I make the appointment. 3:15 comes, and the girl does not show up. At 3:30 I give her a call back.)

    Me: “Hi, [Caller]. Are you still planning to come in?”

    Caller: “Yeah, 3:15 right?”

    Me: “Yes, but it’s 3:35 now.”

    Caller: “No, it’s only 12:35.”

    Me: “This is [Salon] in Raleigh, North Carolina.”

    Caller: “Oh… I’m in Idaho.”

    This Time With Meaning

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I have on a pair of frog earrings. The face and arms of the frog are in the front, and the legs dangle from the back of the ear.)

    Customer: “Oh, those earrings are so cute!”

    Me: “Thanks, my boyfriend got them for me.”

    Customer: “Oh you must love frogs!”

    Me: “No… they’re just fun.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, then, he must love frogs!”

    Me: “No, he just thought they were fun.”

    Customer: “Well, are you French?”

    Me: “Um, well, yeah…”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. So that’s why he got them!”

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