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    A Simple Solution Is Just The Ticket

    | Red Bluff, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: *calling my office phone* “My scanner hasn’t worked for two weeks! Why haven’t you fixed it yet?”

    (I glance at my computer, checking my tickets. Nothing in this person’s name.)

    Me: “Have you called a ticket in? What is the ticket number?”

    Customer: “I don’t have time for that!”

    Me: “Well, luckily, I have a gap between appointments and can come over to look at it now.”

    (I head over.)

    Customer: “See? Nothing.”

    Me: “How long has it been unplugged?”

    The Key(s) To Customer Service

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I usually work the electronics department, but I’ve stepped into the main toy section to show a customer where an item is located. Another customer gets my attention.)

    Customer: “Can you tell me where [line of dolls] are?”

    Me: “I’m not familiar with those dolls, but if we do carry them, they’ll be in [aisle numbers].”

    Customer: “Well, the other girl said that you don’t have them!”

    Me: “We probably don’t, then. It’s been a very busy morning and we’re sold out of a lot of popular items.”

    Customer: “Can’t you look it up on that doodad of yours?”

    (The customer gestures at the set of keys in my hand, which have a large black magnetic key attached to them.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid I don’t have my handheld scanner, but if you give me a moment I can go to the electronics department—”

    Customer: “No, that doodad in your hand!”

    Me: *as gently as possible* “Ma’am, these are my keys, not my handheld.”

    Customer: “I have had it with this store! This is the worst customer service! I will inform your manager that you refused to serve me!”

    (Later, my manager drops by.)

    Manager: “Did you try to help a very grumpy old woman?”

    Me: “Yeah, and she was mad that I couldn’t use my keys to look up an item.”

    Manager: “I’m not surprised. She complained about you, and then wanted me to help her find a doll in an ad. I pointed out that it was an ad for a competitor and that the doll was marked as that [Competitor]‘s exclusive item. She told me she’d just come from there and they didn’t have any more, so what was I going to do about it? I told her nothing, since we’re not [Competitor]. Last I saw she was leaving her cart and walking out of the store complaining about how employees these days have no sense of what customer service really means.”

    A Premature Point Of View

    | Courtenay, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work the front desk of a smaller hotel, where all of our rooms face the ocean; meaning the front entrance of the units are motel style in the back, edging onto a wooded area with the sliding glass doors all facing the waters edge. A guest we had just checked about 10 minutes ago comes back to the desk FURIOUS. I overhear the exchange between him and my coworker…)

    Guest: “I was told my room had an OCEAN VIEW! You people are NOT advertising correctly. This is false advertising!”

    Coworker: “Sir, I assure you you ARE in one of our beachfront units. In fact, it really doesn’t get much more ‘beachfront!’”

    Guest: “Yeah, well, I can assure YOU that my room is NOT facing the water! I am not paying this much money to stare at some trees!”

    (At this point we’re all dumbfounded as to why this guest claims his room doesn’t have a view, as it’s physically impossible for it not to. At this point, my coworker clues in.)

    Coworker: “… Sir, did you actually ENTER the room yet?”

    Guest: “No, but the building is surrounded by trees. There’s no ocean or beach in sight!”

    (As soon as the guest actually WENT INTO the room, to his surprise, he found a gorgeous ocean view and had no further complaints!)

    Read Your Food For Thoughts

    | Somerset, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

    (I work Saturdays at a local pub and it tends to be a very quiet shift. The chef comes up to the bar to check the evening’s reservations just as a customer is ordering.)

    Customer: “Can I have the ham and tomato baguette, but no tomato?”

    (I look to the chef and he nods.)

    Me: “Certainly.” *hits button for ham and tomato baguette* “What table was that?”

    Customer: “Table six.”

    (The chef leaves, giving me a thumbs up so I know he knows what to do.)

    Me: “Okay that’s [price].”

    Customer: *handing over the money* “Don’t you have to write a note?”

    Me: “A note?”

    Customer: “On the till, don’t you have to write a note letting the chef know?”

    Me: *hands them their change* “No, he already knows.”

    Customer: “How? Is he psychic?”

    Me: “He was the guy that was just up here. He heard you.”

    Customer: *walking away, muttering* “More fun when I thought he was psychic.”

    Common Sense Just Melts Away

    | Charleston, SC, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (A small crowd has suddenly formed in the store, so I jump on the line to help my coworker with the sandwiches. She’s already started one and tells me the customer wants a chicken bacon ranch. I make the sandwich right in front of the customer. After heating up all the meats, I have her tell me what kind of veggies she wants on it. When the last veggie is put on, this happens:)

    Customer: “And tomatoes… but I wanted a melt, not a chicken bacon ranch.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I told the other girl I wanted a melt.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. I’ll make you a new sandwich, but why didn’t you say anything for the last two minutes? You could see it wasn’t a melt, right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I knew it wasn’t a melt. I thought you were going to figure out it wasn’t one either.”

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