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    The Appliance Of Defiance

    | NV, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I am 32 years old, and have approximately 16 years of customer service experience in various fields. While working as the appliance manager at a well-known nationwide retailer, I am speaking with a customer about the protection plan we sell as an extra add-on option and he seems to get a little confused as to the products and services we offer.)

    Me: “Everything we sell that has a motor is eligible for some form of extra protection agreement that can be purchased separately and works concurrently with the manufacturer’s warranty.”

    Customer: “What all does it cover and how much does it cost?”

    Me: “Well with fridges it would cover parts and labor for the term of the agreement and if for some reason the unit completely fails, it would cover the value of the unit towards replacing it as well as money for the food that is lost inside the unit. The price of the plan varies based on the model of appliance you buy.”

    Customer: “What do you mean, it varies? It should be a flat rate for all units.”

    Me: “Well, there’s a higher cost for a fridge with an ice maker and/or water dispenser than there is for a fridge that doesn’t have those features.”

    Customer: “Right, so those units should have a cheaper protection plan, right?”

    Me: “… um, right.”

    Customer: “So what do you mean when you say it would cover the value of the unit towards replacing it?”

    Me: “Well if you buy a $2000 fridge and that fridge dies, you would get $2000 towards purchasing a replacement fridge. Then you just come in and select a new unit.”

    Customer: “What? Well, that’s absurd.”

    Me: “I don’t understand; why is that absurd?”

    Customer: “Well, if my iPhone dies then Apple just sends me the newest model available as a replacement and I don’t pay anything!”

    Me: “That may be but appliances are quite a bit different from cell phones, especially refrigerators.”

    Customer: “That shouldn’t matter; whatever is the newest model should automatically get sent to the customer’s house if the old one dies. That’s what’s called customer service.”

    Me: “And what if, in the time you have the fridge, you decide that your next one will be a different style? Or you want a different size? Or you’re remodelling your kitchen and you want a different finish?”

    Customer: “Well then they should be able to anticipate customer needs and make a new model that will appeal to everyone.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Maybe you’re not high enough in the food chain to understand this concept. After you get a little experience in customer service and start making adult purchases, you’ll understand.”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 32

    | Sydney, NSW Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I am finalising a sale with a customer. We have store cards for customers, which give discounts and special offers.)

    Me: “Do you have a VIP card?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Would you like one?”

    Customer: “No, thanks.” *swipes credit card*

    Me: “Sorry, but your card has been declined. Do you have another way of paying?”

    Customer: “No. I’ll come back.” *stops for moment* “I think I will sign up for the store card.”

    (I pass the form to her, fill in her details on the computer, and hand her the store discount card. She hands it straight back to me.)

    Customer: “Use this to pay for my things.”

    Me: “What? No, this isn’t a bank card. It’s a discount card.”

    Customer: “I do not understand. You give me card. I pay for things with card.”

    Me: “This is a store card for customers to get discounts and rewards with.”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “No, you can’t make payments with this card. Go to your bank about your credit card.”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 31
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 30
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 29

    Look Out For The Always Looking, Part 2

    | UT, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (We close early at 5 on Sundays, which usually throws some customers who assume we are open until our regular time. Most customers get the hint when the lights automatically dim at closing and the music is turned off. Sometimes, however, customers still don’t get the hint. A couple and their young daughter walk in at 4:55 and begin shopping around. By 5:20, they are the only ones left in the store and seem to have no idea that we’re closed. I decide to go up to them to see if they need any help.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you guys find anything today?”

    Customer: “Nope, we’re finding everything all right, thanks.”

    Me: “Okay, great! Just so you know, we are closing soon, so just let me know if I can help you find anything.”

    Customer: *brushing me away* “Uh-huh, thanks.”

    (About 15 more minutes pass. The store is recovered immaculately and the closing team is literally just waiting for these customers to check out so we can close the last register and go home. I decide to try one more time.)

    Me: “Are you three still doing all right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, we’re doing fine. Just looking around still!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (At this point, the family begins to head to the dressing room to try clothes on. I’m beginning to get pretty annoyed and impatient, so I turn to my coworker.)

    Me: “[Coworker], what time is it?”

    Coworker: “It’s 5:40.”

    Me: *sighing* “Guess we’re not going home any time soon.”

    Customer: *turns around cheerfully surprised* “Oh! By the way, what time do you guys close?”

    Coworker: “We actually closed at five.”

    Customer: “Oh, silly me! We’ll get going now.”

    (The family ended up using a rewards points coupon which covered pretty much their whole purchase, meaning the store made no money off of them and there was no benefit to having them in the store so late.)

    A Closing Time Is Half Open Kinda Caller, Part 2

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Time

    (For the company I work for, the call center is open 24/7.)

    Customer: “When do you guys close? I want to make sure I place my order before then.”

    Me: “You are in luck. We are open 24 hours.”

    Customer: “Which 24 hours?”

    Me: “Um, we don’t close. We are open all day and night.”

    Customer: “But which hours?”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t close.”

    (This goes on for several minutes.)

    Me: “Mr. [Customer]. We… do… not… close.”

    Customer: “Well, [My Name], why didn’t you say so?”

    Me: “…”

    Related:
    A Closing Time Is Half Open Kinda Caller

    The Final Cherry On Top

    | Interlochen, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work at the retail store of an arts camp. Since the campus is about a half hour away from the annual Cherry Festival, we sell a number of cherry products. One of these was a bottle of cherry concentrate. It is about $20 for a 12 oz bottle. Being concentrate, not juice, you don’t drink it by itself. You take about a teaspoon of it and add it to water to make it into juice. Most people, though, think that it is just normal juice and so it doesn’t really sell well.)

    Camper #1: “What is this? Juice? Geez! Why would anyone buy juice for $20?”

    Camper #2: “THAT’S NOT JUICE!”

    Camper #1: “What? Isn’t it?”

    Camper #2: “NO! THAT IS CONCENTRATE! IF YOU DRINK IT BY ITSELF YOU WILL POOP FOREVER!”

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