A Beguiling Bagel

, | Raleigh, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work as a sandwich maker at a fast food bagel shop. We make our sandwiches in front of the customer so they can request changes as we build the sandwich. Our featured breakfast sandwich of the month is the sriracha bagel; it is basically a sausage, egg, and cheese bagel but with peppers and sriracha sauce. It’s a slow day, and a young man approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a sriracha bagel.”

Me: ” All right, what kind of bagel would you like that on? It usually comes on a plain bagel.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. A plain bagel, I guess. Oh, and can I get that with bacon instead of sausage?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I grab the bagel, slice it open and begin to assemble the sandwich. I go to get the peppers.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what are those?”

Me: “Those are the peppers that go on the sandwich.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t like peppers. Can you leave those off?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I leave the peppers off, and place the bacon, egg, and cheese onto the bagel. I’m about to put the sriracha sauce on the bagel.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what is that?”

Me: “This is the sriracha sauce. It’s what gives the sandwich its name.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t like spicy things. Can you leave that off?”

Me: “Okay, sure. So, just to make sure: all you want is a bacon, egg, and cheese bagel?”

Customer: “Yea. Hey, why don’t you guys just have that on your menu?”

(I had to struggle not to say anything as the bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich is the first thing listed under “Breakfast Sandwiches” on the menu. The worst part is when he got to the register he insisted on being charged for the sriracha instead of a bacon egg and cheese, and so he paid about a dollar more for his sandwich.)

Not Even Remotely Thinking

| Ruidoso, NM, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists/Travel

(I work for a small shop in town. We get a few tourist high points a year. It’s a mountain town with a population of about 8,000. It’s only 20 minutes away from another town and about 45 minutes from a larger city.)

Customer: “How do you people live out here?”

Me: “What? What do you mean?”

Customer: “It’s so… remote.”

Me: “Oh, well, we have everything we need here. Also, there is larger city about 45 minutes away if we need something that we cannot find here. Besides, it’s beautiful here.”

Customer: “But… do you have electricity?”

Me: *looks at all the lights in the store, the electronic cash register and the neon sign outside, the lamp posts outside and the traffic lights* “Yes… yes, we do.”

Customer: “What about plumbing?”

Me: “Yes…”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Positive?”

Customer: “What about [popular and huge hotel]? Do they have lights and toilets?”

Me: “Yes… everywhere here does. Literally, everywhere.”

Customer: “But… it’s so remote. How do they get the lights here?”

Me: “….wires and light poles?”

Customer: “But where do the wires come from?”

Me: “The nearest power station?”

Customer: “What about water?”

Me: “Pipes, and it would come from the nearest water treatment plant, which we have here.”

Customer: “I just don’t understand you people at all.”

Me: “Well, enjoy your stay…”

Customer: “Do the people here have cars?”

Me: “Have you seen cars since you have been here?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “There you go.”

‘A’ As In Awesome

| CO, USA | Awesome Customers, Language & Words

(I work in tech support, and am asking a caller his username. All is normal until…)

Caller: “That’s R as in Raygun, Z as in zombie…”

(I didn’t know what to say! Thank you caller for making my day!)

Should Have Vetted Their Outbursts

| ON, Canada | Pets & Animals, School

(I have worked in a pet store selling dogs and cats for five years at this point, and wear a tag that says my name and that I am a ‘dog specialist.’)

Customer: “Psh, dog specialist my a**. That girl looks like she is just starting high school.”

Coworker: “So, [My Name], how is your third year of veterinary school going?”

(The client turns bright red and leaves the store. The next day, she came back and started asking me questions as to why her dog might be limping.)

Not A People Person

| KS, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(I work at a popular retail chain where a new assistant manager is focusing on getting the store and its associates to adhere more strongly to its policies. A customer comes to my computer to pick up an order he had sent from site to store.)

Me: “Alright… looks like it’s here. I just need to get in touch with electronics so they can bring it up.”

Customer: “…it’s not here?”

Me: “It is! We just don’t have room to keep all the site-to-store items at the service desk, so we keep them in the backroom, where electronics brings it up since they’re the closest department to where it’s being kept.”

Customer: “Whatever.”

(My manager and I are furiously attempting to bring down the lines at the service desk. I have called up electronics and they are looking for the site-to-store customer’s item. About a minute passes after that call before the customer comes storming back up to the desk. He approaches the manager this time.)

Customer: “Okay, what the f***?! My item should be here! Why isn’t it up here! What the F*** is going on!?”

Manager: “You can leave the store.”

Customer: “What about my ITEM, huh? I paid for that!”

Manager: “I’ll refund it to you, and then you can just leave. We ARE people, you know.”

Customer: *calms down, then looks at the ground* “…I only cussed a few times.”

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