November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Turning Wine Into Comedy

| Albany, NY, USA | Religion

(While at the restaurant where I work as a waitress, a bunch of priests are seated in my area. Four of them are pretty young, one is clearly older. They order wine, and I get to the last older priest, stumble, and the wine ends up in his lap. His face gets all wet, and I can tell he is trying hard not to swear…)

Priest: “I cannot believe this! You spilled wine all over me! I am all wet!” *some other words I think are Latin or some derivative thereof*

(I am horrified, but put on a solemn look.)

Me: “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned!”

(The whole table and some around us burst into laughter, except the old priest.)

Credited With Stupidity

| USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(I work for a website where you are able to book hotels at lower costs. This customer isn’t happy with their stay, and requests a refund.)

Me: “So, the hotel has approved a $50 refund. We usually process that in the form of a credit to be used on our website. It will be available in a few minutes.”

Customer: “So, I can use that on any purchase within the next few minutes?”

Me: “Of course. Let me just finish with the processing of it. You’ll get an email confirmation.”

Customer: “Can I use it on Amazon?”

Me: “No, sir. This is like an in-store credit, but online. It can be used for anything purchased on our website.”

Customer: “What about on EBay?”

(I wish this was the worst thing said to me today.)

An Unhealthy Attitude

| WA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work at a gym and am currently staffing a booth at a health event at the local hospital. The majority of the people attending have been the hospital staff and all have been very pleasant.)

Me: *to a passing nurse* “Would you like to enter a chance to win a free membership?”

Nurse: *looks at me like I asked her to murder puppies* “I WON’T EVER SET FOOT IN A HEALTH CLUB! THEY ARE DISGUSTING AND DIRTY AND FULL OF GERMS!” *storms off*

Me: *to my coworker* “Does she not realize she works in a hospital?”

Not-So-Smartphone, Part 13

| IA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am about to reset a customer’s modem and I want to know if it will disconnect our call when I do.)

Me: “Are you using a cell phone right now?”

Customer: “I have a laptop.”

Me: “…Are you using a cell phone to talk to me right now?”

Customer: “I’ve got a laptop.”

Me: *giving up* “What I’m doing will reboot your modem.”

Customer: “That’s okay. I’m on a cellphone.”

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10 

You Can’t Turn A Charlotte Into A Samantha

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Movies & TV

(Although I work in a trendy clothing shop for women, until the day I was hired, I knew so little about fashion I didn’t even know how to wear leggings properly. Since being hired, I have learned to put fashionable outfits together for myself. I am working the dressing room area. A very fashionable mother and daughter come up to me with a huge pile of clothes. I explain to them our corporate policies about the dressing rooms, including that the mother will have to stay outside with me.)

Mother: “Oh, that’s okay, [Daughter], you go in. I’ll stay out here and chat with this lovely young lady.”

(I withhold a grimace, as I’m not very good at making small talk, and am a little intimidated by this woman already due to her clear knowledge of fashion, although she is nothing but positive in our entire encounter. As the daughter goes into the room, her mother yells after her.)

Mother: “We’ll make two piles. Toss it and take it.”

(The woman nudges and winks at me.)

Mother: “You know, like when Samantha cleans out her closet in Sex and the City.”

(I smile, but say nothing to the woman as I don’t feel like telling her that while I am familiar with the show and the premise, I have never actually seen an episode of ‘Sex and the City.’ I am also aware that a popular women’s network on TV, that the mother and I both watch, is showing both of the ‘Sex and the City’ movies that night. The mother, not taking the hint of my silence, begins to talk to me about her plans to watch it with her friends.)

Mother: “We’ve been marathoning the series this past week, getting ready for it. I’m so excited, and I’m making us a whole dinner themed to Sex and the City.”

(I smile and nod, still not saying anything, until, finally the inevitable question is asked and I have no choice but to bite the bullet.)

Mother: “So, what is your favorite episode?”

Me: “Forgive me, ma’am, but I’ve never watched Sex and the City.”

Mother: *gasping like I’ve just confessed to murder* “What? But you’re so young and fashionable!”

Me: “Yes, I am young, and I do know how to dress nicely, but I haven’t seen the show.”

Mother: “Oh, sweetheart! Why not?”

Me: “I’m just not overly into fashion, or fond of the message it sends to women that their whole lives have to revolve around men, sex, and city.”

Mother: “Oh, sweetie, it’s so much more than that.”

Me: “I’m sure it is. I’m just not interested.”

Mother: “Oh, I’m sure you’d like it. Just give it a chance.”

(The mother continues to badger me for the rest of the sale about Sex and the City, trying to convince me to watch it. Finally, just as her daughter finishes up, I agree to watch the movies that night. As I clean up the dressing room, I overhear her and her daughter at the cash register.)

Coworker: “Did you find everything all right today?”

Mother: “Oh, yes! The girl at the dressing room was just wonderful! She was such a delightful Miranda!”

(The mother turns back to me and calls.)

Mother: “Enjoy the movie!”

Me: “Will do!”

(I didn’t watch the movies, and to this day I have yet to watch an episode.)