Visit our latest site, The Awesomer!Pregnant Customer: “I want to be reimbursed because I did not get a ground floor unit, because I was promised one when I booked the reservation due to the fact that I’m pregnant.”
Agent: “But ma’am, you booked this reservation eleven months in advance.”
Customer: “Are you out of Shrek the Third?”
Me: “Yes, everything I have is out on the shelves.”
Customer: “Oh.”
(Customer goes back into rest of store, comes back to front.)
Customer: “There’s a copy out there that says ‘FOR SALE ONLY’.”
Me: “Mmhm, there sure is.”
Customer: “Can we rent that?”
Related:
On The Futility Of Signs
Me: “Thank you for calling *******, how may I direct your call?”
Customer: “Lumber, please.”
Me: “Sir, we do not have a lumber department.”
Customer: “Yes you do. I was just in there and I bought 4 boxes of roof shingles.”
Me: “Sir, I think you have us mistaken for *****.”
Customer: “Don’t correct me. I know where I just left from buying roof shingles.”
Me: “Sir, we do not now nor have we ever sold roof shingles.”
Customer: “I have my receipt right here. It says *****.”
Me: “That’s fine sir, but this is *******, not *****.”
Customer: “Let me speak to your manager!”
(After another 30 minutes of arguing with my manager we just transfered him to hardware so he could yell at them for not selling shingles.)
Customer: “Do you guys do price matching?”
Me: “Yes we do.”
Customer: “Ok, well Wal-Mart has this vacuum on sale for $27.99 and you have it on for $34.99. Will you match that?”
Me: “Yes, that’s no problem. I just need to see a copy of the Wal-Mart flyer with that vacuum.”
Customer: “You don’t have the flyer?”
Me: “…No. We don’t carry Wal-Mart’s flyer.”
Customer: “You want me to drive all the way home to get Wal-Mart’s flyer and come all the way back here? Are you sure you don’t have it here?”
Me: “No, we don’t have Wal-Mart’s flyer.”
Customer: (angrily) “Well, you SHOULD! Jesus Christ, do I have to do everything?”
(Customer mutters and walks away.)
Customer: “Do you have any maps of South Africa?” (We’re in Ontario, Canada.)
Me, having a look: “No, it seems we don’t. Your best bet will be online or to wait till you get there.”
Customer: “But you have maps of everywhere else! I looked in the computer and it said you had them!”
Me: “Did we have any in stock?”
Customer: “You have maps of places all over the states, but not South Africa.”
Me: “I guess there’s more interest cause people can drive there.”
Customer: “This is discrimination! I want a map of South Africa.”
Me: “Let me go check the computer again.” *runs*
Me: “Hi, my name is ***** at ******** College, and I’m calling this evening to talk to ***** about her college search. Is she available?”
Older man who answered: “Sorry, she’s still got a few weeks left in jail.”
Me: “Uh…okay. Would you mind just taking down a couple pieces of contact information for her?”
Man: “I could take it, but I just don’t know how well it’d go, what with all the drugs she’s on right now.”
Me: “I’m sorry, is this a joke?”
Man: “No, no joke…”
(A customer comes to the bakery and asks me if we sell some ointment.)
Me: “Sorry, but we don’t sell that here.”
Customer: “Where can I get it?”
Me: “I would suggest one of the local pharmacies.” *I name a few, including B & J’s Pharmacy*
Customer: “Is B & J’s Pharmacy…a pharmacy?”
Me: “Yes…”
(I was working the candy bar when a I was approached by a man seeing Bridge to Terabithia with two young kids. He points to the popcorn machine:)
Customer: “I’ll have two boxes of cockporn, please.”
(There was a two second pause as the customer’s eyes went wide with horror…and then I started to laugh. He got the popcorn and ran upstairs, with me standing behind the counter with tears running down my face.)
 Cockporn Tee |
Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this gas cooker…”
Me: “Sure, what’s the problem with it, madam?”
Customer: “The picture on the front of the box shows meat, although when I opened the box there was no meat inside…”
Me: *In astonishment* “Okay, I’ll just go and get my manager…”
Customer: “Can I have a banana?”
Me: “Sure.” *I ring her up and give her a banana*
Customer: “Uh, actually.. could I have a more ripe banana?”
(I hand her a very yellow banana with faint spots on it.)
Customer: “No, no, a RIPER banana. Like, a greener one.”
(I stare at her for a second, get a greener banana, and watch her walk away wondering how she got into college.)
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