Climbing The Ladder Of Crazy

| CO, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(I work in an old-fashioned bookstore, with high shelves and a ladder attached to them that moves along the wall. I am standing at the very top of the ladder, balancing a box full of books between the ladder and myself. All of a sudden a customer comes racing towards me. She grabs the ladder and shoves it to one side, effectively knocking my box down.)

Customer: “It has to be right here! Where is it?!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am! Please be careful with the ladder. I’m high up and I could get hurt!”

Customer: *ignores me* “I need help finding a book. Help me now, please!”

(She then grabs the ladder again and yanks it the other way, causing me to fall off. Thankfully I hold onto the ladder, so now I’m dangling from the side of it. Another customer quickly runs over and helps me get down from the ladder.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I said I needed help! Stop helping him and help me!”

Me: “I wasn’t helping him; he was helping me get down from the ladder so that you don’t kill me! Were you trying to break my neck?”

Customer: “What? You weren’t on the ladder. I need help finding a book. I need a book that will tell me how to smoke.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I tried it and I must have done it wrong because I coughed like crazy.”

Me: “Ma’am, you came in here, nearly killed me, and you’re trying to find a book that doesn’t exist, because you think your natural reflexes are wrong?”

Customer: “Oh, I knew I should have gone to Barnes and Noble.” *leaves store*

Giving You The Finger

| Helsinki, Finland | Health & Body

(I am admitting walk-in patients in an emergency room. A man walks to me, and he has a bloody handkerchief around his left middle finger. I deduce he has a cut on that finger. However, I am taught to always let the patient explain what has happened to avoid misunderstandings.)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir. What brings you into the emergency room?”

Patient: “This.”

(He drops a severed middle finger on the counter.)

Me: “Oo-kay, then…”

Not So (Do)Nuts About Burgers

| Medicine Hat, AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work at a burger place, next to a coffee and doughnut shop. Occasionally we get people in drive-thru that get the places mixed up, but both drive-thrus are close to each other, A customer walks in, past three big pictures of hamburgers, and the restaurant name is posted several times.)

Customer: *looking at the menu* “Can I get an iced capp, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have those.”

Customer: “Oh. The machine’s broken?”

Me: “No. We’ve never had them.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. I had one last week.”

Me: “No. None of the [Restaurant] have ever had them.”

Customer: *looks around* “Oh. This isn’t [Donut Shop]. You should have told me.”

Me: “I assumed with the pictures of hamburgers all over, and lack of donuts you knew where you where.”

Customer: *looks around again, and leaves embarrassed*

O, Canaduh, Part 3

| Montreal, QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am working as cashier with a very long line of customers, on a busy day in downtown Montreal.)

Customer: ”I’m from the US and I’m buying this for my son. He’ll be so happy! Can you gift wrap it?”

Me: ”Absolutely, ma’am. You can insert your card to pay.”’

Interac Machine: ”Beeeep!”

Me: ”Sorry, ma’am, the transaction was cancelled. Can you please insert your card again?”

Interact Machine: ”Beeep!”

Me: ”Sorry, ma’am, I don’t know what is going on. I’m going to do the transaction on the other machine over there.” *customers in line are getting a little nervous*

Customer: ”Well, I don’t understand. It cancels every time I choose CAN for Canadian dollars ”

Me: ”Ma’am… CAN stands for cancel…”

Customer: ”Oh, that’s why! I never would have guessed!”

Related:
O, Canaduh, Part 2
O, Canaduh

Urine For A Shock

| UT, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

Customer: “Hey, do you guys sell drug tests?”

Me: “Yes! I’ll show you where they are.”

(I show him where the drug tests are, and he comes up to the pharmacy counter to pay for it.)

Customer: “Do you have a cup I could use?”

Me: “…Sure. Let me go get one.”

(I go grab one of the paper cups the pharmacy staff uses.)

Me: “Here you go!”

Customer: “Thanks! Where’s your bathroom?”

(I tell him where the restrooms out in the store are and he goes on his way. Several minutes later he walks back up to the counter and puts his cup on the counter.)

Customer: “So do I just stick the test in here?”

(I look in his cup. Yep. It’s full of pee.)

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Okay! Thanks!”

(Customer walked away. I frantically disinfected myself and the entire counter.)

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