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  • Marie, Marie, Quite Contrary

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Funny Names

    (Though I’m not the receptionist, I answer the main phone line at work, so I’m responsible for routing calls and answering general questions.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Can I talk to Marie?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have anyone here by that name.”

    Caller: “Marie Stevens?”

    Me: “Sorry, there’s still no one here named Marie.”

    This Flowered Into Nothing

    | OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (It is pouring down rain, and I’m called outside to help a customer in the garden area. I get soaked within seconds, and find an elderly woman gazing at hanging baskets.)

    Woman: “I’m looking for flowers to refill my hanging basket.”

    Me: “Well, we have a large variety of flowers right now. All would look lovely in a basket, or we have the pre-filled baskets ready to go and in bloom.”

    Woman: “I want the same thing I got last year.” *looks at me expectantly*

    Me: “Uh… did you get it here? Perhaps a fuchsia?”

    (At this point I am shaking from cold and wondering what exactly she wants from me.)

    Woman: “Just grab the one I bought last year. I don’t know where I got it, but I want the same one.

    Me: I’m sorry; I don’t know what you had last year. Do any of these flowers look familiar?”

    Woman: “Oh, I don’t know. Why can’t you remember what I bought? I just want the same flowers! Just help me!”

    Me: *desperate to leave* “I think you bought fuchsias last year! Right here!” *shows her the plant*

    Woman: “Oh, yes, thank you! Oh, those are much too expensive. Well, have a good day!”

    (She bought nothing, took 15 minutes of my day, and left me sopping wet and freezing. I love customer service.)

    Doesn’t Quite Get The Message

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid

    (I am a receptionist and all incoming calls come to me, I also have two coworkers with the same first name.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [Company].”

    Customer: “I missed a call from this number.”

    Me: “I am sorry. All incoming calls come through my desk and I have no way of knowing who placed an outgoing call to your number. What company are you with? I might be able to look up who your project manager is.”

    Customer: “[Other Company].”

    Me: “I am sorry, but I don’t seem to have your company in my system. Did the person that called happen to leave a message?”

    Customer: “Yes, but I don’t listen to my messages.”

    Me: “I apologize, but the best way for us to know who called you is for you to listen to the message.”

    Customer: “Fine!” *click*

    (Phone rings, it is the same customer.)

    Customer: “Can I talk to [Coworker First Name]?”

    Me: “May I ask, is that [Coworker First and Last Name #1] or [Coworker First and Last Name #2]?

    Customer: “How am I supposed to know? They only said [First Name].

    Me: “All right, did they tell you the nature of this call in the message?”

    Customer: “I don’t know; I didn’t listen that far. Just let me talk to [First Name].”

    Me: “Okay, sir, please hold while I determine which one of them called you. May I please get your name and company again?”

    Customer: “No!” *click*

    (He didn’t call back after that so I don’t know if he ever figured it out.)

    Off-Color Customer

    | AZ, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink

    (I am changing out the coffee urns by the entrance when this exchange happens. It’s a very slow part of the day so the restaurant is empty but for one person.)

    Customer: “Hey, where do I order a sandwich?”

    Me: *pointing to the counter not 15 feet away where the only other customer is ordering* “Right over there, sir.”

    Customer: “Where? I don’t see it.”

    Me: “Just give your order to that employee right there.”

    Customer: “Who? Do I order with you?”

    Me: “…no. That guy standing behind the counter right there.”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: *pointing* “Okay, do you see that large sign suspended from the ceiling that says ‘Order Sandwiches Here’?”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: *pointing again* “Do you see those two people standing right there? It’s just above them. Just walk over there.”

    Customer: *looking directly at them* “I don’t get it. Where’s the sign?”

    Me: “Sir, just walk over to where that other customer is standing and the employee will take your order next.”

    Customer: *staring in that direction* “Who?”

    Me: *starting to wonder if his eyesight is very bad* “Sir, do you see that person standing at the counter right there?”

    Customer: “Oh, you mean that BLACK GUY? He’s a customer?!”

    (This was loud enough that the other customer heard and turned around.)

    Me: “….yeeeahhh. He’s at the front of the line. Just go over there and stand behind him.”

    (The customer still looked confused, and still seemed to have some trouble finding it as he wandered over. I apologized to the other customer as he was leaving, while my poor coworker had a deer-in -the-headlights look while he was trying to get the other guy’s order (which took over five minutes). Thank goodness he came in while it was slow!)

    The Last Trip He Takes You On

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers, Tourists/Travel

    (We have a ‘regular’ customer who only calls at night, and only speaks with young sounding, female representatives.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *sounding stuffed up throughout the call* “Yes, I need to book a trip from Chicago to Detroit for [date that is always two weeks away from date he calls].”

    Me: “Great, and how many will be traveling?”

    Caller: “Just me.”

    (I check for age and military discounts when all of a sudden, he sneezes.)

    Me: “Bless you. Now did you have a time of day in mind?”

    Caller: “Oh, thank you. My cat just came in the room. I am allergic. Could you read me the time you have at the lowest prices?”

    (The call goes almost normally accept for these ‘allergy’ interruptions, which involve opening the window, dusting, going in the attic, and so on. He gives the name of John Sneed for the reservation and we get to the credit card payment. He gives 8 of the 16 digits, and then hangs up. After having this happen twice, I ask around and confirm he is not a legitimate customer. A jewel of information is given to me, so I’m prepared the next time he calls.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *sounding stuffed up* “Yes, I need to book a trip from Chicago to Detroit for [date that is two weeks away].”

    Me: “Wonderful! How many will be traveling this time, Mr. [Caller´s Real Last Name]?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

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