November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Your Keyboards Days Are Numbered

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

User: “Hi, I’m having an issue entering in the numbers in this field.”

Me: “Okay, let me proxy into your computer and I’ll see what I can do.”

(I proxy into the computer, click in the field, type with no issues:)

Me: “It looks like this is working okay for me; can I have you try to enter that in again?”

User: *typing* “It’s not working.”

Me: “Hmm, okay, you’re typing in numbers there?”

User: “Yes, but it’s not working.”

Me: “Can I have you press the Num Lock button on your keyboard? It should be on the right side, directly above the 7 key.”

User: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “It’s on the keyboard, on the right side. It’s near the 7 button, on the number keypad, all the way on the right of the keyboard.”

User: “I don’t see a 7.”

Me: “…Okay, so on the keyboard—”

User: “I don’t see anything like that.”

Me: “So, you’re looking at the thing you’re typing on, correct? Not at the screen?”

User: “I just don’t see a 7 anywhere here.”

(I notice that the mouse is moving on the screen, tracking back and forth across the taskbar at the bottom of Windows.)

Me: “I think you’re looking at the screen; I need you to look at the keyboard, the thing you are typing on.”

User: “I was typing in this text box…”

Me: “Oh, no, not on the screen there, but on the keyboard. The hardware under the screen, that you type with.”

User: “But I don’t see anything like that.”

Me: “Okay, so when you place your hands in a position to type—”

User: “Oh, on the KEYBOARD.”

Me: “…Yes, do you see the 7 button on the keyboard?”

User: “…”

Me: “…”

Me: “Directly above the 7 button is the Num Lock button. It’s on the far right side.”

User: “I just don’t see that.”

(10 minutes later, I discovered that the issue was a disconnected keyboard.)

No Money, More Problems

| Mississauga, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money

(I work at the call center for a small company that does promotional gift cards in the US. Recently, one of our cards has gone on the fritz, and the money was removed from a good number of the cards, and put back into the company’s account. Because of this, my manager has been working tirelessly to load each of the cards manually.)

Me: “[Company], how may I help you?”

Customer: “My card is not working!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that, ma’am. May I have the card number so I can take a look at it?”

(She angrily gives me the number, and I can tell just by the set of digits used that it’s one of the affected cards.)

Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, due to a malfunction in our system, the funds are temporarily unavailable. If you provide us with your name and number, we’ll be happy to call you back as soon as the card is working again.”

Customer: “I’m not giving you my name! And I’m definitely not giving you my phone number! Can’t you just fix it now?!”

Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, I’m not authorized to work with card balances, but I’d be happy to transfer you to my manager so that we can get things straightened out.”


(She continues to harass me for approximately 15-20 minutes; meanwhile, a crowd has begun to gather around my cubicle. Finally, my manager comes to my rescue, and just nods to me to signal that it was okay to transfer her without her permission.)

Me: “Ma’am, my manager would like to speak with you. I’m transferring you now.”

Customer: “I TOLD YOU I-”

(I transfer her over quickly, and my manager wastes no time answering. Knowing what kind of customer she is dealing with, she answers firmly, and from where I’m sitting in my cubicle I can hear the customer go quiet. I take the next call, somewhat frazzled, and fortunately the person is much more gracious about the trouble they are experiencing. Halfway through the second call, my manager comes to my cubicle again, looking like she’s about ready to quit.)

Manager: “The nerve of that woman. Do you know what she asked me as soon as I fixed it? ‘What am I supposed to do with all this money?'”

These Donuts Are A Little On The Insecty-Side

| VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(My coworker and I work in the bakery section of a well known retail chain. During certain times of the year fruit flies are a problem in our department. It is store policy for the bakery to remove the self-serve donuts from the case if the fruit flies are too numerous. This exchange happens to my co-worker while I’m on break.)

Customer: *indignant* “There’s a whole bunch of fruit flies in here.”

Coworker: *checks the case* “You’re right. Sorry about that, sir.” *leaves to get cart to load trays on. comes back. starts loading trays*

Customer: “What are you doing?”

Coworker: “Getting rid of the donuts. We’re supposed to pull the donuts when there’s too many fruit flies.”

Customer: “Can’t you spray some poison in there or something? I really want one!”

Relatively Stupid

| Perth, WA, Australia | Liars & Scammers

Caller: “Hello, I was hoping to speak to [Boss]?”

Me: “Oh, he’s actually gone home for the day! Would you like me to take a message for him?”

Caller: “No. I’m a relative and it’s incredibly important I speak to him.”

Me: “Well, if you’re family, would you like me to put you through to [Boss’s son]?”

Caller: “Who?”

Common Sense Takes A Holiday

| FL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Holidays

Me: “Good afternoon, [Bank]; how may I direct your call?”

Elderly Customer: “So today is not a holiday?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we are open.”

Elderly Customer: “Well, I tried to call my doctor’s office and they aren’t answering. Are you sure it’s not a holiday?”

Me:“Yes, ma’am, I am positive that it is not a holiday.”

Elderly Customer: “I was wondering why you would be answering the phone if it was a holiday.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you today is not a holiday.”

Elderly Customer: “Is Monday a holiday?”

Me: “No, ma’am, there are no bank holidays at all this month.”

Elderly Customer: “…”

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, ma’am?”

Elderly Customer: “Why won’t my doctor answer the phone?”