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    There Are No Stupid Questions, Just Stupid Answers

    | NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a bank’s contact center, where we frequently assist online banking customers with various things, including their online security questions.)

    Customer: “I’m locked out again! The computer asked me for my oldest sibling’s middle name, so I put my son’s middle name in there, and it said it was wrong!”

    Re-Fill You With Joy

    | Avon, IN, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (It’s the middle of the day, during a down-hour between movies, so my coworker and I have nothing really to do. A little girl comes up to my counter.)

    Girl: “Excuse me, but can I have a refill?” *holds up a kids meal, so no refill*

    Me: “I’m sorry, sweetie, but I’m afraid not.”

    Girl: “Oh. Okay!”

    (She runs off. I laugh a little on how cute she Is. A few moments later, the little girl shows up again.)

    Girl: “Does this get a refill?” *holds up a medium bag of popcorn, but only large items get refills*

    Me: *grimace in having to tell her bad news again* “Sorry, sweetie. Only large bags.”

    Girl: “Oh… How much is a large bag?”

    Me: “It’s [price].”

    Girl: “Okay!”

    (She leaves again. I turn back to my coworker.)

    Me: “If she comes back a third time, I giving her a refill. She’s so cute.”

    Coworker: “I know. I don’t know how you could say no to her.”

    Girl: “Excuse me, is this enough money?” *lifts her hand over to get us*

    Me: *barely glances over it* “Yep! Would you like butter with that, miss?”

    Girl: “Lots of butter!”

    (My coworker hands her the popcorn, and the girl is vibrating in excitement.)

    Girl: “Does this get refills?”

    Me: “Yep, it sure does!”

    (She runs off to her theater, screaming ‘YAAAAY!’)

    Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 4

    , | Dublin, Ireland | Crazy Requests, Technology, Transportation

    (A customer calls to book a flight from London to Berlin. The aircraft assigned for that route had recently been changed from a jet-engine to a propeller plane. I am required to inform passengers when booking the flight.)

    Customer: “A propeller plane? But if the engine stops working, the ‘plane will fall from the sky!”

    (I was momentarily silenced as I tried to work out how this wasn’t also true for the jet aircraft. The passenger eventually decided to chance it and booked the flight.)

    Related:
    Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 3
    Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 2
    Taking Stupidity To New Heights

    Lack-Of-Clothes Make The Lack-Of-A Man

    | UK | At The Checkout, Money, Rude & Risque

    (An older customer comes to my checkout. He has been staring at me a lot while he has been waiting for service. I am 17 at the time.)

    Customer: “Are you from [area in my town]?”

    Me: “Oh, no. I don’t live there.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I’ve seen you around there, at [address that is not mine].”

    Me: “Oh, no. You must be mistaken.”

    (The transaction continues, extremely awkward as he keeps insisting he ‘knows me from somewhere’ and has ‘seen my house’ and things to that effect. I brush him off as one of the harmless, odd customers that one sees in a day.)

    Me: “Right, so that comes to £52.56.”

    Customer: “Oh I only have £50 on me.”

    Me: “Well, if you have no other means of paying, we’ll have to take something off.”

    Customer: “Like your clothes?”

    Me: “…no.”

    Customer: “Like my clothes?”

    (I am speechless and upset, and about to go into a rant and call a security guard over, when the next customer intervenes.)

    Next Customer: “You are soooo creepy, mate.”

    (The customer scuttles off after paying me the full amount, obviously embarrassed about being caught harassing a teenage girl!)

    Getting Crabby At The Box Office

    | US | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work in the box office of a theater company that performs different plays throughout the summer. Occasionally we get calls from people assuming we are a cinema.)

    Me: “Box office. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Uh, yeah, can I place an order with you?”

    Me: “Yes, this is the box office. You can order tickets with us.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’m gonna get five crab cakes, two orders of—”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What was that?”

    Customer: “I want five orders of the crab cakes, and—”

    Me: “I’m sorry. This is the box office of the theater at [Town].”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “The theater at [Town].”

    Customer: “[Town]?”

    Me: “Yes. This is the box office.”

    Customer: “The box office.”

    Me: “Yes.” *silence* “Did you want to order some tickets to a play?”

    Customer: “… Yeah. So, I want five crab cakes and two ord—”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. This isn’t a restaurant. This is the box office of the theater.”

    Customer: “So you don’t have any crab cakes?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not, sir. We only sell tickets to plays.”

    Customer: “Okay, sounds great, thanks.” *hangs up*

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