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    Not Like A Kid In A Candy Store

    | Lafayette, LA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (The candy store I work in is located in the mall, so it’s pretty common to hear young children excitedly realizing that there’s a candy store. Today is really no different, so I simply chuckle when I hear a young boy start shouting.)

    Boy: “Look! It’s the candy store! Candy store!”

    (However, what he says next is a bit unusual.)

    Boy: “And it’s all free, too!”

    (Shocked, I rush to intercept the boy before he can actually get into the store, as we have bins right by the door which are easy for children to get into.)

    Boy: “Free candy! Free candy! Free candy!”

    Me: *alarmed* “Nothing is free! Nothing is free!

    (The boy freezes in his tracks, just barely inside the store, and stares at me as though I’d just told him he was never getting another birthday present for the rest of his life.)

    Boy: *betrayed* “NONE of it?!”

    Me: “None of it!”

    (He stared at me for a moment, then turned around and slowly trudged off. I’m just glad I was able to stop him!)

    A Chain Reaction

    , | TX, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Language & Words

    (I stop at a regional fast food chain restaurant for dinner. As I pay, I accidentally pull out a credit card for a big box chain, but realize my mistake and switch cards before swiping. The cashier talks to someone in the drive-through…)

    Cashier: “Welcome to [Big Box Chain]. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

    (I’m not sure I heard that right, but then…)

    Kitchen Worker: “Uh, [Cashier], you realize this is [Fast Food Chain] and not [Big Box Chain].”

    Me: *loud enough they can hear me in the kitchen* “It’s my fault; I took out my [Fast Food Chain] card and he…” *trail off as I realize* “…now I’m doing it.”

    In Hot Water Now

    | Canada | Criminal/Illegal

    (I work at a swimming pool. One of our regular customers is standing at the payphone and glancing at me every so often. He picks up the receiver, but doesn’t put money in. He then moves his mouth like he’s talking, still checking on me. I’m suspicious he’ll try to sneak in, so I step out of his view. Sure enough, I hear his footsteps.)

    Me: *coming back into view* “Hi, sir! Here to use the hot tub?”

    (The customer grumbles and throws his admission fee at the counter.)

    Me: “You enjoy it!”

    (I smile at him brightly despite his dirty look.)

    Extreme Jumping To Conclusions

    | The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (As an airline employee, you are eligible for staff travel. The airline I work for has the rule that you can only travel if there is a seat available at the gate. We are in Spain, and we already know that the flight is pretty full. We also know that the aircraft is a Boeing 747, and on such a short flight (a little over two hours) there is the minimum required crew on board, so there are multiple jump seats (flight attendant seats) empty. The colleagues decide to take us home on a jump seat. We are moved to different jump seats during the flight, because we are in the way in the pantry and in the aisles during the dinner and beverage service. The passengers see us walking through the aisle with our belongings several times.)

    Passenger: “Hey… what is going on? Are they moving you again?”

    Me: *joking* “Yeah, they have just found out they don’t have a seat for us after all, so they are now taking us to the back to give us a parachute…”

    Passenger: *shocked* “Oh, my God! Are you serious? That is terrible!”

    (We sit down in the back pantry and have a good laugh with the colleagues.)

    Me: “Did she think I was serious? If so, she is pretty gullible!”

    (After landing, we see the concerned passenger at baggage reclaim. She comes up to me, all cheerful and happy.)

    Passenger: “Oh, how wonderful! You made it to Amsterdam! They let you stay on board after all!”

    His Name Is Olaf And He Likes Hot Cheeseburgers

    | AZ, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I am a male and take chats from the website of a large North American cable company.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company] sales chat! My name is [My Name]. May I have your name, please?”

    Customer: “Yes, [My Name], it’s Olaf!”

    Me: “Hello, Olaf! How may I assist you today?”

    Customer: “I need Internet, and I have a few questions. One: which service is best for gaming. Two: how much is a rental modem, and do you like cheeseburgers?”

    Me: “Well, Olaf, that would be [Product], that modem is $3.99 per month, and I love cheeseburgers! Now, let’s get this ordered. I’ll be on with you to make sure all goes well!”

    (The customer goes through the order without interruption, and an order number populates my screen.)

    Me: “I see that order is [number]! Is there anything else I can assist you with today?”

    Customer: “Well, [My Name], that was easy! I have to say, my name really isn’t Olaf. It’s too bad I’m married, because I think I have a crush on you.”

    Me: “Ha ha ha, And I, you, Not-Olaf!”

    Customer: “If only this did not have to end.”

    Me: “Alas, Not-Olaf all things come to an end. So I must ask: is there anything else I can do for you today?”

    Customer: “D***, I knew you would say that! But I guess I’ve bothered you enough. Goodbye, sexy.”

    Me: “Bye Not-Olaf! This made my day!”

    (Customer closes chat.)

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