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    For Flower Power, Press 1

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (I am female, in my 20s, and the only employee at this flower shop. The owner is older than me, and also female. An elderly woman calls one morning.)

    Me: “Hello, [florist].”

    Elderly customer: “Hello, I was looking for an American flag to hang outside.”

    Me: “Okay, we have several sizes and we carry both nylon and cotton flags.”

    (I run through the sizes for her.)

    Elderly customer: “I’m just not sure. Is there a man I can talk to?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Elderly customer: “A man. I want to ask him about flags.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, no men work here.”

    Elderly customer: “I’ll just call back later…”

    Natural Selection, Hard At Work

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer comes with an old toolbox.)

    Customer: “Hey, look what I found just outside…”

    (The customer opens the metal toolbox filled with mushrooms.)

    Customer: “I doubt they’re the kind that make you high.”

    Me: “Um, I wouldn’t eat those. I think they’re destroying angel mushrooms, which are deadly poisonous.”

    Customer: “If they are, then I’ll probably eat them!” *leaves the store and never returns*

    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Canada, Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (The majority of the customers coming into this shop are from off of the cruise ships and mainly American.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Um, yes…could you tell me where I am?”

    Me: “Yup, you’re in Canada.”

    Customer: “And where is Canada?”

    Me: “Um, well, if you look at a map, it’s that large country on top of your country.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (She looks baffled by this new piece of information and slowly turns around and walks away.)

    Related:
    Canada: America’s Hat

    Family Loosely Interpreted

    | Newburgh, IN, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work in the video game section of a large retail store. I overhear this couple talking about our selection of video games.)

    Woman: “Why do they sell Grand Theft Auto? This is supposed to be a family friendly store!”

    Husband: “They are family friendly. Some families just have teenagers that like to pretend to steal cars and punch people.”

    Through Ickiness And In Health

    | East Lansing, MI, USA | Family & Kids

    (I answer a lot of calls from parents concerned about the living arrangements in our dorm rooms.)

    Parent: “So, what’s the deal with co-ed floors?”

    Me: “Well, most of our floors are co-ed by wing, but a few are co-ed by suite, where one suite is all boys, and next door is all girls. Your student will never have to share a room or bathroom with the opposite gender.”

    Parent: “Why would anyone want to do that?”

    Me: “Well, some people find that living with the opposite gender is fun.”

    Parent: “Yeah, but I mean, boys are icky!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Parent: “Don’t get me wrong. I’ve lived with my husband for 20 years, but…eww!”


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