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    Contractions Speak Louder Than Words, Part 3

    , | Albuquerque, NM, USA |

    (I’m working in the dresses and handbags department. A rushed couple comes up with three items.)

    Husband: “We’d just like these, please.”

    Me: “Okay, just let me scan those for you.”

    Husband: “Wait–that bag is supposed to be $20, not $29.99.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but these are not on markdown. The price is clearly marked on the tag.”

    Husband: “It was on a $20 rack.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry. I worked in luggage last week, and these are brand new. They are not marked down.”

    Husband: “Fine, whatever.”

    Wife: “Dear…”

    Me: “I can call up to check, if you’re concerned.”

    Husband: “I don’t have time for that.”

    Me: “Do you have any coupons today?”

    Husband: “We have a $20 off coupon.”

    Me: “Okay, but these items are excluded on the back. Also, you’re short from the eligible purchase amount by a penny. I can call up and see if management will approve it anyway.”

    Husband: “We don’t have time for that. My wife is in labor!”

    (I look at the wife, who is, in fact, having visible contractions.)

    Me: “Sir! You should be at the hospital! Why are you shopping?”

    Husband: “It was on the way, and I needed a duffel bag for a trip next week! Now hurry it up!”

    Me: “Sir, you need to take your wife to the hospital immediately!”

    Husband: “I want to pay for this first! I need a duffel bag!”

    Me: “Sir, I can put this on hold in your name. It will be here when you get back. Your wife needs medical care!”

    Husband: “Forget the coupon, then. I’ll just pay with the store credit card.”

    (I begin ringing him through as quickly as possible.)

    Customer: “Wait! Shouldn’t there be a card-use discount?”

    Me: “Not today, sir.”

    Husband: “D*** it! Cancel it. I’ll use my debit!”

    Me: “Sir, your wife is in labor. If you’re not willing to resolve this quickly and talk to management about your card complaints later, you should leave now and take her to the hospital immediately.”

    Wife: “Honey, we have to go!”

    Husband: “Fine! See if I ever shop here again! You people are killing my wife over a duffel bag!”

    Related:
    Contractions Speak Louder Than Words, Part 2
    Contractions Speak Louder Than Words

    Lowering The Toner

    | West Midlands, UK |

    Customer: “I want a printer that doesn’t take ink.”

    Me: “You mean, like a laser printer that takes toner?”

    Customer: “No, I want one that you don’t have to put ink in.”

    Me: “As in, you never need to replace the cartridges?”

    Customer: “Exactly.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. That’s not possible.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Conservation of mass?”

    Zombies Need Lawyers Too

    | Miami, FL, USA |

    Me: “Ma’am, unfortunately we are waiting on your prescriber to contact the pharmacy because parts of your prescription were unclear.”

    Customer: “Are you telling me my prescription is not ready?”

    Me: “Yes, it is not ready.”

    Customer: “Well, if I die, I’m suing you!”

    Related:
    Zombies Retail Assistance Too
    Zombies Need Tech Support Too
    Zombies Need Healthcare Too
    Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

    This One Will Be Slow To Register

    | Hays, KS, USA |

    (I am supervisor. I take calls from normal representatives when customers ask for it.)

    Me: “Why is the customer escalating?”

    Representative: “He doesn’t know what he purchased.”

    (Although skeptical, I have the rep bring the customer on.)

    Me: “I’d be happy to help you out, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “The last guy wouldn’t register my product.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to. When was it purchased?”

    Customer: “Today.”

    Me: “And how much did you pay?”

    Customer: “$50.”

    Me: “Alright, what is the product?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “I need to know what it is to register it, sir.”

    Customer: “Why can’t you just register it without that?”

    Not The Most Well-Red On Allergens

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Is that smoothie red?”

    Me: “Yes, the strawberries do that.”

    Customer: “Okay. I can’t have those. So, this one is orange, right?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. But it still has strawberries in it.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s alright. I just can’t have smoothies when they are red.”


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