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    Alphabetical Disorder

    | New Orleans, LA, USA |

    (I work in the electronics department of a big box store. Customers continue to believe we have a computer system we can check to see if a certain CD or movie is in stock. Sadly, we don’t. This occurs not long after the release of a popular CD. A teenaged girl and her friend approach my counter.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can you look up if you have the Carter 4 CD?”

    Me: “We actually don’t have a system like that, but if we have any they’ll be down there.” *points to music aisle*

    Customer: “You don’t know if you have any?”

    Me: “Well, we don’t stock the CD’s, a vendor does for us, so we actually don’t know everything that’s here.”

    (I explain this at least once a day, for the record.)

    Friend: “Thank you, we’ll look.”

    Customer: “But where do I look?”

    Me: “They’re all in alphabetical order by the artists name, so just look under the L’s.”

    Customer: *sighs* “Where are the L’s?”

    Me: “Um…after the K’s?”

    (The friend drags her off and mumbles something that sounds like “stop being stupid.”)

    Stop And Stair, Part 3

    | Boone, NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    Customer: “What’s up there?” *pointing at the stairs*

    Me: “Those stairs take you to the second floor and the breakfast area.”

    Customer: “So, like, if we walk up those stairs, we’ll be on the second floor?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s generally what happens when you go up stairs.”

    Customer: “That’s so cool! They’ve got stairs and an elevator!”

    Stop And Stair, Part 2
    Stop And Stair

    Monkey See, Monkey Please Don’t Do That Again

    | Roswell, GA, USA | Movies & TV

    (I am working box office when a father and his 13 year old son come up to my window. We are located in the same mall area as our competitors.)

    Me: “Welcome to [theater], sir. How can I help you today?”

    (The father gets a huge grin on his face. He begins to scratch his head and make monkey noises.)

    Me: *speechless*

    Father: “The monkey movie!”

    Son: “Dad, it’s Planet of the Apes!”

    Me: *laughing* “Oh, you want [competition] down the street. We don’t have that here.

    Father: “You mean I have to do my routine again?”

    Son: *embarrassed* “No, dad!”

    Father: “But I practiced it all the way down here!”

    Son: *rolls eyes*

    Never Coming Backflow To This Place

    | Minden, NV, USA | Movies & TV, Top

    (I am cleaning the lobby in the theater when a female customer comes out of the restroom. She goes to use the drinking fountain. As with most businesses, the restrooms are located right next to the fountain.)

    Customer: *aghast* “This is disgusting!”

    Me: “Is there something wrong with the tap, ma’am? We do clean it often but I haven’t made it over there yet this round.”

    Customer: “No, it is lovely. You do a fine job. It was just horrible!”

    Me: “If there is nothing wrong, why was it horrible?”

    Customer: “Because when I was drinking the water, I heard a toilet flush in the restroom and it made the water pressure go down!”

    Me: “Well, yes. The plumbing is connected as they both draw from the–”

    Customer: “That water that I was drinking? A minute later, if I hadn’t come along, it would have been used to flush someone’s waste? That is so disgusting! I can’t believe it!”

    Me: “Well, would you rather the water pressure went up when you heard the flush?”

    (The customer takes a step back and looks confused. Suddenly, the implication of my statement reaches her nearly hysterical mind and she flees the building with a look of horror on her face.)

    Angst For The Camera

    | California, USA |

    (Note: We mostly take high school senior portraits.)

    Me: “Okay, we’re all set! Look right into the camera and give us a big smile!”

    (The kid stares blankly for a few shots.)

    Me: “Do you want to smile for maybe just the last one or two shots?”

    Student: “I never smile. Any time I show emotion, I get hurt.”

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