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    Right Place, Wrong Menu

    | Galveston, TX, USA | Food & Drink

    (After staring at the menu displayed above the counter, a man finally approaches me to place an order.)

    Customer: “I’d like the large popcorn chicken.”

    Me: *thinking I’ve misheard him* “I’m sorry, sir, what was that?”

    Customer: “The large popcorn chicken.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t have popcorn chicken here.”

    (He steps back to examine the large menu, complete with pictures, once again. He takes a minute or two before stepping forward again.)

    Customer: “Can I get a half dozen drumsticks and some mashed potatoes?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have any of those either.”

    (He steps back again, and looks up at the menu again, as I wait, rather perplexed. He seems to finally realize what he’s looking at.)

    Customer: “This is McDonald’s, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *leaves looking embarrassed*

    When Reality Is An Iceberg

    | Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada | Tourists/Travel

    (This museum has a large Titanic exhibit. Many of the rescued survivors were brought to Halifax after the ship sank. Many of the recovered bodies of the vicitms are buried here as well. A tourist approaches me.)

    Tourist: “So, is Leonardo Di Caprio buried upstairs?”

    Nowhere To Go But Up

    | New York, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

    (I work at the main information desk in a bookstore that has four levels. When a customer asks for a book, we are supposed to direct them to the appropriate floor.)

    Me: “Okay, we should have that title. It’ll be on the fourth floor.”

    Customer: *looking confused* “What?”

    Me: “The fourth floor. There’s another information desk up there if you need help finding the section.”

    Customer: “So, how many floors should I go up?”

    Me: “Um, three.”

    Customer: “Okay. So it’s the fourth floor I’m looking for?”

    Me: “Yes. It’s the highest floor we have, so just take the escalator up as far as you can.”

    Customer: “What’s an escalator?!”

    How Dare You Care

    | Carlsbad, CA, USA |

    (A customer is browsing around in the store.)

    Me: “Hi, are you finding everything all right?”

    Customer: “Am I finding everything all right?! What kind of a stupid question is that?”

    Me: *speechless* “Um–”

    Customer: “You know, I’ve always hated that question! I wish I could just find the son of a b**** who started that asking that question!”

    Me: *mouth open, about to say something*

    Customer: “What you’re supposed to ask is, ‘Hello sir, is there anything I could help you find?’”

    Me: *about to do as he says*

    Customer: “‘Am I finding everything all right?!’ That’s like asking me ‘How’s my life?’ How’s your life? Found everything you’re looking for? Are you happy with your life?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “Of course not!”

    (There’s an awkward silence as I try to figure out what to say to him.)

    Customer: “Spread the word!” *exits the store*

    Me: forced smile* “Thank you, enjoy the rest of your day!”

    Totally Trashed

    | Lansing, MI, USA |

    (This takes place in a food court during my college’s homecoming game. While I am sweeping the floor, a drunk girl is about to put her trash in a machine I use to clean the floor.)

    Me: “Woah, wait! What are you doing?”

    Drunk girl: “Isn’t this a trash can?”

    Me: “No, this is a floor cleaner. The trash cans are over there.” *point behind her*

    Drunk girl: “It looks just like a trash can!”

    Me: *stares at wide, 4-wheeled, car-shaped floor cleaner* “Uh–”

    Drunk girl: “What does this thing do?”

    Me: “It cleans floors.”

    Drunk girl: “Well, it looks just like a trash can!”

    Me: “I’m sure it does.” *start to walk away*

    Drunk girl: “IT DOES!”

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