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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Wasteland Not, Want Not

    | Ottawa, Canada | Bizarre

    Me: “…and would you like to put a three year warranty on this product? It protects it with us so you don’t have to deal with the manufacturer. ”

    Man: “Three years? I only plan on using this until December!”

    Me: “Oh, okay. Are you moving or something?”

    Man: “Uh, no. Didn’t you hear? The world is going to end in December. Your warranty is useless! You’re just trying to get more money out of me while we still have a system of value! I see what you’re doing!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Man: “You won’t survive long in the wasteland.”

    Me: “Uh huh. You have a nice day, sir.”

    What A Touching Thing To Say

    | Cardiff, Wales, UK | Family & Kids, Technology

    (I work in a toy shop, so I often end up having conversations with kids while their parents go through the tills.)

    Me: *scans an expensive toy* “Wow, is this for you?”

    Little Girl: “Yes! It’s my birthday! And I got an iPod Touch, too!”

    Me: “Wow! I didn’t get an iPod until I was 22.”

    Little Girl: “Maybe your mum doesn’t love you.”

    Be The Change You Wish To See

    | Rochester, NH, USA | Bizarre, Money

    Me: *ringing up a customer’s items* “How are you doing today?”

    Customer: “That milk was supposed to be $1.79, not $1.89.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Let me have someone run a price check on that.”

    (My coworker comes over and takes the milk to check the price.)

    Coworker: “He is correct; the milk is $1.79.”

    Me: “Thank you.” *reduces price on milk* “Alright, sir. That’ll be $4.75.”

    (The customer hands me a five dollar bill and starts walking away.)

    Me: “Sir, did you want your change?!”

    Customer: “Nope!” *walks off*

    Admitting Defeat Was An Easy Thing Touché

    | Boston, MA, USA | Awesome Workers, Criminal/Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (The owner of the bookstore where I work is very old and walks with a cane. Despite this, he always wanders the shelves and helps out patrons. Behind the counter, in a glass case, he keeps an assortment of trophies and medals he won in his youth. One night, someone decides to try to steal them.)

    Owner: “I’m sorry, but you can’t be behind the counter.”

    Robber: *smashing the glass* “F*** you, old man! Just stay away and don’t do anything stupid!”

    (The robber sweeps the medals into his backpack and then tries to open the till.)

    Owner: “Stop that, young man! You’re making a terrible mistake!”

    Robber: *waves a large knife* “Yeah, well so are you! Back off! How do you open this f***ing thing?””

    Owner: “Take a look at all those medals.”

    Robber: “What? Just open the f***ing cash register!”

    Owner: *very calmly* “Just take a look.”

    Robber: *confused* “Uh, okay. Yeah, they’re gold. That’s why I took them, you a**hole. Gold fencing, gold fencing, silver fencing…”

    (The owner gracefully draws the sword from his sword-cane.)

    Robber: “Oh, please! Try that stuff in a real fight and you’ll just get kill—”

    (With a flick of his weapon, the owner removes the robber’s glasses.)

    Robber: *drops the knife* “Don’t hurt me!” *drops to his knees*

    (I had called the police as soon as the knife came out. They arrive and identify the robber as a serial burglar who had stabbed a previous victim. Years later, at the owner’s retirement party, he recounts the story.)

    Owner: “You know, hearing that story makes me think of two things. One, I wish a fencing judge had been there so I could have gotten the gold for that bout, and two, I missed the only time in my life when I could have asked someone if they called that a knife.”

    There’s No Reason We Can’t Be Civil

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Awesome Customers, History, Top

    (I am a Civil War re-enactor. I am returning home from an event, still in my full Union uniform, and I make a quick stop at a major computer store. On this day people are being distracted by an angry customer who is throwing a loud fit. He is complaining that the store doesn’t carry a transmitter for his 40-year-old receiver.)

    Customer: “I’ve been shuffled from one store after another to find this part! I can’t believe you don’t carry it! You’re all just a bunch of f***ing nerds caught up in your modern computers! You’re just trying to talk me into buying a computer, but I’m not having anything to do with that!”

    Employee: “Sir, I promise you that I’m not trying to get you to buy a computer. But if you’re looking for an outdated part, we can try and find it for you online.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***. You’ll look stuff up online, steal my credit card information and make me buy a computer! I’m on to you a**holes and the way you use your nerd skills to rip people off and spy on them! I’m not having anything to do with your modern bulls*** technology!”

    (I finally step up next to the customer and loudly speak to the employee.)

    Me: *to the employee* “I’m sorry, does this mean you can’t help me fix my telegraph?”

    (The angry customer turns and gives me a sharp look. His face flushes between surprise and confusion as he sees me in my Civil War uniform, but as he opens his mouth to continue, most everyone surrounding us starts laughing. He turns red and storms out of the store.)

    Employee: *to me* “God bless the Army of the Potomac!”

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