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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Actors Are Un-Depp-Endable

    | East Windsor, NJ, USA |

    (We have the new ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ movie playing in three theaters. There are three boards, with three show-times, and three different actors. A customer wants to see a showing that has an actor other than Johnny Depp listed.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, is Johnny Depp in the 1:10 showing of Pirates Of The Caribbean?”

    Me: “Yes, that board just has another actor listed.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Just making sure.”

    This Customer Defies Natural Selection

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA |

    Me: “Do you have any questions or need any samples?”

    Customer: “I do have a question on this tile in here.”

    (The customer shows me a natural stone travertine that has a lot of variation through it.)

    Customer: “I love the look of this tile. Can I just get this tile pattern on this one tile? I don’t like these other ones.”

    Me: “Sir, natural stone varies, so no two tiles will look alike. You will get the same colors generally, but not the exact same pattern. You can see the change in the other tiles next to it. They are actually all the same tile.”

    Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Tile doesn’t vary. You can make it look however you want. I saw it on TV. That ‘how to make stuff’ show.”

    Me: “Sir, this is a natural material made by nature. I have no control over what patterns and colors come out of the mountain.”

    Customer: “Well, you should talk to your supplier about that. This is just ugly. I hate natural stone.”

    Let There Be Light(ers)

    | Houston, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have any tables available outside?”

    (They look straight ahead to the patio and cut me off before I can say a word.)

    Customer: “Oh, never mind. The sun is shining in the direction of the patio.”

    Me: “We have a second patio on the other side of the restaurant.”

    (I am about to lead them there when the customer realizes there is a non-smoking sign.)

    Customer: “Oh, never mind. I need to be able to smoke. I guess we’ll take the patio with the sunlight shining.”

    (I am taking them out to their table when the customer’s wife turns and smiles to me.)

    Customer’s wife: “We just don’t want to get cancer from the sun.”

    Peppered With Mistakes

    | Richmond, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “Is that chicken?”

    Me: “No, they are stuffed jalapeños.”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s pork?”

    Me: “No, it’s a stuffed jalapeño.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “A pepper.”

    Customer: “Is that so?”

    (The customer’s husband approaches and sees the stuffed jalapeños.)

    Customer’s husband: “What is that?”

    Me: “Stuffed jalapeños.”

    Customer’s husband: “Oh, so it’s fish?”

    Zombies Need Contractors Too

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (A customer calls and asks about a company that is subcontracted to manage some machinery in the warehouse. I explain it to him.)

    Caller: “Oh, so you’re an umbrella corporation, then?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, that’s correct. Except we don’t have zombies.”

    Caller: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Me: “Never mind, sir. Did you have any other questions today?”

    Related:
    Zombies Retail Assistance Too
    Zombies Need Tech Support Too
    Zombies Need Healthcare Too
    Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too


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