Should Keep Better Account Of Their Account

| USA | Money, Technology

(I work for a company that provides online subscriptions of technical software. A customer calls us from Colorado.)

Customer: “I need the password to my account.”

Me: “I can assist you with that; can you verify your username?”

Customer: “I don’t know it. That’s why I’m calling you.”

Me: “Okay. Well, how about your email address?”

Customer: “Try these…”

(He gives me five email addresses. I search them all.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t find these. Can you tell me the company name?”

Customer: “Try these…”

(He gives me two company names. I am getting suspicious, but I look them up anyway.)

Me: “Sir, I still can’t find these. What about any names that may be on the account.”

Customer: “F***! We signed up six months ago, and spent $2500 with your d*** company! We haven’t even used your s*** yet, so you better find my password.”

Me: “Would you have a confirmation number?”

Customer: “NO! Where the f*** would that be?”

Me: “It would’ve been sent in an email.”

Customer: “That was six months ago! Who the f*** keeps emails that long?”

Me: “Well, if I’d spent $2500 on something, I’d try to keep track of it.”

Customer: “F*** you. You’re not helping me because you don’t f****** want to. I want to speak to your supervisor.”

Me: “Sir, I am the supervisor. And if you have no confirmation number, no receipt, no username, no valid email address, no valid company name, and no valid customer name, I have no way to look up your account.”

Customer: “Look it up under [somewhat common name].”

Me: “Well, I do have one customer under that name.”

Customer: “That’s it!”

Me: “But he’s out of Texas, and he has never purchased what you say you’ve purchased.”

Customer: “Well it may be under Jennifer’s name.”

Me: “What’s Jennifer’s last name?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Just give me Jennifer’s account.”

Me: “Sir, we have at least 150 registered users named Jennifer.”

Customer: “Well find one out of Colorado and give me her username.”

Me: “If you’d like to tell ‘Jennifer’ to call us and give us authorization to give you access to her account, I’d be more than happy to help you.”

Customer: “Oh f*** you, you guys are worthless.” *hangs up*

The Honesty Of The Thievery Pants

| Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month

(A man comes in and starts looking through the clothes. He grabs a pair of pants, and starts fast-walking towards the door.)

Coworker: “Sir, are you going to pay for those?”

Man: “No.”

Coworker: “Sir, we really need you to pay for those.”

Man: “NO!”

Me: “Please, sir! We need those back!”

Man: “I need them more!”

(The man bolts out the door. We look at each other for a moment dumbfounded, then burst out laughing.)

The Booth And Nothing But The Booth

| USA | Food & Drink, Money

(I work at business that has a full service restaurant, as well as a grocery store/deli area. Customers often purchase food in the store, expecting to eat it in the restaurant as if it was a cafeteria and not a fine dining area.)

Customer: “Can I take this food from the deli and eat it over there at a booth?”

Me: “You certainly can; however, you would have to place the order through your server. They will plate it for you. This portion of the store is for carryout and grocery purchases only. If you speak to the hostess she’ll be happy to find you a seat.”

Customer: “But, I just want to eat this food over there!”

Me: “You definitely can; you just have to place your order with your server, and not with me.”

Customer: “Well, aren’t they going to just charge me more?!”

Me: “No, the prices are pretty much the same. Sometimes there’s a difference of a few cents, but we attempt to keep the prices in the restaurant as equivalent as we can to the store prices.”

Customer: “Oh, but they’re going to expect me to tip them if I sit in the restaurant, aren’t they?”

Me: “Well, yes, that is how servers earn their income.”

Customer: “WELCOME TO AMERICA!” *storms off*

Acting Like A Dog

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

Customer: “You’re a very pretty girl. How old are you?”

(I get flustered and blush as I finish the paperwork for his dog’s stay.)

Me: “Uh, thank you, sir. I just, uh, I just turned 21.”

Customer: “You’re still a little girl! I’ll be 40 this month. You know what that means: prostate exams. Do you know anything about prostate exams?”

(I am hurriedly finishing the paperwork.)

Me: “Your total is $235. Thank you for choosing our kennel. I hope Bruiser enjoyed his stay! He’s a sweetie; we would welcome him back anytime.”

Customer: “You didn’t answer my question. Do you know anything about prostate exams?”

(He winks at me.)

Me: “No, sir. I do not. How would you like to pay?”

(He leans over the counter.)

Customer: “A pretty little redhead like you? I’m sure you know a lot about a lot of things.”

Me: “I see you’ve previously used Visa. Would you like for us to charge the same card?”

Customer: “I’d like for you to answer my question, honey.”

(A coworker has overheard our interaction came to the front. He is approximately 6’3″ and solid muscle. His hair is also a brighter shade of red than mine.)

Coworker: “I heard somebody up here likes redheads.”

Customer: “I was talking to—”

Coworker: “I know who you were talking to, and if you do not stop talking to her, the only thing that will be up your a** is my foot. Now how would you like to pay, sir?”

(The customer promptly pays. The kennel owner received complaints about both my coworker and I, but she had also had incredibly creepy interactions with this client. She informed him that his business was no longer welcome.)

Don’t Judge A Laptop By Its Cover

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