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    It’s The Small Victories

    | Montreal, Canada | Bizarre

    (I’ve been working for a quite a while, so my voice is scratchy. Near the end of my shift, an old man comes to the counter.)

    Customer: “Hm. You’re losing your voice there, eh?”

    Me: “Haha. A little bit, I suppose.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s the end of the world for a woman.”

    Me: “Ha ha…” *confused as to where he’s going with this*

    Customer: “HAHAHA, YOU CAN’T YELL AT ME!” *does a victory dance*

    Don’t Mess With The Candyland Gang

    | Northamptonshire, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Holidays, Top

    (It’s 7 AM Christmas Eve, and our shop has only just opened. I am one of two checkout staff. There are three customers in shop, one of whom is acting edgy and therefore attracts my attention.)

    Me: *to my supervisor* “I think that guy put something in his pocket.”

    (My supervisor keeps an eye on man and sees him pocket a packet of sausages, so she calls security calls security. Half a dozen tall, bulky guys storm over to the checkouts. However, as it is Christmas Eve, they are all dressed up. Supervisor B, who is dressed up as an ice queen, complete with cape and crown, prevents the customer from leaving.)

    Supervisor: “Excuse me, sir, are you sure you’ve paid for everything?”

    Customer: “Um…”

    (He looks up in fear at my supervisor, who is flanked by an angel, a snowman, a Christmas pudding, a Santa, and a guy in a tutu and fairy wings.)

    Customer: “Oh, um, yeah, here’s some other stuff.” *empties pockets* “Sorry, excuse me.”

    (He tries to side step to walk around us, but stumbles into a 6-foot snowman complete with top hat.)

    Customer: “Excuse me…excuse me…excuse me!” *scurries out the door*

    Zombies vs. Customers Preview #2: Refunds

    | Not Always Right | Announcements

    Hey readers, ready for the zombie apocalypse? Here’s the second preview for our upcoming customer-related comic, “Reasons Why Dealing With Customers Is Worse Than A Zombie Apocalypse!”

    Zombies always want to eat more, no matter how much they’ve engorged themselves–but are they worse than customers? Absolutely not, and here’s why:

    Reasons Why Dealing With Customers Is Worse Than A Zombie Apocalypse

    If you missed the first preview, you can check it out here.

    PS – We’ll reveal the entire comic on Monday, January 30!

    You’d Need Nine Mouths

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Holidays, Religion

    (A customer walking by pauses at the holiday clearance display, where I am standing.)

    Customer: “Is this a musical instrument?”

    Me: “No, that’s a menorah.”

    Customer: “A what?”

    Me: “A menorah. The candleholder used in the celebration of Hanukkah.”

    Customer: “Do you know how to play it?”

    Never Bend To Suggestions

    | Moose Jaw, SK, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I am working the drive-thru at a popular fast-food restaurant. The current employee initiative is to suggest hot beverages to customers.)

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [restaurant]. Would you like to try a hot chocolate?”

    Customer: “No, no, no, no, NO. NO. NO.”

    Me: “Okay. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “All right, I’ll have a hot chocolate.”

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