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    Identifiers Are For Life

    | Des Moines, IA, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    (Customers can come into the store to buy books, or they can create an account with an e-mail address and purchase books online. The account is your email address and whatever password they choose. A customer and his girlfriend come up the service desk.)

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “I can’t access my online account.”

    Me: “Okay, I can help. What is your e-mail address?”

    Customer: “Um…” *stares at the floor*

    Me: “Sir? Your email address?”

    Customer: *quietly says something*

    Me: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Could you repeat that please?”

    (By now, other customers are waiting for assistance. Suddenly, the customer shouts his email address, loud enough for everyone to hear.)

    Customer: “Im-a-whore@[ISP].com!”

    Phones Have Needs Too

    | Connecticut, USA |

    (I work in a call center doing tech support for mobile phones.)

    Caller: “The touchscreen on my phone is going crazy. It does whatever it wants.”

    Me: “So, if I understand correctly, you can touch the screen in one spot and it responds as if you touched it somewhere else?”

    Caller: “Yes! Actually, I can put it down on the table and it just sits there touching itself!”

    Size Matters, Part 2

    | Michigan, USA |

    (I’m working at the dressing room of a Halloween store. A rather large woman comes up to me to try on a few costumes. All of them sized medium. Now, costumes run small, so these costumes are dress-size 6-8. I don’t say anything to her, even though I know they won’t fit.)

    Customer: “Hey, I like this one, but none of them fit.”

    Me: “Well, it looks like we do have them in a large, so if you’d like me to go get it for you–”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want a large. I just want a bigger costume.”

    Me: “Yes, but the only bigger costumes we have are size large. Halloween costumes tend to run pretty small, so–”

    Customer: “Are you listening? I don’t want a large. I just want a bigger costume.”

    Me: “Ma’am, the next size up is–”

    Customer: “You know what? Screw this. This store is terrible. I am never coming back here!” *storms off*

    Related:
    Size Matters

    And The Picture Becomes Clear

    , | Paris, France | Technology

    (The customer arrives very angry at my desk. He nervously holds a memory card in his hand.)

    Customer: “I want a new memory card. This one is really bad!”

    Me: “What troubles do you have with this one?”

    Customer: “It only makes blurry pictures!”

    Me: “Well, I guess the problem might be the camera, not the memory card.”

    Customer: “Oh, and do you have memory cards in black & white?”

    Me: “Or it could be the photographer…”

    I Meant What I Said And I Said What I Meant

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “What can I get you, sir?”

    Customer #1: “Um, I’d like a quickie.”

    Me: *offended* “EXCUSE ME?”

    Customer#1: “A quickie!” *licks his lips*

    (Offended, I skip him and serve the next table.)

    Customer #2: *apparently having overheard* “I think it’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”

    Me, to customer #1: “Oh! You meant quiche?”

    Customer #1: “No!”

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation


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