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    Totally Scentsless

    , | Orlando, FL, USA |

    (I work in a store that sells lotions, soaps, and candles with different scents. Recently, one of the companies we carry had a new line of lotion that was named after fruits: strawberry, apple, and banana scented lotion. To promote the new line, we have a few jars of each scent on a table at the front with a tongue depressor in each jar so that customers could easily scoop out a little lotion to try. I’m stocking a shelf when an angry customer walks up.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with, sir?”

    Customer: “I’m very angry with the product in this store. Are you trying to kill someone?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “That yogurt you have up front is not even cold, and it tastes horrible.”

    Me: “Yogurt? We don’t sell yogurt.”

    Customer: “Yes, you do. It’s on the little table up front with a spoon to taste it. The banana tastes like garbage and the strawberry doesn’t have any taste.”

    Me: “Sir, those are lotions, not yogurt.”

    (The customer gets a little flustered after realizing their mistake.)

    Customer: “You should really label it as lotion. It’s confusing!”

    Me: “It is labeled. See?”

    (I show the customer the huge sign on the table that says “lotion” as well as each individual fragrance saying “lotion” on the jar.)

    Customer: *leaves, mumbling*

    Brains Over Brawn, Part 2

    | Dewitt, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working an average rush hour at a large grocery store when I approach the end of an elderly woman’s order.)

    Me: “Okay, this will be $46.48.”

    Customer: *starts hitting card reader with signature pen* “Your machine isn’t working!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you need to swipe your card before you can sign.”

    Customer: *continues to hit card reader with pen* “Your g**d*** machine isn’t working!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please stop hitting the machine. You need to swipe you card.”

    Customer: *throws pen at me* “Your machine’s broken!”

    Me: “It isn’t broken. You just haven’t swiped your card yet.”

    Customer: “Your machine’s broken! See?!”

    (When she flips the card reader around, it is indeed broken—by her, of course.)

    Related:
    Brains Over Brawn, Part 2

    Forever Seeing Conspiracies

    | Arvada, CO, USA | Bizarre

    (I work at the customer service desk of a grocery store. A small old woman approaches the desk.)

    Me: “Hi, there! What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I need some stamps.”

    Me: “Would you like a book of 20 or a different amount?”

    Customer: “A book.”

    (I pull out the book of stamps and lay them in front of her as I ring in the order.)

    Customer: “Are those the forever stamps?”

    Me: “All we carry are the forever stamps.”

    Customer: “This design was created to support Al Qaeda!”

    (I look at the stamps, and what do I see? An American flag with Lady Liberty’s face on them.)

    Celebrate Good Hearing, Come On

    , | Evans, GA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m using the headset for the drive through.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for choosing [restaurant]. Would you like to have one of our celebration specials today?”

    Customer: “No. So, do you all still have that celebration special?”

    Me: “Yes. Yes, we do…”

    It’s The Small Victories

    | Montreal, Canada | Bizarre

    (I’ve been working for a quite a while, so my voice is scratchy. Near the end of my shift, an old man comes to the counter.)

    Customer: “Hm. You’re losing your voice there, eh?”

    Me: “Haha. A little bit, I suppose.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s the end of the world for a woman.”

    Me: “Ha ha…” *confused as to where he’s going with this*

    Customer: “HAHAHA, YOU CAN’T YELL AT ME!” *does a victory dance*

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