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    Because Every Day Is A Special Day

    | Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Can I get the Monday special, please?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m afraid not.”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Me: “Because it’s Friday. The only special available today is the Friday special.”

    Customer: “Oh, can I just have your Wednesday special then, please?

    An Electrifying Confection

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Technology

    (This happens while I’m setting up a new prepaid phone with a cute little lady.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am. Go ahead and press the phone’s power button and let me know when it has powered up.”

    Customer: “The power? What is power?”

    Me: “It’s the button you normally hang calls up with. Looks like a little red telephone.”

    Customer: “Ah, I see!”

    (A few minutes pass in silence.)

    Me: “Ma’am, are you having trouble turning the phone on?”

    Customer: “Yes. It doesn’t work. There’s no light.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Check and make sure the battery is pushed in all the way on the back.”

    Customer: “Battery? What battery?”

    Me: “It came with the phone, in the package. It’s small, black, and has 3 little metal contacts on one end. You need to put it inside the back part of your phone.”

    Customer: “I don’t see a battery. There isn’t one in the phone, and there isn’t one in the package, either.”

    Me: “You don’t see it? It should have been packaged in a separate little baggie–”

    Customer: “OH! That! That’s in my candy dish!”

    Me: “Your candy dish?”

    Customer: “Yeah! I saw it on table and thought it was a piece of chocolate!”

    It’s Funnier When The Parents Do It

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work at a major gaming retailer. A customer walks in with her son and wants to trade games in for another game. I have a running joke I state to customers: when signing over games, I verify that they are their games and not games from some kids they beat up.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am. Please sign on the pad stating these are your games, that you are voluntarily selling them to us, and that you didn’t beat up some kid and leave him in a snow drift somewhere.”

    (The customer’s 14 year old son cracks up laughing.)

    Customer: “How can you say that?! That is a rude and despicable thing to accuse me of!”

    Son: “Mom, he’s kidding!”

    (The customers behind her start laughing as well.)

    Customer: “Ah, okay. I’d like [game] in exchange, please.”

    The Downside To Survival

    | Joplin, MO, USA |

    (I live and work in Joplin, MO. A customer wants to place an order with the business I work and calls me.

    Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Supervisor, now!”

    Me: “I am sorry, sir, but before I can transfer you to a supervisor, I need to get your name and phone number please.”

    Customer: “Okay, my name is [name] and my number is [number]. I am calling because I see this mailing address for Joplin, MO and I know that Joplin was wiped off the map from that tornado.”

    Me: “No, sir. Not all of the city was destroyed. Only one-third was wiped out.”

    Customer: “Supervisor, now!”

    (I get his name and number and get a supervisor. The supervisor tells him the same exact thing.)

    Customer: “You are all frauds!” *click*

    Health Care(less), Part 3

    , | Mississippi, USA | Money

    (I get a lot of billing questions on the phone.)

    Customer: *irately* “I need to know why my insurance was canceled at the end of July.”

    (I look up his policy in our database.)

    Me: “Sir, you haven’t paid your bill since May.”

    Customer: “I have to pay my bill?”

    Related:
    Health Care(less), Part 2
    Health Care(less)


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