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    Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan

    | Florida, USA | Geography, Tourists/Travel

    (I work for a very well known cruise line in Florida. More likely than not, the crew members are not from the US. The people in the terminal on the other hand, are usually locals.)

    Me: “Welcome to [cruise line], how are you today?”

    Customer: *turning to wife* “Honey, she’s foreign.”

    (He then turns back to me, flashes a huge smile, and starts speaking in incredibly slow English)

    Customer: “Hello!” *glances at my name tag* “My! I’ve never heard of a country called ‘Guestlogistics’! Where is that?”

    Me: “Sir, that’s my position here at the terminal. I’m actually from around here.”

    Customer: “Is that in Europe?”

    Me: “No, I’m from [next town over].”

    Customer: *blank stare* “Okay…anyway, we’re all here to check in.”

    What’s Your Poison

    | New Zealand | Health & Body

    (I’m a pharmacist in a rural area. A shop assistant calls me out from the dispensary to talk to a customer, who is a slightly intoxicated middle aged woman.)

    Customer: “This medicine made my partner sick! Violently sick!”

    Me: “Let me see. Has he had any alcohol?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Are you sure? Not even a little?”

    Customer: “He doesn’t drink. Maybe only a little, but he wasn’t drunk.”

    Me: “It clearly says on the label that you must not drink any alcohol while being treated with this medicine.”

    Customer: “But he didn’t drink much at all. A beer shouldn’t matter, should it?”

    Me: “It contains enough alcohol to–”

    Customer: “But, like, you can even drive if you only drink a beer!”

    Me: “That has nothing to do with–”

    Customer: “I think he’d better not take this medicine. It made him violently sick!”

    Me: “I think he should–”

    Customer: “Thanks, I’ll tell him what you said. This medicine is a poison!” *turns around and walks out*

    Hair Asunder Down Under

    | Melbourne, Australia | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

    (My hair is naturally a rather unusual color of red that naturally highlights due to a melanin imbalance. I am a male. A few months ago I shaved my head for charity. A male customer comes to the counter.)

    Customer: “Oh my, you have such wonderful hair. May I touch it?”

    Me: *laughing* “I hear that a lot. You should have seen it when I had it down to here…”

    (I indicate my hip where my hair used to reach.)

    Me: “I had to shave it all off, though.”

    Customer: “Where I am from in Spain, it is very common for people to shave their bodies. No need to be ashamed!”

    Me: “Oh, no…no! I mean my head hair went down to there.”

    Customer: “Oh! It must have been beautiful! Still, you should consider shaving your body! Everybody on the beach likes it.” *winks at me and walks out*

    I’m Falling To Pieces

    , | North Carolina, USA | Food & Drink

    (We have a survey that pops up randomly when receipts print out. The customers can go to a website and receive a code for a free sandwich upon completion of the survey. We only accept receipts with the codes written on it.)

    Me: “Do you have a coupon for me, sir?”

    Customer: *hands me coupon* “I’d like to redeem my free sandwich.”

    Me: *looks at coupon* “Sir, there is no code on this receipt. I cannot accept this coupon.”

    (The customer rips it out of my hand, tears it up into several pieces and throws it on the floorboard.)

    Friend: “We’ll just pay for the sandwich, then.”

    (Still infuriated, the customer picks the receipt pieces back off the floorboard and continues to rip them into smaller pieces, throwing them back on the ground.)

    Me: “Have a great day!”

    Used And Abused

    | Canada | Bizarre, Top

    (I work as a cashier at a well known retail store. Sometimes we get customers who take “customer is always right” to a whole new level.)

    Me: “So, how did you find everything today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Terrible. I would like to return this bra I purchased recently. It just doesn’t fit right.”

    Me: “Alright then, I just need your receipt and the item.”

    (The customer hands items over and I look over the receipt. Note, our company has a quite a long term for returns and exchanges, but this customer is way past that point.)

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, I’m sorry but you’ve exceeded our 90 day returns and exchange policy. I cannot give you a refund for this item.”

    Customer: *outraged* “What?! I bought this just last week! You people sized me wrong! It doesn’t fit me and I refuse to wear a bra that doesn’t fit me properly! I am the customer and you have to do what I say!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can give you a store credit for it. I just need to examine the bra.”

    (I take out the clearly used bra and look it over.)

    Me: “Okay, if you can just give me a second, I need my manager to verify this for me.”

    Customer: “If you must.”

    (I go get my manager and tell her the situation. Normally we do not accept refunds on items that have been used, especially if they are past the 90 days term.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we cannot accept this item to be returned. It’s clearly been worn and it’s certainly past your exchange and return period.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! Did she tell you that? She’s lying. I bought this last week and I never wore it! It doesn’t fit right! I am the customer! Do as I say or I’ll have my lawyer come in and have you both prostituted!”


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