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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Oooooh Dear

    | Duluth, MN, USA |

    (A customer calls, wondering about his online order that he has placed. I ask him for his order number, but he can’t seem to find it.)

    Me: “Your order number will be the number on your packing slip that starts with five zeros.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see that now. Do you want me to read off the five zeros, or do you already have that?”

    Me: “I already have that.”

    Say Sayonara To Sense

    | Midwest, USA |

    (A customer approaches the counter. She offers me a very large bag of clothing, and indicates that she would like to return all of the items.)

    Me: “Wow, I’m sorry none of these worked out for you. Is there something wrong with them?”

    Customer: “Oh, honey…every single one of them is too small.”

    Me: “That’s too bad. I’d be happy to give you a refund.”

    Customer: “All the sizes have changed. You have to buy everything at least two sizes bigger these days. Everything is made in Japan these days. You know they’re so much smaller than we are. That’s why all the sizes are wrong!”

    A-Pee-l For An Appointment, Part 2

    | Utica, NY, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’m here for drug screening.”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re closed for the day. We open tomorrow at 8.”

    Customer: “What! You mean I have to hold it until then?”

    Related:
    A-Pee-l For An Appointment

    Likely Misunderstood Cache

    | Cape Coral, FL, USA |

    (Every night at nine, we shut down our self-checkout services. Shortly after, we come around and change all the money in them to prepare them for the next day.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but are these open?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We shut down every night at nine. We change the money and let the systems receive any updates they may need.”

    Customer: “You have to change the money in them?”

    Me: “Yes, every night.”

    Customer: “You mean it doesn’t come from the internet?”

    Me: “The updates? Yeah, those come from the internet.”

    Customer: “No, the money. Doesn’t it, like, download the money and then print it out for you?”

    Me: “Only the Federal Mint can print money.”

    Customer: “You know, it would be a lot faster if you just got your money from the internet like everyone else. You wouldn’t get lines.”

    (She walks off and stands in a regular checkout line, all the while complaining to her friends that we are so behind on the times.)

    If You Can’t Bring The Pizza To The Mountain…

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    (Sometimes the customers that call are out of our delivery area. We have to find out which restaurant delivers to them.)

    Me: “What are your major cross streets?”

    Customer: “Federal and Quincy.”

    Me: “Okay. That could be one of two stores. Are you North or South of Quincy Avenue?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Alright. Can you face Quincy from where you are standing?”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Are the mountains on your left or your right?”

    Customer: “The mountains are in the west.”

    Me: “Yeah. But are they to your left or right when facing Quincy?”

    Customer: “They are in the west.”

    Me: “The mountains are always in the west. If the mountains are to the east of you, you aren’t in Denver.”

    Customer: “No. The mountains turn with me.”

    Me: “Pardon me?”

    Customer: “The mountains are in the west.”

    Me: “Yeah, that would mean you’re in Denver. Now are they on your left or your right?”

    Customer: “I’m telling you, the mountains are in the west!”

    Me: “I’m not arguing the geography with you. I’m trying to find out where you are.”

    Customer: ”Never mind, you’re an idiot.” *click*


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