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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Then Again, They’re Not Wearing Pants

    | Yuma, AZ, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    Me: “Welcome to [theater name].”

    Customer: “Two tickets to Chippendales.”

    Me: *brief moment of silence* “Um…what?”

    Customer: “I said I would like two tickets for Alvin and the Chippendales!”

    Me: “Do you mean Alvin and the Chipmunks?”

    Customer: “Whatever, just give me two tickets to that movie!”

    March Monthly Roundup: Booze, Beaus, Bongs, Bigots, & Bindings

    , , , , | Not Always Right | Bigotry, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Roundups, Rude & Risque, Underaged

    In addition to our weekly roundups, each month we’ll be sharing our most popular reader-voted stories.

    March Monthly Roundup: This month, we share five stories that show that customers can be bad, but at least they’re not boring!

    1. She Fought The Law, And The Law Won, Part 2:
      Think you’re going to buy booze for your underaged, 16-year-old daughter? Not on this liquor store employee’s watch!
    2. When Press Comes To Shove:
      A blustery customer counts on berating an employee to get his way; what he didn’t count on: the employee’s 6’5″, 250-lb. fiance waiting in the back.
    3. The Height Of (Mt.) Misogyny:
      Misogynists really should go jump off a cliff, but this sexist customer probably couldn’t make it to the top anyway.
    4. Weeding Out The Dumb Ones, Part 2:
      Either this guy’s in the wrong shop, or those are the LARGEST. BONGS. EVER.
    5. So Good She Doesn’t Need A Weapon:
      A little girl learns that although diamonds are forever, mommy’s handcuffs are for her eyes only.

    The Rewards Of Hard Work

    | British Columbia, Canada | Bigotry, Food & Drink

    (At our store, we have this point card where if you get 10 points, you get a free drink. Unfortunately, if a customer has more than one card, we aren’t allowed to combine the points together.)

    Customer: *throws four cards in front of me* “Check these.”

    Me: “Wait, what?”

    Customer: “Check them! I want you to combine the points together. I should I have a free drink now.”

    Me: “Sorry, but we aren’t allowed to combine the poi—”

    Customer’s friend: “What’re you waiting for? She’s a customer! You have to do as we say. Hurry up and give us our free drink.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. As I was trying to say before, we can’t combine card points.”

    Customer: “Oh, well, just use the one that has the most points on it.”

    Me: *proceeds to check each card*

    Customer’s friend: “Hurry up! You’re Chinese! You have to work faster!”

    (Once we’ve finished dealing with the customers, my co-worker comes up to me.)

    Coworker: “Man those two were just…really annoying. I’m surprised you didn’t tell that guy off.”

    Me: “Ah, it’s okay. I just used the card with the fewest points.”

    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 4

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Geography, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (Note: my job at the airport is to give information to tourists as a courtesy.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “How do I get to New Orleans from here?”

    Me: “You’ll need to take a flight. It’s on the other side of the country.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not.”

    Me: “Yes, it’s in Louisiana.”

    Customer: *getting mad* “Well, I’m from Houston and I’d be pretty pissed off if I went all this way for nothing!”

    Me: “Wait…if you wanted to go to New Orleans, why did you take a plane to Los Angeles?”

    Customer: “Because I’ve been wanting to visit my old pen pal for awhile to surprise him. Every time I send him a letter, I write ‘New Orleans, LA’ on the envelope. That’s L.A.! That’s where I am, and I know you’re lying!”

    Related:
    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 3
    Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan
    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2
    The Great State Of Confusion
    The Great State Of Ignorance

    A Case Of Late Onset Dissatisfaction

    | Michigan, USA | At The Checkout

    (I’m working at the returns desk. A customer enters with a 5-gallon bucket of deck stain and sets it on the counter with ease. This tips me off because these buckets weigh about 50lbs when full.)

    Me: “Hello. Did you have a problem with the stain?”

    Customer: “No, it just wasn’t the right color. I didn’t like it at all.”

    (I open the bucket and notice its 3/4 of the way used.)

    Me: “And you decided not to stop after the second coat?”

    Customer: *blank stare of guilt*

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