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    It Never Hurts To Quadruple Check

    | Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink

    Me: “Good morning, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a large tea, with cream and sugar on the side.”

    Me: “Okay, just to clarify, the cream and sugar are both on the side?”

    Customer: “On the side means it’s not in the cup.”

    Me: “Okay, so they’re both on the side?”

    Customer: “ON THE SIDE MEANS THEY’RE NOT IN THE CUP!”

    Me: “Okay, so you have cream and sugar on the side.”

    Customer: “I DON’T WANT ANYTHING IN THE CUP!”

    Me: “Okay, so you have a large black tea with cream and sugar on the side. That will be [price], and you can pick your tea up at the end.”

    (I go make the drink, get the cream and sugar on the side, and give it to the customer.)

    Me: “Okay, one large black tea with cream and sugar on the side.”

    Customer: “So, there’s nothing in the cup, right?”

    Me: *speechless*

    As Easy As 2-1-3

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (A customer in the self-serve copy area calls over for help.)

    Me: “What is it that you need help with?”

    Customer: “I don’t know how to make double sided copies.”

    (I see that he has two single sided sheets.)

    Me: “Okay, so first, put your pages in the feeder, face up. Then, under double sided copying, we’re going to select 1 sided to 2 sided.”

    Customer: “No, it should be 2 sided to 1 since we have 2 pages and want to make 1 page.”

    Me: “No, the numbers tell the copier how many sides the paper is, not how many pieces of paper you want. We have a single sided original and we want to make a double sided copy. 1-2.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “No, it’s 2-1.”

    (The customer presses 2-1 and hits start. The copier scans both sides of this single sided originals and charges him for 4 copies instead of 2.)

    Me: “Wait, no–”

    Customer: “Yes, see? I was right!”

    Me: “No, look…you weren’t.”

    (The customer picks up his copies to see 4 pieces of paper, two of which are blank.)

    Customer: “Hey, they came out wrong.”

    Me: “Yep, because the setting was supposed to be 1-2.”

    Customer: “Can I get a refund for them?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because you asked me for help. When I told you how to do it, you didn’t listen to me.”

    Customer: “But they came out wrong!”

    Me: “They came out wrong because you used the wrong setting after I told you what the correct setting was. I’m sorry, I can’t refund you.”

    Customer: “So the setting is 1-2 then?”

    Transactions For Dummies

    | Florida, USA | Money

    (I am working the register at a well-known video game store, when a customer approaches with a stack of games and his son.)

    Me: “That will be $87.96.”

    Customer: “Here.” *gives me a gift card worth $25*

    Me: *processes gift card* “Your balance is $62.96.”

    Customer: “What do you I do now?”

    Me: “You give me more money.”

    Customer: “Oh, sorry. I have never been here before…”

    Zip Unless You Know Your Zip

    | St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada | Geography

    Customer: “I live in this area but I don’t know my postal code. What is the postal code for here? They will be similar…it’s just so I have an idea of what postal code is.”

    Me: “I don’t know off by heart. If you give me a minute, I could look it up.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. How can you not know the postal code?! You WORK here!”

    Me: “Um, sir, you don’t know the postal code to your own address and you LIVE here.”

    Some Barters Will Get You Busted

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (A middle-aged man walks up to my register with some odds and ends.)

    Me: “Hello, did you find everything okay today?”

    Customer: “Well, eventually. I had some help. All the guys on the floor are really helpful.”

    Me: “That’s good to hear.”

    (I continue ringing out the man’s purchases in silence for a few seconds.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m not real good with all that fix-it stuff…but if you ever need a good batch of cocaine, I can whip that up real fast!”

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