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    Should Be Throne Out

    | Miami, FL, USA | Top

    (The theater has four wheelchair spots in the back for those who cannot get out of their wheelchair. A wheelchair patron comes in. The seat listed on the ticket is for row H in the center. I assume that she is able to transfer out of her chair and guide herself to the row.)

    Me: “Here we are. When you are seated, I will take–”

    Customer: “Why is there a seat there?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I cannot get out of my wheelchair.”

    Me: “Oh, well in that case, let me show you to the ADA seating area.”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want to sit back there! I won’t be able to see back there!”

    Me: “We can sometimes accommodate wheelchairs to the front–”

    Customer: “No! That is too close. I want to be in the center of the theater! Remove the chair that is there and let me sit in the seat I purchased!”

    Me: “But the seats are attached to the floor permanently. I can’t remove them.”

    Customer: “This is discrimination!”

    (The patron begins yelling obscenities at me. The House Manager comes to intervene.)

    House manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. That is the only way to accommodate you.”

    Customer: “This is unacceptable.”

    (The patron begins to wheel herself back up the aisle, finds it difficult, gets up, and pushes the empty chair back into the lobby.)

    Me: “I thought you couldn’t get out of your chair?”

    Customer: “I can, but I don’t want to!”

    Lost In No Translation, Part 2

    , | Newport Beach, CA, USA |

    Me: “What can I get you, sir?”

    Customer: “WHAT?!”

    Me: “What can I get you, sir?”

    Customer: “Ham and swiss on rye.”

    Me: “What would you like for your side?”

    Customer: “WHAT?!”

    Me: “What. Would. You. Like. For. Your. Side?”

    Customer: “Are you speaking French?”

    Related:
    Lost In No Translation

    Best Not To Be Tolkien Too Seriously

    | Roseville, MN, USA |

    Customer: “I’m looking for a book but I don’t know the title or author. Can you find it for me?”

    Me: “Do you know anything about it? Is it fiction or non-fiction?”

    Customer: “It’s non-fiction for sure. All I know is it was made into a movie and it takes place in New Zealand.”

    Me: “I’m sorry but I’m not sure what book you’re looking for. Wait…you don’t mean Lord of the Rings, do you?”

    Customer: “Yes! That’s it!”

    Me: “Well, we certainly have that in. Just for future reference, sir, non-fiction means it’s a true story.”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s a true story! Thank you!”

    Actors Are Un-Depp-Endable

    | East Windsor, NJ, USA |

    (We have the new ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ movie playing in three theaters. There are three boards, with three show-times, and three different actors. A customer wants to see a showing that has an actor other than Johnny Depp listed.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, is Johnny Depp in the 1:10 showing of Pirates Of The Caribbean?”

    Me: “Yes, that board just has another actor listed.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Just making sure.”

    This Customer Defies Natural Selection

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA |

    Me: “Do you have any questions or need any samples?”

    Customer: “I do have a question on this tile in here.”

    (The customer shows me a natural stone travertine that has a lot of variation through it.)

    Customer: “I love the look of this tile. Can I just get this tile pattern on this one tile? I don’t like these other ones.”

    Me: “Sir, natural stone varies, so no two tiles will look alike. You will get the same colors generally, but not the exact same pattern. You can see the change in the other tiles next to it. They are actually all the same tile.”

    Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Tile doesn’t vary. You can make it look however you want. I saw it on TV. That ‘how to make stuff’ show.”

    Me: “Sir, this is a natural material made by nature. I have no control over what patterns and colors come out of the mountain.”

    Customer: “Well, you should talk to your supplier about that. This is just ugly. I hate natural stone.”


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