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    All Of The Calories, None Of The Taste

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a cashier at a local fast food place. A young woman approaches me.)

    Me: “Hello and welcome to [restaurant]. Can I take your order?”

    Customer: “I’d like a medium Diet Coke.”

    (I get the Diet Coke and give it to her. She pays and leaves. Five minutes later, she returns looking rather angry.)

    Me: “Hello, did you enjoy your Diet Coke?”

    Customer: “NO! This isn’t Diet Coke! I can taste the Coke in it!”

    Me: “Uh…let me get you a new one, then…”

    8 Reasons Why Dealing With Customers Is Worse Than A Zombie Apocalypse

    | Not Always Right | RSS-Announce

    Comes In Smooth, Soul, Or Swing

    | Baltimore, MD, USA |

    (I work at a well-known body care retail store.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I was looking for a lotion but I can’t find it.”

    Me: “Sure! What was the name of the lotion?”

    Customer: “I think it was ‘Jazz Man.’”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t sell anything by that name.”

    Customer: “But the one in [nearby location] had it!”

    Me: “Our store is part of a chain and none of our stores carry an item by that name.”

    Customer: *stares at me in disbelief*

    Me: *thinks for a moment* “Oh! We DO sell a jasmine scented lotion! Did you mean jasmine? Or jazz man?”

    Customer: “I don’t know…”

    Smoking Oneself Out

    | Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout

    (We have a policy that if you look under 30, we must card you for age restricted items.)

    Customer: “Can I get a pack of [cigarettes]?”

    Me: “Can I see your ID?”

    Customer: “I don’t have ID on me.”

    Me: “Well, we have to see ID if you look under 30.”

    Customer: “I look under 30? Well, I’m 29.”

    Do-Nut Yell At Me

    | Rhode Island, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m the baker and I am getting everything ready to go out into our case for display. I’m working with just one other person and he’s on drive-thru duty.)

    Coworker: “Hey, can you come help me? This guy keeps telling me he wants a glazed bagel.”

    (I walk out onto the floor and over to the window where the man is waiting with a mad look on his face.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, hun. What was it that you were looking for?”

    Customer: “I JUST WANT A GOD D*** GLAZED BAGEL!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, hun. We don’t carry glazed bagels here. I’ve worked here for four years and we have never had them.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? I get glazed bagels here all the time! You must be stupid. I know that there are glazed bagels. I’m just gonna come inside.”

    (He speeds his car away from our drive-thru window and I walk into the back to finish with all my baking that I am doing. All of a sudden, I hear the door swing open and hear a familiar loud voice.)

    Customer: “There it is! Right there! G-L-A-Z-E-D. I told you, you carry glazed bagels!”

    Coworker: *stares in shock at the man*

    Customer: “You both are stupid! Can you just get my order? I just want my coffee and my glazed DONUT!”

    (At this point, my coworker and myself both just look at one another. Then the customer seems to realize what he said.)

    Customer: “I said bagel before, didn’t I? Whatever! You should have known what I meant.”

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