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    Some Concepts, Like Squid, Are Slippery

    | Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’d like your grilled calamari salad, please. Also, I’d like to substitute the calamari for squid.”

    Me: “Sir, calamari is Italian for squid.”

    Customer: “No, no, I know the difference. Squid have tentacles, so I want that instead.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir.”

    (I end up having the kitchen make the salad as usual, much to the customer’s satisfaction.)

    Me: “Here is your grilled squid salad, sir!”

    Customer: “See, that wasn’t too hard! Thank you!”

    He Is, If You’re A Belieber

    | Surrey, England, UK | Movies & TV

    (I work the concession stand in a movie theater.)

    Me: “Good afternoon! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Is Justin Bieber working today?”

    Me: *very confused* “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Is Justin Bieber working here today?”

    Me: “Justin Bieber has a record contract across the pond. Why would he work here?”

    Customer: “Guess not then.”

    (The customer and two friends leave. A couple of hours later, a lanky teenager with hair very much like Bieber’s comes down to the concessions stand.)

    Me: “Sorry, but do your friends call you Justin Bieber?”

    New employee: *exasperated* “Yes, why?”

    Me: “They were here not that long ago, but I didn’t realize they were talking about someone that looks like Justin Bieber.”

    Faceless Enemy, Faceless Victim

    | Georgia, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am working the register in the garden center when a man with no arms come through with an item held under his chin. He leans over, drops it on my counter and says that he’ll be right back. He comes back with several more items under his chin, and states that he is ready to check out.)

    Me: “So, how is your day going?”

    Customer: “It’s going fine, thanks!”

    (The transaction goes smoothly until it’s time for him to pay.)

    Customer: “I have no arms, so you’ll have to get the money out of my pocket.”

    (I blink, but it sounds reasonable, so I walk around the counter to get the money. As I reach into his front pocket, he notices
    something.)

    Customer: “Oops, my fly is open. But, don’t worry. Nothing will jump out at you!”

    Private, Privater, Privatest

    | Morehead, KY, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (While waiting tables one afternoon, a group of 4 older gentlemen, aged about 65-70, seats themselves in my section. In the middle of their meal, one of them beckons me over.)

    Customer: “Did you know that 2 out of every 3 people sing in the shower? The other third touch themselves. Anyway, do you know what they sing?”

    Me: “Uh, well, no. What do they–”

    Customer: “I didn’t think you would. You can go.”

    Pros And Con(artists)

    | Reno, NV, USA |

    (Note: California has just enacted a new law stating that it is illegal for retailers to ask consumers for their zip code.)

    Me: “And could I get your zip code, please?”

    Customer: “You can’t ask me that! It’s illegal!”

    Me: “Only in the state of California. This is Nevada.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not giving it to you because it’s an invasion of my privacy.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I’m finishing her transaction, and she sees the signup form to receive emails about sales and coupons.)

    Customer: “What’s this?”

    Me: “This is a form to receive emails about coupons, sales, and special offers.”

    Customer: “Oh! Okay, I’d like to sign up!”

    (She starts filling out the form.)

    Me: “I just need to ask you for your zip code.”

    Customer: “Okay!”


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