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  • De-Engineering Stereotypes
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    Just Turn Left At The Series Of Tubes

    , | Hilo, HI, USA | Technology

    (I am sweeping the dining room floor when I am waved over by an elderly couple.)

    Me: “Hi, anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yes, we are heading around the island tomorrow and want to know if this rain will have stopped by then.”

    Me: “It will probably still be raining here. However, they only get about 8 inches of rain a year on the other side of the island, so chances are it’ll be sunny.”

    Customer: “Can you check the weather tomorrow for me?”

    Me: “Um, I don’t have a newspaper or anything, but I could ask the manager to turn the radio on. They give the weather at the top of every hour.”

    (Note that it is 9:57 PM.)

    Customer: “That will take too long. How about internets?”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have Wi-Fi here, but [coffee shop] does.”

    Customer: *irate* “No! Where are the Internets!?”

    Me: “Like an internet cafe? The only here is downtown, but it’s already closed.”

    Customer: “No! The INTERNETS!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

    Customer: “Fine!” *storms off with his wife in tow*

    SASS: Subtle Artificial Sassy Server

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I’m working the cash register at an arcade. This arcade is known for having an animatronic band that performs.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Medium pizza, pepperoni on half…” *mumbles and trails off*

    Me: “Can you please repeat that last part?”

    Customer: *mumbles*

    Me: “I’m sorry, a medium pizza with pepperoni on half and what else?”

    Customer, to his son: “Now look at how cheap this technology is. It can’t even tell what I’m saying! D*** robots.”

    Me: “Um…sir? Is there a problem?”

    Guest, to his son: “Look! It can tell I’m a man. Maybe this hunk of metal isn’t that bad. It does look pretty real. I just wonder why they didn’t make it thinner and cuter.”

    Me: “Oh, thanks. Maybe it’s ’cause I’m not a robot?”

    Customer: “Sure you’re not.”

    (He later gets into an argument with a manager and accuses him of being a robot. He then tries to “ruin the scrap metal” by throwing a glass of water at him.)

    Now I Help You, Now I Don’t

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada |

    (The customer service desk at the small store I work at is not manned at all times. It’s pretty much just where we store lotto and cigarettes. Most customers realize pretty quickly that they can go to any till to get service. This time I have seen a lady standing there, saying nothing for ten minutes.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I need to talk to someone in customer service.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have anyone just in customer service, but I can help you with anything you need.”

    Customer: “No! I must speak to someone in customer service.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not possible. This is a small store, so we all work at the customer service desk.”

    Customer: “I’m not leaving until I speak to someone from customer service.”

    (I go to the back, take my glasses off, put on a hat, and go back, this time behind the desk.)

    Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, finally! One of your stupid supervisors was saying that–”

    (She sees my nametag, stops, turns red, and leaves.)

    Let’s Hope This Apple Fell Far From The Tree

    | Michigan, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am a secretary at a local academy.)

    Me: “[School name], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m interested in signing my kid up for classes. He’s 16. So, when are they held?”

    Me: “We have classes everyday, except for Tuesdays at 6:30 pm.”

    Customer: “No, that’s too much information for me to process. Is there someone else I can talk to?”

    Me: “Um, well, you could call another secretary.”

    Customer: “I don’t think I want to bring my child to a class that starts in the dark. That’s just too much information!”

    Me: “Well, we have a website, but it will say the same thing–”

    Customer: “Can I call someone else? You gave me too much complicated information and I can’t absorb it all!”

    Ketchup Me Right Or Don’t Ketchup Me At All

    , | Windsor, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Top

    (I am a manager at a popular fast food restaurant and currently serving customers in the drive thru. I have a headset on to hear what customers are saying at the speaker.)

    Coworker: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I just came through here and got small fries, and I got NO ketchup! I want new fries WITH ketchup!”

    Coworker: “Okay, sorry about that ma’am. Just pull to the second window and our manager will help you.”
    (I prepare the new fries and put them in a bag, and make sure to grab a handful of ketchup packets to accompany them as she comes up to my window.)

    Me: “Sorry about that, ma’am! Here you are. The fries just came up!”

    Customer: “How can you give someone fries with no ketchup!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am! Have a good day!”

    (Thinking that would be the end of ketchupgate, I resume my other regular duties. Ten minutes later, the same woman, now irate, storms into the lobby and up to the counter with her food bag in hand.)

    Me: “Hi there, ma’am, is there anything I can help you with?”

    (She overturns her empty bag and several unopened ketchup packets spill onto the counter.)

    Customer: “You gave me nine ketchup packets for one small fries?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You gave me NINE KETCHUP PACKETS for ONE small fries! Are you trying to be smart?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, didn’t you return to the drive thru for the sole reason of getting ketchup?”

    Customer: “But NINE ketchup packets?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I suppose I just wasn’t aware of how much ketchup you wanted.”

    Customer: “I demand to speak with your manager!”

    (I look at my uniform and then the surrounding crew members’ uniforms. My uniform is quite clearly different from all others.)

    Me: “I am the only manager on duty, ma’am.”

    Customer: “YOU’RE the manager?!”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “And you gave me NINE packets of ketchup?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well what do you have to say for yourself?”

    Me: “I suppose I am pleased to know that I was able to go above and beyond your expectations for ketchup sustenance.”

    Customer: *storms off muttering incoherently*

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