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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Caller On Line (Number) Two

    | Emeryville, CA, USA |

    Me: ”Thank you for calling [store]. This is Ella. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I need [muddled].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t really hear you.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “I said I can’t hear you too well.”

    Customer: “Oh, god d*** it! Hang on!”

    (There is a lot of grunting, a fart, and then the toilet flushes)

    Customer: “Can you hear me now?!”

    Good Students Stick To The Books

    | MI, USA |

    Customer: “I need books for my son’s chemistry lab class. No used copies, please. I only want new.”

    (I come back bringing a new copy of the book and give it to her. The cover of the book is made out of paper that has a shiny texture.)

    Customer: “This book is all sticky! Do you have any copies that aren’t all sticky?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. They are all like that. That’s just how they are made.”

    Customer: “Are you sure these are new? They feel sticky! My son can’t have used books. These feel like they’ve been used!”

    Me: “The book is brand new. We don’t even sell any used copies of it, because students have to write in it and tear out pages.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’m going to look somewhere else for that book. Do you have the books for his other class?”

    (I look up the class and all we have are used copies. I bring out the best looking used copy we have and offer it. It looks like it hasn’t been opened.)

    Customer: “No, this is used. I can’t buy anything that is used! Someone might have read it in bed!”

    Outcome TV Determined

    | Broken Arrow, OK, USA |

    (A customer calls in to order a movie from an ad that was just on television.)

    Customer: “I want the [name of movie].”

    Me: “Okay, do you want it on DVD or VHS?”

    Customer: “What’s a DVD?”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll send it to you on VHS.”

    Customer: “What’s a VHS?”

    Me: “A video tape.”

    Customer: “A video tape? What the heck is that?”

    Me: “The tape you put in your VCR to make the movie come on.”

    Customer: “VCR?”

    Me: “Is there a box on your TV?”

    Customer: “What’s a TV?”

    Me: “Your television, the thing you just watched and saw this ad on.”

    Customer: “Please just give me the show. You’re making this very confusing.”

    Me: “I need to know what format to send it to you.”

    Customer: “I don’t know what you’re talking about! My son makes the pictures come on.”

    For Spanish Press 2, For Telepaths Press 3

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. May I have your account number?”

    Caller: “You may.”


    Me: “Sir?”

    Caller: “Oh, did you need me read it aloud to you?”

    Me: “Yes, please.”

    Caller: “It is [account number].”

    Me: “Thank you. And for security, could I ask you to confirm the mailing address on the account?”

    Caller: “Yep.”

    *pause again*

    Caller: “Oh, did you mean I have to read that too?”

    Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 5

    | Doylestown, PA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do I still have insurance? Or am I cancelled?”

    Me: “It looks like the policy cancelled last month due to non-payment.”

    Customer: “Oh, no. Well, can I make a payment now?”

    (I take payment for the customer.)

    Customer: “Okay. I am going to hand you over to this police officer to verify that I now have insurance.”

    (I speak with the officer and assure her the customer has made the payment and is now insured. The customer gets back on the phone.)

    Customer: “So, I see all of this stuff on ‘safe driving discounts’ on TV. Do I qualify for that?”

    Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 4
    Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 3
    Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 2
    Pre(Car)ious Insurance

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