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    Bigotry & Hate Vs. The Pearly Gates

    | Rapid City, SD, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s around Christmas and I’m a customer at a nationwide discount store. I notice a customer pointing at an African American angel display.)

    Racist Customer: “Black angels? Who the f*** heard of black angels?? There ain’t no black angels in heaven!”

    (This garners some outraged glares, especially from an African American family browsing nearby. However, before the employees can step in, this occurs…)

    Family’s 8-year-old Daughter: “That’s because I’m not there yet!”

    Racist Customer: *quickly leaves the story, embarrassed*

    Airheaded Dimwits

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I overhear a couple of customers shopping for Christmas lights.)

    Customer #1: “Ooh, these are LEDs, so that means no electricity!”

    Customer #2: “And that means no cords, right?”

    Customer #1: “Well, I’m sure there are SOME cords…”

    Customer #2: “Obviously something has to hold them together, but I mean no cords to stretch across the driveway and lawn!”

    Customer #1: “Oh! Right!”

    Let’s Hope He’s All Talk And No Trousers

    | MI, USA | Rude & Risque

    (At my job, we plan and host events for a small private college community. I am manning the phones, and I get a call from a retired professor trying to order tickets to a popular event that had sold out the week before.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, sir, but tickets sold out last week. If you like, I can put you on a waiting list in case someone cancels their reservation.”

    Retired Professor: “Sure, sweetheart, let’s do that. We can always cross our fingers and hope that someone dies.”

    Me: “…That, too.”

    Retired Professor: “So, if I get a call from you, I’ll put pants on and bring the check over to the office?”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Retired Professor: “Or, maybe I’ll forget the pants. At my age, pants are optional.”

    Me: “I envy you.”

    Retired Professor: *has a wheezing laugh attack* “I hope I cheered you up on this rainy Monday, sweetheart! Have a nice day!” *click*

    At Least He Isn’t Bitter

    | New York, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Customer: “Okay, time to order. I’ve heard your teas are good. What’s the difference between a tea and a tea-lemonade?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no way I can answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”

    Customer: “Oh, come on… what’s the difference?”

    Me: “Um, lemonade.”

    Customer: *laughs* “I’m an idiot!”

    Happy Holidaze

    | Norman, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer in line at a convenience store. There is one man in front of me who pays for a chocolate milk and leaves. As the cashier is checking me out, the customer with the chocolate milk comes barging back into the store.)

    Customer: “Dude, you need to let me exchange this milk. It is out of date!”

    Cashier: “Of course. If the milk is out of date, you may certainly get another one.”

    (The cashier takes the milk and sets it aside without looking at it while he continues to check me out. The customer disappears toward the back of the store and then comes stomping back to the counter less than a minute later.)

    Customer: “ALL of your milks are out of date! What sort of place is this?!”

    Cashier: “Really? We just had a delivery…” *checks the date of the chocolate milk he set aside earlier* “This milk is still good! It says December 12th.”

    Customer: “Dude, the 12th was at the BEGINNING of the month! We’re at the END of the month!”

    Cashier: “No, sir. Today is December 10th.”

    Customer: “Nuh-uh! Today is the 26th! Yesterday was Christmas!”

    (The cashier shows the customer a calendar hanging behind the counter.)

    Cashier: “No, sir. We haven’t had Christmas yet. It’s only December 10th, and Christmas isn’t until the 25th.”

    Customer: *dazed look* “Dude…I like, dreamed that yesterday was Christmas! I guess I didn’t get a new car from my Grandma, either. I thought somebody stole it!” *takes his milk and leaves*

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