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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    Ruining It For Everyone

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant]! How many?”

    Customer: “Two. And we’re vegetarian.”

    Me: “You’re in luck, ma’am, we have some excellent vegetarian dishes.”

    (I seat the customers and head back to my spot. A few minutes later, the woman storms up to me.)

    Customer: ”I said I was vegetarian!”

    Me: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: ”The people in the booth next to me are eating meat!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re not going to stop selling meat products to other customers just because you won’t eat them.”

    Customer: “But I’m vegetarian!”

    When In Rome (Or Spain)

    | Madrid, Spain | Top, Tourists/Travel

    (An American customer approaches me as I work at the customer service counter.)

    Customer: “I’d like to make a complaint!”

    Me: “Sure, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Why are all the road signs in f***ing Spanish? Aren’t you all supposed to be speaking English? If you’re going to live here, speak English!”

    Me: “We are in Spain, sir. Spanish is our official language.”

    Granny Warbucks

    | Millbury, MA, USA |

    (I work in the girl’s department of the store where we have many items of clothing with peace signs on them. I’m putting some clothes away when an elderly lady comes up behind me.)

    Customer: “There are a lot of peace signs.”

    Me: “Yeah, I guess they’re popular.”

    Customer: “Not with me!”

    A Cup Of Crackaccino, Please

    | Oklahoma, OK, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like a 16 ounce blended iced latte with caramel.”

    Me: “Okay!”

    Customer: “And could you add this to it?” *hands me a plastic baggie of white powder*

    Brains Over Brawn

    | Germany | Food & Drink

    (I work as a patient coordinator in an outpatient clinic. In our waiting room, we have a coffee machine that has three options on it: mild, regular, and bold. To use it, one simply opens up the compartment and places a single packet on the tray.)

    Coworker: “There’s coffee everywhere in the waiting room!”

    (I go to check it out. There is coffee all in the general area, on a patient, who is unhurt, and all of her papers. I ask the patient what happened)

    Patient: “Your coffee machine is terrible; that’s what happened! Your coffee is so weak and I tried to make it stronger! Then, it shot coffee everywhere!”

    Me: “Sorry to hear that! Let me see what I can do.”

    (I open the coffee machine to see that the patient has shoved two coffee packets in the compartment, which clearly is supposed to take one. It’s a wonder the machine didn’t break.)

    Me: “Ma’am, did you place two coffee packets in the compartment?”

    Patient: “Of course! How else can I make it stronger?”

    Me: *noticing the “Mild” option is selected* “Next time, please press the button that says ‘Bold’.”

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    Brawn Over Brains

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