October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

His Opinion Carries No Weights

| KY, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

(My friend and I are both overweight, so we decide to start going to the gym to lose weight and get in shape for the first time in our lives. She is a bit self-conscious and is hesitant to go at first because she is afraid others will stare. After a couple of weeks, she stops worrying because most people at our gym go about their own business. We’d never had a problem until one day, when she is jogging on the treadmill.)

Rude Member: “Hey, fat b****! Why don’t you get off the treadmill before you break it?”

My Friend: *stops jogging* “What?”

Rude Member: “Get the f*** off the treadmill! Your fat a** is going to break it! Let someone who weighs less than Shamu use it! Just go away and take up space at [fast food restaurant], where you belong.”

(My friend, looking like she’s about to cry, steps off the machine.)

Rude Member: “You fatties are a waste of space! You just eat everything in sight and lounge about, getting fatter, and then you complain about your weight. Why don’t you ever do something about it?”

My Friend: “Excuse me?! You just told me to get my fat a** off of a treadmill, where I was exercising, and go to [fast food restaurant]. Then you have the audacity to tell me that I only sit around eating and not doing anything to lose weight? Get the h*** out of my face, you f***ing jerk!” *gets back on her treadmill and resumes jogging*

Rude Member: “I hope they charge you double when you break the machines, you cow!” *stomps away*

(Later, I saw the manager tearing up the rude member’s gym membership right in front of him. He had been informed of the whole incident by several other members!)

Making A Loud A-pee-l

| Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

(We are a tiny restaurant that just so happens to be at the end of a large parade route. So, we often get lot of requests for a public restroom, which we do not have. One day, a customer comes running in holding his young daughter.)

Customer: “Quick! Which way to your restroom?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our restroom is for customers only.”

Customer: “You son of a b****! My daughter needs to go now!”

(At this point, his daughter becomes scared and starts peeing herself.)

Customer: *to me* “LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!”

(The customer runs out, leaving a wet trail behind for me to mop up.)

He Can Light Up The Sky(rim)

| Cambridge, MA, USA | Awesome Workers, Geeks Rule

(I work in a small comic shop. Our bathroom lights don’t work quite right. Once you flip on the switch, they do light up, about five seconds later.)

Customer: “Excuse me, the lights in your bathroom don’t work. I think it’s a dead bulb.”

Me: “Oh, no, they work. You just need to—”

Customer: “No, they don’t! Come with me, let me show you!”

(The customer leads me to the bathrooms, I follow. He flips the switch on and off a few times, leaving it in the off position.)

Customer: “See? Can you give maintenance a call or something?”

Me: “Hold on, I can fix this…”

(As I take a step into the bathroom, I flick the switch on behind me, then count out the time it takes for the lights to power up. Just as the lights power on, I shout…)


(For those that don’t know, that’s ‘Storm Call’ in Skyrim.)

Customer: “T-The Dragonborn…”

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Powers

| Queens, NYC, NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I’m half-Chinese, but with my sunglasses on, people usually can’t tell. I’m fluent in Mandarin. One day I get a text from my friend, a grade-school teacher.)

Friend: “You speak Chinese, right?”

Me: “Yeah, why?”

Friend: “Come down to [intersection] around noon and explain what the f*** is going on.”

(At my lunch break I head down there. On one side of the street is a crowd of school kids, while on the other side an elderly Chinese man with an ice cream cart.)

Kid #1: “I’m gonna do it.”

Kid #2: “No way.”

Kid #1: “Yeah way. I’m fast enough!”

Kid #2: “You’re not Chinese.”

Kid #1: “So?”

Kid #2: “Only [Chinese name] can do it.”

Kid #1: “I’m gonna do it.”

(Kid #1 dashes across the street, yanks back the cover of the cart, and grabs a handful of ice cream. He takes off, but the vendor catches him, pinning both arms behind his back.)

Vendor: “Ah, three bars? Your total is $9.28.”

Kid #1: “Lemme go!”

(The vendor removes some money from the kid’s pocket with his free hand.)

Vendor: “Cash paid is $20.”

Kid #1: “Yeah, yeah, I know the drill.”

(While still holding the struggling kid, the vendor deposits the $20 in his till and takes out change.)

Vendor: “Your change is $10.72.”

(The vendor puts the change and ice creams in a bag and hands them to the kid, who takes off.)

Vendor: “Have a nice day!”

Kid #2: “Told you.”

Kid #1: “Fine! Okay, [Chinese name], you do it!”

(A short Chinese boy steps forward. His clothes are patched and despite the weather, he’s not wearing a coat.)

Chinese Kid: “Let us meditate… on the way of the wind.”

(He strikes a ridiculous pose and exhales loudly. The other kids jump back.)

Chinese Kid: “…on the way of the snake…”

(New pose, hissing loudly. The others back away even more.)

Chinese Kid: “…on the way of the hawk.”

(He flaps his arms and jumps in a circle. The kids are a good twenty feet away now.)

Chinese Kid: “The meditation is done.”

(He runs up to the ice cream vendor and grabs a handful of bars. The vendor strikes him with an exaggerated karate chop which the kid easily blocks.)

Chinese kid: *flees, speaking Chinese* “Thank you, Mr. [Name]!”

Vendor: *shakes his fist angrily, also in Chinese* “Sorry, we are out of lime today!”

(The Chinese kid kicks towards the vendor from across the street.)

Chinese kid: “My mother says she hopes your leg feels better!”

Vendor: *red-faced with rage* “It does! Tell her thank you for the tea!”

(The kids are enthralled. As they eat the ice cream, I approach the vendor.)

Me: *in Chinese* “What just happened?”

Vendor: “Oh… you understood. That little boy is a new immigrant, and all the other children mocked him because he is small and weak. He told them Chinese people have special powers, and they beat him up and told him to prove it. But I overheard and whispered to him to rob me. Now we have a deal.”

Me: “How wonderful!” *pointing behind him* “Hey, can you tell what that is?”

(As he turns around, I drop some money on the cart and grab a bar of ice cream, fleeing.)

Vendor: “You forgot your change!”

Me: *shakes my fist* “It’s a tip!”

Kids: “Whoa! How did you do that?”

(I slip off my sunglasses. The Chinese kid bows to me and I bow back.)

Kid #2: “Told you they have special powers. Never bully a Chinese kid, man. Never!”

Breast To Be Aware Around Bigots

, | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I’m a male shift manager at a popular drive-thru fast food chain. I’m 19 and the only manager on duty. I am doing my rounds when I overhear an argument.)

Customer: “You f***ing b****! You obviously don’t know what the f*** you’re doing! Ten f***ing breast pieces!”

(At this point the 15-year-old server runs out of the serving window area in tears and begs me for help. I send her on a break and approach the customer warily.)

Me: “Sir, what seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “Who the f*** are you?”

Me: “I’m the manager on duty, sir. Is there-”

Customer: “You? The f***ing manager? You’re f***ing 12!”

Me: “Sir, I’m 19 and I’m—”

Customer: “That b**** wouldn’t give me ten breast pieces of chicken in my ten piece box!”

Me: “Unfortunately, she was correct and we are unable to do that. Only one in every nine pieces of chicken is a breast piece, and in order to fill your request we would have to cook an extra 81 pieces, which would severely affect our profit margin. Could I suggest the fillet—”

Customer: “You’re a f***ing f** aren’t you? You’re one of those queers!”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask that—”

Customer: “F***ing f** boy!”

(The customer then descends into a tirade of graphic descriptions of the sexual acts he would expect me to perform as a homosexual. I’m finding it difficult to maintain composure at this point.)

Me: “Sir, if you do not stop immediately I’m going to have to call the police.”

Customer: “You wanna fight me, f** boy? I’ll f***ing kill you.”

(The customer gets out of his car and lunges at the window. I slam it shut and lock it.)

Customer: “Come out here and fight me, you queer!”

Me: “Sir, I cannot help you any more. Please leave my drive-thru immediately or I will call the police.”

Customer: “You can’t make me! Give me my f***ing chicken!”

(I pull out my phone and dial the police. As I’m explaining the situation, the customer has reverted to his tirade of sexual comments aimed at me.)

Me: “The police are on their way. You can either leave the store now or be removed.”

Customer: “You little f**! I’ll be back f** boy, just you f***ing wait!”

(The customer roars off. I’m shaking and my voicing is cracking at this point, having maintained composure for so long, but I stay at the serving window so I can explain the delay to the next few customers, and apologise to the next car, who witnessed the entire episode.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [fast food restaurant], I’m so sorry about the delay there, I was un—”

Customer #2: “He’s right! You are a f***** aren’t you!”

(Worst shift I ever had.)

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