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    Mental Impurities

    | Midlands, UK |

    (I am talking to a customer about various options for earrings.)

    Customer: “Can I see your 25 carat gold earrings?”

    (I go and fetch the earrings from the back.)

    Customer: “These are definitely made of gold? There’s no nickel in them?”

    Me: “No, there’s no nickel. Are you allergic?”

    Customer: “No, I just don’t want to get HIV.”

    Half Dumb And Half Stupid

    | Nebraska, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “It’s my birthday tomorrow and I want to have some chicken delivered. I want 50 pieces of chicken, half baked chicken and half fried chicken.”

    Me: “Okay, so, you want 25 pieces of baked chicken and 25 pieces of fried chicken?”

    Customer: “No, I want half baked and half fried.”

    Me: “Well, half of 50 is 25. So, you want 25 baked and 25 fried?”

    Customer: “No! I want 12 pieces of baked chicken and the rest fried chicken!”

    2 Good 2 Be True

    , | Miami, FL, USA |

    (I am working in the young men’s department of a large department store. My department contains athletic clothing, including swimwear. A customer is looking at a large rack of bathing suits that are on clearance.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you, sir?”

    Customer: “Fine, thank you. I can’t believe all these bathing suits are so cheap!”

    Me: “It’s officially the fall season, so all of our bathing suits are reduced for clearance.”

    (The customer mumbles something about $2.00 and hands me the suit he’s holding, which is made by one of the most expensive brands we carry.)

    Me: “I’ll be happy to check the price for you.”

    (I walk to the register, which is nearby, and check the price. It rings up for $39.00.)

    Me: “Sir, this suit is on sale for $39.00.”

    Customer: “The price tag says it’s $2.00.”

    Me: “It was originally $78.00, but now it’s $39.00.”

    (I point to the price tag, which very clearly in large numbers says the original price and the reduced price.)

    Customer: “No, it says ‘Now 2.’ Two dollars, see?”

    (He points to the tag, which has a very tiny number 2, much smaller than where it says $39.00, under the word “Now”.)

    Me: “I see. That just means it’s the second reduction. The price is $39.00.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s confusing! You shouldn’t put that it’s $2.00. They all say they’re $2.00. I don’t want to pay more than $2.00!” *leaves in a huff*

    First Name First, Last Name Last

    | Little Rock, AR, USA | Technology

    Teacher: “I can’t log in. I am using the username our IT guys set up for us.”

    Me: “What username are you using?”

    Teacher: “First_Lastname.”

    Me: “So what is your first and last name?”

    Teacher: “Oh…am I supposed to enter my real first and last name separated by an underscore?”

    Me: “As opposed to what?”

    Teacher: “As opposed to typing ‘First_Lastname’?”

    The Uncertainty Principle Of E-Mail

    | Dartmouth, NS, Canada | Technology

    (I’m a part-time cellphone salesman and a full time web development student.)

    Customer: “So, if I buy this smartphone, I will need to cancel my home internet, right?”

    Me: “Why do you think that, ma’am?”

    Customer: “What, are you an idiot? You can’t have email in more than one place.”

    Me: “Um, yes, you sure can, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What do you know? You’re just a kid in a cellphone store. My husband knows everything there is to do with computers. He works at [clothing store].”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, not only do I work here, but I am also in IT and guarantee you that you can have your e-mail on your cell and computer.”

    Customer: “You’re an idiot. You don’t know anything!” *storms out without her new phone*


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