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    In A Fowl Holiday Mood

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It is Christmas Eve. We close at 5:00 pm, and are closed completely Christmas Day. It is 5:15 pm and I am getting the last of the carts inside when a customer comes running up.)

    Customer: “Hey, I need to buy a turkey!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but we’re closed.”

    Customer: “Since when?!”

    Me: “5:00, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, what time are you open tomorrow?”

    Me: “We’re closed, sir.”

    Customer: “Why!?”

    Me: “Because we want to spend the day with our families.”

    (He flips me the bird and walks away.)

    Me: “Merry Christmas!”

    A Sound Driver Is Music To My Ears

    | Portland, OR, USA | Awesome Workers, Musical Mayhem, Top, Transportation

    (I am a passenger on the train heading home from a long day at school, keeping to myself as it is nearly midnight. A teenager is listening to very obnoxiously loud music. We come to our first stop.)

    Driver: *comes back to where the teenager is sitting* “Would you mind turning down your music? You’re disturbing everyone.”

    (The teenager laughs and ignores him. The driver glares at him, the teenager only turns it down until the train leaves again. We come to our second stop.)

    Driver: *comes back to the teenager* “Turn down your music. You’re disturbing everyone.”

    Teenager: “No, I’m not! Everyone likes music!”

    (The driver looks around to everyone on the train.)

    Driver: “Hands up everyone who wants to listen to this jacka**’s music.”

    (Silence.)

    Driver: “Hands up everyone who wants the jacka** to turn off his music so they can get home in peace.”

    (All hands go up.)

    Driver: “If I come back again, you’re off the train.”

    Teenager: *glares at everyone around the train and gets off on the next stop*

    They’re On Fire

    It’s Always Our Fault

    Pint-Sized Theatrics

    | Belgium | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

    (I am the lead actress in a play called ‘Man of La Mancha’. During one performance, a small child has been rather vocal during the show, but he was expressing his enjoyment of it, so I didn’t much mind. Later in the show, there is a scene where my character is violently attacked by a group of men. While I’m not in any real danger during the fight, I am acting afraid and screaming for help, so the effect is quite harrowing and the audience is usually hushed. Except for this night.)

    Me: *in character, having been thrown to the floor* “Help! Someone please help me!”

    (A moment of silence.)

    Little boy in audience: *to the men* “You stop that!”

    (My fellow actors and I have a good laugh about it backstage for the rest of the show. Afterwards, we go out to greet the audience in costume, at which point the little boy and his parents approach me.)

    Mother: “You were all wonderful! And I’m very sorry if my little boy disrupted your performance, but he was very worried about you, and we’ve always taught him to stand up to bullies.”

    Me: “Not at all!” *to the little boy* “Thank you for telling those men to stop. You were very brave.”

    Little boy: *beaming* “You’re welcome! Are you okay?”

    Me: “I’m just fine. It’s all pretend anyway, lil’ guy. We were just pretending to fight, I promise.”

    Little boy: *somewhat unsure* “Okay… but if they try to beat you up again, you tell my daddy and he’ll take them to jail.” *gives me a big hug*

    Me: *stifling laughter* “Okay, I promise!”

    (I heard from one of the other actors who plays the ringleader of the men that he then approached him and told him that hitting girls was very bad, and to never ever do it again. My co-star, playing along, promised not to and told the little boy he had learned a valuable lesson. Now after we play that scene, I always threaten the guys with my pint-sized bodyguard and his policeman father.)

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