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    Mavis Beacon’s Cousin Or Something

    | New York, NY, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “I’m looking for this foreign language program my friend has, but I can’t remember the name of it.”

    Me: “Okay, well, was it a book or was it for the computer?”

    Customer: “It goes on the computer. I think it was called…Susan?”

    Me: “Susan? I can’t say I’ve heard of it.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m sure you have. It’s very famous! I just can’t remember her last name. It’s her first and last name. Can you look it up?”

    (I bring her to the computer and try to pull up the name of the program, but the computer can’t find anything.)

    Customer: “Maybe it’s not Susan. It’s definitely a woman’s name, though.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t find it. Let me show you where all the computer programs like that are, though. Maybe it’ll jog your memory.”

    (I walk her over educational computer program area.)

    Customer: “Oh, I see it! Rosetta Stone! I knew it was a woman’s name.”

    Saving For Savings

    | Charlotte, NC, USA |

    (A customer approaches me as I am trying leave the store after my shift.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, my son has saved over one thousand, two hundred dollars at this store. What does he get?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Don’t you have some kind of rewards program for someone who’s saved that much?”

    Me: “In the past, we’ve done some giveaways, but at the moment, I’m afraid we’re not running any long-term programs like that.”

    Customer: *annoyed* “So he’s saved over twelve hundred dollars here and he doesn’t get anything?”

    Me: “Well, there’s that twelve hundred dollars…”

    (There’s a silence as she just stares at me.)

    Customer: “You should really take better care of your customers.” *walks away*

    A Different Kind Of Nip Slip

    | New York, NY, USA |

    (I am showing white polo shirts to a customer.)

    Customer: “It certainly looks nice. Too bad I can’t wear it due to my conspicuous nipples.”

    Me: “What?!”

    Customer: “Nothing.”

    One Man In His Time Drinks Many Cups

    | New York, NY, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “Can you help me find a book?”

    Me: “Sure! What’s it called?”

    Customer: “It’s Romeo and Juliet, but it’s not by William Shakespeare.”

    Me: “Oh! I actually don’t know any other books or plays with that title. Let’s look it up.”

    Customer: “Hold on, I have the author’s name somewhere.”

    (She digs through her purse and hands me a sheet of paper that says ROMEO AND JULIET (Folger Shakespeare) on it.)

    Customer: “It’s like his grandson or something.”

    Me: “Sorry, what?”

    Customer: “Folger Shakespeare. It’s William Shakespeare’s grandson…or his nephew. He wrote a different version of the play, I guess.”

    Me: “Folger Shakespeare actually just refers to the Folger Library version of that play. It’s still by William Shakespeare.”

    Customer: “No, it’s his relative! It’s a re-write of the play. I’m a theater student, just trust me on this.”

    Me: “Okay. Let me take you over to our Shakespeare section.”

    (We walk over to where his entire collection of plays is. It’s full of many different editions.)

    Customer: “Wow, he came from a really talented family! Look at all these Shakespeares! So, where’s this Folger guy?”

    Less Is More Dumb

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Technology

    (A manufacturer is running a promotion for the first batch of their smartphones, so some come with an 8GB SD card instead of a 2GB one. The box still says “Comes with 2GB SD Card”, but actually contains an 8GB SD card.)

    Me: “So, here is your new phone, and here is the box. Inside you’ll find the USB Cable, wall adaptor, and an SD Card.”

    Customer: *inspecting box contents* “Um, there is a mistake. I got an 8GB SD card when it should have been a 2GB card.”

    Me: “Oh! Well that’s excellent! That saves you some money!”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t! I’m being ripped off! [Company] thinks that we customers are so stupid and we don’t check to make sure we are getting everything that’s supposed to be included. Well, I’m not stupid. I always check the box to make sure they aren’t trying to trick me!”

    Me: “Would you like me to give you a 2GB SD card instead of the 8GB card?”

    Customer: “Obviously! Fool me once!”

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