Not All Visitors Stink

| Panama City Beach, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work at the snack shack at my local zoo one summer. We have a huge group of middle-school aged kids in the park, and their supervisor has all 75+ of them come to the shack at once for lunch. I have been serving for about forty-five minutes when this happens.)

Kid #1: “Can I get a water and a hot dog for five dollars?”

Me: “Yes.”

(I ring him up, take his money, and give him the water. I’ve turned around to get the hotdog and am just coming back when I hear a shriek.)

Me: “What happened?”

Kid #1: “I don’t know.” *grabs hot dog and walks off*

(I try to calm the kids down, and just when they’re in a line again, I smell an powerful odor; it’s obviously what caused the shriek.)

Me: “Someone set off a stink bomb. One second…”

(I radio the front so they know, but there are other groups in the park and it’s not an immediate danger, so it’s still just me.)

Kid #2: “Yeah. I want to know who it is so we can get them later.”

Me: “Here’s your order. So, someone decided to set off a stink bomb right where you all are getting and eating food?”

Kid #3: “Pretty much. I want a cheeseburger and a soda.”

Me: *still serving* “…In a place full of animals with a great sense of smell, like the bears and mandrills behind me?”

Kid #4: “Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out and beat them up for you!”

Me: “Oh, that’s sweet.”

(I keep serving for about another ten minutes when I again hear a shriek; this time, it turns into hysterical screaming. I look and see that one of the parrots has been spooked off his perch, and, for some reason, several kids are screaming since he’s on the ground near them. I grab the radio and tell the keepers, but put up my “Back in Five Minutes” to calm the screaming kids down..)

Me: *to the screaming kids* “It’s okay. Just back away from the macaw, kids. He’ll be fine; you’ll be fine. Just back up.”

(The kids do so, and a keeper prepping for the wolf show runs over to put the bird back.)

Me: “Thanks.”

Keeper: “No problem. Hang in there…”

(The keeper has just left when I hear yet another kid yell.)

Another Kid: “Leave him alone!”

(I turn to see some kids spooking our white peacock; this other kid, a girl, is trying to protect it.)

Me: “Oh for the love of… that is the head keeper’s personal favorite animal! Desist!”

(The kids break up, apparently snickering at my use of the word ‘desist’. I get back into the shack.)

Kid #6: “Yay, you’re back. Um, a hot pretzel and soda.”

(After I serve him, I see Kids #2 and #3; they’ve come back with a large group. To my surprise, the kids proceed to empty all the change I’ve given them into the donation jar.)

Kid #2: “Sorry it’s been so crazy. I swear we’re not all that bad!”

Too Much Information For Too Little Intelligence

| Canada | Extra Stupid, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

Customer: “I saw a paper shredder on your website saying it’s 50 bucks off for your Black Friday sale. Is that true?”

Me: “Probably… let’s check the flyer.”

(I look, but can’t see it in the flyer anywhere.)

Me: “Was it possibly an online-only sale that you saw?”

Customer: “No, it said online and in store, Friday only!”

Me: “Okay, let me check the website, then. I don’t see it in the flyer for some reason.”

(I look it up and see that it is in fact advertised on our website, from Friday-Tuesday.)

Me: “I’m not sure why it wasn’t in our flyer, but yes, there is a paper shredder for 50 dollars off for the Black Friday sale. The sale starts on Friday, but for this item, it will still be on sale until Tuesday. I would still come in on Friday though, just in case, because they might sell out on the first day.”

Customer: “Ugh! Is it on sale on Friday, or not!?”

Me: “Umm, yes. It goes on sale on Friday and stays on sale until Tuesday.”

Customer: “So, it’s on sale on Friday?”

Me: “…Yes.”

Name Changer Is A Game Changer

| Bellevue, NE, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I work for a nationwide retail company. We do not price match or accept coupons from other stores. The company name is very similar to another company of the same type, and people often get them confused. I ring up a customer’s items and total the sale before she hands me a page of coupons from a similar company’s ad flyer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but these coupons are from [other company].”

Customer: “Well, what is this?”

(I look down at my apron, which displays my company’s logo.)

Me: “This is [company name].”

Customer: *angrily* “Well, it says [other company] out on the sign!”

(I points to the sign by the street, which is visible from where we are standing.)

Me: “No, ma’am, I assure you that this is [company name].”

Customer: *shoves coupons back in her purse* “You guys should change your name!”

Supportive Of Technical Support

| USA | Awesome Customers, Technology, Top

Technician: “Hello, how may I be of service?”

Customer: “You’re a technician?”

Technician: “Yes, sir. I’ve worked here for 3 years. I assure you that I’m qualified to help you with any problems you might have.”

Customer: “You’re the first female tech I’ve spoken to. You must really be good.”

Technician: “Thank you.”

Customer: “Do you ever get nasty comments?”

Technician: “Unfortunately, yes I do sometimes. I’ve learnt to deal with them.”

Customer: “Well, they can all stick it where it don’t shine! And if you’re seriously having trouble with a particular guy, let me know and I’ll make sure they’ll regret it!”

(From then on, this customer always asked for our female technician.)

Brace(let) Yourself For A Good Cause

| Reisterstown, MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids

(We sell rubber bracelets in different colors that say one of the following: ‘Be Brave; Be Amazing; Be Kind; Be Accepting, Be Involved; Be Yourself’. When purchased, they donate money to a foundation that prevents bullying of children in school. A mother and her 8-year-old daughter are in the store looking at the bracelets.)

Daughter: “Mom, can I get one of these?”

Mom: “Yeah, sure. Which one?”

Daughter: “I’m not sure. I like all of them. They say such nice things.”

Mom: “Yeah, they say really nice things, but I don’t like ‘Be Accepting’.”

Daughter: “Well, why not?”

Mom: “It sounds lame or something.”

Me: *gives the mother a dirty look*

Daughter: *catches on and buys the ‘Be Brave’ bracelet*

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