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    A Different Kind Of Nip Slip

    | New York, NY, USA |

    (I am showing white polo shirts to a customer.)

    Customer: “It certainly looks nice. Too bad I can’t wear it due to my conspicuous nipples.”

    Me: “What?!”

    Customer: “Nothing.”

    One Man In His Time Drinks Many Cups

    | New York, NY, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “Can you help me find a book?”

    Me: “Sure! What’s it called?”

    Customer: “It’s Romeo and Juliet, but it’s not by William Shakespeare.”

    Me: “Oh! I actually don’t know any other books or plays with that title. Let’s look it up.”

    Customer: “Hold on, I have the author’s name somewhere.”

    (She digs through her purse and hands me a sheet of paper that says ROMEO AND JULIET (Folger Shakespeare) on it.)

    Customer: “It’s like his grandson or something.”

    Me: “Sorry, what?”

    Customer: “Folger Shakespeare. It’s William Shakespeare’s grandson…or his nephew. He wrote a different version of the play, I guess.”

    Me: “Folger Shakespeare actually just refers to the Folger Library version of that play. It’s still by William Shakespeare.”

    Customer: “No, it’s his relative! It’s a re-write of the play. I’m a theater student, just trust me on this.”

    Me: “Okay. Let me take you over to our Shakespeare section.”

    (We walk over to where his entire collection of plays is. It’s full of many different editions.)

    Customer: “Wow, he came from a really talented family! Look at all these Shakespeares! So, where’s this Folger guy?”

    Less Is More Dumb

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Technology

    (A manufacturer is running a promotion for the first batch of their smartphones, so some come with an 8GB SD card instead of a 2GB one. The box still says “Comes with 2GB SD Card”, but actually contains an 8GB SD card.)

    Me: “So, here is your new phone, and here is the box. Inside you’ll find the USB Cable, wall adaptor, and an SD Card.”

    Customer: *inspecting box contents* “Um, there is a mistake. I got an 8GB SD card when it should have been a 2GB card.”

    Me: “Oh! Well that’s excellent! That saves you some money!”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t! I’m being ripped off! [Company] thinks that we customers are so stupid and we don’t check to make sure we are getting everything that’s supposed to be included. Well, I’m not stupid. I always check the box to make sure they aren’t trying to trick me!”

    Me: “Would you like me to give you a 2GB SD card instead of the 8GB card?”

    Customer: “Obviously! Fool me once!”

    Age Is But A Number

    | UK | Family & Kids

    (A girl, no older than 7, is counting items on the shelves.)

    Me: “So, you like to count? What’s your favorite number?”

    Girl: *cheerfully* “69!”

    Me: *pause and glance at her mother* “Oh, that’s gr–”

    Mother: *nervously* “Uh, um, her grandma just turned 69 today. She didn’t mean that!” *drags her daughter away*

    The Klass Of 2015

    | England, UK | School

    (I’m working clearing, which is when we take in calls about students who are in their last ditch effort to get into the university.)

    Me: “Okay, that’s fine. I’m going to process your application now. Can I please take your first name?”

    Student: “Yes. It’s…” *unintelligible speech*

    Me: “Can you please spell that for me?”

    Student: “Ugh, if I have to. It’s K…” *unintelligible*

    Me: “Okay, can you repeat that for me? It starts with K?”

    Student: “Yeah, you know. K as in Chicken.”

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