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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    But The Energizer Bunny Never Dies

    | Burlington, VT, USA | Technology

    (I have been troubleshooting this customer’s cable for a while now. Finally, after getting his TV on the proper input, this happens.)

    Me: “Sir, does the little red light on the remote blink when you press a button on the remote?”

    Customer: “Err…no?”

    Me: “Okay, sir, that means the batteries in the remote are dead.”

    Customer: “What? That’s terrible! They can die?”

    Stop And Stair

    | Portland, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (A customer approaches one of the security guards.)

    Customer: “Your escalators are broken.”

    Security: “What do you mean by broken?”

    Customer: “They aren’t moving.”

    Security: “Okay. Which one is it?”

    (The customer leads the security guard to the “escalator” and stands on the top step.)

    Customer: “See, broken.”

    Security: “Sir, those are stairs.”

    Sugar Daddy Makes Life So Sweet

    | Louisiana, USA |

    Customer: “See that man over there? His name is Jim. I just met him and he’s paying for all my stuff.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: “My mom always told me to find a rich man to take care of me. Do you have a rich man taking care of you?”

    Me: “Um…no.”

    Customer: “Sweetie, you need to get yourself one while you’re still young.”

    Brand Spankin’ New Employee

    | Richfield, MN, USA | At The Checkout

    (This is my first job. A customer walks up to my register to check out his items. However, my register is malfunctioning and I can not scan more than 15 items.)

    Customer: “Hello there, young’un. Just these for me today.”

    Me: “I do apologize sir, but I cannot scan more than 15 items today.”

    (I turn my head to see if there is another register open when I feel a hard pull on my collar. Suddenly, the customer pulls me over the register.)

    Customer: “I’ll teach you to disrespect your elders!”

    (He starts spanking me with his cane right by my aisle in view of my manager.)

    Manager: “I’d stop this, but it is really entertaining.”

    Never Heard Of Sausage Idiot

    | England, UK |

    Me: “Can I help?”

    Customer: “I want a refund on this instant barbecue. It’s no good.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “The picture on the front shows meat on the grill, but there’s no meat inside this box.”

    (I am dumbfounded, but I don’t argue. The shop has a ‘no-quibble’ returns policy.)

    Me: “Well, I can refund that for you sir. Do you have a receipt?”

    (The customer hands over receipt.)

    Me: “I can see you bought three of these barbecues, sir. Where are the other two?”

    Customer: “At home in the freezer.”


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