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    A Real Life Cookie Monster

    | New Zealand | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (A middle aged couple comes to my checkout.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you?”

    Wife: “Fine, thank you.”

    Husband: *grumbles*

    (I proceed to pack their shopping, when suddenly the male customer starts looking angry.)

    Husband: “I think you hate your job! I think you want to quit!”

    Me: “Um, no… I quite enjoy it.”

    Husband: “Well, you will get fired! You don’t show a proper respect!”

    Wife: “Henry, calm down.”

    Me: “I don’t know how I offended you, sir.”

    Husband: “No, not to me! Show proper respect to those biscuits!”

    Extra Coating Of Generosity

    | USA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (It’s about 32°F out. I’m walking into the store before my shift; I’m not wearing a coat because I forgot it at home. I am stopped by a customer loading his groceries into his car.)

    Customer: “You must be freezing!”

    Me: “Oh, it’s not so bad.”

    Customer: *shakes his head* “It’s too cold to not have a coat! You should hurry inside!”

    Me: “I will; have a good day, sir!”

    (Half an hour later, the same customer comes through my line with a brand new winter coat draped over one arm.)

    Customer: *hands me the coat* “Everyone deserves to be warm in the winter.”

    Me: *shocked* “Thank you, sir, but I can’t—”

    Customer: “Don’t worry about it, just pay it forward.”

    (He left before I could get another word in. Not personally needing the coat, I donated it to a local coat-drive, along with $200 my co-workers and I collected by sharing the story amongst ourselves and other customers.)

    Sprucing Up His Christmas Tree Knowledge

    | Bay Area, CA, USA | Holidays, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month

    (The hardware chain I work for sets up a Christmas tree lot every year and sells fresh cut trees. One evening, a customer comes into the lot ahead of his family, who are still getting out of the car.)

    Me: “Good evening! Tree hunting tonight? Are you after anything in particular?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t know anything about them. I’m just looking for a tree.”

    (I launch into a quick explanation of the three types of tree we carry; Noble firs, Douglas firs, and Grand firs.)

    Me: “…and so Noble firs are pretty popular, since they hold their needles a bit better than the Douglases, as well as having stronger branches.”

    (A few moments later, the customer’s wife and children catch up and walk into the lot. The customer, beaming with his new-found understanding of Christmas tree nuance points a tree out to his wife.)

    Customer: “This is the kind of tree that we want. It has better needles than the others, because it has what you call, noble fur!”

    Putting The Dire Into Directions

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Geography

    Customer: “Can you tell me how to get to your mall?”

    Me: “Sure; just tell me where you’re coming from and I’ll give you directions.”

    Customer: “I’m not telling you where I live.”

    Me: “That makes it hard for me to tell you how to get here.”

    Customer: “Oh. Washington, D.C.”

    Me: “Hop a plane to Cincinnati; call me when you get here.”

    Light On The Brain Cells

    | Willow Grove, PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, School

    (I am working in the office supplies section in late July.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss, do you have any more of these pencil boxes?”

    Me: “Right over here.” *points*

    Customer: “Great. I need 29 more. I’m a first grade teacher.”

    Me: “That’s nice of you.”

    Customer: “There’s only five left in the blue.”

    Me: “I apologize, but we do have 20 black ones left. Except for the color, they are identical.”

    Customer: “I can’t get black for first graders. It will scare them.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, you can try the back to school area, but I doubt they’ll have more than one or two blue left. You’ll have to keep coming back throughout the summer to get 29 more in the blue.”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you.” *scoots off to school section*

    (Not 15 minutes later, the customer is back putting black cases in her cart.)

    Me: “I see you decided to get the black ones after all; excellent choice.”

    Customer: “I know. Now I have to cover them in stickers so the children won’t be scared!”

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