October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

It All Ends Swimmingly

| USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

(I teach swim lessons to kids, aged 4-12. Many of the children have lisps or other slight speech impediments, and this particular child is very rambunctious and is pushing himself off the wall of the pool and moving quickly through the water.)

Child: “I pee’d you!”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Child: “I PEE’D YOU!”

Me: *fearing the worst* “What do you mean by you ‘pee’d’ me?”

Child: “Look, I’ll do it again!”

(He pushes off the wall and moves quickly through the water again.)

Me: “Oh, you mean you torpedoed me!”

Child: “Yeah! What did you think I meant?”

Ink And You’ll Miss It

| Gainesville, FL, USA | Rude & Risque, School

(Our university has been around for a while. As such our mascot, Albert, has changed a bit over the years. I overhear an amusing conversation at a register next to me, the Sunday after a big win. Customer #1 is buying a shirt with the old-style Albert on it.)

Customer #2: “Man! The old style Albert is so lame looking!”

Customer #1: “Dude, what about the one on your butt?!”

Customer #2: “Oh, yeah!”

Coworker: *laughing* “Yeah, right.”

Customer #2: “Nope!”

(Customer #2 pulls down his pants just a bit, but at this time I can’t see it.)

Coworker: “I thought you were joking!”

(Customer #2 laughs and moves over to my register, as I’m now free.)

Coworker: “Wait, can I see that tattoo again?”

Customer #2: “Sure!”

(He pulls his pants down a bit again, and this time I can see the ‘old style’ Albert indeed tattooed on his butt.)

Customer #2: “Yeah, never get a tattoo while drunk.”

Less Is More, More Or Less, Part 4

| Baltimore, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work in a large office supplies store that gives customers rewards coupons that act as a certain cash amount that can be spent on anything. We often send out separate coupons that expire on a Saturday, as that is when our sales change. This happens as I am working as a cashier on a closing shift on Saturday.)

Me: “Hi, did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: “Yeah, I think this is all I need.”

(He hands me his rewards coupons, along with another coupon for $5 off a $25 purchase.)

Me: “Oh, it looks like you’re not quite at $25, with only $17 worth of stuff. But your rewards coupons would take you down to around $3, so you’re fine!”

Customer: “What? But I really wanted to use this $5 coupon. It expires today!”

Me: “Well, you don’t have to use it, but I guess it’s up to you if you want to spend more money.”

(The customer picks up all his things with a huff and walks away to look for more things. He returns almost 20 minutes later with many more things; one of the items alone is $40.)

Me: “So, I guess you found more stuff?”

Customer: “Yeah, this is how you get us to spend more money, huh? You give us these coupons that expire to force us to buy more at a time!”

(Even with his coupons the guy spent around $30, ten times more than he would have spent originally!)

Less Is More, More Or Less, Part 3

Read Our Other 2012 Stories Of The Year!

Not Always Right | Announcements, Roundups

Did you enjoy this year’s Not Always Right Story of the Year? Check out even more Stories of the Year from our sister sites!

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Not Always Related:
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The Good, The Bag, And The Lovely

, | Kings Lynn, Norfolk, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Holidays

(I spend about 20 minutes dealing with a middle-aged woman and her elderly mother, sorting out a rather complicated order. Despite my reassurances, they are continuously apologising for taking so long to decide.)

Me: “Okay then, is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Nope, that’s brilliant; thank you! Have a lovely new year!”

(The customers leave. About an hour later, the young woman returns and heads straight for my register, looking rather flustered.)

Customer: “Hi again! I was in here about an hour ago if you remember me?”

Me: “Oh, yes! Did you enjoy your meal?”

Customer: “Yeah, but did you happen to come across a black leather handbag in your dining area? My mother left hers here!”

Me: “Yup! I have it safe under my register for you. I found in just after you left!”

Customer: “Oh, thank you so so much! You’re a life saver!”

Me: “Not a problem; just doing my job after all. Have a good day!”

(She walks off and I begin to serve the next customer. I can see her conversing with her mother out of the corner of my eye. She comes over again.)

Customer: “This is for everything you’ve done for us today, young lady!”

(She hands me what I thought was a scrap of paper, but is in fact a £20 note.)

Me: “Thank you ever so much for the gesture, but I cannot accept this!”

Customer: “No, no, you keep it! That’s for putting up with us today!”

Me: “I can’t accept this, though! It was a pleasure to serve you, and thank you bu—”

Customer: “Okay then, call it a New Year present or something! Bye now!”

Me: “But I ca—”

(She all but ran out of the store before I could protest further.)

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