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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Do Not Acid Test God

    | East Lansing, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a 24-hour convenience store on a college campus I attend. A man in his twenties comes in at about 4AM. He’s the only one in the store except me, and one of my co-workers.)

    Me: “Hi there! How’re you today?”

    Customer: “Not bad.”

    (He walks over to one of the three aisles in the store before starting to strip down naked. I’m taken aback, and immediately start to call the police, while my coworker attempts to talk the man down.)

    Coworker: “Hey, dude, what are you doing? Put your clothes on!”

    Customer: “It’s a glorious day! A righteous day!”

    (The man, now fully nude, begins to touch his body to the disgust of both of us. He starts rubbing his front up against the ice-cold freezer door.)

    Me: “Sir, I’ve called the police. They’ll be here soon; please put your clothes on.”

    (The customer mumbles incoherently as he rests up against the door, touching himself very inappropriately. My coworker manages to talk him into getting into his underwear, as the cops arrive and arrest him.)

    Cop #1: “What’s your name, son?”

    Customer: “I AM GOD!”

    Cop #1: “Yeah, okay, son. Let’s go.”

    (The cops lead him out into the freezing air in only his underwear. Later in the day, they come back to explain why he did it.)

    Cop #1: “Apparently, he was on four hits of acid, and had just left a house party on campus!”

    (The customer came in the next day demanding that we return his iPhone that ‘we clearly stole’. We threw him out of the store.)

    Polly Want A Manner, Part 2

    | VA, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I have just entered my vet’s office to pick up medicine for my dog. All is fine until I hear a horrible racket coming from one of the exam rooms. It sounds exactly like a toddler screaming ‘no, no, no, no!’ at the top of his lungs. I’m standing there dumbfounded, but the receptionist and some other customers are laughing.)

    Me: “What’s going on?!”

    Customer #1: “Trust me, you’ll love this.”

    (A few moments later, another woman comes out of the exam room. She has an animal carrier in her hands, and is blushing beet red. The receptionist’s phone rings, and a loud voice comes from the animal carrier.)

    Loud Voice: “Pick up ring ring! Pick up ring ring! PICK UP RING RING!”

    (The woman starts shouting at the people carrier.)

    Woman: “Maggie, quiet!”

    (I look in the carrier and see a very angry parrot staring back.)

    Woman: “I’m so sorry! I just adopted her from a coworker. I had no idea she did that! She hasn’t uttered a single word since I brought her home. And this was just a nail trim!”

    Polly Want A Manner

    You Got Dad’s Back

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I am eight years old. My mother, father and I are all in the chemist to get some medication. My father has a rare spinal condition which is causing him to wobble when he walks, even with a frame. We’re waiting at the counter and hear a customer behind us make a remark under their breath; deliberately loud enough for us to hear.)

    Customer #1: “Drunk at 9AM; you should be ashamed.”

    (We try to ignore it.)

    Customer #1: “This is disgusting; you should be so embarrassed.”

    (I don’t like this person being rude to my father.)

    Me: “Watch your tone lady. If you’d bother to be polite and ask if my father is okay, you’d know he has a special illness that makes him this way. He’s not drunk; he’s my father, and I love him. Now apologize for being so mean about him.”

    (She goes red, stammers, and goes down an aisle. The pharmacist gives me a lollipop.)

    Bohemian Medicine

    | NV, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Health & Body, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I work as a receptionist in a doctor’s office. There are about 10 people who have been waiting for at least 90 minutes. It’s very quiet. A young man mumbles something. Some people look his way, but other than that no one pays much attention to him. He then starts singing, a little louder…)

    Young Man: “Put a gun against his head…”

    (Some people chuckle.)

    Young Man: “Pulled my trigger…”

    (The young woman sitting across from him joins in.)

    Young Woman: “…now he’s dead.”

    Old Man: “Mama, life had just begun…”

    Young man: “But now I’ve gone and thrown it all awaaaay…”

    All Three: “Mama, oooooooh! Didn’t mean to make you cry!”

    Teenage Girl: “If I’m not back again this time tomorrow…”

    All: “…carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters!”

    (By now, everyone in the waiting room has joined in.)

    All: “Too late, my time has come! Send shivers down my spine, body’s achin’ all the time!”

    (They finish the refrain just as the doctor calls his next patient. Needless to say, that little impromptu performance really brightened my day!)

    Over The Edge Of Reason

    | PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Religion, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I work at a chain coffee shop. The building is on the side of a hill; directly behind the shop is a sheer drop off. Every Sunday morning, a woman comes in with same conversation.)

    Woman: “Why don’t you have a drive through? The coffee shop in every other town has a drive through!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s no room around the back of the building for a drive through.”

    Woman: “This is ridiculous! If you weren’t the only place on the way to church to get coffee, I’d never stop here. The one day of the week I have to wear heels; I have to walk across the parking lot!”

    (One Sunday morning, there is a loud crash, and the building shakes. I run outside; the woman has rammed her car between the back of the building and the cliff side. The entire front of the car is hanging off of the edge. Her airbag has deployed and she seems dazed. She starts to open the door. I start yelling.)

    Me: “No! Climb out through the back!”

    (We eventually get her inside, and call the cops.)

    Woman: “I was trying to prove there’s enough room for them to have a drive through. I guess I was wrong!”

    (The company won for damages. A family whose home was hit by debris rolling down the hill sued her as well. Seemed like way more trouble in the end than just walking into a building for a latte!)