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    Barking Mad

    | NYC, NY, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (An unshaven dirty-looking man carrying a large sack comes running into the main pet room.)

    Man: *shouting* “It’s almost Christmas, motherf***ers! And you know what that means!”

    Manager: “Uh, Jesus?”

    Man: “It’s time for presents, b****!”

    Manager: “Can I, uh…”

    Man: “I regret that I have but one bag of bones for the puppies! I regret that I have but one bag of tuna for the kittens! I regret that I have but one life to give to these animals!”

    (He drops the bag and runs out.)

    Manager: “Well, the bag is full of bones and tuna, but I don’t think I can accept food like this. Please wait just a minute; I have to call my boss.”

    Manager: *phone* “Yeah, hi. A crazy man just ran in with a bag of… yeah… and then he said that he regrets… oh, really? Every year? Okay, thanks.”

    (He hangs up, tidies up the food, and carries it into the back room.)

    Manager: “Apparently that was [local celebrity’s] nephew, and he does that every year.”

    Rock Band Makes Real Musicians Fret

    | Puyallup, WA, USA | Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m working a game booth at a fair. The prize for the day is electric guitars, sans cables and amp.)

    Young Boy: *comes up to the booth and looks at the prizes* “So, what are these for?”

    Me: “What?”

    Young Boy: “The guitars. Are they for a game or something?”

    Me: “Oh! No, they’re just regular guitars.”

    Young Boy: “Oh…” *walks away*

    In The Pubic Eye

    | Singapore | Rude & Risque

    (I work at a underwear store that sells both female and male underwear and sleepwear. I’m a female and the customer is a male. The shop is quite small.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome. How can I assist you?”

    Customer: “Er, do you have any new pyjama shorts?” *points at the ladies section*

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have any new stock currently. Is there something else you would like to buy?”

    Customer: “What about the panties?”

    Me: “Oh, yes. We have new stocks for those; they just came in yesterday. They are all there.”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah, they are new! What size do you think I’m wearing?”

    Me: *already in a state of shock* “Oh, I think if it was you a size ‘M’ would be alright.”

    Customer: “But I was previously wearing size ‘S’!”

    (He pulls down his pants and “shows” me. Some things you can never unsee.)

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    Se Habla Anguish

    | USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

    (I work on the Spanish-speaking line at a call center. After 3 minutes of conversation in Spanish with a caller…)

    Caller: “Thanks for the help, but can I give you some constructive criticism?”

    Me: “I welcome it.”

    Caller: “Next time I call the Spanish line, I want to talk in Spanish. So, if you talk to me again, do it in Spanish!”

    Me: “We’ve been talking in Spanish for four minutes.”

    Caller: *in Spanish* “Don’t lie! I’m not speaking Spanish! You’re not speaking Spanish! Speak Spanish next time!”

    Me: “Que le vaya bien.”

    The Gift Card That Keeps Giving

    | Greeley, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Holidays, Money, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am working the register over Christmas.)

    Me: “Find everything today?”

    Customer: “Yup.”

    (Note: she is silent through the transaction, which includes a gift card.)

    Me: “How much would you like on this?”

    Customer: “Oh, sorry. Can I have $150?”

    Me: “No problem.”

    Customer: *after paying* “Can you do me a favor?” *she hands me the gift card* “The next customer you see that you think could use this, could you give it to them?”

    Me: *stunned* “…Of course!”

    (After a minute another customer comes up, a visibly upset young woman.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you?”

    Customer #2: “I’m okay, thanks.”

    (Clearly she is not ok, but she is trying very hard to be pleasant. She is getting very basic items: milk, bread, eggs, etc. Nothing very festive.)

    Me: “So your total comes out to $0.00.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “The person before you gave me a $150 gift card to use for the next person I thought could use it. You look like you’re having a rough day, so here are your groceries, and there’s about $130 left on this card.”

    (The customer just started crying. Once she could, she thanked me about 100 times. Made my whole Christmas season.)

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